...inspired by the wedding band thread below and the "how you got started" thread further down...while I got started because my SO's interest in sex declined, it seemed that from the very first time I saw a provider, my SO got interested again and the sex was better.  I felt badly about my little secret, but then it seemed to have a beneficial effect on the home relationship and sex.  I dunno...pheromones, less sexual frustration on my part?...who the heck knows, but each time things lag at home (twice a year??), I see a provider and then...has anyone else had a similar experience??

-- Modified on 10/15/2003 1:44:47 PM

man, that's a pretty close situation to mine.

...can we be a bit more expansive on this?  IT is an interesting phenomenon.  DO any providers out there realize they may be (ironically) a stabilizing force in marriages or long term relationships?  Is the secrecy necessarry?  (I think so but that may be more a society issue).  How do our SOs sense "this' and why do they respond in this way?  Perhaps it is simply biology?  Wild speculation is welcomed!

In my opinion, a married man is much safer than a single man.  But I still love them all the same - they're all a lot of fun, fun, fun, fun....

Corey Edwards, PhD Sexology

I've heard time and again from the men that since they have seen Providers, their sex lives at home have greatly improved!

Why? Because the men are more relaxed, more into it, more into 'her' and her enjoyment and it carries over. You all have mentioned that you've learned a lot (I know I have!) and it SHOWS! You may not realize it, but you've become more receptive and more responsive, and she's responding to you!

See..it's a good thing..

what your wives are "sensing" is that you have backed off on pushing for sex as much, and in the back of their mind, they know that means that they need to still show some interest to keep you from losing interest enough that you start seeing someone else (which, unbeknowst to them, you already have been).

I don't mean to sound overly cynical here...I am not implying that some wives use sex as a tether, although I am sure some do.  However, if there is a significant dropoff in sex without a wife talking to her husband about her feelings about it, it is safe to assume that she either doesn;t care about it or that it has lost priority in her marital relationship (whether for valid reasons or not).  In either case, she is "asking for it", and in the back of most women's minds, they know men need/want sex enough that if they start pushing for it less, there is a reason for it.

In a perfect world, one would think that a husband and wife would want to talk about sexual frequency, no matter what their marital life was like, and that it would be always considered by both parites to be a positive thing in their lives.  However, that is about as likely to happen as Dubya looking out for the "common man".

It's a practical truth that if two people in a physical relationship have differing levels of desire, the person that cares about it the LEAST is in control.  If you have a satisfying physical encounter with someone other than your partner then (for a while) you get back a level of control you didn't have before.  

For your married relationship, the hard part is translating this change into something better that you both can live with.

You are spot on-

I college- i used to get on little "dry " streaks where I just couldn't get some to save my live!  But invariably, whenever one of them ended, it ended with a flurry of activity.

I too am not sure whether its pheramones you exude, or if its the newly recovered confidence you show, but when your gettin' it- the ladies all seem to want a piece.  When you can really use their interest cuz you've been out in the cold, they won't give you the time of day!

And yes, things are always friskier after a session-

Sully

BTW this seems to be in effect in spades when one has little kids.   Seriuosly-  I was getting cruised hard by ladies when I would take my little ones shopping with me.  I thought at first it was because I was clearly involved with someone  (who did they think had carried the little rats?), so I would be a "safe flirt" but some of them came on STRONG.  Like "where are you going now?"  "Would you like to see how your baby would like my garden?"  Stuff like that.  I was blown away, especially as you know i am no looker.

Where were they when I was getting shut out in college and when I did not have a SO?   Sheesh!

While this probably isn't the full extent of things, I think the following statement is very true and a big part of things.

"what your wives are "sensing" is that you have backed off on pushing for sex as much, and in the back of their mind, they know that means that they need to still show some interest to keep you from losing interest enough that you start seeing someone else (which, unbeknowst to them, you already have been)."

i hope i make sense.  i just realized i've stayed up all night reading all of u.  so here's my brain dead 2 cents worth.  i think providers as u call...understand perhaps w/o knowing that men miss something vital.  the return courtesy of being spoiled and acknowledged as they do women.  i have never seen a joke acknowleding a women forgetting an anniversary or valentines blah blah blah. furious and devastated however if their man forgets.  by the way...all my best friends are ,emn.  i hear and understand their side.  as a provider...i hope they realize depending on the developed relationship between the 2 that they give a man something he is not getting and not only needs but deserves as mucch as we as women do.  and in a dcomfortable position of no ties.  sometimes men neee it to be about them.  i love the fact that someone repeats visits w/me bc they feel special for a change.  i am not stealing them from anyone.  i think that the other half is still there in some cases bc the frustraqtion a man could feel about not being acknowledged for their needs is eleviated by me.  i don't look for a ring.  it's not my business unless he would like to let me know himself.  i think i did a booboo tonight.  i have a 1/2 hr regular since i started in sept 03.  i knew he was married...we can tell...i asked him why he never wore his ring and rushed out sdo fast after.  i feel he has a guilt thing going on at the end of our time togeter.  i didn't want him to feel like he was doing "evel" things.  he appeared embarrassed (but did not rush away as usual) i think maybe i should not have mentioned it since he did not offer this knowledge to me to be  gin with.  gurls??  your thoughts...guys...your view???