he's living in a poor man's shirt.

Just sitting here contemplating what it is that makes us happy.  An hour in the company of a woman can make me sublimely happy--a peak moment if you will.  But if that woman is someone I had to pay to accompany me, then by the time I'm in my car heading home I wonder at the fleeting nature of it all.  One of my favorite authors describes giving up drink as having to see the whole world differently--with less vibrant colors but also without the hangovers.  I keep wondering at the trade and wondering also how much I'm kidding myself.  If I'm not happy with and I'm not happy without, does the problem lie elsewhere? So what if I have sex with my SO once every three months?  Shouldn't the fancy car, the fancy job and the fancy house take the edge off?  And how can I risk all that for a ride in the hay with someone who I just met through an ad on the web?  Would I really be happy if I left my SO and settled down with my ATF?  Or would I just be looking over the fence at my neighbor's lawn?  Like the Boss says "it don't make much of a tragedy".  I know.  So why does it still bum me out?

Forgive the long post--getting old and maybe the little head isn't winning as many showdowns with the big head as it used to so I get all introspective and contemplative.  Ugh!

I've at times asked myself alot of the same basic things you stated. I wish I had the answers, I really do.

Sometimes my interest here is at all time highs, and other tims it's barely an ember. In the end, it may be just "filler" for something else that is lacking, but for any of a million reasons, can't be filled at the moment.

What is the meaning of life? (very long

That's the question you're asking.

It's the same question I've asked myself for every one of my 23 years.. my earliest memory at 1 year old is of waiting for someone to come home.  Funny, how that has become the metaphor for my entire life.

I've learned to accept the fact that I will never really be content; I simply acknowledge what most people feel, but never realize.  The hobby won't make you happy - it doesn't have what you're looking for.  The money, the cars, the property, the women, won't make you happy.

A woman can't complete you, no matter what Jerry Maguire would have you believe.

So few of us ever learn what it is to be truly happy with who we are, totally content in what we know and the life we live.  It IS possible, although in our society, it pretty much isn't.  I've come to think that maybe we all have a Persian flaw woven into our personalities by our culture, to keep us working - a splinter in our minds that prohibits us, any of us, from ever being truly content.  We get tired of what we have, bored of what we do, so we change it and find something else.

Because at the end of the day, we've still not found what we're looking for.

Home, safety security, meaning.  We care about those things.. particularly the last one.  Especially the last one.  Even if we don't realize it.

We can all - every one of us - look back on our lives and remember the littered path of lives we've left behind, the friends, lovers, loved ones, acquaintances, irritating tag alongs that liked you for some reason but you couldn't stand them - a littany of souls we drag behind us, forgotten to posterity, bonds long since faded, and yet they're there in our memory, nonetheless..

We live a life of moving on.  Move on from heartbreak, move on from high school, move on from college, move on from youth, move on from this or that or the other thing, get old, responsible, forget to dream, forget to remember the look on your child's face as they ride their first bike or stop for a moment to freeze time as they play in the yard, forget to walk outside in the rain, look up in the sky and laugh in joy at the life all around us..

And before we know it the moments are gone, and not even commited to memory.

Move on.  We always do.

Only, we don't want to.  We want home, and security, and permanence.. we want to know we're taken care of, and our children, and our family and friends.. we want to know the world is exactly what we want it to be.  We want to be happy..

And we never are.  Not really.  We work so hard preparing to live, and finally, preparing to die.. and we never get to the part in the middle.

I've made it a habit to walk the places I've lived, once in awhile, collecting the parts of me I've left behind.  I walk around my high school, making sure the memories stay with me, so I can remember who I've been and what made me, so that I can understand who I am today.

I walk around my hometown, remembering all the friends long gone, the places of my childhood which are no longer recognizeable, but when I look at the place I see the ghosts of my past, and I remember.

I walk where I've lived, so I can know who I was, so I can know who I am.

Three years ago, I came to the conclusion that life is empty, meaningless, and pointless.  We're born just so we can pass on some genes and then die.  In the most existential of senses, our existence is empty and pointless, for the universe wouldn't care if we winked out tomorrow.

And when I realized that, my world became darker than I think anyone can imagine.. I saw nothing but void everywhere I went.. my memories no longer moved me, my hopes no longer energized me, my joys no longer touched me.. not in the slightest.  I became empty.  I was afraid of death, but fear of death is not the same thing as life.  It's not even survival.  It is mere existence.. and that existence is worse than anything you can imagine.

And I searched, and searched, for a reason why we're here, any reason which would make the darkness bearable.. and I realized..

The only thing that makes the darkness bearable is each other. With others that matter to me, I'm not so lonely.  We're all in it together.. we're all we have.  And from that day forward, I treat everyone I meet as though they are the most special person in the world, because they in fact are, because in that moment - they're all I have.  And sometimes, even if you don't know it, you're all they have, too.

A smile can brighten a bank teller's day - a kind word can make a cashier feel like their job is worth it - a helping hand can remind an elderly lady that there's still some chivalry left in the world..

The world is what we make of it, and the meaning of life is whatever you decide you want it to be.  The way the world IS is NOT the way the world MUST BE.. and when you're still as young as I, you can still believe in the limitless possibilities of existence.

In the end, all we have to make the darkness bearable... is each other.

Make the most of it.

I created this alias to speak to those on this board who are interested in questions - medical, philosophical, theological, political or ethical that swirl around this hobby.  And a lot of my thoughts are driven by my experiences in my ex-marriage and two failed business enterprises in which I was involved.

Happiness? You have skirted my thoughts without actually capturing or completely surrounding them.  In my ex-marriage, I was married to a woman who literally had to have "the biggest car,"  the brightest kid, the most expensive house, the best job, the most successful husband etc.  After 10 years of marriage, she decided to trade in her "last years husband" for the newer make, telling me that I was getting old and would require too much attention, possible medical problems etc.  And now, she is less happy, because she has never learned to be content or happy; and as an added bonus for me, the guy gets sick a lot, while I am healthier.  Hummm now that I think of it, I did not feel well when she started doing the meals... hummmm....  

Me, I hobby, I approach it as a hobby - literally.  I share experiences here with other hobbiests as one would in other hobbies.  Am I happy or content with that?  yes. would I be more content with a civy companion - depends.  But by acknowledging what this is, what the anticipated outcome is, I am content with the pleasure of a charming, beautiful and willing partner, even if only for a short time span.  I prefer those brief joyous encounters to the 10 years of constant and almost always inconsiderate and inaccurate criticisms that were the theme song to  my marriage.  Can I understand infidelity?  yes.  Did I practice infidelity in my marriage? no.  And was REALLY unhappy there.

So my answer is, look inside of yourself.  
Good luck.

To give words to how I feel about this.  I never seem to get it quite right.

I will one day.

An interesting thought: "And now, she is less happy, because she has never learned to be content or happy"

Nobody does - we just don't spend enough time on it.  I wonder what the world would look like populated by happy, content people.  You'd certainly be hard pressed to get people to slave away every day.

No you were quite eloquent.  What I am talking about is that for some, competition is the ONLY game in town, for others cooperation is the name of one of the games to be played.  I get satisfaction from both.  My ex, only from competition - never cooperation - you should hear her talk of her MALE bosses!  I have a female boss, who says the same things, I take them as "boss talk" my ex takes them as "male dominance" talk.!

And just because self-satisfied people (as opposed to self-pleasured) find happiness does not mean that they do nothing - Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Thoreau, Luther (not lex), Einstein and my fave - H Stern (lol)- all people content with who they were, but looking to improve.  I am competitive, but how I deal with success or failure, does not determine how content I am with my effort.

Phunhog, I'm no sage but I've asked most of the same questions. Pop open a beer and hopefully I won't fog up your issues with my .02!

Drove 2 hrs. to see a new SP today. Mutual physical attraction and lotsa chemistry. We made a pact to see each other again when she tours to my town. Definate ATF possibility! As I left the hotel I felt very happy, satisfied and giddy with anticipation of the next encounter. But a small part of me felt kinda ripped off because my wallet was lighter and I was alone again (like gorging in a large pizza, you're satisfied but know that in 24 hours you'll be asking, "What's for dinner?"). The reality is, business is business and that kind of happiness is fleeting because a hobby is simply a deversion!

As for choosing one or the other, I would ask myself if (God forbid) something medically happened to me, who would love me unconditionally to take care of me? My SO, ATF or neither? Perhaps your subconcious already knows the answer.

Fancy cars depreciate, deteriorate and really don't define who we are. The fancy job can go away in a heartbeat mostly from economic reasons even if you own the Co. Fancy houses make great investments but love makes a cozy home! I kick myself for not buying my Grandparent's quaint house years ago. Why? Because it was home!

Quarterly sex with the SO? Been there but not that bad. My Ex-SO and I talked...and talked...and...never mind. The sex wasn't the problem it was the underlaying issues. So, we went to counseling at her request (demand)...same story, lighter wallet and a ripped off feeling! Try talking it out, if it doesn't help perhaps your subconcious...etc.

I too keep looking outside for happiness but am learning a lesson from my best bud. All his life, he's been a "happy idiot". Not much gets him down and he asks virtually nothing from his religious icon. His outlook attracted a wonderful woman and 28 years and 3 kids later, he's still a happy idiot who would never even consider hobbying.

I hope my blathering helps you and/or anyone else. Sorry to burn up bytes!

Wow. If the darkness is unbearable take off your sunglasses. Your in a rut. Maybe you need a near death experience to appreciate life.

So often... such a high before, during and after, and then similarly so sad when it's over, particularly when it was a strangely remarkable encounter.

If there is a certain "relationship" blossoming, with all its boundaries, discretions, and future discounts, then it's a fabulously uplifting feeling post-encounter....

Just a small micropoint (is that a word?)

The house wasn't a home because it was quaint.  It was a home because of your grandparents and what they made of their lives in it.  Owning it wouldn't have assured you the same.  You (we) have to do that part on your own.

I will just say this: I have never met an adult who I did not think could benefit from psychotherapy.  Not one.

Go do some volunteer work.  Help someone.  Visit your local fire dept (& get the checkbook out too) or senior citizen home.  Visit with the old folks and maybe play a couple games of bridge or cribbage, chip in w/the firemen on their next fundraiser.  Sign up for some time at a food/homeless shelter.  Join habitat for humanity and go help build a house.  Big Brother/Big Sister programs.  For a great many, myself included, life is too easy.  I'm not saying to give up all vices, but it may add value to your life in many ways.

Not only a great topic, my friend, but very nearly the only one.

Sex isn't just physical.  Sorry boys.  I think it gets confusing after a date because if it were real-live-buyer's remorse or pure guilt or something along those lines...you'd stop hobbying.

Sex or the longing for it stirs up all sorts of intangible things akin to affection and respect and love and all that gooey stuff.  I noticed it on my very first date and thought I was some form of inadequate male because I couldn't just think with my cock and fuck like a motor driven monkey.

I think guys who acknowledge it and explore it seem to have an easier time becoming real friends with the ladies and able to let them go emotionally at the end of the day.  

I think GoodGuy touched on something important when he mentioned pizza!  Not only is pizza the best food in the world and makes a free society worth the effort but yes, you are hungry 24 hours later.  However,  if you don't feed yourself you will wither and croak.  So why feel bad about the physical needs?  They are, after all, NEEDS.  But I, for one, need to respect the inter-connection of each aspect of myself...and that includes how my heart & soul are intertwined with my boner.

That reminds me:  Will any woman who loves pizza before, during or after sex please call me?  Thank you.
 love,
Jockeypants

is a question or two if you will allow me.

Do you understand the difference between love and sex, do you understand the difference between being physically satisfied and emotionally content, do you understand the difference between acquiring something and having something given to you.

Let me say in closing that in my opinion, the only thing that makes us happy is ourselves. Other things and other people may have an impact on our level of "happy" but happy starts inside of us not outside of us.

God bless you and I hope you find Happy!!

I've always believed that being happy or unhappy was simply a matter of choosing one or the other.

to experience joy.

Naughtiness
Kadi

the more practical the advice, the better.  Maybe a little more giving on my part is what's needed--I've never gone to bed worried after spending a day helping someone else.  Thanks.

No, I experience joy without pain....  It is just that contentment is an internal feeling, I do not need someone else to tell me that I have done something of value, nor do I need justification to find a moment or two of happiness....  so.
I am not sure why you think that I must feel pain to experience Joy!  and why would I wish to see this dominatrix Joy - that you wish to promote?  lol.