Viewing your parents realistically can help with trust issues.

Most people who have serious trust issues have had the experience of feeling betrayed by one or both of their parents.

When those trust issues get in the way of a person getting what they want from life, it can be helpful for them to learn to see the betraying parent (or primary caregiver) more realistically.  This means seeing the parent as a product of his or her own childhood.   It means understanding that the way the parent interacted with you had little to do with you and a lot to do with their own personal history.  

It means understanding that the beliefs you have about yourself and others may be incorrect.   Those beliefs can be challenged, and replaced with more realistic, helpful beliefs.

The betrayal of children by their parents is common, but it is far from universal.  Rather than having a universal distrust of  people,  it is more realistic to understand correctly that there are many, many people who can be trusted in most situations.   Understanding this does not mean turning a blind eye to real evidence of untrustworthiness, but it does mean not making an assumption that all of the people you encounter are untrustworthy.

Sex workers often encounter unfaithful men, but it is unrealistic to generalize this to all men.  It is also unrealistic to generalize a father’s behavior to all men.






-- Modified on 6/7/2012 2:18:34 PM

Is this therapy day or something?  This shouldn't even be on any board on TER.   YAWN!

I was a bastard child, didn't meet my father until my mid teens. Some how all that made me a better person (my opinion). I have already shared too much.

And I just threw up in my mouth.  If the estrogen level gets any higher in here, I swear I'm gonna grow tits.

it's better than a re-run of "As The Stomach Turns" show with CCPA & LR....

gave me a normal middle class upbringing, and my brother turned out just fine but look at me lol. My trust issues have nothing to do with my parents but everything to do with men in general. My father is my hero...the guys I have dated are what fked me up. The hobby adds to that yes, but at least this way those men are honest with ME lol.

I do enjoy reading your posts. Don't let the clowns here hold you down. There parents never tought them to be nice.

At least I haven't received my residuals on the reruns yet from last season.

And I could arrange for the entire crew from "Jersey Shore" to get on board here...would YOU like that?

And if you do...you'll need to DATY Snooki to prove it

The hobby as we discussed...is an interesting world upon itself.  And you are VERY far from alone on issues.

There's not a soul alive who doesn't have issues.  Some are just better at hiding them than others.

BTW...your flight was OK?

Did you see shrink/psychologist recently?

If you have had very bad dating experiences, then it is understandable that it has had the powerful effect on you that you speak of.  Those experiences must have been very difficult.

It can be tough sometimes to have a father who you see as heroic.  It seems very likely to me that you have unrealistically negative beliefs about yourself.  If you think those beliefs are not helpful to you, perhaps it might be worthwhile to take a good look at them, and especially at the evidence for them, with the perspective of a more objective person being part of that.

The more objective person does not have to be a therapist, but a qualified, state-licensed therapist does have relevant training.  Only you can decide whether to take that path.  Perhaps a same-gender therapist who is older than you, and whom you can build a rapport with.    

Not too recently, but being a client in therapy is of course required for every person who becomes a therapist.  I found the therapy I had to be very helpful.

I would like to see how their opinions very. Shrinks must love this board.

I can't explain how else you are able to express yourself so forthrightly, otherwise.

Of course, you could be compensating I suppose, but I think you have some solid footing for your bravdo, which I have come to enjoy.  (I found it a bit off-putting at first, I'll admit.)

In any case, I'm no psychologist, but I have read up on psychology and went through psychological counceling for many years.

As for trust:  It is somewhat immature to base one's sense of self assuredness on trusting others.  Not that it's wrong necessarily to trust - we all have to do this to some extent in life - only that it is immature to think that others will always live up to our own expectations.  Who says our expectations are woth anything or realistic in the first place?

Before we feel that we deserve to be able to trust others, ask first if you are trust-worthy, especially to yourself.  If you have any doubts about that, work on that issue before expending any energy on expectations of trustworthiness of others.

(still not a shrink)

The only factor I have seen that is specific to sex work is that it can be isolating, and even that is also true of other stigmatized professions.

I know you never said they were not. What is normal or natural? Has American/Western society ever been normal or natural?

this board is slowly morphing into mindless SHIT.

SHIT..i am buying..

i luv i nickys posts, u r so nuts

Your mom and dad are brother and sister and you got the "special" chromosome blend.

Now I understand the genesis

Thx

1) It hasn't been slow.
2) but madiba has always posted "mindless SHIT." He is the self-appointed shrink of this board.

you overcome that is by facing the fact that you're not perfect to begin with. I used to have to compete for everything when I was in high school and my early 20s when I thought I was all that. The more you grow, the more you realize it's all downhill from there ha ha. No reason to compete now, because well...I have enough stress in my life trying to be London Rayne.

No offense, but I don't need to "talk" to anyone...I can do that here and hide behind London Rayne. This IS therapy for me. It is not rocket science to figure out why I don't trust men...I have rarely seen them NOT being deceptive one way or the other. I just need to choose better suitors in my personal life, and that consists of falling for the person and not the idea of one.

Ok, I get it, someone is trying to do the "save a hoe" routine.

It takes effort to really understand that our own personal experiences may skew the accuracy of our beliefs about the world- it's easy to say we understand this, and give lip service to it, but harder to really feel it.

In any case, it is our beliefs about ourselves that are most important.

have.

The only exception I have seen is that the job can be isolating because of the stigma, but even that is not unique to sex work.

and a Therapist.  That would make them an AnalRapist.  Bet they would have some great insight. There's probably a downside to that That I'm not seeing though.