You are in a loveless, sexless marriage and this woman just so happens to make you feel young again, wanted again, and tells you what you want to hear. That's not love. See her off the clock for weeks on end, so you can both see the REAL people you are, and come back to tell us how that worked out. Or, leave your wife and marry her. If you can't do either of those things, then you don't love her. You love the "idea" of a woman who makes you feel like your wife did once upon a time. Again, that is not love, is it merely ego satisfaction.  

Youre right...you'll probably get flamed on this board because many will say youre thinking with the little head rather than the big head.  But I am not going to do that.  From what you have said in your post, I think the number one thing is that in your current relationship with your spouse you find nothing fulfilling about it, nothing interesting about it, and no passion.  The provider provides you with something fun and enjoyable and at least for the moment a bit of passion, which has been missing sorely from you life.  The real question is, is there something important and fulfilling in your current life to try and salvage it.  I dont know how your wife feels about it and about you..maybe she is just as bored and uninterested as you are.  I think you need to sit down with her and decide if you are going to keep that relationship alive by investing time and effort in it, or cut yourselves loose from each other and go your separate ways.  I think you need to make that decision separately from any thoughts of the provider.  The provider is a whole other question and I would have serious doubts that even if you ended it with your spouse, she will be there in the wings waiting for you for serious relationship.  Figure out what you should do in your current marriage...either work on it, or get out of it.  Then when thats decided, maybe or maybe not something will happend between you and the provider, but I would guess long odds on that surviving.  However, if you end an unhappy relationship, it leaves you free to meet other women (maybe someone you will have much more in common with and who might not be a provider).  D0 things in the right order and you have a much better chance at finding real happiness rather than going from one mistake to an even bigger one.

What is it with Men, whom can not turn off their emotions, and simply bust a nut?

First of all, I agree with London's advice (what a fucking shock, right?).  But I'll go further.  The way you describe your marriage, followed by "we can't get divorced but I am dying inside with her," is more than sad.  And my response is, "hell yes, you can and should get divorced!"  Yes, divorce is hell -- and I've just come out of my second, so I know -- but it's much, much better than staying in a loveless, sexless marriage.  Life is just to short to live inside a lie.  Now, whether or not your GF is the right alternative, I have no idea and time will tell.  But you sure as shit should get out of your marriage if you're "dying inside."  There is nothing worse.

-- Modified on 6/15/2013 10:21:14 AM

and would there be a custody battle for the kids?

There is nothing that we, or her can do to help you.

You are looking to plug a bullet hole with a bandaid. You don't need to look outward for someone to fix the hole in your heart, you need to look inward first, grow a set of balls and get out of the hole you currently find yourself in. Will it be easy? Fuck no, it will be painful, both emotionally and financially, but just like all major surgery, you won't be a whole person until you do it.

and yes, I speak from experience, I have been very happily divorced for many years now, it cost me every thing I owned to get out of my marriage and it was worth every penny. The money, the material goods, etc can all be replaced, your inner happiness can not be. The sooner you do it, the more time you will have to enjoy your new bought freedom. Until then, you don't have the right to fall in love with anyone, nor is it fair to her for you to pretend otherwise

Does love you? Does she say she loves you?  

Vern, I agree those are legit issues, but there is nothing, repeat nothing, that should keep someone in a miserable marriage.  My last divorce took two years out of my life and cost big, big bucks and I don't regret it at all.
Remember the old line:  
Q: Do you know why divorce is so expensive????
A: Because it's worth it!

Yep, and as providers we have heard this EXACT story a million times. Marriage is work. Either go into it knowing that your wife is a human being and not a porn star only responsible for YOUR NEEDS at the drop of a hat, or don't get married at all. I am so sick of hearing about men's sexual needs as a threat...just go fk someone else already lol. Oh wait, that's what the hobby is for! It is as if men think we are somehow your sexual tool and if we don't give it up when you want it, you're going to "get it somewhere else."  By all means, please do

OMG, so well stated! Too many people expect another person to fix what is wrong or missing with THEMSELVES, and that is why so many relationships fail. Codependency is a bitch.

It was totally worth it, I was lucky, I came to my senses in my mid thirties, but even in my mid fifties, if I knew I were trapped in a loveless marriage and it would cost me everything I own to get out of it, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Of course, if it were me, there might be an "accident" instead of a divorce. lol

I'm divorced, but in truth it was the wife's idea, not mine.  If she was cool with my lifestyle, I'd probably be married today and still hobbying on the sly during the weekday instead of weekends.

So, if you want to stay married, stay married.  There's probably worst things in life.

And be happy you have met a provider you really care for and makes you happy.  Odds are that your ardor for her will cool in months if not weeks, and there is nothing wrong with that either.  You might find another ATF in time - I meet them all the time 8o)

Don't make a problem out of a nice situation.

I've never once kept seeing a guy knowing he had feelings for me, and I did not have any for him. No, that is not part of GFE...that's manipulation. It is one thing to treat him like gold "when you are with him," but the way some of these providers carry on off the clock, the bs things they tell a guy to only get his money, is absurd.  

Not because he is in lust with a new woman

Using sex as a threat never works in the long run. Women withold sex, men threaten to get it elsewhere.  

If she was cool with my lifestyle, I'd probably still be married today

LMAO you da man Fish lol

Well, maybe with the exception of his love for sploshing, lol!  And I won't repeat my reasons, as I've stated them above.  The OP himself says he is far from being in "a nice situation."  He's desperately unhappy.

And will never tell a client I love them. I do not spend  hours off the clock either. However, I will do whatever it takes and I have no issue with it being called manipulation, I am after all a sales person and they/we all do it.  

And not be so critical. If sex is your prime motivator with being with a woman, why mess it up with a marriage? Just move on when she loses interest in you or you in her. These are things we make called choices. It is not only our opposable thumbs  that distinguish us from other animals

Wants and Needs are not the same, and it's weak to play that card. You won't DIE without sex or a relationship in your life. I know very many well grounded, happy, and successful men and women who are single, and love it. They don't feel the need to pick up a stranger every month to get off with, because they have learned to put more emphasis on other things in life besides a sexual one.  

where to start?

which any shrink can tell you is what puts the ka-ching in their lives.

It's all perspective.

And as for disagreeing with me, there would be something wrong with both of us if we didn't disagree now and then.

More of his own words

"I'd like to keep our relationship alive as it is the only thing I really care about"

Again, do these sound like the words of a man who has it too good?

I think he is like many that turn to the hobby to fill a hole in their lives, and are deeply unhappy people at heart. Unlike us happy horn dog, whore mongers who are just here for the pussy. lol

He asks the question "is it fair to her?" and to that I would respond, it's fair as long as he doesn't make promises that he either can't or won't make good on, like divorcing his wife and making a life with her.

This woman is really good at her job and wants to drain you of every cent she can, I know because I've done it.

Nice to see you posting again.

I would rather have a woman drain me of bodily fluids instead. lol

BTW I can no longer "see behind the curtain" but I still remember who you are, and you can "drain me" anytime.

I do have a computer and a telephone, and live in a city with thousands of providers. I guess that means I do have "on tap" sex, and I am not cheating on anybody.

I find the threat of withholding sex laughable at this stage in my life, and I can't imagine being with a woman who would do so. I doubt that she would like my answer to her "threat" lol

that part of this world you sometimes can't control...feelings? I suppose it does happen especially the more you spend time with the same person. That is inevitable, isn't it? I say, good for him and more power to them. You all preach there are many relationships that start in this world, I have yet to see it with my own eyes, but I've been told it happens and quite successfully.  

if you found she had posted this on a fuckboard looking for advice? Would your perspective on divorcing her change? Would you think she might have lost some perspective?

Quite the contrary. He is a married guy, lying to his wife, to her, to us, and most likely to himself.

If he were a true gentleman as you say, he would divorce his wife and let her and him start over again while they are still young enough to do so. Right now all he is is a client, and the most he is offering to this lady is the opportunity to be at best, "the other woman" how you find this gentlemanly is beyond me.

Problem is, instead of swinging his bat, he's using it to try to bury the plate without getting dirt on his cake:

I totally agree. Some of us guys have not had any attention at home for years and a provider should not manipulate his emotions for her gain. I recently began to have feelings for a provider but am smart enough to know that I will be the one getting hurt so I have decided not to see her anymore at least not for a long while once those feelings of lust have subsided and I can just go there to have sex.

We are human. LOL

But I still hold as true the statement that if you find a gal who makes you toe curling happy, then you have a  good situation there.

He is like a baby having a nightmare while in it's mother's arms.

If he can just wake up from this nightmare, he'll see how well off he is.

I agree with your last statement.