New LA Drivers Exam

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:___________________ Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________
Therapist name:_________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should :
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often?
a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair

 

...this makes me laugh out loud.

Why not post on the L.A. board?

Naw this is how it reads now that Gray Davis and Cruz Bustamonte approved Drivers Liscenses for Illegal Aliens.

New Improved California Drivers Liscense
CA form 2003FU

Name (or anything you want to put here)________________________
City,State (in USA or any in country)__________________________
Place of Birth (if you dont know, dont answer)_________________
Age (Like if we care about that ROFL)__________________________

Have you ever been a terrorist?________________________________
Have you ever trained to be a terrorist?_______________________
(Please answer these tuthfully as the State Of California has no way of knowing if your telling the truth- Thanks)

I_________________(scribble anything here) Promise that once I get my permit to drive, I will abide by all the USA laws, except the immigration laws. I promise to get Insurance. I promise not to run to a another country if I am involved in a hit-n-run accident. I promise not to use this ID to enroll in a flight training school or blow anything up or use it to get a job or bank account by using this as a fake ID.

Thank You, You are now given a USA sanctioned identity card. Please dont abuse it, not that we can stop you now. And always drive safely!

Know Your Rights:
If other states wont accept this new California Drivers Liscense as Proof of Identity, please sue that state, on grounds that it discriminates against criminals and all those that worked so hard to enter this country Illegally. Win a big lawsuit, never have to work again. send you winnings back to your native country. Repeat as many times needed till USA taxpayers have nothing left in their pockets.

Not funny, just uninformed and mean-spirited.

Do you honestly think that the people working in our fields, hotels, restaurants etc. are terrorists?

Republicans speak of helping businesses in California, yet without these workers, thousands of businesses would go under.

Wake up to reality!

I don't think the people working in the fields are terrorists, but terrorists could enter the country the same way illegals do.
Business would do just fine without them. Without illegals and children of illegals working agra-business, restaurants, hotels, construction, ect.. we would have lower unemployment, population density would decrease, the drain of our states resources would diminish.
Daily I see young Mexican girls 15-21 pushing baby carriages, and toting along a 3-5 year old. All are leaching off of our, and my taxable contributions. Most of these girls will have 4-6 children. Then their children do the same. Soon we will be as messed up as Mexico is. To many people, not enough jobs, a populace that doesn't want them here, but gets labeled "racist" for even mentioning the subject. They don't assimulate to our culture.
Thats the reality I wake up to and see every day!!

What you see and the facts are two different things.  

The fact is these mothers you see usually work and pay taxes contributing to society.  The mothers generally work nights after thier husbands get home as maids, night-time nannies etc.  Are there some that dont?...of course.  Then again, go to the wid-west or the south and you will see the same exact thing, only the people are white and they DO not work.  I have spent a lot of time with these people, you apparently see them walking down the street and judge them from a far.

The fact is a larger percentage of white americans are on Welfare than any other segment of our population.

I'd like you to think hard about what you would do if you were born in a country with NO opportunity.  Believe me, you would do whatever it took to make a good life for you and your family.

By the way, you said "most of these people will have 4-6 children".  WRONG.  The average mexican immigrant family has 2.7 children.

-- Modified on 9/25/2003 8:46:26 AM

I think we will have to agree to disagree.
Most of the maids, housekeepers, landscapers do not pay taxes. The home I bought had a landscaper and a housemade employed by the previous owners. They informed me of the pay rate, which included paying them in cash. I declined their help and do the work myself like most Americans should do.(Including having their kids do work around the house instead of sending them to the mall and employing Mexican help). Most of my neighbors employ non taxpaying workers. These workers do have kids who are now American citizens free to leach off the system while their parents don't contribute.
Sure there are many who do pay taxes. They also take jobs from the same "white" welfare users. Don't get me wrong theres a ton of white trash who also leach off the system. Most don't have 5-6 children.
It's not my problem that they were born in a country that has no opportunity. They come here and take opportunity from Americans. Sure the restuarant\hotel groups lobby to keep the cheap labor coming in. They make a larger profit. Yeah we can all have that "feel good" attitude that were helping out our poor and oppressed  neighbors to the south, but it comes at a price. The slow demise of the working class. These unemployed welfare whites would be happy to leave the south to have a city job in California.
i too have spent time with these people. Believe me, I don't judge them from afar..They constantly knock on my door looking for work. They see me working in my yard and offer their services. This happens at least 3 times a week. Every week. Sure I'm happy that there looking for work rather than looking to commit a crime. But they shouldn't be here at all!
Your numbers are wrong. 2.7 children??? Try again. I sure you received your #'s from some sort of census. There wrong. They skew numbers to attempt to keep us uninformed of exactly how many are flooding are country, then further overpopulate it with their large families. Then drain resources. Build more low income housing. Pour into our public classrooms, slow down the learning rate.
Good day.

He is unable to recognize that this country was founded by people who despised the very idea of a birthright (British Royalty and the iniquity of monarchy).  His convenient and self-serving view that being born American provides exclusive rights to the opportunities in this great country is absolutely un-American.  (although I admit it is espoused by many who consider themselves patriotic).

I'm not sure that I'm in the majority, but many of us recognize the contribution to society made by immigrants (legal and illegal).  

I submit to you these words:
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

My friend, you will grow weary arguing with the likes funtime, instead take a trip to visit Lady Liberty herself and the Ellis Island museum.  Almost all Americans are descended from immigrants, surely Mr. funtime is too.

Peace, brothers and sisters.

p.s.  am I the only one who thinks Tom Ridge is the second coming of J Edgar Hoover?  I swear Ridge looks more and more like him every day!...

Times are different.

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Those were great words. However we have all the blacksmiths, tanners, men of the cloth, hunters,and military men we need in 2003. Time to blow out the lamp.

My forfathers didn't leave Europe because of 1.5 million illegals invading their shores each year and taking there jobs.

Thanks Jack.  Sometimes I feel surrounded by people like Mr. Funtime, given my white collar profession and economic status.

Thanks for the support.  

I do feel sorry for Mr. Funtime.  It would be difficult going through life with that much anger and fear.

"I do feel sorry for Mr. Funtime.  It would be difficult going through life with that much anger and fear."

LOL
Not angry, no fear.
I just think that charity begins at home. We should take care of our own before we worry about others.
What a dull life thinking every thing that is must be correct..
I prefer the passion that comes with progressive thinking. Of what should be. It's much larger that the mexican issue. It's seizing our country back from the pro cheap labor lobbies among others. They make all the money exploiting Mexican labor. Pay the American people a fare wage for a hard day in the field. Sure prices will go up, but the people making money from labor will at least be American and spend their $$ here. There will be less people. Less trafic ect..
2nd get the idiot out of the white house. Stop spending billions in Iraq. Stop giving billions to Israel & Suadi Arabia. Cut back military aid to Germany, S. Korea ect. Spend that money here. Give it back to the state and cities. Let them be able to pay our own people well for city jobs instead of Mexicans here in SoCal.
Triple the spending in education while ridding the public school systems of the children of illegals that require extra attention, and drain the resources, overcrowd the classrooms.
Pay down the debt. Have no ties to the IMF.
End free trade, NAFTA ect. Put tarrifs so heavy on business's that are moving overseas to exploit the cheap labor abroad  while not lowering the prices on goods in the USA. Actually forget lowering prices. Just a heavy tax on attempting to bring your product into the country. I read today that Levis is closing down their last 4 N American factories. Fine Levis. If you want to sell your product here thers a 200% tax per item just to get it in the country. We will see new business development take there place.
I feel sorry for the Mexican Nationals but they need to rise up and take back there own country. If we stopped welcoming them here(jobs, welfare healthcare, education ect) they would have no choice but to demand better in their own country. Mexico knows whats up. They don't care. There dumping there worst on us. This will continue until we do something. In the end they usually are nice people but they don't belong here.
Sorry to take up so much bandwith with my ideals. There is much more I could go on about.

When applying to be a permanent resident you have to answer a bunch of questions including:

Have you ever engaged in genocide?
Have you engaged in, conspired to engage in, or intend to engage in ... sabotage, kidnapping, hijacking or other form of terrorist activity?

Been like this for years, but what I like is the note which says "Answering YES does not necessarily mean that you are not entitled to permanent residency".

Anyway, I write this just because the fake id application here reminded me of it, such questions do exist, and for real important stuff.

I can almost guarantee your perspective will change about Mexican immigrants. Mexican immigrants are, in fact, NOT stealing jobs from Americans. They are preforming the jobs that American do not or will not perform. They tend to our produce. They clean our homes, hotel rooms, and cars. They take care of our children. They mend our clothes. Next time you eat some California strawberries, drink some Napa Wine, or begin your day with orange juice, please thank a Mexican immigrant. He or she has worked under horrid conditions for very little pay with zero benefits to provide America with extremely inexpensive produce that is fresh all season.


P.S. Of course Mexican immigrants contribute much more to American than what I've mentioned above. I was just the above as examples.

i've never heard felons described in such a romantic way.....Our borders are a sieve and if something isn't changed soon we will soon United States of Mexico....These people are sucking the life out of our country

Reefer Madness huh?? I will look into reading this book. Honestly from the name one would never guess it's about immigration.
Americans are lazy. Were also greedy. 2 of the most disgusting traits in mankind. Especially the greed. That said we (Americans)will perform labor if there is no other choice, as well as the other duties you've mentioned Interesting Woman.
You can't really feel that without mexican labor that we would starve and not take care of our children. When the "lazy" get hungry enough they will find jobs, & replace the cheaper labor.
About working under horrid conditions for little pay, it's almost as if it's OK to let business exploit the illegal and legal labor. If we wouldn't be so damn lazy to sit on our butts and let others be exploited. We should stop the cheap labor from coming into the country and do the work ourselves . By demanding better pay for Americans doing that work.
We are proud and strong people. We can and will do any work ourselves.
There are plenty of teenagers who are strong and resilient, who would and could do this work during their breaks from school. They would be payed well enough. They would discover what hard work is about. They would also see first hand why it is important to do well in school so that they don't have to do this work all their lives. I did plenty of hard work as a kid.
I will read the book though. I have no problems hearing both sides of an arguement.
Have a good day.

Since you approve so much of American jobs going to illegals and others so deserving of our help and fortune heres some stats and info for you do support;
2.7 Million American's working in manufacturing jobs have been fired and replaced with cheap 3rd world labor, mainly in China. Corporations can pay 35 cents an hour, force sweatshop work conditions, no EPA or safety standards...saving millions.

American Citizens will ultimately have to accept 3rd world wages and work conditions to keep jobs in America unless the Govt. does something to stop this.

Now white collar jobs are being decimated and will ultimately wipe out the existance of a middleclass in America. It started in high tech. Hundreds of thousands of American tech workers have been fired and replaced by imported 3rd world workers using H-1b and L-1 visas. Now this is spreading to all other occupations. Here are verifiable statistics on why the high tech job market is suffering mass unemployment, deteriorating pay and all time historic highs in joblessness:

BICS (formerly INS) has annual statistical Yearbooks and show that 331,206 H-1b petitions were approved in 2001. 201,079 new and 130,127 continuing (renewals). 191,397 were computer related. 328,480 L-1 Visa workers were imported.

In 2002, the statistical yearbook reports that 370,490 H-1bs were admitted, of those, 215,000 were extensions and exempts. 75,114 Computer related and another 25,197 Engineering, arthitecture and surveying. Software engineering (IT jobs) can also fall under this category, another 4,40 fall under misc. professional, 21,103 fall under administrative specializations which other numerous computer related jobs could fall under. 313,699 L-1 Visa workers were admitted in 2002.

You can verify these statistics by going to the BICS website, reports section, 2001 and 2002 Annual Statistical Yearbook Reports.

3. According to a 2002 report by the ITAA (Information Technology Association of America, the Corporate tech big boys), there were 330,243 new IT jobs from Jan. 2002 to Dec. 2002. (Report at itaa.org under issues, then workforce section, report entitled "ITAA Data Show Overall Information Technology Workforce Grew Slowly in 2002".

So...

New IT jobs 2002: 330,243
New H-1bs imported: -75,114
L-1 Visa Workers: -181,928
Jobs Left for Americans: 73,201

There were an additional 215,000 extensions & exempts. As you said last night, H-1b laws are not enforced and many of these extensions were given to H-1bs who were laid-off, stayed illegally and competed with Americans for what few jobs were left, then had H-1bs renewed once obtaining new employment.

Where do the 140,000 American kids graduating from college go?? McDonalds? Wal-Mart?

Ins. estimates 3 million H-1bs are currently in the United States illegally.

* 58% of H-1bs are computer-related so used same formula on L-1 since info not available.

An additional 500,000+ high tech jobs were shipped offshore. Now Corporations are going after all other occupations including marketing, finance, accounting, nursing (Bush created new H-1C Nursing Visa to begin mass importation of nurses from 3rd world nations), back office, call centers, attorneys, etc.

If ALL Americans don't get involved by calling & writing their Reps in Washington you can say goodbye to the America we knew and loved. Say goodbye to the existance of a middleclass and the American Dream and don't cry when America joins the 3rd world.

The first laws in the United States to outlaw marijuana were enacted in Texas to control the large population of Mexican migrant workers.  It was, in fact, a form of immigration control.  I won't go into detail.  You can read the book for the full story of how our war on drugs has nothing to do with our well-being.  

One hundred years ago today you could come home from a hard day's work, light up a joint, and pop the top on a nice cold Coca(ine)-Cola.  After a little rest, you could go down to your favorite brothel and enjoy a $1 romp with a moonlighting schoolteacher.  I'm not saying it's good or bad, but it's a fuck of a lot freer than we are today.

Some people are just plain ignorant.
I'm American and worked on a farm when i was a teen.
In fact everyone was American (I dont remeber any illegal aliens) working on it.
In high School I was a dishwasher, I dont remember any illegal alien dishwashers in our restraunt. Not any illegal cooks or waiters or hosts either. Hrmm funny still the restraunt made money and feed people. strange.
Fact is Americans would do the job, but illegal aliens drive wages down to the point where legal citizens cant take the job.

The drivers license in California never mentioned anything about any nation or job. Its a legal US document, how can it be given to illegal aliens?
Now if you argue that we should have no borders, no states and no nations, and that our founding fathers didn't want a nation like we have now with lines drawn in the sand, thats another story.  But if we dont have boundries, then you wont mind if I call your house mine and take possesion of it or your car. Surely no boundries means not just that of land but of possesions. I know logic is lost on some of you.
I feel sad for the future of America, when citizens born here and in nations around the world, but now proudly have become American, only to discover that being proud of America and protecting the USA from invaders both foreign and domestic is now called racism.
Perhaps I failed to point out that my own father and mother immigrated here. Naw thats not important, since I served my nation in the US Navy, I must be a racist and imperialist pig.
Recommend a book? Try reading life sometime.

Um LOL give it up. Your numbers may make sense and may be logical.  But logic isnt what drives our opinions funtime didnt you hear them? We are racists. Im sure if i look at the girls you have hooked up with, they would all be white girls cause your a white supremicist funtime or do you keep forgetting?

Naughty, naughty boy you are. I honestly thought that we were all grown ups here. It's not nice to call someone ignorant simply because they (I) disagree with you. I don't agree with 99% of what's said on this board, but that's the glory of free speech. Furthermore, my response wasn't to the DL application. Don't make assumptions about me or my house or racism or anything else you may think you know about me. When you do, it just proves how very little you know about me or the intentions behind this post. Naive, sometimes. Opinionated, always. Ignorant, never.

P.S. I have several more book recommedations if you'd PM me.

LOL White Lightning!! Actually all but one were white.
Yeah I try to fight my bigoted supremicist ways, but they keep rearing there ugly heads... Not..
Thanks for exposing yourself to possible criticism. It's great to see that some people realize the downward spiral were in and are not afraid to speak up.
It will be a long hard fight to defeat the proponents of cheap labor. Such as Tyson chicken, Con-Agra foods ect..They have so much money and influence. No matter though. I will continue to do my part to raise awareness to this tragedy no matter how many people denounce me for doing so.
keep up the good fight my friend.
Good day..

Hey funtime...did you read Fast Food Nation by any chance? Reason being you mentioned Tyson and Con-Agra, and those companies are extensively featured in the book. I totally agree with you about cheap labor. I will never denounce you for that.

No I havn't sweetie.. I will put it on my list of books to read.