On a dinner date, and went to the nicest restaurant I've ever seen.  The Maitre' D and upon seeing my date, says ... Good evening Ashley (name changed to protect the innocent), nice to see you again.  Hummmmm.... ok, she may come here a lot in this business.  

Great food, great service, great company.  1/2 way through, a gentleman walks by, and she introduces the two of us.  It's pretty clear to me that he's a fellow hobbyist, and she confirms it.  First time for me!  Never met a fellow hobbyist, but have talked to a few indirectly through TER.  

Although I enjoyed the dinner, it felt a little weird knowing that everybody and their brother seemed to understand a LOT about her.  Anybody else experienced it?  

Similar situation from the 'outside'  perspective - having a quiet drink in a hotel bar and an escort I'd met previously introduced me to her 'date'(who I assume she'd just met). He looked daggers at me - but I couldn't escape the conversation (I'd have nodded and smiled at the wg and left it at that) - all very open & friendly but equally weird - and definately irritating to the other guy.

Wow...Now I would consider that to be a TACKY thing to do...!!! I'm with NOSC on this one.  I would NEVER, EVER, introduce a client, to another client.!!! I've never run into a client socialy, but since I'm a local Therapist and do a lot of fund raisers and such in my area, I've considered the fact that that may one day happen. I don't think I would acknowledge them at all, unless they sought me out and even then, I would be very brief and move on. I would hope this Provider was embarassed, and did offer an apology(sp) or if not, I think I'd be looking elsewhere for future dinner dates. Discression is what we're about and if we allow our own sense of "Self-Importance" to become more important than our clients, then I think it's time we found another line of work.  IMO, Peace, Robyn  PS. I would hope that that would be something you would mention in your review, since that could be of interest to those Hobbyists, trying to keep-a-low-profile.....

While I know I'm not the only guy hittin' it, I don't need to be introduced to the other players.  Tacky, tacky, tacky......

I would not like that at all.

If I were to see one of my provider friends in public with another person, I think a little smile, possibly a soft hello would suffice.
Just to acknowledge each others presence. After all, discretion is key in these matters.

slowly and quietly get up from the table and leave the restaurant. That of course would be after I nicely informed my temporary companion that this would be the very last time we were ever to have contact with one another. I would also make it quite clear that if ever by accident or happen-chance our paths should cross in the future, I would fully expect there to be absolutely no acknowledgement whatsoever of either person's presence.

As for you maintaining a lower profile---my only comment to that is, that it seems your perception/definition of keeping a low profile is far different than what I consider low profile to be. Personally, I don't think being an aggressive marketeer is compatible with being low profile. But just like all other topics on this board, everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinion and/or self-perception.

I would freak out and possibly leave if that happened.  I had one provider spend the whole time talking about the business and her "friends", it made me not want to touch her.  Actually I think that was her point though.

Yes.

Was at dinner in a restaurant with my SO (formerly a PS), and some guy walks up to the table and asks are you "So and So?" It really hit her like a hammer.  She was absoultely mortified and didn't know what to do. Everyone was looking at us because this big dodo wasn't being the least bit discreet. So, like we were old friends, I grabbed his hand and said "Hi Bob, how the hell are ya!" put my arm around him like I hadn't seen him in a year, and gave him the bum's rush out the door.

I then explained in no uncertain terms what an impolite and intrusive thing he had just done, and that I took extreme umbrage to his actions.  I also spoke to the proprieter of the restaurant and asked him to make sure that other gentlemen and I were never reserved at the same time on the same day again.

My lady was pretty shaken, and we ended up leaving early.  She was trying to put that part of her life behind her and she came face to face with it in a very uncontrolled way.

She told me in the car that it was the first time something like that had happened to her in public. She said she knew it could happen, she just hoped it wouldn't ever. A couple of years earlier, before we went exclusive, someone had just tipped off her family that she was doing Porn. That was a very ugly situation as well and it took them a long time to reconcile because of it.

It's just a really bad situation to be put in.

B-[   HPG

maybe you are mis-reading the situation. Just because YOU are on a date with a provider does not mean that all civility is lost. MAYBE, those who recognize her in the restaurant are from another line of work or just business associates.

I frequent many restaurants in Malibu where they know me by name and many times aquaintances say hello or wave. If this happens with a provider, I act no different then when with a client or another friend; I wave back, say hello and go back to my companion unless we both decide that an introduction is in order.

Does anyone think guilt and concern for exposure are coloring your views here?

Overall I agree with privacy, such that I would not walk up to a provider I knew if I saw her in a store, etc unless she was alone and even then I would have second thoughts as our involvement in this hobby is highly discressionary and privacy reigns. Just one persons opinion. Enjoy.

I read the first para of JUSTA's response and I believe that is the proper course of action.  Not due to the fact that some bozo walked up apparently knowing full well the situation, but more because the original post says she not only introduced them but later confirmed he was a hobbyist too.  Now that was what is tacky on her part and justifies getting up and leaving.

But the second para...?, this post has absolutely nothing to do with marketing and profiles.  Sure NOSC brought it up as part of her explanation, but why lash out at her. She's a great lady and an awesome contributor (who else woulda thought to talk about scientist shows on PBS in this forum). And she should not have had to explain herself any further on this topic, except for JUSTA's panning of her.  

If JUSTA wants to spin off on tangents, then let's talk about the content of posts belittling, criticizing or otherwise inflicting grief on others.  I can point to almost any chain in here for examples (sometimes called for, but most times it is not).  Many of the chains take on length and sub-posts that are merely bantering about to explain what was meant or defending one's self.  That's why I don't bother posting much, don't need the grief.

Sorry JUSTA, while I do agree we are all entitled to our own opinoins, I just didn't see the justification to pick on Nicole.  Although I am now the "pot calling the kettle black", my intent is not to lash out at JUSTA, rather to use this post as an example of maybe getting us all to think a little before we bank away on the keyboard...

I appreciate the responses and learning from you all.  It was clear to me that she was a frequent flyer at the restaurant, and was well known to the staff.  It was a great restaurant, but if you come there a lot with a different guy each night, it's not rocket science to figure out what's happening.  

I saw her while traveling, so the risk to me of being identified, in my home town, with a provider, was non-existent.

With regard to the interaction with the fellow hobbyist, he didn't initiate it.  She did.  She stated that he was from out of town, and was a bit ticked that he didn't call to say hey.

Despite the situation, I had a nice time.  I learned a lot on the date; 1) Understand that this process does not guarantee anonymity, 2) I learned that a CEO of a major corporation and the CFO of a local company were fellow hobbyists.  Not mentioned by name, but enough to figure out who they were.

Would I repeat with her?  Actually, I think so.  Dinner date?  Probably not.

Justaplayer .... I disagree with nearly every word that you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it (Voltaire).

NOSC is a class act and I think your second paragraph was a cheap shot.  The succesful ladies in this business have a marketing flair.  NOSC puts her face on her site, and there's a risk to doing that.  But her participation on this board is appreciated, and her responses mirror a lot of my values.  

With regard to leaving the restaurant ... I could have.  But I'm glad I didn't.  She drove, her Mercedes had a seat warmer in it, and the sex was great.

I agree with the majority here.... that was extremely tacky.  I remember once I saw a client of mine out to dinner by himself.  Although I too was by myself, I figured that if he wanted company at his table, he would ask a member of the waitstaff to invite me over, but he didn't even acknowledge my existence and vice versa.

Even though my face is on several different websites, I have never had anyone recognize me in public.  I'm not sure what I would do if that happened.  My discretion is as important to me as keeping my clients' identities private.  I have a life outside of this profession and even though I obviously don't have a problem with it, society does and I'm not willing to have my child suffer socially because of what her mother does for a living....

As far as discretion with my clients goes.... I don't keep records of any kind.  I rely on my memory and so far, it has served me well.  I was recently sent an e-mail concerning the Atlanta "socials."  I have never been to one, but I know several providers that are regular attendees.  Part of the screening process for the hobbyist that organizes these get-togethers is that I give a hobbyist reference, which I found to be a breach of trust, so I politely declined.  The organizer rescended his invitation even though I am a well-known provider here in Atlanta who has reviews, posts on almost every bulletin board around, and knows several other reputable providers that provided character references.  Attending a social does not mean as much to me as my clients' trust....

The next time you ask a provider out for dinner ask her what her favorite restaurants are and then go somewhere else.

It sounds as though she really doesn't grasp the idea of discretion. Possibly a braggart, flaunting her conquests with men that she considers powerful. All this to impress a client?

IMHO, no way do I want my fantasies (however mundane & straight)  shared with other clients. I always steer the conversation to different areas of interest. It doesn't matter she didn't speak the other client's names. The reference to the position someone holds at a particular firm is not at all acceptable to me.

If you construed my post as a negative comment, I am so sorry, as that certainly was not my intent. I strictly was making an observation, not a valued judgement. I totally agree with your last assessment/definition of what low profile should mean. Basically, I was expressing exactly the the same in my post--a lady's public profile increases proportionately as related to her exposure on the internet. A lady that has a web site, ad(s), and participates regularly in discussion boards has a much higher public profile than a lady who has just one ad with a blurred face that does not post on any board. That's a truism, not an opinion. As to whether the degree of discretion(or lack thereof)that a lady displays is acceptable or not, is then up to each particular client to consider. This is strictly a subjective matter.

It should not be looked upon in a negative fashion just because an escort feels that due to the competition she needs greater exposure and then market herself accordingly. An owner does not need to provide any justification or explanation for actions they may take in doing what she thinks is best for the business. How to operate and advertise a particular business enterprise should be strictly an owner-based decision.

To hopefully avoid any misinterpretation and/or miscommunication of what I posted this time, let me sum all this up by re-stating a comment I previously made a few months back(I guess you could do a search). My internet-induced perception of you still hasn't changed -- I find you to be an articulate and successful businesswoman. That was (and still is) meant as a compliment, and I don't know what else I could add to that.  

Thank you for the support.  I was really looking forward to attending the social too.... It's kinda lonely sometimes, but then again, loneliness is better than drama!!!!!!

Kisses,
Jaclyn

One way or another you're going to spend time alone.  Better to remain somebody you can like and respect.  I applaud your action and part of your reward will be that the time you do spend alone will that much pleasanter.

The bozo probably thought of what he was doing as the flip side of providers getting references from other providers.  But that presupposes a symmetry which doesn't exist.

When a hobbyist tells provider A to check with provider B, we can assume that A and B are acquainted with each other, at least by reputation.  Otherwise what good is the reference?  Nobody is being "outed" in this situation.

The same can't be said for the inverse situation.  I'd be pretty damn angry if some guy I never heard of contacted me (in my real identity) asking for information about a provider he knew I'd seen.  I like to be in control over who has this information about me.

You might also want to avoid your own favorites if friends, coworkers, etc. also frequent the place.  Hey, adventure.  The two of you check out a restaurant new to both of you.

a discreet acknowledgement would have been more than enough to the other hobbyest sounds like someoen missed the Miss Manners class.  ladies like that give the rest of us a bad rap  udderly thoughtless

Very indiscreet on his part, IMO. With a woman, it's a little different than with a man.

As for the introduction part, hmmm... while I apprecaite the thought behind it, I might find it disconcerting for her to be talking about me with other strangers.