TER General Board
Re:Any Guy Had This Happen?
You might also want to avoid your own favorites if friends, coworkers, etc. also frequent the place. Hey, adventure. The two of you check out a restaurant new to both of you.
On a dinner date, and went to the nicest restaurant I've ever seen. The Maitre' D and upon seeing my date, says ... Good evening Ashley (name changed to protect the innocent), nice to see you again. Hummmmm.... ok, she may come here a lot in this business.
Great food, great service, great company. 1/2 way through, a gentleman walks by, and she introduces the two of us. It's pretty clear to me that he's a fellow hobbyist, and she confirms it. First time for me! Never met a fellow hobbyist, but have talked to a few indirectly through TER.
Although I enjoyed the dinner, it felt a little weird knowing that everybody and their brother seemed to understand a LOT about her. Anybody else experienced it?
Similar situation from the 'outside' perspective - having a quiet drink in a hotel bar and an escort I'd met previously introduced me to her 'date'(who I assume she'd just met). He looked daggers at me - but I couldn't escape the conversation (I'd have nodded and smiled at the wg and left it at that) - all very open & friendly but equally weird - and definately irritating to the other guy.
While I know I'm not the only guy hittin' it, I don't need to be introduced to the other players. Tacky, tacky, tacky......
I would not like that at all.
If I were to see one of my provider friends in public with another person, I think a little smile, possibly a soft hello would suffice.
Just to acknowledge each others presence. After all, discretion is key in these matters.
I would freak out and possibly leave if that happened. I had one provider spend the whole time talking about the business and her "friends", it made me not want to touch her. Actually I think that was her point though.
Yes.
Was at dinner in a restaurant with my SO (formerly a PS), and some guy walks up to the table and asks are you "So and So?" It really hit her like a hammer. She was absoultely mortified and didn't know what to do. Everyone was looking at us because this big dodo wasn't being the least bit discreet. So, like we were old friends, I grabbed his hand and said "Hi Bob, how the hell are ya!" put my arm around him like I hadn't seen him in a year, and gave him the bum's rush out the door.
I then explained in no uncertain terms what an impolite and intrusive thing he had just done, and that I took extreme umbrage to his actions. I also spoke to the proprieter of the restaurant and asked him to make sure that other gentlemen and I were never reserved at the same time on the same day again.
My lady was pretty shaken, and we ended up leaving early. She was trying to put that part of her life behind her and she came face to face with it in a very uncontrolled way.
She told me in the car that it was the first time something like that had happened to her in public. She said she knew it could happen, she just hoped it wouldn't ever. A couple of years earlier, before we went exclusive, someone had just tipped off her family that she was doing Porn. That was a very ugly situation as well and it took them a long time to reconcile because of it.
It's just a really bad situation to be put in.
B-[ HPG
I agree with the majority here.... that was extremely tacky. I remember once I saw a client of mine out to dinner by himself. Although I too was by myself, I figured that if he wanted company at his table, he would ask a member of the waitstaff to invite me over, but he didn't even acknowledge my existence and vice versa.
Even though my face is on several different websites, I have never had anyone recognize me in public. I'm not sure what I would do if that happened. My discretion is as important to me as keeping my clients' identities private. I have a life outside of this profession and even though I obviously don't have a problem with it, society does and I'm not willing to have my child suffer socially because of what her mother does for a living....
As far as discretion with my clients goes.... I don't keep records of any kind. I rely on my memory and so far, it has served me well. I was recently sent an e-mail concerning the Atlanta "socials." I have never been to one, but I know several providers that are regular attendees. Part of the screening process for the hobbyist that organizes these get-togethers is that I give a hobbyist reference, which I found to be a breach of trust, so I politely declined. The organizer rescended his invitation even though I am a well-known provider here in Atlanta who has reviews, posts on almost every bulletin board around, and knows several other reputable providers that provided character references. Attending a social does not mean as much to me as my clients' trust....
Thank you for the support. I was really looking forward to attending the social too.... It's kinda lonely sometimes, but then again, loneliness is better than drama!!!!!!
Kisses,
Jaclyn
One way or another you're going to spend time alone. Better to remain somebody you can like and respect. I applaud your action and part of your reward will be that the time you do spend alone will that much pleasanter.
The bozo probably thought of what he was doing as the flip side of providers getting references from other providers. But that presupposes a symmetry which doesn't exist.
When a hobbyist tells provider A to check with provider B, we can assume that A and B are acquainted with each other, at least by reputation. Otherwise what good is the reference? Nobody is being "outed" in this situation.
The same can't be said for the inverse situation. I'd be pretty damn angry if some guy I never heard of contacted me (in my real identity) asking for information about a provider he knew I'd seen. I like to be in control over who has this information about me.
The next time you ask a provider out for dinner ask her what her favorite restaurants are and then go somewhere else.
You might also want to avoid your own favorites if friends, coworkers, etc. also frequent the place. Hey, adventure. The two of you check out a restaurant new to both of you.
a discreet acknowledgement would have been more than enough to the other hobbyest sounds like someoen missed the Miss Manners class. ladies like that give the rest of us a bad rap udderly thoughtless
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