"I know this sounds a bit backward as the provider is usually the one who is hotter than the client "

  It's always the opposite for me.

fall totally in love with you, and start sending you cards, email and lovenotes every single day. After me, your "mundane life" will seem like a fantasy. lol

Seriously though, I think it's easier for a man/client to "just get back on the horse" than it is for a woman. It's easy for me, occasionally I spend extended time with someone I fall "in lust" with. Since I have no interest in a LT relationship, I just go on a little "fuck fest" with several different hotties and voilla, she is usually out of my system.

Of course if you like option number one, I will be in your hometown in a couple of days (remember, I can see behind the curtain), my offer still stands, well minus the part about being drunk, unwashed and vulgar of course. lol

It's no fun when the playa gets played, is it. Been there before. Maybe super trick was really just your Robin Givens, and your Halle Berry is right under your nose...look around, take inventory, count your blessings.

in fact, we both got hung up on each other and it wasn't such a good idea as I was married then.

I had to break it off and it hurt, but we got through it and remained on and off friends since.

Sometimes I get cut off from a provider, and it does hurt for a while, but there are so many others that it really doesn't hurt too bad.

Normally after a session I am elated for a day or two afterwards.

As customers we get the luxury of picking and choosing who we see. As a provider, seeing a bunch of middleaged, balding, overweight hobbyist probably just exacerbates your feelings.

Maybe you are correct, and it could very well be time to hang it up and get hitched, of course it's alot easier to say than to do.

One question, have you been dating much outside of the hobby?

Have him set up a video camera and record the session.

You can go back and watch yourself pleasure him over and over again. See how many times he groans when he comes, etc.

but neither am I old (well kinda), overweight or bald. lol

The very fact that you are thinking about this probably makes it true. Or maybe you need a friend? Looking for the "one true love" usually leads to dissappointment, love seems to find you when you aren't really looking, just when you are open to it.

Do yourself a favor, and don't look too hard for love. If it's in the cards, it will find you.

I feel great after doing a top notch chick, and this happens most of the time.

Disappointmemt only follows meetings that don't live up to expectations.  I might get upset if I feel ripped off, but I don't get mad...I get even.

Lots of fun. I recorded 4 sessions with about 8 hours of video in the past 6 weeks. I find it very erotic, lol.

This question is mainly for the gentlemen:

Do you ever feel a bit depressed after having an incredible time with a drop dead gorgeous provider?

I just came back from a week long vacation with an absolutely gorgeous new client who is way out of my league.  (He's ridiculously gorgeous, tall, muscular, successful, rich, funny, smart, great in bed, etc, etc)  Far better a man than I could ever imagine knowing in real life.

Anyway, Im just a bit down now because the fantasy is now over and Im back to my mundane life with my regular clients.

I know this sounds a bit backward as the provider is usually the one who is hotter than the client (and I am the heartbreaker most of the time), but the tables have turned and a client rocked my world.  Leaves me feeling empty and longing for a real relationship....

Guys, if you get depressed, how do you get out of your funk?

This situation has really given me some sympathy for all the clients who have fallen for me-- who Ive just disregarded and been less attentive to after the session.

Thoughts?

where most every central character experiences "paradise", then has to return to "mundane". We all want to extend our exceptional situations. But, as we guys have to accept that what we do with the ladies is not real life, you, as the ladies we engage, must accept the same. And because your not-real-life activities are more frequent than many guys (well, mine, anyway), a real relationship may or may not reach the bar you have set. I am not "ridiculously gorgeous, tall, muscular," etc., and am blown away most every time I come a'callin'. However, I'm secure enough in what I am to NEVER feel I am "out of my league", either in playtime or IRL. Do what we do, Honest - smile, file the memory, and go back to work. This experience may even assist you in being a better provider, as referenced in your last sentence.

You'll be drunk!

Oh wait. That's me.

Bartender! Get the air out of this glass!

But I of course have enjoyed those magical moments . I simply allow them to be what they must be...warm , fond memories.  I value such experiences and appreciate the rareness of it all. I also know it will never be duplicated but there are indeed new memories waiting for those with a willingness to embarace what life has waiting for them.  Every once in a while...without warning...without discernable reason a smile will creep on my face as I think back on a fave in LV that I saw for years...or the fave in Dallas that absolutely rocked my world or the beautiful and affectionate lady in LA..Chicago..DC...Phoenix.....KC...Miami...Tampa...Toronto...uhhh...well, I guess you get my meaning.  You have been given a gift...cherish it and allow it to be but one of many.

Re: I had a great time, too! We should do it again not soon enough... ..eom..

LOL!

If Mr. Wonderful was willing to spend his money for an entire week of your time, I doubt someone like him is unattaintable for you in the civie world.  The advantage a client has is the ability to read reviews of the provider as a reality check.  Each time I think something "special" exists, I can read others renditions of similar experiences and feelings with the same person and it keeps me grounded.  In your case, just know that you are not the only one he sees and to whom he provides a similar experience.  

-- Modified on 4/10/2011 11:37:11 AM

Oh of course!!!!  I know that there was nothing "special" between us.  It was mainly the physical attraction was so intense on my end which is something Im not used to feeling for a client.

When I screened him, his references all ranted and raved about how he was their absolute ATF so I know he has the same experiences with other ladies.

I appreciate your candor.

I mean, you already know how to fuck.

Think you could put up with a damn good looking man that drinks too much and doesn't know when to STFU? lol!

Hence the old Latin phrase: "Post coitum triste omni est," or "Everyone is sad after intercourse."  On the other hand, I just spent an hour with a very hot young provider yesterday and was in a great mood all the way home.  In fact, I'm still having a tough time wiping the smile off my face.
PS:  I do understand it ain't the same thing, but I think you're selling yourself short.  You should consider finding an SO and going civvie.

You know, like people do in the real world when they're attracted to someone.

It would be totally unprofessional, though.

Otherwise, don't sweat it.  It'll pass.  Or maybe not.  In which case you can contact him years from now out of the blue.  That'd be sweet.

After a session there is often a let down. It takes a few days to let it pass. I often want to go back the next day. Once or twice I have. The high that comes from the release of hormones and the intellectual connection is very strong. Being alone can make it seem even stronger. We all need someone to connect with and when we experience something that reminds us we don't have someone the aftermath can be a downer.

How to deal with it? Some have already said from the gents perspective to remember other experiences and go see someone else. I suggest to you to remember those in your life that care for you and know how special you are. Speak with them if possible. Do something for yourself that you enjoy. Think back on your successes. Tomorrow is just a day away and who knows who you may meet. Be open to what may come your way.

If you like him so much, maybe you can stay in touch with him, exchange a few emails/txts/phone calls, and see where it goes?   The fact that he's seeing escorts means you may get hurt down the road since he might not be interested in a long term relationship. But he might still be interested in a short one...  
Besides, it may also be entirely possible that he just hasn't met the right one.

Whenever there's a feeling of misery and depression after seeing someone (whether it's a provider or a civvy girl), in my case it was no doubt because I really liked the girl yet she was clearly out of my league (or so I thought). Then comes the choice to fight or flight:  pursue... or give up.  But even that isn't an easy choice because one might spend a great amount of time simply deciding whether or not to pursue this person.  I've had some successes as well as some failures, just like most guys, so it's really hard to say what the outcome will be. The journey was always a mixed feeling of bitter sweetness, all of which were memorable.
For men, I think it's usually less stressful to actually start pursuing rather than to give up and not even try.

To get it out of my system, I usually exercise vigorously, go out with friends and spend a lot of time with them. Sometimes I go to parties (even if I don't feel like it), hear live music, tour downtown museums and try anything to get some fresh air and clear the mind. It sometimes gives you a good perspective on things.

Drinking heavily makes the situation worse for me but it seems to be the preferred option among my close friends as a way for them to "liven up a buddy's mood". Either way, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to sit home all alone, being lonely. Like gambler said, a short 'fuck fest' with different people does the trick too but my guess is that might only apply to those with higher testosterone levels. Maybe it works for women too.

It's sometimes nice to have a crush on someone though. "sweet misery" is how I'd call it.
Kinda like it's highschool/college again...    

Hope it works out for you

I'll have to cheer you up again, and I'm paying - it's my treat!

1) This was a 1 week vacation for him too, so this was a fantasy time for him.  You have not seen his other side (that's when he's stressed with work in his day-to-day activities to maintain his lifestyle, and he gets grouchy, busy, and won't give you any attention).

2) You're not his only girl for sure. So a real relationship with him could be a heartbreaker - love's other side of the coin is pain, sacrifice, suffering, patience .. in short, you put up with all his crap, which you didn't do in that vacation phase.  I've been with pretty providers and after a while when I begin to put up with their crap (like being 30-40 minutes late), it's not fun.

3)  Yeah, I had sessions where I was in a cloud after.  It took a few days for the cloud to evaporate. Once you're back down to earth, entertain yourself with other things - movies, a nice meal, shopping.  Hey Chocolate raises your seratonins .. removes that depression.

4)  Most Important - Enjoy your other Clients. Yeah, that's right. Some of them are fun too.  You might just find them equally enjoyable, even if it's an hour session and not a week.

5)  Call him up a week after. If he doesn't respond, that's the end of it. If he does, lucky you.

There have been occasions on which a provider and I have clicked so perfectly that I've genuinely missed them afterwards. I commented to one recently that she must be consistently very good because her scores were uniformly 9s and 10s.  She assured me that there was a genuine chemistry between the two of us.  Two or three days later, I read a new review by another client who described having a similar experience with all of the intensity that she and I shared. Now...I don't doubt the chemistry we experienced, but the review kept my head straight. There is a love-hate relationship between me and some of those reviews.

I hope my ATF thinks of me as positively as you think of this guy.  

I'm always a little bit sad when someone I really like has to leave - happened a few times when we're chatting and the conversation doesn't seem to end, when there's no feeling that anything  sexually or interaction feels 'forced' - but that has usually happens because she & I know the boundaries.    Don't ever sell yourself short that he's 'too good' for you - in fact you were good enough for him!

Thanks.

Funny, last night I drank heavily to try to get numb.  And today I worked out heavily.  Both helped-- for a little while!

Im not going to pursue him.  Hes married for one, and two, I would never pursue a man.  My ego is too fragile to deal with rejection so refuse to be in a vulnerable situation.

Damn I need a therapist.

Thanks so much for your advice

To echo what GA Gambler says,  have you dated, been in serious LT relationships with a guy?  That has to be tough if you are an escort.   If you are 30 and attractive I'm sure you are better looking that the guys you are with.

Maybe being a prostitute isn't for you.  

Do you have other marketable skills to support yourself?

I think its much easier for guys to just see someone else and fuck than for a woman.

Thank you for your honesty.  Great post!!  I will keep this is mind.  You TER gentlemen are quite therapeutic for a lonely 30 yr olf spinster.

Most of my clients are great guys:  kind, generous, and total gentlemen... But they are quite old, overweight, and bald.  Dont get me wrong.  We have great times and I enjoy their company, but when a hot client comes along, it can really mess with a provider's head.

No, I dont date at all.  I havent in several years.  I am a full time provider so have chosen work and earning money over having a social life.  The prime years of my life are slipping away with no one meaningful to share them with.

The more I think about it, it is time to get out of the business and look for love.

Record him cumming and rewind it and watch it over and over?

Yeah, thats not weird at all.

30 yr old spinster. Are you kidding? I'm nearly twice your age. You have a long time to find what you are looking for. You are a "spring chicken" or "young whipper snapper". I bet you never thought anyone would call you that. But at 30 your only a third of the way into your life. ( give or take) I say you may have some stinkin' thinkin' to get rid of. Look for the possibilities of whats to come instead of what's already gone.

I learned the hard way that this is pay for play. I appreciate very much what these women give me for a mere $$$-$$$$$+ for an hour. However, I know that this is a business transaction on both ends. Sure I have had sex with lingerie models, pornstars, NFL cheerleaders, strippers and hot 19 year old GND types but never once did I think that they were above me or I was in over my head. Dont get me wrong, I have fallen before for a provider but I blame that on bad timing on my part instead of her being so hot, sweet and great in bed (which she was).

I think what you are experiencing now can be attributed to bad timing also. It is normal to want to be in a healthy, monogamous, steamy relationship with a beautiful person. For some of us this will never materialize and I am sorry. For those of us who no longer dream of such silliness, we are so happy to HOBBY :}

There is a lesson here that some people seem to overlook. That lesson is that people COME and GO in our lives. Instead of reminding yourself that things are over, be greatful for the experience.

You had fun, good sex, traveled, got to know a great person and got paid for it. Looking at this from the outside, I would conclude that you came out on the winning end. Just remember the other old saying of Having your cake and.........I am sure you get the point.

You can work with the therapist on whatever issues you'd like.  They are there to help you, but you also need to come to therapy with a sincere motivation to change.

A possible outcome, if you are willing to work at it, may be that you will get to a place where you are able to be in a healthy relationship.

but not under the corcumstances you describe. the key thing is to remember nothing good (or bad) lasts forever: not even death and taxes! LOL!

death is permanent, but dying isn't. taxes are only as permanent as the governments that levy them. eventually, the government collapses and that particular tax dies with it.

now there are a few ladies (some in my profile, some UTR, some "real life" companions) who have "rocked my world". i always feel better leaving them. i know eventually they will find someone "more suitable" so i never get depressed after seeing them. at my best i was only good for about a dozen years anyway.

now that i am older, less healthy it has gotten to be much shorter than that! LOL!

the one time i was depressed after a very depressing hobby session it was a lady (not in my profile) who tried an amazing mind game involving a "mutual friend".

i do get down over not being able to see someone i like very much who has been very very kind.

i also get down (but also irritated) when let down by someone i trusted with my personal info. this is  especially the case when there has been a security problem or threat. but i tend to fight my way out of that kind of disappointment. i do get obsessed by clarifying ambiguities and risks.

I walk out of a session and feel great!

Lady, what Gambler said. When you look for love, you won't find it. It'll bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

And hopefully, he'll leave a nice hickey as a souvenir that the two of you can laugh about for many years!

I suppose the best comparison would be renting a Maserati for a week: driving around town, people looking at you with envy, the thrill of the roar of the engine, that new car smell, exploring all of the features and so excited everytime you climb on it (I mean in it... haha!)

Then you have to return the car and get back in your 1995 Kia Rio with ripped seats, no a/c and V2 engine (if thats such a thing).  You see the point Im trying to make.

Thats what Im feeling.

But all of your responses have really helped.  Ive read every single one.  You guys are really helpful.

in retrospect i should have walked out on my one time disaster. but i didn't. just to be clear that was unique. if a session just doesn't click i don't walk out depressed, i just walk.

Do what we hobbyists do when we are foolish enough to believe there is something other than a friendly financial transaction taking place here.....see others. Maybe run a special so the rest of us can wow you with our adonis bodies, brilliant conversation, sensitive understanding and mad oral skills...lol.

You are a provider who gives a good sexual performance for an agreed upon price. We are hobbyists looking for a great time for a price. We hobby because we aren't looking for a relationship and the drama that goes with it.

That's it. Stuff yourself with wings and pizza for a day or two and move on. He's already booking the next lady.

Hell, get several. Maybe even from a masseur who visually appeals to you.

Deep massages like "Deep Tissue", "Sport" or "Trigger Point" can sometimes make you feel worse emotionally for a couple days, though. You might want to go with something lighter like "Swedish" for now.

A good massage FEELS like affection. It may help ease the longing for all of the skin contact that you experienced over that week.

well...aside from the parts where Robin Givens is damn near naked.

It does get better the more time that passes.
I'm sure that it feels pretty much like a civvie breakup.
After all, you spent a week together, bonding, with all of the hormonal and emotional attachment that occurs with that (both directions). Your question is of course is what to do in the meantime while time passes to ease the pain.

If another, similar engagement from someone else is offered in the future, do you want to take it? Or do you think it may feel too painful to bond like that again? What if the same fellow wants to repeat next year?

Decide if you want to explore civvie relationships (even if temporary ones) while you are escorting. Maybe you want to have a quick civvie fling with someone who is unlike most of your clients? It would at least be a distraction to do some window shopping on some online dating or connection sites just to see what you find.

This work is what you do for a living; it doesn't define who you are as a person, but it can make it difficult to juggle "two worlds". This can be extremely isolating work, as there are very few people with whom you can really share any related issues without getting judgmental reactions. I would imagine that the isolation alone could sometimes lower your mood. Try to find a venue where you can connect with providers similar to yourself if you don't already. I know for example, that in my area, a lady who recently retired appeared to be organizing provider-only get-togethers so they can connect with each other. (she mentioned it on her web site before it went dark). If there isn't a group of ladies that meet in you area, you could start one. If there are few providers in your area, try reaching out to some ladies outside your area via PM or email, especially if their posts read like you might have things in common. I get the impression that my ATF certainly appreciates her provider friends.

Try posting the same question on "The Erotic Highway" board to see what other responses you get.
Just as an aside, if you were male this thread would have been kicked over there right away (I'm not advocating that, just an observation).

You made a remark  in one of the posts on this thread about considering finding a therapist.
I have a link below that leads to a list of polyamory friendly professionals. The idea is that those therapists on the list are very much less likely to be judgmental toward your type of work.
This link was previously posted on "The Erotic Highway"
List of Poly-friendly professionals in the US
http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=17891&boardID=20&page=

I think that getting a prescription for anti-depressants probably might not be a good idea, just in case someone suggests it. Most of them have libido killing side effects that could very well make your job miserable indeed. The herb "St. Johns Wort" seems be a somewhat effective mood elevator in studies. I believe that it does not have the same issue of sexual side effects.

Drink plenty of fluids.
Have lots of orgasms.
Take vitamin D

but then, maybe she does...? lol

Although.... I'd guess that it probably wouldn't help with the depression long run if she keeps being reminded of the guy.

but usually happens to the guys.  I guess, no matter who it happens to, one should be grateful any time there's a strong emotional connection with another human being.  It did happen to a couple of providers I've been with.  I just pretended to be oblivious, something that comes natural to me!  LOL!

HP,

This happened to me, too, and I was quite surprised that it did.

My background:  I am a male hobbyist that had been seeing ladies for 9+ years (almost 50 different ones in that time).  I am not saying this like it is any kind of record, but just wanted to establish that I am not exactly new to the scene.  My usual appointment is 2 hours in length but have sometimes (rarely) done a one hour or 90 minute.  I have tried to be the "good hobbyist" and always show up prepared, stay within advertised boundaries, leave when expected without being asked, send a follow up "thank you" when I had a really good time (which was most of the time), and so on.

Then I met a lady for the first time and within a couple of weeks I was already pitching to her the idea of a spending a whole day and night together.  I had never done that before but, with her, I could see that being something I'd look forward to.  We worked out the details and I had a great time.  Really, her production value for our time together went way beyond what I was expecting.  It was great being with her both privately and publicly, and she is a physically beautiful woman to boot, too.

I returned home and then something happened that never happened before.  About a week later, when I was all by myself, out of no where, I just became overwhelmed.  I just had to hold my head in my hands for a couple of minutes to let it pass.  After wards, I was like, "What was that?!?!?"

I told no one.  Who was I going to tell?  I just kept it to myself, still wondering what it was that was going on with me.  I saw other ladies, but still kept in the back of my mind the after effects of that overnight.

A few months went by and the chance to see her again came up.  I did want to see her again because she is such a fantastic companion, but also I wanted to see if I experienced the same type of withdrawal.  As before, we made the arrangements, had a great time.  Really, a great time.  This time, though, the withdrawal hit me the next day.

Now, I was really starting to wonder what was going on...

...to be continued...

ahhhh...just the case right now between myself and an escort. I am very taken by her beauty and attitude, personality, etc.  I get depressed after seeing her and know that I have never met a person like her in my entire life. I am sure she has experienced men like me before..... I think that "hurt" for me is coming and I am just hoping to prolong things hoping for a distraction. My other option I am considering....buying myself something really nice to enjoy......obviously a thing will not replace a persoon.....but may provide enough distraction to pull me away from my thoughts I have now.

My handling of this situation basically centered around my goal of wanting to continue to be able to see my overnight companion (in whatever capacity our schedules and interests permitted) but to be able to dispense with the hangover.

I was not sure how to proceed.  Board postings were out of the question.  I've seen the usual supportive missives that, when summarized, amounted to "You are an idiot."  Not helpful.

So, as I was able to get some face time with them, I turned to some trusted ladies and gentlemen that I knew, never disclosing my overnight companions identity, and let them what was going on with me and to hear their thoughts.

It turns out that these kinds of things are not uncommon.  I was regularly advised, gently and with compassion, to remember everyone's boundaries.  And, I think I have (not asking for unadvertised services, not expecting time off the clock, not expecting discounts, not pining away for phone, email, or text messages, not showering her with crazy gifts, et al).

I remember one person telling me that they do not do overnights.  That, for them, it was more of an intimate experience than having sex, that such a protracted time together actual allows your companion to see so much more of who you are then can otherwise be orchestrated for a two hour get together.

I remember another person telling me that they maintain several of these types of relationships, that, while still respecting the client-provider format, are UTR and have deeper levels of trust then what is normally experienced.

I was also cautioned about giving away too much:  money, time, information, and brain cycles.  And, that it's OK to have feelings of fondness and affection for someone.  You just might have some problems, though, if you think it is compulsory for those feelings to be reciprocated.

... to be continued ...

I was on the phone with my overnight companion recently and the conversation turned to the general topic of developing feelings of fondness and affection in the hobby.  She spoke of the importance of maintaining distance and I let her know that I think that this was something that I was having trouble with right now.  I let her know my situation, that I am not pulling up stakes for her, that I want to continue to see her but do not want the hangover.  

So, I made myself vulnerable.  I felt I had to say something.  I did not want to just disappear.  Plus, I've been so expert over the years at completely burning bridges with relationships on so many fronts that I was just tired of bringing Sherman's "scorched earth" policies to so many people that have gotten into my orbit.

She listened and said that she'd not encountered this sort of thing before and was a bit flattered.  I was not in a position to have a long talk with her that evening nor did I think it was really fair to, after telling her this cold, to ask for her position.  

We eventually adopted a "let's take it one visit at a time" approach.  I have seen her (and had a very memorable time) since and am not experiencing the withdrawal that I used to.  I have seen others, too.  I am, however, not pursuing overnights for the foreseeable future.  Similar to what HP had originally posted, my own set of circumstances leave me open to a high degree of emotional vulnerability that were, however unintentionally, really spoken to.

To date, I think my companion has treated me well and I continue to hold her in the highest regard.  She could have walked, but didn't.  I feel neither exploited nor abused.  All overtures for this or for that have been solicited by me.

I could have walked, too, but didn't.  A good part of me is still fascinated that I could feel this way (or have someone else make me feel this way).  I remember what it was like, when I was so much younger, being the center of someones attention (and for so long).  It feels great, really great.  You just can't let it eat you alive.

I know that this was a bit of a protracted read.  This was not the type of thing that has served me well to just keep inside and I hope that this accounting has, even in some small way, might be helpful, HP.

It is a delicate situation.  Take small steps.  Do not hurt your companion and do not hurt yourself.

All my best,

IAT

He might be taller than me
but I'm sure his wangs were smaller than mine. lmao

I second this advice strongly. This is more common for hobbyists than providers I think but the same principal holds true, the best thing is to go find another ATF. In fact have a rotation of favorite clients, this will help you avoid oneitis. This happens to men all of the time in civie dating, they get stuck on one girl. Keep in contact with him for sure but be cool about it and just like the hobbyists, respect his boundaries. Yes people can have a real connection in the hobby but do not forget it is P4P and that it takes time and shared experiences (non P4P) to form a real relationship.

Damn you really know how to hurt the "height challenged" people amongst us.

Spud