It started as an ordinary day. The kid had driving lessons, the dog needed her shots and I was working a double. My love was getting ready for work, as he has done every day since the day I fell in love with him and left the business behind. But on this day I saw something different. One of the moles on his back looked mishapen. I mentioned this and to appease me, I am guessing, he made an appointment to see his doctor. It is now 2 weeks later and he has made an appointment with an oncologist. My nerves are frazzled and I am trying to not borrow trouble. I look to those I care for for a bit of guidence. As always, my best friend was strong and sensible. But to my surprise another close friend asked if I thought it was Gods way of punishing me for my past indiscretions. Past Indiscretions? Damn, I never thought about that one

So the discussion gets a little deeper and I found that even those who have always supported me in my desicions still carry a fair amount of misplaced superiority because of my past job. And then they manage to take it to the next level and infuse a little religious guilt and animosity into the mix and finally my so-so mood has taken a turn to the absolute personification of a Prozac Poster Child.

I have always wondered if my resume' in the industry would loom like a ink spot on a white silk shirt, and all this time later I realize that, yes, it most likely will never go away. That I can handle like aces. It is the ignorance and intolerance for others that is a bitter pill to swallow.

I look at my love now and picture he and I in our 90's, playing with our great-grandchildren. Suddenly my thoughts shift to the present and my chest aches and I feel myself gvetting ready to cry. But I play it off like allgeries or a stray eye lash. He can't see my fear, it hurts him. So I grab my mental breast plate and shield and steady myself for the emotional and physical battles ahead.....no matter how small the pricipality. And in a split second I feel sorrow for my friend who tried to find the only reason for this was my punishment.  In her brief statement she only proved to me that she has no grasp on the now and the love and joy that can be experienced in the present. That pain and dying is not punishment, but an unfortunate consequence of breathing and living.

I'm reading your message and trying to find the right words to express for a lot of things, the challenges we face in life and the friends we count on for support.  Sometimes things happen which are out of our control, an accident, a fire, an earthquake or a loved one's passing, whatever the case, none of it is  punishment for our past indiscretions.  I'm not a deeply religious person but after suffering the loss of my mother last year, I've learned the power of prayer and the healing which comes from it. What ever source you look to for spiritual guidance, it will never past judgement or lead you astray.

Friendships are deeply rooted and most have to stand the test of time.  You will find, in this lifetime, not everyone's going to be a friend.

Hugs!
Lily

Death.  One of its best helpers are those that "for the love of God" try to make him out to be as shallow/mean/uncareing as they are.

I deal with death all the time. Its my stock and trade. I can tell you here and now....God has nothing to do with the pain you suffer now as your loved one and you face a problem together. AS you sooooooo well put....don't go borrow trouble or look for it where its not. Let those of us in the medical field do our jobs....and you have the really hard job of just loving the hell outta your family memeber.

Always remember...nobody is told for sure that we have tomorrow. But that does not mean you should stop living today. Focus on the love you have for this person, and be glad for the gift of life that you have TODAY.

DO NOT play hero. What you have to face right now is not fun. Get help. Email me direct if you wish to get information on how to do that.

Live well, be happy...and be glad for the gift of your love. I suspect that you and he will be around for longer then you think.

Oz

and close-mindedness. There are unfortunately many such people in the world, and I find that in this politically correct world, religious bigotry and homophobic bigotry seem to have increased with the superficial decline of racial bigotry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her, and/or forget her and move on, with your sense of self worth intact. Here is a little story.

In the late 1800's, the good people of Australia branded ST on the foreheads of sheep thieves. One man, thus branded, lived out his entire life doing good deads and living an exemplary life. Eventually, as the practice had long since died out, people forgot what it stood for. One day, a young boy saw the brand on the man, and asked his grandfather what it stood for. When his grandfather told him the story of how he got the brand, another man who overheard the conversation, said "sheep thief? I always thought it stood for Saint!"

So, you see, it may take time, but if there is a stain on the fabric of your character (I don't believe there is) it is only in the hearts and minds of a few narrow minded misguided souls, and it is not permanent.

I hope to have been of some comfort. I hope your man is OK.

We have freedom of speech, but nobody is required to listen.

As for cancer, attack it rather than cower in fear.  Not sure how much you and "Your love" have discussed this, but most times it's beatable (sometimes not).  Be positive, upbeat and supportive - I'm sure you can do this (past professional attributes).  

Cancer treatment can take the patient right to the line between life and death, and then hang his toes over the line.  Chemo, radiation, sap almost all the life from a patient.  But with a strong inner will to live, a positive outlook and support from loved ones, the patient can be reeled back in and heal.

Life is short.  Don't give any time to f---heads who upset you or undervalue you as a person.  

Your love needs you - be there for him.

God Bless you.

Your "friend" thinks you are being punished by the Allmighty because of your past.....
   The current terrorists invoke their god as justification for their murders.....
   Unfortunately, "bad" things happen to good people.  We learn and grow as a result of adversity; it is just difficult to understand that while we are dealing with the trauma and stress.
   Perhaps the bond between the two of you will be stronger after dealing with it.  Good Luck.

To live life to the fullest and make every moment precious is the fact that we do not live forever. So, Death does make Life extremely important.

Life is worth dying for, and Death is what makes Life worth living every moment. That's my own philosophical paradox. So, just enjoy every moment you are with your friend for every moment is blessed. And even if a friend passes on, his or her memory continues to live. Getting hurt and vulnerable as we see love ones suffer is part of our love, so cherish those moments too because the pain shows we have opened ourselves to love and pain.

As to punishment for the hobby, that's just a guilty brainstorm. The Buddhist knows that compassion includes offering ones flesh and body for the happiness of others. So providing for me is a noble profession. It's a matter of perspective. Let no one judge you. And let no one let you feel bad for who you are, were, and are going to be.

That was a cruel and unnecessary thing for your "friend" to say.

God loves you as you are.  May you be blessed.

My sister has survived to bouts of cancer of the last ten years, she is the strongest person I have ever known. But I also know that it was my love and commitment to her that helped her through it.

Continue to love and have faith in your spirit, never give up hope and live to love. Do not by any means let people get to you, they aren't worth it.

Good Luck and God Bless

Hi,

I'm very new to this and have just been exploring this site but I want to assure you of two things.  1) having a diagnosis of cancer is not a death sentence.  I had prostate cancer and was operated on 9 months ago.  I'm now free of cancer and back to normal except for one minor problem which leads me to number 2) I have a little trouble getting an erection and don't ejaculate when I come but I still have the urge and very powerful orgasms.  Because of my personal situation, I can only find relief from women "in the business" who are very understanding and supportive.  They play a very important part in my life and no one should be ashamed or feel guilty of providing pleasure to another person no matter what the reason is.

Best of luck to you and your partner - I hope things work out okay.

God does not use death as the instrument of punishment for the living. God's judgement is passed after our death... not while we're alive.

"For the wages of sin is death"... we are all destined for this fate anyway due to the fact we are human and not perfect... death comes to us all.

Cancer affects millions... it has nothing to due with how you lived your life... except of course when it comes to smoking, sunscreen useage, heredity, etc.  Your friend is not a friend... your friend is a religous hypocrit!

I have skin cancer and have had it for more than 20 years, I would be happy to talk with you or your SO.

E-mail me at [email protected] if you like.

It is pretty simple, it is our punishment for the lack of sun screen as kids, not your karma. Anyway ...

I was hesitant to reply to this because I am going throught something in a similar vein.

My wife has been diagnosed with early Alzheimers.
her Grandmother died from it, her mother is suffering late, stage, and now she has it.
Granted, only very early, but with a very negative prognosis and having seen what two loved ones have gone through, she is devastated, BTW she is only 52.

Surround yourself with friends, hold on to them, they will be your support.

And don't for a minute forget the great people on this board who offer support.

I have received messages of support from people on this board. And have made close friends with some of them.
They are a support group unlike one anywhere else.

Do not blame yourself, or think this is "pay back" for a formr lifestyle.
This is just bad luck, nothing more.
Life happens, we have to deal with things as they occur.

Remember the saying... "sometimes, bad things happen to good people".

I, for one, will be here if you ever need to vent, bitch, or just talk.
Good luck to you.

Just my opinion...
B