I am in the beginning of a deepening relationship with a provider I have known for several years. I have read the discussion boards and know several of the hobbyists here have had a relationship with a provider.  I've read these discussions with interest, however, I wish to get an idea of how many long-term stable relationships formed (and are still ongoing).  I am also interested if the relationship was worthwhile from both the providers and clients viewpoints, even if they later ended (would you do it again).  I know any relationship can be difficult and certainly I can imagine some of the difficulties and strains on this particular type of relationship.  Some background on myself and my relationship.  I am in my fifties, and was widowed several years ago. I often travel to another state as part my work.  Feeling particularly lonely one time I sought out the services of this provider.  I was as interested in in having dinner and talking to a lady (as well as having sex with her), and therefore asked to spend several hours with her.  We had an instant attraction and rapport.  I was able to see her monthly at times, other times maybe four or five months would go by between meetings.  Recently, the provider called me at my home phone (which I had given her).  She said that she was interested in how I was doing.  We now talk on the phone and e-mail each other quite often.  I have recently met her family and visited her at her daytime job.  We are now discussing for her to come out and visit me, staying for several days in my home.  We both plan to continue the relationship and see where it will take us.  For now, she will continue with her daytime job as well as working as a provider. We have discussed the distance problem, and she is willing to move here if we both feel the relationship is working.  Any insight from either viewpoint would be welcome, thanks for your input.

Is any money still changing hands?  If so, then be very careful considering this a real relationship.  If not, than go for it and good luck.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

I never liked the idea until I was in a situation where my bestfriend dated her own client.
Although the relationship is over, it was one of her more meaningful ones. From what I saw, it fulfilled her since both providers and clients can be lonely people. Don't ask friends because at the end of the day, you make yourself happy. I won't get into details but the client even introduced her to his family,friends and even asked her to move in. Unfortunately, the client was still married and my girlfriend did not like the idea of dating a married man who was obviously separated. Still, when it comes to money, I am sure you will find what makes you comfortable. It is always nice for a guy to take care of his girlfriend. Especially if she loves him. My girlfriend, who is also a provider, eventually left the business to be with her client. Your opinion on money and if you should provide for her are up to you. This client did offer to provide for my girlfriend and even got her an unlimited AMEX. My girlfriend quickly became the queen in this man's home. She even spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with the guy. Not to mention, the poor guy finally got to smile. Still, everyone just wants to be loved at the end of the day. I wish you all the best and if she makes you happy, be with her. It is always nice to know that people can love each other no matter what their situation. Good luck to the both of you.

and then there is something real.

Real is acceptance and choice. Nothing more or less. Anyone who tells you its something else, well they are probably talking about romance or something that you read about or see on TV and the silver screen.

You know the one... it usually starts with, "you should".

So accept her, fully and complete. It's not a guarantee, but you will most likely be less apt to be disappointed with the results.

Imagine for a second how fucking amazing it would be for her to have a man who accepts and chooses her, completely and totally? Imagine what kind of woman she would be free to be with you?

Goosebumps!

judging by the number of posts about this that come up.

Bev. Fisher and I have been conducting a long distance relataionship for about six months now and I am still loving it.  My personal situation is not too unlike yours, except that I am divorced.
Realize that any intense relationship is complicated at best and has pitfalls too innumerable to mention.  Do not ignore the need to understand finances and the fact that both of you need to feel comfortable with them, then go for it.

I think the old mantra of the '60's said it all:  "If it feels good, do it."

Does not matter who is involved - M/M, M/F, F/F, Civvie/Civvie, Civvie/Pro or Pro/Pro. You must love your partner from the bottom of your heart. Everything else will follow (easier said than done.. huh)

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

Be very carefull.I have personally dated eight
providers and got hung up on just one.i paid for
a total of two one hour dates.the second date resulted in dinner,dancing,and spending the night.after that i met her son and hung out with her about 5 times a week.i later found out she was seeing another client(late fifties,very wealthy).i am 32,barely over the 100k mark,drive
expensive sports cars,and don't have a problem
getting dates.anyway,she left me for him(he pays her rent,bought her a benz,and gives her a allowence for her and her kid).i hate to say it but i still have sex with her,but i feel bad for this guy.she's really screwing him over and he doesn't see it.yes,she is retired but is very well reviewed on this board.

Money no longer is exchanged.  We discussed it and she said it should not be an issue.

when money comes inuendo.

With apologies to Groucho Marx.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

If she has to work, she has to work. If you don't like it, you are going to have to add her to your payroll. Or, stop seeing her. Still, just because she is a provider, this does not mean she does not have the ability to love you. At the end of the day, if she really loves you and it creates an issue for you that she provides, both of you will meet each other half way. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. I am sure that she will appreciate not having to add to her closet by being in an honest & open relationship. I am sure she is going to make you happy if you both try.

I have read several posts over the past few days, and have not replied - for a variety of reasons - however, this one and the associated responses touched me - and moved me to add my Bizzaro (and green) $0.02...

Providers that I have known and become friends with are people - they have lives, opinions, and needs.  Those needs, much like anyone elses can fall into categories - spiritual, financial, physical and emotional.  Sometimes these categories blur, for any of us.  For me, right now, I use the financial to satisfy some of my emotional and physical needs.  Sad perhaps, but that is just the way it is.

We can all tell you stories, provide you with cautions, and scare you with horror tales... but the truth is in what you experience.  and what you both get out of the relationship.  I guess, today that if a provider fell for me, I would be the one to run, but that is true for any civie as well....   as some of you know, I have dated strippers.... one in particular over about 3-4 years... there is nothing physical about it, but we enjoy talking to each other... I think that she is more attached to me - than the other way around... I just am not willing to be attached - but Rainforest seems to have found someone who is reciprocal in her emotions at this point in time.  

She seems to have taken a big emotional risk with him by introducing him to her family.  Most escorts, strippers and others that I know in the sexertainment industry, guard their personal lives fiercly.... I don't blame them.  But sustaining love, and emotional bonds in this industry is at best tough.  For all.  Men say that they can separate sex and love - but fail miserably at doing so.  I think that the only thing that would save me in this is my life experiences... and the things that I have seen....

So, you see, I have no advice to offer you, no sage words of wisdom, only my prayers and wishes that it works for Rainforest - the way he and his lady envision it working.  and that they share the same vision.

Peace.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

It is not an issue for me that she is still a provider.  As you say, if she has to work, she has to work.  I am willing to help her financially but she must come to that decision on her own.  She is a very independant lady, often helping her family with money.  Money is often a problem in any relationship, with the wage earner usually complaining about outgoing funds by any source.  We are talking about how to structure our relationship, I don't want her to feel pressured.  She has to make the decision about what is right for her.  If she wants or needs to continue working as a provider, I will accept that and continue to work to make our relationship work.  You are right; if we both want the relationship, and are open and honest, we should be able to make each other happy.

...and I believe it should only merit your consideration.  It should never prevent you from following your heart because life will not bring you many opportunities to do that!  

Having said that, my insight here comes from the single 'love' relationship I got into with a client, a relationship I seriously regret!  The main reason I regret it is because we made the mistake of basing our feelings for each other upon the time we spent together as hobbyist/escort.  I thought I knew that particular individual well enough from our frequent, amazing sessions together to be comfortable entering into a more serious personal relationship with him.  WE DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER AT ALL!  

I continue to believe that an escort/hobbyist session is a particularly idyllic situation that does not resemble what actually happens between men and women in the real world. If real world relationships were so wonderful this industry would not exist! I consider that one, very painful relationship with a client, a relationship that has since ended very bitterly, to have been a serious error in both parties' judgment!  I do not intend make that painful mistake again.

kisses
Suzanne in San Diego


-- Modified on 3/12/2006 6:43:42 PM

Thanks for your reply.  I can see your viewpoint - we have not spent a lot of time together, getting to know one another.  I hope we can spend more time together getting to know one another better.  However, I feel this is the same in any relationship where there is intense personal attraction, you must continue to get to know each other on many different levels to find out if you are compatable.  Thanks for your input, I hope life is good to you.

Wow! This seems to be a very touchy topic.

If you have questions or apprehensions now, dont do it.

No one on a message board can help you..

A very BIG AMEN to that.  I also made the same error in judgement.  When it reached the point where we became serious about one another money was not exchanged again.  Nevertheless, we did not really know each other, there were trust issues (at least on my part) and in the end I'm not even sure we remain friends which is sad.  Our split was painful and bitter as well.

We had wonderful times together, incredible sex and we should have left it at that.  I deeply regret getting involved with one who was my client.

No, a BIG NO.  I will never repeat that situation again.  When I am out of this business then perhaps maybe.  - Lia

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

Hate to say it but it all comes down to money or a fair exchange. I have been in about 4 "relationships" with providers but they honestly could not give me what I wanted. Gorgeous women, yes, but that is where it ends.

Providers have a lot of demons in their closets (not to say that clients don't either or else we wouldn't be in this hobby in the first place) and to think that a true and loving relationship can come of this business is extremely rare. To those that do, more power to them. Like I said, I have had my fair share of provider relationships which have not worked out well at all, mainly because of the hobby itself.

I don't know how a person can hold a relationship with someone who is still messing around with other guys on the side for money as a profession. Who's to say that she is not pulling the same thing with other clients to keep them coming back?

Also, if you do try to get them out of he business, who are you to tell them what to do with their lives? They are earning good money and for some client to come along and try to pull her away from her work is not good for the provider and her way of life. I mean, she goes into the hobby because mainly there are no other job alternatives. She can't just pick up and leave a profession that she is good at just because the client/provider thinks that they are in love.

It is a two way street and like everybody already said, a relationship with a provider is complicated at the very least. In the end, they are looking to get ahead, either with money from the clients "in love" with them or with favors. And with the few providers who are genuine, watch out for them as well because they could have alot of other motives in their minds.

I am sure that you will make the right choice in the end.

The reason that I will not fall for a provider is simple - I have two young children who desparately need their dad... as their mom is "well, their mom." That does not mean that I do not have emotions for providers and other ladies... it just means that for now, I have neither the time nor the large amount of emotional coinage that can go in that direction....  it is just not there.  it does sadden me.   Much as Liandra's post saddens me -

My only comment to Liandra is - you could get hurt in a civie relationship also - that is the price you pay for having emotions - and we ALL have them.  Please do not go to the hard dark side of the human condition.

I have been reading a number of studies (yes in scientific journals) and while some are not able to make a living in other professions, there are some (actually I find many) - who are.  Several of the providers that I have seen have advanced degrees....  how do I know?  We talk - and one of the sexertainment folk that I know actually provided me with some references that she was using to support her research....  Others actually make comments that are spot on with respect to my technical background or to my current profession.   Maybe I just attract (or pick) that type... or maybe in PHilly we just have better than average intelligence for providers, or maybe the providers of recent have become more educated....   don't know - it just is.

'Twas eerie one night when the provider I was with was describing a bit of her personal life and I quickly realized that we knew the same people - and lived about 2-3 miles from each other - blow your mind!?  you bet.  Her qualifications to discuss scientific matters?  A masters in clinical psychology.  

Repeatedly - the better providers are good actresses, but the better providers also know to protect themselves from stalkers, "clingons" and other pesky types....   so they discourage just enough to let you know that there is a problem with falling for them....but NOT enough to kill all hope forever dooming your thoughts into the dark dispair of disillusionment....  sorry, but I got carried away there...  Always aspire to accentuate alternate alligories with alliteration.... humm.....  Most of these ladies (Quality providers) whether or not they have an advanced degree (ph.D. in molecular biology, a law degree with a daytime profession or advanced post med school training - and some do) are highly intelligent - so guys, lets get over ourselves... these women - some of them - can beat the socks off us when it comes to matters of finance, business or science.....  for whatever failings them may (or may not have) I find them fascinating as a whole... and certainly worthy of our respect.

If they are in fact very learned in their respective fields, then why choose this hobby as a career path? Surely with the qualifications of these providers that you speak of, they can find a better means to make a lot of money by doing what they would be actually respected for, not degraded.

The fact is, this is all a business and whatever they said to stimulate your mind and pump up their resume, then that is what they are going to do to impress you or others to come back. They may have known the right people or the right answer regarding your technical profession at the right time.

You can't really respect someone who uses the hobby, which does not improve someone's knowledge at all, as a means to get by. They may be savvy women who use sex or their looks as weapons but the hobby is what it is, an easy means to get by. The hardest part is actually deciding to get into the profession and dealing with the nut jobs out there. That along with gradual mental degradation, which some have actually controlled.

These providers do what they do to live a good life, whether it be for themselves or family members. That "work ethic" can be admirable but, honestly, I would not be impressed at what their resume looks like (PhD or no PhD).

Reating/love/relationships with a provider, spouse or SO.

I met my wife 5 years ago.....She was a provider.Most providers now are  business women . Not like in tho old days where they had to have a pimp...Yes in those time they were more dishonest and it was forbidin (in the life)for a working girl to date a (trick).It was considered degrading.Time have changed.For the most part the are no different than other women.Wanting to be loved and to love .My wife was  very well known and is beautiful. She had been in the business for 20 years.A grat deal of the time working first at the mustange ranch and The Bunny ranch than was a provider in SF.Where do you think these women find men to have relationships with...Their customers that's how the met men and eventually when she does retire it is commenly with a customer she  who becomes her man or Husband.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

From  me own experiences of long an' serious relationshipz with a duo of   providerz in me lifetime ,  I can tell yuz: Da more   I fell for  the provider,an' da more she fell for me,an'  the more  I  loved the femme,even tho' I sez "I can deal wit the work you are in"It wuz became Impossible  ...Why? the more  I fell into her heart'n Zoul,,da more  I worried about her safety,how many dudes were doin'her, what other hobbyest will see her  wit me in  da mall, moviez,restaurantz. Luv fades away when  it is bein'shared with other men, even when  its  just an' akt for  $$$$. Methinks  me be strong, but  it don't work like dat...not for  this bro'.
Sorry, but once a provider, da stain stayz with me  mind, an' wit   the lady. It  may never leave  da soul.
PL AKA  four roses.. representin'.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

 I had this experience. I see providers all the time. I met this one in a massage parlor.She was half Spanish and half Latin. She was not only a 10. She had the coolest personality and was easy too talk with. We started hanging out after her work. We started too have feeling for each other. I would forget that she is a hooker. She told me once you know I have only been prostituting for 1 and half years. She told me during this time she has slep with over 1000 men. That scared me. After six months with her I realized I have too get out of this relationship. Then I went out of town one day. The next day she calls me and says a man that she is friends with wants too take her out too dinner. She made it clear too me that she would tell him that she is involved with someone and they can only be friends. She went too dinner with him at 8pm and said she would call me at 11pm. She said she would probally jsut end up staying at my place even though I was not there. 11pm comes by and I do not get a call. I called her all night and she did not answer. She finally called me at 10 am the next day when she left the mans hotel. She says she was drunk and fell  asleep on his bed. I was traumatized. But then I realized that she is a horror. What else should I expect? He did not pay her. She liked him and he liked her.I do not know if anything happened but probally. Girls that sell themselves can never give this life up. I have talked too alot of them. Even when they get married alot will still creep on the side and sleep with men for money. I know. I have been with many of them. Dating a hooker is the dumbest thing you can do because you will never be the only one. Just pay them and kick them out.

Reating/love/relationships with a provider.

" Dating a hooker is the dumbest thing you can do because you will never be the only one. Just pay them and kick them out."
"  AMEN to that.  Once a hooker, always a hooker...The "Stain" stays with  a provider, even if they say they are "Retiring". I've been there, done that.. It just did not work.-They never  really "Retire"..  All I kept hearing was "I am giving it up soon"..Or  "I am going into  TEaching, or Real Estate..or  I have a client who is going to make me a LOT of money in a business Deal" Or "I am only keeping a few clients-I am Semi-retired"  "I cant give it up right now , I've got to SOMEHOW  earn a living". Whatever.
 I'll never get  involved with an escort again. The   selling of their  body, and sucking a different  cock daily  or hourly   for money does not cut it with me  and is  a reason for Not  gettin' into a serious relationship.
Just my  own opinion.

-- Modified on 3/20/2006 7:41:49 AM