Over the years I've always tried to show my appreciation to the indy's I've seen through personalized emails.  A thank-you-for-a-great-time note.  Happy Holidays. A birthday greeting (never an e-card and only if she posted her birthday or told me personally; I never ask).  And for the most part I was always told, thanks for remembering or it was great seeing you too or happy holidays.  

Lately, I've noticed that a couple ladies, even an atf who I've seen numerous times in the past year, are starting to send no reply at all.  The only time I get a response is when I actually make an appt request, and even then sometimes its several days later where in the past it used to be within a day.

I spoke with a provider I know well and she reassured me that nothing was wrong with my brief emails.  They weren't inappropriate or bordering on stalkerish.  

Ladies, gents, what do you think?  I understand this is business.  But just like a favorite hangout you always go where the staff can't remember your name, frankly I'm just ready to move on from anyone who can't at least say "hi."

-- Modified on 3/25/2008 10:36:12 AM

as I've said in my previous links that I own and have owned premier lodges abroad and in the US.  I ALWAYS send X-mas cards to present and past clients irregardless of the time lapse since their last visit.  One has to remember that no matter how good of a provider may be behind closed doors, they may be inversely as bad in responding.
I guess the moral is you now know what to expect from those that don't respond.

Yes, I am posting under a alias, but not mean spiritedly.

While I completely agree it is a nice gesture on both parties ends with a follow-up, "I enjoyed myself," email after the appointment, and I always do, I am a provider, and it seems like over the past year or so, with my business anyway, clients are becoming more and more intrusive on privacy issues.

I think this is why more ladies are starting to keep things on a "business" level if you will, I have dealt with everything from numerous text-messages that cost me money, to being overloaded with emails and pm's with basically endless banter, to people becoming nosy in my personal life to a fault. I hear other ladies speak of this as well. And on becoming inappropriate or stalkerish, every woman or man defines what they believe to fall in these categories differently.  Plus, all of the emails we receive daily and weekly become overwhelming at times, and you just cannot keep everyone happy all the time.

I guess some folks, regardless of how they come across you in this life, fall in line with "you give an inch, they take a mile."

It really is all about observing healthy boundaries for both parties involved.

Just my 2 cents anyway.

-- Modified on 3/25/2008 8:17:58 AM

While I agree that a response in kind would be nice it just doesn't happen all that often.  It is of course up to you to decide which is more important. The sex or the email afterwards. Email can be a royal pain in the ass for providers. No matter how many emails you get in the course of a day I can guarantee you that she gets more.
I like to send emails as well. I send my ATF a thank you email after every appointment but I rarely get a response. OTOH, we text and talk on the phone quite often and my two hour bookings generally last four to five hours...I can live with her reluctance to deal with email.


-- Modified on 3/25/2008 4:40:41 PM

I always appreciate these mails from my good clients and always respond.

the birthday and holiday greetings can be overwhelming.  

There's a very nice gentleman that I met twice, three years ago.  I still get lovely little ecards from him every major holiday and on my birthday.  While it's lovely, I've dozens of others coming in at the same time, not to mention the family and friend obligations for those dates.  And in the midst of all of that I am trying to run a business.

Have I responded to every ecard?  No.  I do try though things seem to get lost in the shuffle... and responding to a card like that will be a low priority.

This is not your average business where we are encouraged to keep mail lists.  If so, we could mass email greeting cards as many do.  It is MUCH more time consuming to respond to each individual.

Don't take it personally, though move on if you do.  Negative feelings about such small things will not help enable a fantasitc appointment.

xoxo,
Sola

if its a personal email from you, you'll get one back, regardless of whether or not i will book a session from it.

however, some of my past clients send me e-greeting cards and i do not open or acknowledge them in any way knowing them to often be associated with spyware or malware.

what i do for one of my closest clients is if he is interested in seeing someone, i will send the girl a quick email that just says hi, i like your website, yada yada, just thought i'd introduce myself and let you know if you ever need some assistance, feel free to ask me...

if a girl is too busy to be polite to reply with at least a quick thank you, she's too busy to see my client. someone that busy is more likely to be a clockwatcher.

I find on days I don't work, and have no intentions of working, I don't have time to check my emails. I have a great deal going on in my life aside from this business. I try to answer as many emails as I can and even if I miss one a few days after when they expected to hear back from me, I try to send an email explaining I am sorry for not responding quicker ect...
It is a great deal of work to check emails email other ladies for referenced,send out references for your clients  the back n forth, set appts see clients...and then theres the rest of your life. I would guess most ladies try to respond but yes, some do get lost in the shuffle.

Look, there is nothing wrong with sending ONE follow-up thank you note after a session. Even Hardy has been known to do this. If the lady E-mails me back and says she enjoyed her time as well, great. If I never hear from her again, fine. I don’t care. The only time it should pique your curiosity is if you do not hear from the lady when you are actually trying to set up an appointment again. Then perhaps she is officially retired, taking a mini break from providing, or does not want to see you again (for whatever reason). Then you might send a second E-mail after a few days. Until this occurs, DO NOT sweat the fact she didn’t respond to any of your E-mails.    
 
But continually sending birthday wishes, happy holiday wishes, and other E-mails because you are bored and want to shoot the proverbial breeze is frankly intrusive. MOST providers really don’t want to hear from you unless you are making an appointment. Unless you have one of these atypical unique special hobbyist/provider relationships (which Hardy thinks is oxymoronic, but that is for an entirely different post altogether) do not contact the lady without the intent of setting up an appointment. Period.

With all due respect, if you are considering moving on to a different provider simply because a lady doesn’t send you a "thank you" E-mail in response to your Happy Birthday wishes then you have some issues to work out and fast. You are not emotionally handling the hobby well.  


-- Modified on 3/25/2008 10:27:14 AM

i also have to go into my yahoo options and check my ignore list to make sure people havent accidentally been put on...

i'm always finding people on there that dont belong and in fact just last week found ter was on it.

good point...but I am a little worried about you Hardy...
Do you always think of yourself in the third person?  lol

Nicole thinks thats a little strange even though she has been known to do the same from time to time.

posted a b'day greeting on another board and got mail from hushmail advising me that the lady doesn't appreciate public posts on personal matters like b'days etc but prefers personal e-mails! all a fallout of the idiot(er, eliot)spitser....Your problem may be the fallout of the spitser bomb.

Having a great GFE with someone makes me want to, and some I times do, send emails or texts or whatever...

I guess it's my attempt at "Extending the GFE".

I guess I sometimes forget that the "GFE" ended when we parted ways.

Ever time I think of contacting someone I slap myself in the face three times really fast and the thoughts are gone.

Try it.

I have had done for me since my divorce were done by three extraordinary ladies in this profession - first the nicest...

a provider that I have seen copied me on a very personal note that she sent to her friends.  I was indeed honored that this lady, of all the ladies I've known civie or hobby, included me as a friend... This same lady did the most personal thing... and I thank her for the late night chat... it helped.

A second provider who was my ATF - made dinner for me on my birthday... with little pomp... just a "hey - let me make you dinner"!  and it was very good.  it was out of the blue - and unexpected and that was what made it soooo goooood!

Finally, a lady I'm very fond of - called - out of the blue and asked if I was free for lunch!  I was...   very nice - walking the streets with her after lunch... not often I get to walk around with someone so attractive - and interesting....

the niceties.. they are there - but I have found that the escorts like (make that need) to be in control...  most of the ones I see do respond - to both kindness and the treatment of them as equals...   are you sure that you are not pressing on their personal space?

-- Modified on 3/25/2008 12:04:03 PM

Sometimes those e cards and such get stuck in our spam filters. I have to occasionally check my spam box because lo and behold I've missed someone's email.

As for the notes and such, I guess it depends on the lady and on her schedule. Some days, I have a very short amount of time to check my email before I have to run to class and they don't always go answered, but little cute notes and such are appreciated. Mostly I try to respond, though. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit.

Either way, I guess it depends on what you're looking for personally- someone to be friends with as well as doing the deed vs. someone you can wham bam thank you maam. If you feel you're not getting this kind of treatment, then move on to someone who might take more care with your heart because it seems it is your heart you're investing here. A word of advice as well is to not take it personally... life has a way of intervening even with the best of us.

Katie

...as time goes on, an established lady's list of gents making such overtures grows more and more.  

The notes are appreciated...at least by me they are, but I do not always have the time to sit in front of the computer to answer every note on the spot.  I find I need to prioritize who I respond to based on more immediate communication needs, so sometimes put off thank you's and responding to "hi" type notes a little longer then I'd like.  This is the slippery slope of being independant and not having anyone else handle your business...as at some point the business does grow to a point where it is difficult to maintain the same level of communication one might have had starting out with a smaller base.

Just remember, a touching base email may not always take priority in a response, but it does not mean it is not important.

All my best,

xoMegan

-- Modified on 3/25/2008 4:18:28 PM

I think it's a nice gesture and I truly did enjoy my time with the gentleman.

I find that occasional notes from my past -- and often present -- clients/friends are nice, but I hate getting e-cards because Spam goes with them. I have to delete them. As long as someone isn't emailing me every day expecting me to return a lengthy, personal email then I'm okay with the emails. I like to keep in touch with my friends.

Hugs,
Ciara

I use a ser4vice called readnotify.com You add this tag and it will email me the date ,time and area the  email was read It's about $30 a year but it's worht it for me. I use a lot of emails in my work.

I have been guilty of overemailing in the past. I meant no harm but I was selfish in the sense I did not take into consideration how much stress my endless banter could be. I email much less now and never expect a reply.  If I get one that is great.

You may dislike this answer but I think it's the reality

One of my favorites shared an experience she had as we discussed this on one of our meetings.  She asked my advice and basically asked the same question you did.

The reason she asked me was because she had a bad experience from a very good client due to her initiating such a thank you note.

She told me she had an overnight with the gentleman and really had a wonderful time.  When she contacted him to say thank you, he went off on her telling her she had violated his privacy.  She was really shaken by the experience because they had seemed to connect so much during their meeting.

After hearing that story and seeing how it affected her, I can certainly understand the hesitation of a lady to initiate such a contact.

That's kind of a reverse of the question but I never thought about that. Thanks

It's fine with me but I'm sure that not every guy would appriciate the unexpected email.

I just did this over the holiday and only got back one reply. I send emails out for christmas and got most to reply back. So I'm like the poster. I don't understand. Just a rely would be great. Is that so hard. I guess for some it is just that.

Bengalguy

You got it backwards.  The original poster is a hobbyist who sends thank you e-mails but is pissed because he doesn't get a reply.

I have no issues with getting e-mail from a provider.  I have a separate e-mail address just for recreation; same as a hobby phone.

Key, I understood the original thread.  I used that story as another example to show why there can be a number of reasons for hesitancy for any type of correspondence from some providers.

The old joke asks why the Junior Leaguer didn't go to the gangbang.  Answer:  Too many "thank-you" notes.

There is *nothing* wrong with sending a lady a personalized thank you for a nice afternoon.  Nothing.  Also, occasionally sending her an update on what is going on in your life or a birthday note, or such - that's fine.  I think those are often appreciated.  But.  Not all ladies really have the time to get back to personal greetings.  Or they don't have time to get back to them quickly.  Or they maybe those particular ladies just don't like you.  (I'm actually kidding.)  I think a lot of ladies have more correspondence than that really no what to do with, and have trouble consistently getting to "personal" emails.  You might find some ladies love that stuff...and it might make others feel guilty that she can't reply back soon.  

Here's what I would do if I were you.  Talk to the lady in question the next time you see her.  Tell her you like sending her notes like that occasionally and that you don't want to feel guilty if she can't respond.  Ask her about her preferences.  I think you'll get the feeling from that conversation if she likes you a whole lot but is simply a little busy.  (I think this happens to everyone at least sometimes.)  

You may find that you are really seeking a deeper connection and more contact.  In that case, you may find yourself more satisfied with someone who is more in tune with personal connection.  Those ladies often are interested in longer dates, want to talk more, and are happy to invest in keeping up with you over time.  Generally though, I'd expect to pay a premium for that.

~ N

Yes its nice to send a I had Fun note..and its nice to get a thankyou out of it.  I do always, but there have been times I didnt becuase I just didnt..I wasnt trying to be rude...Its hard to explain but people arent always up on sending thankyou notes or cards.. I for one am appreciative of everyone that I see, so I treat them good.

 What I am trying to say is , dont take it personal.  I am big on having people call me for my birthday.  Every year there are certain friends in my personal life that I expect or wait to call, and there was one time a best friend of mine forgot! It hurt but really, I got over it..she didnt do it on purpose.

Thanks for the advice.

I'm still a little disappointed.  But I guess I was taking it too personal.  I was just curious as up till lately, the ladies have always responded to my emails.  I was never looking for a pen pal or a deeper relationship.  Was only trying to be a gentleman.  

Besides in hindsight, while I was disappointed not to have heard from certain ladies, it wasn't as bad as I thought.  Going through my email box last night, I've emailed about 25 different women in the last 6 weeks.  And only four never got back to me.

I would never just assume to email any of my Gentlemen or to ever call any of them unless it was stated to be ok in advance. If I am sent a thank you note I always try to return the same. I have some who I email back n forth notes, holiday greetings, jokes ect... but that's a different situation all together.