If your SO was not capable of sex, would you still be in a "relationship" with them? I don't understand what motivates men to so actively pursue women.  I am in my mid 30's and have never been in a sexual relationship with a civie. All my sex comes from providers . I just don't see the point of "pursuing" women when providers are so much easier option. The downside is providers are expensive, so one has to settle for less sex/month . But that is fine with me.

So is it just the allure of  frequent sex that drives men into relationships? What more do they provide apart from that? I want to understand what I am missing. Maybe then it will motivate me to be more "active" in my "pursuit"...

your post actually made me sad.

afraid to say, if you don't get it by now then you probably won't. you clearly are emotionally and psychologically wired differently from most human beings. no, ready sex is not a reason people, male or female, seek and desire serious relationships. it's about true intimacy, sharing of one's self, being accepted/understood by another, loving and being loved.

if you really and truly desire nothing from women but sex, then you are wise to stick to providers. but good god, you are missing out on a huge chunk of what makes life beautiful for most of us.

Beautifully stated Lili. There is so much more depth and profoundness to a relationship than the sex.

Is this not the same thing?
http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=527619&boardID=12&page=#527619

Friendship, companionship, love, children, support during the bad times, caring these all trump sex. When your having a bad, bad day there is nothing like your woman that loves you giving you a hug and kiss when you get home, a hot meal, an ear to vent on, and later when the kid is in bed a massage and a romp in the sack. Very little can give you the strength that a woman can to do the hard things in life. She will celebrate the good times with you too. Having a SO that loves you for who and what you are is the best thing I have ever found. There is nothing better than the love of a good woman in this life that I have found. My wife makes me a better man.

Now you have to return the love, friendship, companionship, help with the kid(s), support during the bad times, and caring. You need to draw her a relaxing bath, give her a massage, a supportive hug, a caring ear. You need to put her first as she puts you first and forgive when that does not happen as sometimes it wont on both sides. If you can't put anther first stick with providers.

Don't get me wrong, the sex is amazing, but there's something about being out to dinner and both of you spotting something and all you have to do is nod and smile and you've spoken volumes.  On the other hand there's nothing like being able to have someone where you each can share your joys and pains in an open, non-judgemental discourse. Finally it's nice to know that that someone is with you for no other reason than they want to be.  You may experience a 'connection' with a provider, but until the day they are hanging out with you for free, you'll never get the joy of a relationship.

Bottom line, chasing tail is fun, but for the other 167 hours of the week, it's nice to have someone who can stimulate the other head.

Best of luck.

You can't or don't want to function within a normal relationship and look at women as sex objects and nothing else. That's completely fine if you choose to see escorts for the rest of your life.

I guess you get companionship from your buddies or maybe from a pet...again that's fine. Like Lilli said, if you don't know what you're missing now, I doubt you ever will. Your view of women seems too entrenched to be much else.

Not that sex can't and should be part of the SO package, but there are many times it just can't be or is not that prominent.

There are a few providers I have known for over two decades, and some have retired, yet I still keep up with them and visit for just good old fashion socializing because we enjoy each other's company.  No more sex for pay, however.

Other than that, I agree with what others have said here.

...If I could, I would, but because I can't, I shan't...

And no one says that just because you are dating a civvie, you can't dabble in the hobby. Then when you have experience with both, you can decide which you like better...Civvie or P4P or you want BOTH?

I also think that you can get stuck in a rut if you don't have any experience dating and just go about it the easy way by paying for it.  Maybe he sees women as sex objects because he has never seen them any other way.  Maybe he doesn't see women as sex objects but rather has yet to experience companionship with a woman.  You don't know what you can have until you experience it right?  If he hasn't ever experienced a relationship with a woman and has always gotten sex from providers than I can see how he doesn't see the point in a relationship.  Then again maybe he is lazy or has some kind of social phobia.  Of course I am just hypothesizing here....

That's funny shit coming from a hooker. You made yourself into that "object".

I hear that Saturn has gas "tides" You a fan?

If it's at all possible, please try and follow the conversation. And I hear you have a healthy fascination with Uranus.

It would hurt your overall view of women who do this to even expand into the territory that some of us actually have other careers. You would much prefer to think we are all or at least me, so intellectually handicapped that this is our/my only option.

To argue this point with you is futile on so many levels so I will leave you with your comforting little fantasy .



-- Modified on 7/10/2012 8:58:26 AM

It's not remotely similar to the new car feel  .  

 A civilian relationship  with mutual love and respect for each other is something I can't describe or draw.
    It's euphoria  felt in the heart , not to be rented or bought .  

I certainly miss my last one .


 
 

   

   

I can follow the "tide", and so can you.

Sorry honey, but it's your ONLY earning choice.

..and merely placating an ignorant adult.

or men who are obviously misogynistic pigs.

...since you know so much about me.

Probably has mommy issues, potty training issues, dick size issues, totally inadequate and socially retarded. Yep not fair so I guess it's best to ignore him.

I am 45 , a good looking fit guy who has NEVER had a girlfriend - Never !
Never been on a date . Had a few one night stands that were just that .
I had a terrible childhood . Foster child to a couple that had no right to have a child in any way shape or form . I basically was a " trophy " child for social events . When the public " stage " curtains were drawn I was pretty much ignored .
No brothers , no sisters . NEVER once heard " I love you " from another human being .NEVER ONCE !
Left home at 16 , joined the military . Used the GI bill to graduate from Ga Tech , been employed with a fortune 500 company for 25 years . Travelled the world which plays a major part in never seeking a woman as I don't have a "home" so to speak - I respect them and developing feelings knowing you are leaving in the coming months is not fair to either of us .
I DON"T USE ANY OF THIS AS A CRUTCH IN LFE - it is what it is .
I DO NOT see women as sex objects !!!!!  Quite the oppisite - CIM , COF are simply demeaning to them . To each his own ,but I cringe at the thought . I cannot even tell the lady what I like before our session starts - I am just a normal guy and like normal sex ! I don't do clothing request's I am just a normal gentleman by all accounts .
I feel this background is neccesary so no one assumes something .

Like Lilli said - you can't miss what you never had !  I may be missing the intimacy , support of a woman - I don't know,because I never  had it .

I am 100% HAPPY HAPPY  HAPPY . I do what I want when I want !  I have a buttload of money and have already turned down a retirement package . Been in the Bahama's for the last 2 weeks and had a blast with 3 providers that I flew over to see me . Sex on a deserted beach in the Bahama's with wine , campfire and 2 jetskiis - HEAVEN . I have those options being a lifetime bachelor - Yep , I am happy and can't miss something I don't have .

Please understand us guys do exsist . Yeah , I could well imagine some with this background would be social rejects , stalkers ,or whatever you want to call them . You could meet me and NEVER know these facts about me - many of my friends have never asked or had a clue . When I tell them this they generally are shocked ........They feel sad for me - I HATE THAT !!!  I AM HAPPY , WHY ARE YOU SAD FOR ME ?!?!
I put myself in thier " Married / relationship " shoes , I really do - I see what they have and enjoy ......Its just not me or my lifestyle - I don't want it,and really never  have . Just about every one will seek me out to " bitch " when things go south - Why , I have no clue as I don't understand . Good luck with that .........

Again you could be sitting next to me a bar , become a close friend over time and you would not have a clue I am this way . Just a normal gentleman with no hangups and RESPECT and admire beautiful women - Treat others as you want to be treated !

That was too easy.

Because you know I am right on the money, honey.
You never did answer my first question, but we both know the answer to that too, don't we?

The conversation didn't include you ms windbag.
Now I have a windbag and a gas giant to talk to.
Maybe the two of you should get together and form a hot air balloon.

Careful navigating the power lines.

We have relationships with literally hundreds of people. I have children, parents, siblings, co-workers, business associates, customers, friends, guys I play ball with, my kid’s teachers and coach’s etc.  Most of these relationships have little or nothing to do with sex or money (although there are a few hotties that I'd love to have my way with). Yet, all of these relationships have some importance to me and make my life full and complete.
Comparing a civie relationship vs. a hobby relationship makes for interesting discussion, but relationships with civies and providers vary so much from person to person that it is impossible to even try to make any sense. I guess that is why I often see people try to break it down to just money and sex.
You ask what are you missing.  Personally, I have 20 years of life experiences with my wife. We've shared so much together. A lot more ups than downs. Life is very complex and it would be impossible to begin to explain it to someone who hasn't ever enjoyed the benefits of a ltr before. I learned many years ago that in order to enjoy all of life’s pleasures, I had to be willing to take chances and be willing to endure some pain as well. Life isn’t perfect; you got to take the good with the bad. So, while our sex life came to a screeching halt several years ago, our relationship runs much deeper than the sex. The fact that I'm a no good rotten pig and couldn't go the rest of my life w/o a bj and a good fuck once in a while, doesn't negate how I feel about my wife.  
Now, all that aside, in the short term if I had to make a decision to spend a few hundred dollars on a civie date or a provider date...the provider date is going to win every time. Lol Good luck with the civies and IMHO you are too young to give up all together.

Another douche bag who wants to insult someone for the way they look.  Hey Jon, I'm sorry I can't spend hours at the gym in order to hold up to your standard of beauty, but I have service related injuries that don't allow me to do so.  By the way, your conversation is on a public board where anyone can chime in if they want to.  I doubt if you even know what "misogynistic" means anyways.

And you are a man hating ho who vents on fuck boards because you have no business. You are getting more bitter as you get older.
It's kind of a shame because you are not a bad looking broad and you do keep yourself in decent shape for your age unlike the other windbag.

Forums exist so that people can freely exchange ideas and thoughts, if you wanted a private conversation then you should have used PM.  Yes, I feel the need to "butt in" when someone is being an ahole.

My friend has a three year old that does the same thing.
Next we will get to see a temper tantrum. Don't worry.. I have a binki.

men or women for that matter to pursue real relationships, I would venture to say that's why you have never had one. I have often wondered this myself after hearing so many men complain that their wives are never the best lays, bbbj givers, etc. but that they ARE a woman of substance and respect..one that they want to share their lives with and have their children. So, it would appear that even though men say over and over how important sex is, that they simply contradict that very notion my continuing to marry women who fall beneath their idea of what great sex is.

Sex is important, but if a guy could no longer provide it I would either leave or tough it out by letting my mind and body pursue other things, and I don't mean other sexual things. I went 18 months without any kind of sex including masturbation and OMG...it did not kill me or even alter my mood. I simply found more significant things to meditate on and do with my time.

I think the emphasis on sex is overused and quite frankly bs. It is not sex, it is sex with someone new that drives most men to cheat. There are guys here who have flat out admitted they could have a wife who was giving it up every day and they would still hobby, so there you go. Relationships are built on so much more than sexual urges, or at least the good ones are. I know couples where both cannot have sex at all, and they are still together as best friends. My guess is, they finally figured out that love without sex is not a deal breaker in many instances.

Guy, thanks for sharing your story and perspective. and actually your childhood as you describe it does not make me pity you...to the contrary it makes me admire you. however your life in the here and now does make me feel sorry for you, even if you are as you say "HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY."

it is true you cannot truly miss what you have never had, but perhaps i can give you an idea...picture this: you are BROKE. you are hard-working and industrious but financially things just haven't panned out for you. 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week of your labor barely provide you with a roof over your head and food in your belly. and yet, you are HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. really and purely, down to the core of your spirit, HAPPY. why? because you have the love of a beautiful woman, who adores you and supports you and whose face lights up just when you roll over in bed and say, "good morning." a woman who could give less than a damn how much money you have but will be hella peeved if a day goes by you don't snatch her up and subject her to The Tickle Monster!

for just a second now, can you picture that? dead broke. as happy as you are now. day in, day out. that is what you guys are missing.

just as i was typing this, my Husband interrupts me with a giant bear hug (a sweaty and borderline stinky one since he's been outside all day clearing tree limbs) and goes, "I love me some you." i get that EVERY FREAKING DAY. come on, man.

That's what you get for "butting" in.

You can say goodbye now. Three is a crowd.

When her faces lites up at "good morning" ..........I don't see me as the cause . I figure the sun is in her eyes or she slept really well , I put on my pants and head to work.
She gets "hella peeved" ( I like that , I just figure its her time of the month and I go start to make dinner .
She hugs me after I do the yard work . It had to get done and she wasnt going to do it so I figure thats how she express's " thank you " and I head to the grocery store so we have food to eat .
" I love you " every single day ...........Just words that are said. In one ear and out the other before I go get gas for the lawnmower .
I'm working 12 hour days , 6 days a week,and I am tired on those rare ocassions when I am actually awake and home . I figure that can't be much fun for her and she is looking for a bigger , better deal and as soon as he comes along I am left on the side of the road . I understand completely as she deserves the best life she can live and I am holding her back . I am totally cool and comfortable with that .
Without EVER experiencing what love truely is , than I forever will be at a disadvantage and I don't know any better, and am totally cool and comfortable with that .
I am just wired through life that I am, and always will be , a paycheck. No woman at this point in life will EVER be able to teach this dog a new trick . I know this and am totally cool and comfortable with that.

Please NEVER feel sad , sorry, or pity me please .
Hell, don't even cry when I die - just throw some dirt on me and head back to work

Funny stories from my " life on the road ". The guys working for me in Rio de Janerio brought up the " no girlfriend " thing ........I explained I see escorts . Told them " You think I am a mother fucker to work for now , imagine if I didn't get laid ! " Next day they gave me the local scene info in rio for escorts . Had a BBQ on the beach for them, I had a FINE lady in a bikini accompany me and they brought thier wives and such . The guys kinda understood when we talked about it the next day .

Did some work in Costa rica for the police . The Chief of police over dinner, got on that subject ........He got on his phone , said something in spanish .............Had a knock on my hotel door later that night - Yep 3 chicks paid for by the police chief . He told me I was a lucky guy as he was divorced 3 times .

Life ain't that bad if you have never experienced what you don't know .

-- Modified on 7/10/2012 12:04:51 PM

You are one dog who won't be multiplying. Fetch!

The same could happen to someone who gets lucky with women early in life too.

Out of curiousity what is the reason you haven't pursued relationships.  Do you think its to hard or do you have a personality condition like social anxiety or Aspergers.  I only ask because I have SA and have reached a point where I have chosen seeing providers as a way of implementing exposure therapy.  Not sure if thats healthy but I feel that I am so far behind everyone when it comes to sex and dating that providers can simulate a foundation that I can build on.

The relationship is bound to fail. I've had a few friends met exceptionally sexually adventurous women who offered nothing but being sexually adventurous. If all a woman or man is bringing to the table is sexual fulfillment it isn't going to be enough. We will fuck those women but we aren't going to have a relationship nor marriage with them.

You have much more to offer in addition to sex, i know that from just reading your posts.

I would never leave a SO who wasn't capable of sex, but I probably wouldn't tell them that I was seeing providers or someone else, either.

I've had lots of civvie and lots of provider sex.  They are both great in different ways.  It's nice to not have to pay every single time, but the truth for me is that no matter how hot a girl is, it's hard to fuck just one woman.  It really is.

Even with my ATF right now, it's hard to not see other women.  And she gets that, because we're kinda testing out where this thing goes.  I know she works and has sessions during the day while I'm earning my paycheck to fund all this stuff.  And we have a trip together at the end of the month where I will be seeing her after our week of work is up (she is there working as a provider, and I am there for business meeting clients).

It is kinda hot that we are staying in the same hotel, too.  We've already kinda joked about her coming into my room randomly and climbing into bed, and even though I know she's working during the week, it doesn't bother me.  She's cool, and part of the charm here is that we both understand each other and she knows what I've done and who I've seen, and vice versa.

For me, relationships are about companionship and fun.  I don't ever see myself being an experimental swinger type, but I do see the two of us maybe getting a girl to join us in bed together if that's what we're into that night.

I've got a cool situation going on right now.  Can't complain.

Not everyone is like that.  You don't know the guy's situation, and maybe for him it's the
Charlie Sheen thing:  You don't pay them to come; you pay them to leave.

Girls can be really annoying at times, and girls can be amazing.  I know one girl who is very attractive, but outside of maybe fucking her, I could not see hanging with her.  It's not that she's not nice.  She just constantly needs attention, and I'm not a guy who is wired for that.  I like my space and my time to myself.  I like my girl to be independent and have her own life, too.

And then there are other girls who I love to fuck, but I would just as soon hang out with her and just do things together, like take a trip, go out to dinner, etc.

Everyone is different, and I think trying to say that "this is a result of you seeing hookers early on" is just too broad of a stroke, and borderline judgmental.

My opinion, at least.

You don't sugarcoat anything. I've not seen you be mean to anyone here who didn't deserve a bit of mouth. You have a solid moral compass and you are genuine. You're good people.

that you've never met someone special. You're really missing out.

Of course, you would have to see her as more than a fuck toy.

I'm talking about someone who makes everything you do just that much sweeter. So much so that no matter what great experience you might have, it just isn't the same if she isn't there.

Laying in bed talking and laughing and feeling an intimacy and connection that will never come when you're paying for mere sex.

The sex is great because it's with HER, not necessarily because of her physical appearance.

Well said Powerguy and I second that emotion!

Now-a-days men are just hoping for a mate that won't run off with 50% of their shit along with the local family court's blessing simply because they can.

A lot of guys think this way and wont say it as it does not conform to society standards. Although much more difficult to live this lifestyle without money. Most people are full of vapid bs and will shun you for being brave enough to go against the grain because secretly they envy you.

I don't look at them as sex objects at all, i just love women....period!!
Yes, i want to have sex with them, but my attitude towards them is respectful. ( always )

Confed Jon is a HOMO???

..and stop trying to be all macho, it's coming off as dbaggy and obnoxious. He can't hide his loathing for women.

"Women" in general who truly want a man for what he is, couldn't care less about what he has. Sure, if a guy is fkin around and she can prove it, I guess you get what you get...don't blame a woman for your choices/mistakes. If she was once in love with you and you fked that up, she is going to go after something and what's easier than going for the money? She certainly can't touch your heart if you never had one to begin with can she? Heh.

I asked for NOTHING in either of my divorce settlements, and I very well could have. I also did not sue my child's father for child support..again, I could have. Sounds like you are attracting what you put out.

You are still the same broke stalker with no life. Your words mean nothing to anyone but yourself. You are the biggest loser on TER. Get a job.

I may be obnoxious but you are a poor hooker with no business. Try some marketing or $50 BJ's in DC. You would have less time to throw up on the boards.

I wouldn't call or label you anything.  In fact I'm quite sympathetic.