I've mostly been an observer here, enjoying everyone's comments about the many facets of this life.  So many of the ladies have so much to teach us, way beyond the mechanics of the escort world.  One of the things I've repeatedly noticed is the cyclical nature of the threads posted ... go back a couple of pages and you're back to today's topic.  Fair enough, it's what is on everyone's mind.  Most common by far, again and again, seems to be the subject of grooming and hygiene and cleanliness -- many many threads on shaving, trimming pubic hair, brushing your teeth, showering, on and on, together with lots of comments about being respectful of the ladies, being considerate, treating them like the ladies they indeed are.

Be patient, I'm getting somewhere with this ...

A subtext which appears just as frequently if not more so is the common justification for being here, for visiting with escorts, which is: my wife doesn't like sex, or some variation on that theme.

The juxtaposition is interesting ... we all seem to be perfectly happy and eager to shave our balls, shave our beard, shower, buy flowers, pay long attention to our chosen lady's pleasure.  Do we do the same for the wife or SO?  Let's go through the mental checklist: when was the last time I timmed my pubes for my SO? Showered before suggesting sex?  Used mouthwash?  Brought her flowers?  Do I just roll over before going to sleep and expect a quick fuck?  A morning quickie before I even shave and brush my teeth?

I'm sure you see where I'm heading.  Yes indeed, relationship do grow stale sometimes, a partner will lose interest in sex.  And yes indeed, when that distance settles in it can be far more interesting to seek adventure outside the home.  But are we giving our SO the benefit of the doubt?

I'm kinda curious about this ...

The little things do count.

However, they are not always reciprocated.

I always sent flowers to my wife on Valentine's Day.  When we first when out, she worked, so I would send them to her office.  She loved it.

Then she became a stay at home wife, and I sent the flowers to the house.  She said, "What's the point?  There's nobody to show them off to."

I started consulting the escort ads shortly after that.

I do all those things mentioned above, and they are usually appreciated by my wife. However, she works very hard, in order to provide for her son from a previous marriage, and is often just not available, or way too tired. I even give flowers quite often, and unexpectedly. Sometimes they're appreciated, sometimes she is angry because she feels I "wasted good money." Go figure! But, I think the overall effect is that she is more  approachable when I do so, than when don't.

So, this all to say, you are right. It's important to do those same things you do for your ATF or any provider, that you do for your SO. Not because it gets you immediate results, but because it's just the right thing to do for someone you intend to be physically intimate with.

Sorry I accidently posted this under mrfishers post. I think because I identified so much the flowers issue.

Here is my experience throughout my various LTRs.

At the beginning of every relationship, the little gestures - from flowers to extra carefull hygeine - are definitely appreciated.  Then, for many relationships, the routine seems to drag everything to a flat-line.  The gestures don't register as much, or almost become irritants.

Also, my SOs often stopped any kind of reciprocation.  (let themselves go, skip the before-bed shower, etc.)

For many, long term togetherness just seems to crush the romantic urges.

I tried all of your suggestions for several years. Plus couples therapy, romantic weekends.  It didn;t work.

It was my wife wso suggested that a provider could take care of my sexual needs. She realized that her fear was of emotional betrayal, not physical. She told me that she would rather have me pay for one hour with a professional for sex every several weeks than have an emotional affair with another woman in order to get my sexual needs met.