Do you guys feel comfortable voicing what you want?  I ask because as a society we loudly tell men that you need to treat women with respect and be careful of her feelings.  But does this make you put your own sexual wants to the side?  Or do you worry that if you voice a desire, it could be rejected?

Of course not. We've been emasculated over the last thirty years, and right or wrong, part of the natural sexual assertiveness that goes with that vibrancy has vanished.
Asking for pleasure has become a sin.

Don't go asking for things that will make her ask you to leave and get you blacklisted.
Other than that, the worst thing she can say is no.

I am a woman who has no problem voicing my sexual wants and desires.  There is no guess work with me.  But I find that I often have to coax men to tell me what they want.  

For example:  I am giving a BJ and add in a HJ from shaft to tip (think hand follows mouth).  Not something I usually do because I always feel like a man can give himself a HJ and there is a zero chance I am going to do it as well.  So anyway...  the combined hand and oral action causes him to cum quickly and afterward he tells me that he liked that action with a previous partner and wished I would do it more.  This partner and I had been together for YEARS and he never mentioned it.  I could have been doing the combined action sooner if he had voiced his desires instead of me just stumbling into something he enjoyed.  

WHich makes me wonder if men feel that it's not ok to voice their desires.

Always, always.... And I don't worry about rejection because it is always worth a try when it is something you want. It is my experience that women love confident, openminded men. AND so many women are open to suggestion, It's fun!!

And guys, when you are polite about it, and women like you........ they will be willing to try a hey of a lot!

KingBuffet

It gets easier to ask the longer you've been hobbying. I have no problem taking control of a session and telling the provider what I like. Providers aren't mind readers, if you don't tell them what you like, how in the world are they going to know. I see all sorts of providers from newbs to ones with pages of reviews. The new providers usually need to be lead, ones with lots of experience I usually don't have to ask to much. Plus sometimes once we're comfortable I'll ask "got any rules" the reply usually gives me a guide as what I can or cannot ask or do.  

I definitely have more boldness with a provider than with a civie, or even the SO (back when I was married), but still I use some discretion.

For example, one thing I love is COF, but there are,understandably, a number of gals for whom that is over the line.  Sometimes after I've known a gal for a while, I'll bring it it up.  In a few cases, the gal has allowed it.  One ended up liking it, but others were clearly grossed out by it and we never repeated.  Some gals I just have a strong feeling would never allow it, so I don't even ask.  

Reading reviews helps to know what is and isn't allowed, so that helps as well.

When I started in this hobby over a year ago I was a sheep with the providers.

14 months later I am having extensive discussions with them prior to selecting them letting them know exactly what my needs and fetishes are, making sure we are a good if not perfect match for a session.  The ladies have a vested interest (reviews) in your leaving completely satisfied, how  are they supposed to provide that experience if they don't know what you need and want?  Different with an SO, and with an ATF for that matter, in that you have had the opportunity to explore with eachother.  Part of the thrill of a new-to-me provider in when a new lover delivers the session that I want and need,  but she doesn't have a chance without that communication...and trust me, whatever it is you are thinking, she HAS heard it before.

Unless what you are asking is borders on Abuse, Insult or both. Treating each other with mutual respect doesn’t or the other have to become a door mat. If you do then, there are other much deeper issues to get resolved.

You can agree, disagree or agree to disagree on everything on the planet respectfully.

Communication is so important to meet a gentleman's needs. The old adage "a man will never ask directions if he gets lost" seems to fit in the bedroom. I think this is something they are programed from past relationships. I love directions to make my time with them more fulfilling. I'm always being the tour guide and asking about stops along the way.... are your nipples sensitive, do you like your balls licked and played with, can you cum more than once, how do you handle a condom ... Doesn't sound like real sexy conversation, but it's what your doing when you open your mouth that makes it teasing and sensual.

Kisses Haley

This is just my experience, but when I come into a session with a laundry list of requests I find it difficult to not feel like I'm asking her to be my sexual maid.  I'm not so oblivious to the pay to play dynamic that I know that some level of that is expected, but that still goes against the way I treat woman in every other aspect of live

It's an interesting balance.  

It becomes easier when you find a woman that is totally and almost singularly all about sex, and even easier when she's only there for two hours, but it becomes increasingly difficult when she's there overnight or a day or two and you have more shared experiences outside the bedroom than in the bedroom.

For example, I just had a 'fly you to me' 9 hour marathon where we didn't leave the hotel room the entire time and the primary theme of the day was sexuality.  That made it a bit easier for me to be more open with what I was interested in, but next time I have a couple nights traveling with a friend where we do dinners and shows then the 'relationship' takes on a whole new dynamic and I become a bit more concerned about her interests and our mutual enjoyment than having my own needs exclusively addressed.

Maybe he liked it both ways?  You simply discovered a way to make him cum faster.  Nothing wrong with mixing things up a little. Maybe he was unaware this would have that result but your introducing the variation reminded him of another experience.

I am always respectful of a woman it's how I was raised and I am comfortable with the way I treat a lady. Now with that being said I have no problem telling a girl what I want done , what position I want next, how I want her to suck on me or if I want to fuck her mouth.
There are times when sex goes through it's positions as usual, but I have no problem just "taking"  her and being totally dominant. Some women that are independent and strong willed in everyday life want to be told exactly what to do in the bedroom.
So to answer your question I have no problem telling a woman what I want done, but I can still be respectful when doing it. I am never degrading.

MM

These are great points.  I think familiarity and session duration have an impact on my comfort of stating what to do.  The more familiar, the more willing I am to explore new things and activities I may not broach with a new date. A long date also may give me an opportunity to direct my partner to do things I haven't tried recently.

I get emails asking if I do x, y, and z and they are just ignored. If a guy is with me, another story and I am always interested in knowing what he likes. I don't however, like men who constantly talk about and focus on sex...makes me think they have absolutely no drive or ambition whatsoever, unless it's related to sex. Not attractive at all IMO, but I am talking about the real world, not the hobby. Here, I know what to expect.

It was many years ago, and I thought being on national TV would help.

Also, please do not out me to my congregation, they may not understand.

Gents who have made posts saying that they wished their session had went a different way.
When reading the responses and the original posts it seems to come down to the guy expressing what he wants.
I remember a post from a gent here some time ago where he wanted a provider to keep going after he cummed.Well,for most the gents who replied said they were too sensitive and did not want the provider to continue but there were a few gents who were the opposite.
My feelings are if there is something particular that really gets a gent going or a certain way he likes things.
Speak up we are not mind readers and not every gent is the same.
I have also read reviews where the gent complained about the way the session went in some cases it comes down to communication.
You know that saying closed mouths don't get fed!Speak up if you like a slow bj,if you like it fast,do you like it with hands or not?See where I am going...
Just my .02

of wrong. Unless you have set up the meeting for fetish, a check of list can become awkward very quickly. What J have found is that finding the right person by that I mean open sexually open minded and going with the flow is more enjoyable.

Never have approached any meetings with a list, but many turned out be beyond awesome. Suppose, it is the comfort level that counts above all.

Voicing a sexual desire and being an ass about it. Respect is respect, both for men and women. Mentioning a sexual desire is just that, communication of ones wants...however if that sexual desire includes humiliation or violence, I can see where that could be considered disrespectful for some and a turn on for others. Unless you really know the person, it's a crap shoot. But no harm in asking...right?

And rejection is a separate thing...voicing something does not guarantee it will happen (hence the feeling of rejection if a no is the answer). There are three answers: a yes, a no and a maybe.

...it's really nice to just let your partner take you somewhere you haven't been before.  If you always ask for something...you never know how they might surprise you with something that becomes your new favorite 'thing'.

I definitely go into a shy mode if I ask for something.
I don't really know if it put my desires to the side. That really has me thinking.
I haven't really gone into a date expecting it to go a certain way.

TBH.
I usually let her take the lead because the girls here are better at going through different ways to play
than me. So far it worked out pretty well.
The sex I have had in the civie realm was so vanilla compared to what I have experienced here.
I don't see a need to change it really. I am usually told what to do. It works for my shy ass.

One time I was told to.. "Get over here, and fuck my mouth!"
I was shocked to say the least.

This makes me think of a book I read years ago.
It was about Dominance. The gist was in order to be a Dominant person.
You must submit first. This submission is supposed to teach you how to dominate.

You have me thinking that I may be on that road, and I had no idea.

To answer the rest.
No. I have never been worried I would be rejected if I asked for something.
I'm used to being told NO by women. LMAO!
It is definitely a respect thing.. Even fear.. My fear of making her upset.
See why they call me gay?

COF is over the line?  Has anyone ever said why?

May I ask why you are not as bold with civie's?

And nervous around women doesn't make you Gay.

You know that women are nervous as well. We have fears that men will not like our physical appearance or that you will think we are "loose" if we show too much experience or ask for what we want. It's hard to get all the negative voices out of our heads. Male and female.

Posted By: TheHoundOfCullin

I definitely go into a shy mode if I ask for something.
I don't really know if it put my desires to the side. That really has me thinking.
I haven't really gone into a date expecting it to go a certain way.

TBH.
I usually let her take the lead because the girls here are better at going through different ways to play
than me. So far it worked out pretty well.
The sex I have had in the civie realm was so vanilla compared to what I have experienced here.
I don't see a need to change it really. I am usually told what to do. It works for my shy ass.

One time I was told to.. "Get over here, and fuck my mouth!"
I was shocked to say the least.

This makes me think of a book I read years ago.
It was about Dominance. The gist was in order to be a Dominant person.
You must submit first. This submission is supposed to teach you how to dominate.

You have me thinking that I may be on that road, and I had no idea.

To answer the rest.
No. I have never been worried I would be rejected if I asked for something.
I'm used to being told NO by women. LMAO!
It is definitely a respect thing.. Even fear.. My fear of making her upset.
See why they call me gay?