This is lengthy so bare with me:

Well, three.
1) It's not a hobby. It's a lifestyle.
2) When confronted, deny, deny, deny.
3) Never fall for a hooker and be unable to get up.
Now please go shoot yourself.  Then you'll be fine.
Was that harsh?  I'm sorry.

so she could follow your posts? Not too late if you forgot.

How do you have a review from Sept 2014?

Is to do one of the following:

It's fun and exciting meeting different woman providers in this hobby.
You sound like your in prison and your wife is the warden.
Just decide what you want for yourself and take control of your life!
If your almost forty years old it's time to grow up.
So most men can handle having more than one woman but it's clear your not one of them.

Yes I had dated a provider for a year and actually lived with her for two more years.  

I think that you can see already that the regulars here just love fresh meat to rip into and tear up.  Why subject yourself to the ridicule that comes from these people, who get off on being jerks?  Continuing to air your situation here will deliver no value to you.

a fraud?

Haven't been confronted about that yet... but thanks for the laugh!

Guess that was technically the first time but I haven't put much weight on that since it was just a FBSM. Nothing more.

As they say in radio "Long time listener, first time caller". I may not post often though I do read the board regularly. Ridicule is fully expected and maybe even a bit welcome... I could use a few laughs right now.  

Time for you to give up the hobby, and go home.  Just make sure wifey gets the message about sex being something that occurs more frequently than V-Day, your BD, and anniversary.  Since she's apparently giving you a second chance, make the most of it.

And it's likely this one is, too. Remember the "wife" who posted here a year or so ago claiming to have hacked her hubby's TER account and said she'd wreak vengeance.  I think she was exposed as well

You know... everything was just fine until my wife decided to stop ignoring me. By that time I guess I had already been pushed too far. A challenge I was not ready for I guess.

She is there because you are paying her to be. Enjoy your time together, it's the perfect relationship you get all the good without having to endure the bullshit. This is a very simple arrangement and it's perfect. One shouldn't mess with perfection.

All relationships, all, are exciting when they're new. The feelings are exciting, the lust is fresh, you've only known this woman for three months so she still seems mysterious to you. You haven't ruined her body with 3 kids, she hasn't had to put up with the crap that comes along with living you. You give her your best self when you're together, do you do that for your wife?

Think what you want but there is no hidden objective here. This is just a warning to what others could do. I'm seriously thinking I should have gotten a burner phone. That would have saved a hell of a lot of frustration. I have a feeling I will be back in this hobby (if I ever end up leaving) and much wiser for all of this.

I have heard that don't fall in love thing before. Too bad I didn't listen. I could have so easily given up the sex at the drop of a hat when suspicions arose. The other, not so much.

That is exactly what my wife told me. Almost word for word... Do you have a psychology degree as she does?

And the fact that you're not totally available to each other is part of what keeps the fire burning between you two. You're still just getting the best of each other. A relationship with J will inevitably succumb to the routines and ennui that plague most LTRs.  

don't take even minimal customary precautions. You sound self destructive.

I used an app for contact that I always removed before coming home. There is a program at webwatcherdata.com that can be installed and hidden on your phone that shows every single thing you do. Turns out I paid $100 for this so she could watch my every movement. Can even track you. She could see everything I was doing. Let this be proof that a burner phone is most certainly the way to go.  

My ex, put a snooping link on my phone, laptop and she even discretely placed a GPS unit in my car. This BSC woman should have worked for the FBI or Homeland Security.

Dang! At least my wife had a reason and I felt an invasion of privacy. I feel for you...

that your WIFE AND MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN still wants you.  This post is so truly delusional that I question its veracity.  You were consciously wiling to give up you FAMILY for a freakin trollip? Yes many of us do this by just seeing escorts, but AFTER you were found out and forgiven, you continued trying to have your cake and eat it too? You deserve everything you get and I hope she cleans you out.  

You need a few months of separation.

Some people will "get" this, others won't.

but as a "long time listener" didn't any of the lessons posted by all the professional cheaters here sink in? Everything you are going through, from falling for a hooker, to falling back in love with your wife, not to mention burner phones, etc have been discussed here dozens of times.  

I think you have two choices, Shooting yourself, or hanging yourself. I hear many things can go wrong when trying to hang oneself, I'd pick eating a bullet if I were you. Nice and quick, no chance of just dangling there for several minutes. lol

And that's where the problems come in. Emotions, all of that stuff. If you were blow-up dolls, it would be easier.

GaG, got to give you a gold star for that one. You get it. Since my wife has not been leaving me alone for the last month I have not had time to think and sort of punish myself. Think that's part of the process. So I have come to my dear friends here to give me the proper lashing I deserve.

The hobby is simply a word attached to the sport.

Good points and duly noted. The question I'm trying to figure out at this point is what do I really want. The relationship with the wife was bad for so many years in my mind it was over. Although she is able to forgive I don't know if I can find the connection again. Think I'm willing to give it a try but in the end if it's not there is it good for anyone to stay together unhappy? That's one of the main questions and probably only one that can be answered with time.

I think your statement about ever being able to find that connection with your wife is key here.

Your wife seems an awfully trusting type, and maybe is also open minded enough to accept being in a 3-way relationship.  J, being a provider, might have a similar mindset.

Open marriage is out of the question. Before the wife even knew about this I still heard about how hurt she was from finding porn on my computer just after we got married. There was always a trust issue. The problem is I'm an honest person.... most likely to a fault as evidenced in my current situation. The only one I ever lie to is my wife. That's not good. So in the end to be fully devoted I would basically have to not ever do anything that I couldn't tell her about. Not sure if I can do that.

Great response and very helpful!!!

There we go! I knew you had some knowledge to offer up on this...

My feelings about counseling is that while it may get some things out in the open for the two of you to deal with, do  you really think that simply "working out your differences" will really give you that "warm fuzzy feeling" again?

I'm not trying to shame anyone - but if a woman is so against cheating, and it keeps happening over and over again, why is she staying? I think some women know but stay for convenience, and sometimes I wonder if the woman is like "Good. She can suck his dick. Thank God."

not for you, but for the ladies that you are putting at risk by not being discreet...

Like the wife does? She sounds like the type that will fight for you, forgive you, and give you another chance - like a lot.

No I'm not, I'm just sayin that.

Damn, had my eyes dilated for an eye exam this morning and my reading is suffering...

This is something I cannot nor will not ignore. I will give it another honest go and see what is left. The big issue is that she has changed dramatically and is really a new person. Before she was wrapped up in her family as well as our kids and I was left out to dry. Now she is someone I do not really know yet. I should learn what interests her. Heck she probably has to learn what interests her. Maybe it will work maybe not. But she deserves an honest try from me.

for your comments, stories, ridicule, and suggestions. I have taken in a lot today from this forum as well as speaking with my wife and J.  

I think you need professional counciling for yourself.  YOU must decide what YOU want, going forward.  A councilor may help you decide but it is up to you.   You should not see J during this time.  
While your marriage can never go back...  it may go forward to a better place.   Or not.    

What was the gift you gave J that was the nicest gift she ever received?

Posted By: fleric69

for your comments, stories, ridicule, and suggestions. I have taken in a lot today from this forum as well as speaking with my wife and J.  
   
 I did receive 2 PM's though my VIP status has expired and I has not renewed it just yet. If you really need or want to reach me you can do so through e-mail. I'm fleric13 at the google post office.  
   
 Also, I would be remiss if I did not also thank you for my time in the dunk tank today! It has really been thoroughly enjoyable...

She loves cars... it was a very very nice (and expensive) die cast model car. It took a long time and I went to great lengths to find it and buy it. She flipped out and almost fainted when she saw it. I have never had anyone react that way to anything I have ever given them. I will never forget her reaction...

Will you cave again? You cave a lot it seems. You have created a lot of drama in your life. Now your wife has you by the balls. She's already shown you how much she "cares" by going to your parents house. She want you as long as you play by her rules now. If you don't she will tell EVERYONE! If you file for divorce, she'll tell EVERYONE. She is going to hold this over your head until you take that control away from her.

My wife,best decision ive ever made. What i did to her almost destroyed ber, so thankful she chose to give me a second chance.......all i can say is decide what and who is most important to you...my stupidity almost cost ME the most important thing in my world.     I wish you luck.

We only hobby together now, if you look at some of our post you would see that it is HER doing a lot of the posting, i will NEVER EVER make the mistake of hurting her again. we do this TOGETHER or not at all.........i KNOW what i have and what i have to loose.    while i regret the damage it did to my wife and our relationship, i dont regret where it has brought us. my take on this is if you are so miserable in your relationship, either get out or fix it, dont ruin someone else to make yourself feel better......my mid life crisis almost ended the best thing i ever had.  she has been THE ONE since i was 12 years old. sorry if this was TMI, i just try to explain myself when i am called out for being here (shes on here more than i am).

Your wife secretly installed some kind of text monitoring system on your phone and you're okay with that?  I mean, I realize confessing to cheating leads to a total lack of trust but wow. Does she have a GPS tracker on your car too?

She was compensated well beyond what was agreed upon.

So now, her dream has come true - she's got him pussy whipped and now has a reason to control him and treat him like he's a baby and can't manage his wrongdoing. (I mean obviously he actually is still doing it).

Unless she is administrator of you family's cell phone plan?
smh

A wife is controlling because she wants her HUSBAND to stop seeing his girlfriend? I get it, you have to be john-friendly since you're not using an alias, but c'mon.

She wanted her husband to cheat on her all along! She wants to spend all of her time worrying about her husbands fidelity and any STD's or OOW babies he may bring home. That's what she wanted.  

Not an app. A program that is downloaded from the internet browser. After installation it automatically deletes all easily noticable traces of itself. Check out webwatcherdata . C o m

Or did you suffer in silence, letting resentment build?

And you're a very lucky man to have found someone like her. And I think the OP is lucky to have someone who is willing to forgive and move forward. That's huge.

ok....my last bit of advice....

Sorry, you don't have feelings for J.  

Some good points here. Let me first state that I don't really see anything long term here with J one way or the other. So I would not really be leaving just to be with her. With that being said I must ask myself if it it the marriage that I can stay in for the rest of forever? Got to give it a chance to see if I can find the answer though.