What's your biggest reason for not encouraging the "why are you not having sex with me, you know that's not healthy and I need it" conversation?

all I got back was accusations of being over-sexed and defensiveness.

Why she ever was astonished when she found out about my hobbying is the real shocker.

I guess it's just a sad tale made none the less tawdry by its oft retelling.

Cheese legs , they go and eat at buffets ! Cosette it bad enough these guys live with them but to start talking to them about sex, no you just don't do that .....! Let them. Fuck the pool boy a couple times in the summer and let these poor men hobby ! Most are only 1 cup guys don't make them waste it on their wives ! Don't be cruel ........

Latin guys on TV , remember ricky martin livin la vida loca ? Housewives were rubbing every day to that shit , all sorts of other crazy shit ...no leave them be

have sought help from all points, tried all advice and have had the conversation many times over. Perhaps for years. Many of us love our wives/SO's, we are parents together, partners and friends... but we cannot live without the physical intimacy, without touch, without libido and desire.  

If not more.  Two weeks ago we jumped each other's bones 10 times.  My review score for her would be an 11/11 every time.

There seems to be a lot of young guys here who seem to have gotten married and have no sex life with their wives .perhaps you could give advice ...maybe they'll read this and pm you ...I think you have a great relationship , is she faithful , does she work , what's the key to enjoying one another ? Don't keep the secret share the wealth ..marriage is nice but a loveless one sucks !  

There's almost always a reason for the lack of sex that goes beyond any physical concerns. There's likely problems in other areas of the marriage. Women often use sex as weapons, as my ex did all the years we were together. I didn't realize that until we'd split.

That I have hobbied throughout my marriage.   I was a hobbyist before I met her and I remained who I am.

cottage cheese legs (or thighs, or butt), which is one way to describe cellulite. Yech.

...and the answers vary from, "we've been too busy and I'm tired by the time the kids are asleep" to "sometimes I just don't feel like it" to "we just did it 2 weeks ago, geez!".  Or, it's allergy season, or she's pre, post or during menstrual... (Irregular cycle never know when she's getting it).  Just after the kids were born I got snipped so I wouldn't have to hear her complain how the latex bothered her skin, still didn't help, just as much, or little as before.

Yep, fat, cheese legs, hair everywhere no matter how much you beg her to trim it at least (I'm talking 190 and 5 foot 2) with more hair than Chewbacca.  Despite all that, I stay because she's a good person

Already had it 20 years ago.  Multiple times.  Then she asked me to sleep in the guest bedroom "because I snore."  By that point, I had a son that needed raising and a mother not fit to do it on her own, so I stuck around to raise him.  Also some bullshit about "better or worse" that I took seriously.

DIDNT used the hobby to replace your time together and doubt you would ...you enjoy and respect one another , marriage comes first ...and you keep your hobby in check within certain boundaries ..most important was that she as not replaced in any way ...
Sure and it works and has for men for a century ..

In a relationship and forget to be sexy for their partner ..

Just ain't worth it sometimes. And a lackluster performance kills a woody for me. Ya see married women are diffrent they get all comfortable and shit and quit trying. Mine actually isn't too bad depends on the phase of the moon I think. But even when it's regular ya can't beat the rush of a new partner, the exploring and getting to know a new partner. It runs cycles at my house, I won't beg I flirt and stuff sometimes she blows me off and I just ignore her and next time I do it she'll take care of buisness.  

She liked it, I liked it and we did it with love. I think I was probably the only man on here that really loved a woman who loved in return. I guess that makes me some kind of a mangina or whatever is the going description of happily married and faithful man. It took me about 4 years of mourning her death to realize I needed feminine companionship. Thankfully, I have found that in several compatible escorts. Thank you ladies!

...there seems to be quite a pattern from what clients tell me: once the kids come along, the sex stops. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "she got unattractive so I had to go elsewhere." Instead, it seems that these ladies are just flat out not interested in sex, and from what I understand, this is the absolute last resort for the husbands.  

Kick your ass !!!! Did she give you children ? Help her to get in shape perhaps if I'm correct she just let herself go ...? Try bro , not a skinny one but fit ??? She loves u and u love her and that's all that matters ....

And people, make a 'donation' on Earth Day. It's important.  

13or14years ago..My wife said no more..sorry..just let me knowwhat you want and I'll try tokeep you happy..  

menopause is frequently blamed.  

Having a kid kills the sex life. It makes me wonder how some people have 5 or 6 kids...

Do you ever wonder how much posts like this make guys want to see you?

-- Modified on 3/26/2014 6:29:49 PM

Female grizzlies have a litter size that varies from one to four cubs, with an average litter of two. Grizzly bears have a promiscuous mating system: cubs from the same litter can have 'different fathers'.

but its me, not her.   Got to the point where I wasn't fit to live with, and the underlying reason was that I was unhappy with the prospect of going to my grave without experiencing other women. Now I am much happier and a much better husband.  Getting into this subculture was the price I had to pay to move ahead in my life.

Nail on head there. I think she may kill me in my sleep if she finds out but after being pushed away for 15 years I gave up.

She started not having time for us when she started back to school 15 years ago. It got to where the only time it was even mentionable was after 2:00 am on a work day, so it is all my fault. As i am in bed typing this she is watching TV, and will be there till she wakes up. I am trying desperately to get back to work (job got exported) so that i can hobby more. I know it sounds stupid but there are times that the companionship part is worth about half what i spend on a whole encounter. Spooning with a hottie and just letting her talk does so much to improve my attitude. Is this TMI?

anything weird, or infringing upon anyone's life...and stop trying to instill fear that I should conduct myself in a certain way to be seen by guys. I've always made it incredibly public that I enjoy dissecting relationships between men and women, monogamy, sex drives, legalization, etc.

"Have you brought it up and she slapped you?"  

you get to know me, you'll be able to pick it up.

Dear Cosette:
I am just wondering what makes you have this question. Are you starting to see your regulars more often than usual? Also are your guys starting to tell you intimate details to where at times you are learning more than their wives? It seems that you might know more and also at times be more intimate with them than their SO's ?

Well Dr. Cosette, my actions are at least half of how I got to this state.  I own them and I can't take them back.  Talk won't change that and people in my field have a technical term for this, it's called "cheap talk."  Some things can't be undone.  I try to be in the moment as much as possible, and what better way to spend the moment than with a woman who truly wants you to fuck her - right here, right now?  That is a fantastic way to unite mind and body in the present, and if you are present then your actions will be right

During our courtship we discussed the 5 years of single life with children after first husband's passing.  She said she had not had sex & she could take it or leave it.  I thought how honorable, from the way it was explained (offers were from married men, not dates).    
As soon as we were married the young daughter tried to break us up & was allowed to control what we did in our bedroom.  ("I can hear everything you say or do)"  So sex was shut off except for once a year trip out of town.  She promised "it wouldn't always be like this" but it has been...  even after the children moved out.  Until it stopped.  She avoids, denies, changes the subject...  allows & complains of any touching, no kissing, no affection.   Once a year sex is not a complete marriage...  She deceived me as much as my ex did (who hated me...  but knew she'd lose her meal ticket if she shut it off completely so I was rationed to once a month...  until the money ran out.)

and others have also expressed that to me.

Stay the course, cutie.

I quickly learned there's quite a few areas one can excel in as an escort, fetishes, approaches, etc. Mine has evolved into this, some sort of twisted/unconventional therapy I suppose.

Check out this Slate interview with Esther Perel. I think she nails the answer to the "why do we cheat/have affairs" question (beyond the obvious "not getting any at home"). Discuss!