Of several possible interpretations of this bizarre message you chose to believe the least favorable and act on it. Your beliefs are of course your own business, but your response was far harsher than this pathetic letter deserved.
But hey, maybe you did the guy a favor. Your slap in the face may help wake him up to the realities of life.
I received this little gem this evening:
I am sorry to bother you, but honestly I am looking for a relationship, a normal one with a woman of your nature. I am not judgemental and feel so much more comfortable with women of your profession. I am retired, age 43, and if youa re interested, plese let me know if you would like a partner and a lover of normal life. Thanks so much
My response:
Your offer is interesting.
You say you are looking for a relationship, a normal one with a woman of my nature. You know nothing about me except a sexy picture and a handful of reviews that you read at the boys club. So what are you really saying?
You are not judgmental, Well I am.
You try to come across as a nice guy that would forgive a ladies indiscretions. Pardon me while I laugh out loud.
If you are e-mailing strange woman of my nature there is only one thing you are after. And that has nothing to do with my nature. But has everything to do with your nature.
If you are looking for a loving relationship go to church.
-- Modified on 10/11/2003 1:09:22 AM
I read the man's e-mail and see a gentle, polite, but ludicrous request. He apparently wants a relationship involving sex and may get off on knowing that the lady with whom he is involved is escorting.
Your response was IMHO unnecessarily harsh. Some providers are sensitive and from them we get the GFE so relished. Some providers are or become hard and mechanical. "Pardon me while I laugh out loud." Me thinks your Rosebush has grown too many thorns.
Perhaps rosebush read too much into this man's comment about not being "judgemental". I recently spoke to one provider who told me she had a hard time dating, because men lose interest once they know the woman's an escort... this sounds like a man whose just the opposite.
No matter what he is after, if you weren't interested a simple "sorry I'm not interested" would have sufficed. You may think that he sees you only as one thing... after reading your response, it's obvious you see men as only one thing.
A number of years ago I posted an experience on another board where I happened to be the final appointment of the day for a particular provider. I offered to treat her to dinner after the appointment and she politely turned me down. I asked the appropriateness of this on that board and was shocked to read the response of ome Florida provider who condemned me for offering to buy, but not expecting to pay an hourly fee!
Women want to push the judgemental label on men, but can't seem to understand themselves that when we just try to be nice... we're just being nice! That's not being judgemental????
Are absolutely not nice, and if anything are insulting to the lady.
I mean, here this guy is saying that he'd like a relationship with her based on what... a picture and the fact that she is an escort. That's fine to make an appointment based on those things, but request a "relationship?" LOL! I mean come on, it DOES make you laugh. It is utterly ludicrious! He does not even say... I'd like to get to know you... or something, at the very least.
I thought her response was fine... and hopefully, will make the guy think. It is *very* difficult to take a guy seriously when you are in this 'biz, but it can be done... but ANY woman approached that way (escort or not) would laugh out loud. I did the swinging thing for years and you get stuff like this all the time, and what you wonder is... what is this guy THINKING??? The hope in responding at all is, maybe in future he will actually USE his big head and, possibly, get somewhere instead of just getting LOL responses.
Maybe based on her response he'll be able to start thinking about his approach and how insensitive it appears to those he is approaching. Or, maybe he just gets off on being laughed at and turned down. Either way I don't think she was cruel in any way.
Best,
Tamara
Of several possible interpretations of this bizarre message you chose to believe the least favorable and act on it. Your beliefs are of course your own business, but your response was far harsher than this pathetic letter deserved.
But hey, maybe you did the guy a favor. Your slap in the face may help wake him up to the realities of life.
Thank you all for your responses. I was not trying to be harsh, I’m really very sweet. I’m just opinionated. The thing is, it does not matter if a lady is in the biz or not. We are all propositioned on a regular basis and in many ways. I have much more respect for a man who wants to sleep with me who says, “I love your bod and I’d like to jump your bones,” than one who pretends he wishes to be my friend and companion so he can jump my bones. If a man I knew approached me with this story, it would be different. I might consider it. But this man wants nothing but sex. HE DOES NOT KNOW ME!
As for the judgmental crack, I’m not damaged goods. I find his remark condescending. He’s assuming that because I’m a whore that I am unwanted and unloved and that I have some terrible secret that I have to hide from the world Oh, poor me, poor me! And he’ll forgive me! What bull pucky!
I’ve never had so much fun since I decide to become a whore. I’ve met some wonderful men, had some incredible sex, and the wonderful thing is that there are no strings attached. And I do have a secret life, and now when I go out with my girlfrei d or I’m on a date (non professional) and someone mentions that they think the lady at the bar is a hooker, I can’t help but get a little smile on my face and I giggle inside as I ask, “How do you know that?” LOL!
Hugs to all and warm kisses,
Scarlett Rose
Waited to post a reply until I read yours... very, very well said!
Hugs*
Tamara
Scarlet, while I find his email highly optimistic, I didn't read anything condescending into his statement about not being judgmental. The way I interpreted it, he was trying to say that he doesn't have any hangups with what you do that would preclude a "normal" relationship.
Now, whether or not that's true is another question. Most men _would_ have a problem dating a provider, and the majority of those even know that up front. There are probably a few who think they wouldn't, but until they find themselves in the situation they never know for sure.
I can see how receiving this out of the blue pushed a couple of your buttons. I'll bet you've received dozens, if not hundreds, of similarly ludicrous requests. And I'm positive you're not alone. I'd love to see a "Provider Mail Bag" discussion board like the "TER Mail Bag". I'll bet it would easily surpass the "TER Mail Bag" for sheer audacity and side-splitting humor.
Now, I agree that this guy, in all likelihood, wants nothing but sex. And he certainly does not know you. But you shouldn't assume that he's assuming you're: unwanted, unloved, have a terrible secret to hide, and need forgiveness. Every one of the women in this profession is someone's little girl. And, with the exception of a couple of parternal sociopaths, the love between a father and a daughter is unconditional.
P.S. I love your bod and I’d like to jump your bones. B^D
-- Modified on 10/12/2003 7:40:59 AM
Scarlet, sweetheart -- whoever you are, you are right on the mark, and I love your prose! Good for you - and, frankly, I hope your dose of cold water wakes up that sad guy.
Well said Scarlett!!!! Well Said.
There apprears to be no depths to which a lonely man will not sink.
if he was lonely or maybe just cheap!! There are a few providers who I would happily hitch-up with (if I was single, but that's another story for another time)if it meant I didn't have to pay anymore!!
A guy after my own heart.
Scarlett Rose
Good response Scarlet, sounds like maybe the so called retired guy of 43 may really be out of work and trying to get some freebies. What are the law of averages. If he e-mails a hundred of you he may just get one or two to meet him. All in all not a bad scam. Would take less time than I spend reading these boards. I may just try it. Thanks for the idea.
The Badpuppy
I'm not sure why you decided to be sarcastic with this guy.
I've gotten emails like that and don't take any personal offense to them. Many men don't have good communication skills, and may inadvertently use expressions that come off in a matter they don't really intend.
If I had received that email, I would have either: 1) ignored the email (if I was really busy):, or 2) written a quick response like: "Thank you for writing, but I'm not available for a personal relationship as you requested."
With the second response, you leave the door open that he may write back with a request for a (paying) appointment.
It's nicer than being sarcastic, and makes good business sense to me.
Chrissy - another fabulously well worded post.
I think in any situation, but one especially of this 'delicate' situation is one where we remember to allow a person to 'save face'.
You never know where someone is in their heart and mind and when given the 'opportunity' - you can make or break the person.
Perhaps I tried to say it with too many words!
As many oddballs as there are in this biz, and you still care about the humanitarian aspect of things...impressive.
"A wise man walks with his head bowed...humble, like the dust."