...unless she were to say his name was "William Jefferson"
you know is married; in a committed relationship; or has a SO?
In fact, my two favorites are both in committed relationships.
The existence of a SO does not make much difference about whether I would make an appointment, but in the back of my mind I assume a provider with a SO will hold back in someway. Now that I think about it, those rare gems who are multiorgasmic with me share the feature of not having a SO.
I never ask a provider whether she has a SO (and I much prefer that I not be asked about my marital status), but this information is often divulged to me, often on the first date. And the ladies sometimes ask me for advice about their boyfriends, or complain about them. I like to talk about all sorts of topics, but this one tends to undermine the BF-GF fantasy experience that I usually seek during a visit. I do not really want to be father-knows-best to my usually much younger partner of the moment. But I will return if the session was otherwise excellent.
Thanks for the question Sedona. Too bad I no longer live in San Diego.
EOM
Why do I ask?
Because it never ocurred to me one way or the other until someone said to me that it's less 'attractive' to him to see a Provider whom he knows has someone in her (private) life. But doesn't everybody have somebody in their personal lives? I mean the only contact that Providers have with men are not all clients! They do date, and have lives, etc..
I'm not sure I get what you mean by saying having sex with well over a hundred men in a year, what is one more? What do you mean? And who? And how does that relate to the question? Sorry, you'll have to explain, I guess.
I average two dates per MONTH, which only brings the total to an expected 24 for the YEAR..
It's not a deal-breaker but it does float around my mind that I'm Coveting another mans woman. Guess that old school Judeao-Christian upbringing just keeps showing itself time to time.
Ya know what? Doesn't make a bit of difference to me. I've had many providers share details about their lives with me. Some have kids, married, divorced, can't wait to get divorced, etc.
I prefer to stay grounded in reality. As a matter of fact, I like providers that are open. I tend to be more open with them as well.
The only thing I'm really looking for is that true "toe curling experience".
Only one of them wasn't straight with me at the outset. It was only after a slip of her tongue (verbally, I mean) that it came out she was married. So, I asked her why she wasn't up front with me. She replied that she'd found being married was a turn off to many guys. She said she thought it might have something to do with men wanting to (at least fantasize) that the're the provider's favorite, and clearly, that can't be true if hubby is back home.
Now, of course, lots of women (and men) have SOs who aren't their favorite sex partner. So, I'm not sure how much strength I put in this girl's viewpoint. But, when I think about it, there was another lady whom I met in Columbus, and who spent a week and then another weekend with me here in NJ. I knew she was happily married from the outset. I knew her husband knew what she was doing, and indeed, supported her choice of avocation.
I have to admit, especially on the long sessions, her happy marriage would occasionally creep into my head and degrade the fantasy. I guess I can see how it might be a problem for some guys.
Looking back over the ladies I have seen recently, they are about evenly divided among three groups: 1)currently married, 2)never married or divorced with no children, and 3)divorced and raising children.
As I reflect on it, none of the above made any difference in my enjoyment of the time we spent together.
More to the point of your question, I don't really think about, or make any judgements about, whether a lady I see has an SO of any sort. More often than not, it's something I don't know before I see her.
It doesn't matter to me if she is married, has an S/O or is otherwise in a primary relationship. I'm not there for what she does with her personal life. 
...unless she were to say his name was "William Jefferson"
I've come into contact with a couple of gals who unfortunately weren't upfront with their SO. And when these guys subsequently found out they went a little ape-shit...stalking, following, the whole 9 yards. No way do I want to become embroiled in someone else's problems, so if I'm aware I'd more than likely shy away. It's not a moralistic judgement of any kind..just that I don't want to end up with a stink because of shit I really wasn't responsible for.
I am of the same mindset here Greywolf.
No difference to me. It would be the same as providers seeing men that are married or have SO's. It doesn't matter to you does it?
-R
You wouldn't mind if a jealous husband or boyfriend came bursting in on you while your pants are down or started bothering you at home or at work?
Well yah. Cause when you meet me you will want to leave your SO. Well maybe not.
I thought that was pushing it a bit. I don't really mind hearing about the kids etc., as long as there is no danger from the s/o but it does tend to make things complicated.
On behalf of all the providers in TER Land, thanks..
Listen - Sedona's a straight shooter, no BS, take no BS kinda girl - but an absolute lover..and friend.
I have to admit, it's 12:30 am, and I've had one Vicodin, two Advils, three Aspirin, and two Excedin for Migraine and two Rum and Dr. Pepper's and STILL I have no LESS pain in my head or jaw than before..
I've had three hours sleep (from the night before), and am PMS=y..so if there were any time when I'm allowing myself to be fully exposed to you all, it's RIGHT NOW.
I left the house earlier for my weekly business meeting with only the one response from Justaplayer that left me feeling slightly...'unsettled' at that time, only to return (with still a POUNDING MIGRAINE) and many, wonderfully thoughtful answers. Thanks guys, for stepping up to the plate to say what you had to say.
You know, the only reason I asked the question in the first place, is because I never really gave it any thought until someone said something to me because I mention an SO in my posts from time to time. I never thought it made any difference, or that you guys ever thought about it in terms of our lives, etc, since we DON'T in regards to YOUR lives..(I try to post things in 'general', not just for 'Sedona'). That's all that was about. I'm not implying that it's impacted my business in any way..wasn't even going there..but was just wondering because you Gents help me understand how you (ALL) think..understanding how you all think helps make us (all) have a better business FOR you..by understanding how you think and what you need.
Since I NEVER gave it a moments thought, and since (2) people have made mention of it, I felt very naive, and wanted to ask you..and that's about it. Nothing more..
I love the term: Significant Other because so many things can fall into that category. You can be Lesbian, and have an SO. You can be any number of things and have an SO, and they can't be presumed. My SO is exactly that. He's the Significant person in my personal life with whom I share myself.. and he's very much OTHER. "Other" is great because it means it can be anything and in our case, it's very much an Other. I don't have to explain anything to anybody, but for the sake of Public Service and dispelling assumptions on ANYONE'S BEHALF, Other can mean all kinds of things. Please don't assume. The only time Sedona even mentions an Other, is to BENEFIT the general reading audience that we Providers are normal people with normal lives, and to become comfortable in seeing PROVIDERS as well as HOBBYISTS as such- normal people, with normal lives. That's it.
Ok. Gotta find something to make this pain stop, and get to bed.
But, just a kiss for the appreciation of all of you in meeting our common goal - a better, more fun, more understandable, pleasurable Hobby.
Nightie night,
Sedona
I hope you're feeling better (maybe even sleeping) by now.
But watch out for too much of same type of drug (8 pills containing aspirin or related anti-inflam). There are more specific drugs for migraine that often work!
Take care.
It's been a topic of conversation in our community, and the vast majority of men in the regional discussion said they don't want to see married providers.
Thus, it's a secret that we keep among ourselves.
And really, since the hobbyist is never going to date the provider off the clock anyway, why not let him have his fantasy of being with a single, eligible girl?
You've helped me to understand, and now I do.
Thank you.
Funny thing is, I thought if a person wasn't married, then they were single and eligible, unless maybe they were LIVING with someone and were exclusive (in which case I'd use the term 'boyfriend', or 'girlfriend'), but an SO can imply any number of things..as in my case..
Thanks again.
~S
As long as the SO stays out of the picture, it doesn't bother me.
No, it doesn't. My ATF provider was in a relationship that was had its ups and downs, but developed well. I was always happy for her because you could see the change in her demeanor. When things were progressing in that relationship she absolutely glowed!
If a provider is your friend, the fact of another relationship won't matter. You'll enjoy the time you have with her and live every moment like it will be the last.
How does the husband or SO cope? My underlying assuptions are:
1) The guy knows and is OK with the situation
2) It's a "real" relationship, not just a ploy on his part to more effectively maintain a pimp-whore relation. I'm not saying that's the norm, but we all know it does happen.
If it were me, jealousy would eventually drive me nuts, no matter what I had told myself at the start. Whenever I start feeling more strongly for a provider than is safe or sane, I remind myself of this fact.
In my case, number 1. He actually helped me get started as a Provider. In my personal life, he is the only man I see, but I am not his only - which is why I say it is very much an "Other".
Who was it who said the the only certain things in life are death and taxes? We humans have such a wonderful variety of personalities and behaviors that very few general statements stand up when applied to individuals.
Apparantly this relationship meets both your and his needs, so I wouldn't change a thing. I was only describing my particular hangups.
A provider who I consider to be a friend as well as a "date", recently retired because she is getting married. I know that I have seen many women in committed relationships of one kind or another outside this hobby, and that doesn't bother me at all, since at least the girl's eyes are open. I don't know about their SO's, and frankly I don't think about it for fear that it may ruin any good time I might have.
But this lady, getting married is different. She has retired, and in fact "owes" me a date. Due to timing and distance, we haven't been able to connect. But more important is that I have no trouble seeing her as a friend, but not for a "date". The reason: She chose to leave this business and be faithful to her new husband, and I for one will not stand in the way of her fidelity. In my mind, the few horizontal hours she "owes" me can be forgiven, and I look at forgiving her "debt" to me an early wedding gift.
There is a big difference between a husband or live in boyfriend and a relationship like you have Sedona. I think I may have been one of the guys who brought this to your attention.
This doesn't matter to me on a first meeting or even a return date, but if we are talking about starting a ATF then it make all the difference in the world if she is married or has a live in. One reason is the compatition, but also what is in the others guys head. I don't what some jealous guy showing up at the door.
Now to another matter, Sedona you said you see an average of two guys a month. I think you are really more a Hobbyist than a provider, but because you are a women you can get paid for it. I think most of us hobbist see more than two ladies a month. If we guys could get paid how many of us do you think would be providers?
Well for one the hobby would most definately be legal...the world would go to crap because you would all be such trampy manwhores that there would ahrdly be onyone left to do all those jobs requiring heavy lifting and yard care, waste disposal and car repairs would cost a fortune.
works out of the place she lives in WITH this guy, forget it! Otherwise, I'll bet most of these girls have someone in their lives, and are as reluctant to be found out as any hobbyist.
I did see a gal about a year ago that told me she had a live-in boyfriend, a doctor that didn't know anything about what she was doing. I could not get out of there fast enough.
Obviously a lady with no regard for her clients. Or an idiot..or both.
Good for you.