I just can't seem to get over a particular provider.
Yeah, I know that falling for someone you pay for sex is perhaps the stupidest thing to do, but I am just not able to help it at the moment. The fact that I am tied to another person in real life only make such a relationship even more stupid and unlikely, but isn't that how love is? i,e stupid?
She is so much everything I ever wanted in a woman.
Just wanted to vent out, I don't expect that anyone can help me.
I am just gonna stay put and I hope this phase will pass/

Haven't had the old "I've fallen" thread for a while now.

Real easy to get over this as well...Just tell the gal that you want to see her all the time now.  And of course without paying her.

She'll be absolutely thrilled to hear that...and will move in with you and then the two of you will live happily ever after.

Merry Christmas...and a Happy New Years to you  

That's not to say that it never happens.

As a guy who has had relationships with providers in the past, it can work out, but the odds are really stacked against you.

I can go into a dozen reasons why, but in the end you need to be honest with yourself and ask:

1.  Can I provide for all her financial needs and ask her to quit?

2.  If not, can I live with her still providing?

3.  Can she live with the idea that I met her this way and won't stray?

4.  What does she give you that you don't find elsewhere?

5.  How much do you really know about her?

-- Modified on 12/25/2012 9:20:05 AM

-- Modified on 12/25/2012 9:20:20 AM

-- Modified on 12/25/2012 10:31:55 AM

It's easy to fall for a girl you have sex with and share intimate details of you life with, which is the consummate GFE.  I know I've been there and truth be told I think all Hobbyists that love women have at one point or another.   Just understand that it's her job to weave that fantasy and she may not actually be the girl you think she is.  She may be married, have a boyfriend or same sex significant other.  How much do you truly know about this person?  Falling for a provider dangerous on so many levels from the emotional to the practical.   What are you going to do about your real life girlfriend or wife?  You can rationalize paying for sex with another if you are in a committed relationship, but how do your do you deal with the guilt of being in love with another girl?

Obsession. Jealousy.  Heartbreak. The reality is that she's having sex for pay with literally dozens of guys often.  Have you told the lady how you feel?  If so, she may be afraid of you stalking her or worse, becoming violent.  There is a good chance that when you profess your undying love for her, she will drop you from her client list and be forced to change her stage name, phone number and possibly city of residence.

On the other hand, if you've truly met the love of your life and she feels the same way about you, then just know that there's a rough road ahead, and the chance of love alone prevailing is slight.

Just remember, that while you may feel a growing infatuation... My guess would be that she isn't thinking of you in the time you aren't together. If you feel like there is a "relationship" calling your name then it's likely time to take a break..

I like this heartfelt and well written posting for its value and frankness.  Who can help feeling some attachment to some of these ladies?  Some of them, anyway.

I also think the replies so far —though absolutely unsolicited ["Just wanted to vent … don't expect that anyone can help …," writes the poster.]— contain a good share of wisdom as well.  There's nothing I could add to what has been written other than a note of appreciation.  So much of what appears in these forums is a waste of time to read.

You, yourself, call it an infatuation, so I think you already know the situation.  An infatuation is:
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

Infatuations in the real (non-provider) world are hard enough but people get over or through them.  Bite the bullet, take a break, ... donate your funds to charity so you don't use it elsewhere ... whatever it takes. You WILL get over it.

Providers are here for money, and some of them inadvertently cross boundaries, physically or emotionally, to keep their clients. If you tell a provider that you have fallen for her, she will either drop you or find ways to exploit your sentiments. Either way it is bad news for you, so you have to find ways to get over her and move on to other providers. More the merrier is so true in this business.

The more you hang out with her, the sooner you'll get over it.

So, go see her once or twice a week and live it up.

It will be gone in a while, and then problem solved.

Just follow this sage piece of advice from my papa:

Don't do anything stupid.

During the next 5 days, go and bang 5 different chicks.  After you are done, you won't remember what was so special with the girl you are talking about.  And that is how you get this infatuation out of your system real quick.

i love all my girls..and they all love me..merry xmas and a happy new year...

I read a suggestion on another board that might be the wisest piece of advice anyone could give a man who finds himself falling for a provider.

He said he began to find himself falling for his ATF, so he went through all of her reviews, reading each one in detail. After he read review after review that mentioned the same qualities in her that he found so endearing, he began to realize he wasn't anything special, that the way she treated him was the way she treated all of her clients. He said looking at it that way helped him keep things in perspective.

His approach probably had the most common sense I've ever read about the issue of falling for a provider. Give it a try. Read her reviews and see if that helps.

at the moment. Too many men get all caught up in some chick they PAY to tell them nice things and act like they like them. It's not reality. If she is not into you, move on. You can't make another person feel something you happen to feel, so it is stupid and pointless to bother with it. You're a married man correct?

Probably bored  with the woman who stuck with you all these years, had your kids, etc. and now you have some hot, young thing that you have some illusions about, making you feel all warm, fuzzy, attractive and needed again. In 10 years that provider will become the very same way your wife is making you feel now...unwanted.

If she did nothing to lead you to believe the two of you would ride off into the sunset, then it is all in YOUR head. I find it comical you use infatuation and love in the very same post, as if they are the same thing. I can assure you, they are not. You're having great sex with some chick you paid, not some chick who was there because she wanted to be.

Hi Mr. F,

I don't see my ATF every week, for I'd go broke!! Thankfully, she's an out of towner!!  Every time  she visits, because of your pappy's advice & keeping it real!!  I can have fun w/ her!!

Lol... all relationships are different, and all people are different. Rather than listening to a bunch of grumpy hobbyists, why not use remedial 'healthy relationship skills'...

***

Start lecture:

Healthy relationships require effective decision-making and good communication.

Make a decision by

1) Identifying your choices.
2) Choosing what you care about.
3) Evaluating the consequences (both positive and negative).
4) Deciding on a choice.
5) Communicating your choice to others.

Communication can help you make decisions and keep relationships healthy. All johns can improve their relationships with providers at any time by communicating effectively. Effective communication involves:

Speaking effectively by saying what you mean, giving examples, and repeating yourself in a different way.
It also requires listening effectively by waiting to speak, asking questions, and making eye contact.

***

End lecture.

-- Modified on 12/26/2012 2:21:00 PM

And FWIW I'm far from a hobbyist....and certainly NOT grumpy  

But for any of your "lecture" to work...let's see if the hooker will waste one second of her time without getting paid to listen to his drivel.

That'll put everything in perspective in a nano-second  LOL

So how many of your johns do you listen to without getting paid?  From the thread on the Chi board it certainly doesn't seem like you believe any of this drivel either.  Unless you're now willing to go on that luxurious all expenses paid cruise with some john...which I doubt.

Oh, come on, ChicagoCPA. It's not that cut-&-dry, and it doesn't have to be full-on no-pay relationship OR emotionally void strict-boundary service-provider relationship... And good communication & actually thinking about what your choices/options and what you want can prevent train-wrecks...

He's in a relationship with someone else. He's 'in love' with the provider. What does he actually want from the provider? If he wants some type of validation about also being special, he can definitely get that. If he wants a less P4P relationship/to switch to a monthly allowance, he can probably get that too. Does he want her to share more about her life/have fewer boundaries? It's pretty easy -- he can just schedule longer appointments and give her time to talk and buy her cute, thoughtful little things. If he wants a free affair, this seems sorta pointless from the provider's side -- why would she want to be discreet, schedule stuff around his schedule, get emotionally invested, know it's going nowhere, and wait for it to blow up/end/fizzle out ... without some sort of tangible benefit?

It ultimately depends on the provider... I don't do casual sex outside of the hobby. I have flexible boundaries with super-special regulars.   For me, it'd totally depend on the dude and how well we'd gotten to know each other and whether or not  I was in a relationship & whether or not HE was in a relationship.

I'm new, but I don't think I'm dumb.  I get what you're saying, but there has to be some relationships that sprouted out of the hobby and were satisfying long term to both parties.  

I wager on sports and the one thing I've learned is you never say, "never." Remember when the Bosox came back down 3-0 to the Yanks and won the World Series?  It never had happened in the history of the game.  

Serious hill to climb?  Sure thing.  Impossible?  No way.  I just hate the word, "never" to be honest.  Too limiting. Then again, you seem like a black and white type of person.  I'm all gray.

First off the john never meets up with the gal unless he has paid her to meet.

And continues to pay in one form or another to get the gal to keep on seeing him.

It's such an easy formula to see if the gal has any interest aside from P4P....stop paying.  

If she still wants to see him...then we have something to discuss.

But that scenario is rare...VERY rare.

Let me know if you honestly will see a john for NO money to listen to his drivel...and fuck him.  For all the same reasons you will list why you don't/won't is the reason I posted this up.

Can it happen...sure.  Is it likely?  Nope!

Same reasons as why YOU or the others gals said they won't go on an all expense paid weeks trip to the Caribbean with some john.  And don't give me the nonsense that if he is an ATF I might...bullshit on that noise!!  Because if you honestly want to pull that crap card out...you're still NOT getting paid from the ATF.  And all the same "lost appointment" crap is there.  Bottom line...this is a job.  Plain and simple.  I get it and respect that.  Just don't throw all the other crap in here to justify why you can't/won't go on that trip.

You can post up that drivel on the regional boards and maybe some john will see it and buy that nonsense.

But here...no reason to post anything but the realities of this game we all play.

Where the hell is London?  She's not afraid to tell it like it is  

Would you be saying the same thing if it were a Dental hygienist instead of a provider?
I know that this feeling is not for real... its just overwhelming at the moment.
I also have a feeling that it will subside with time at least with some of the suggestions given by other people about how to get over it.
Now move your rude a** out of my face.

First off..........

I never said providers aren't "People" like you say. I treat every provider I see, like a lady and with full respect. That's not an issue with me.

My point is this, and it's quite simple and very easily understood by most of us guys that engage in P4P.

Leave the cash at home and tell a provider that you want to f*ck with no donation, and see how well that works out for you? Oh and........remember how nice she always is to you during your time together, and all those nice things she says to you? The money buys you that, it's not real, nor is it genuine. The physical contact, yes that's real.

Remember.......this is just fun for us guys to play with these women that do this, but it's a job for them. Nothing more, Nothing less. Go find yourself a REAL girlfriend and consider falling for her. Not one you have to pay to f*ck.

"thinks to fall" for anybody. By the nature of that very statement you have proven my point, that sometimes it just happens. From what I'm hearing it has happened to a lot of the gentlemen here and they are giving there advice in a constructive way.

I understand the point that you are making, it was your delivery on a thread that was unlike most of the threads on this board. Most of the time the people on the board, myself included, will jump on a situation and have a good debate about whatever the subject is and it can get pretty heated at times. I commented on your post just being out of line on a good and helpful thread. I actually didn't and don't need a further explanation from you...trust me I get it.

MM

...to spew venom so deeply embedded in your veins.
So thank me, smart a**, I gave you once in a  lifetime chance to appear smart.
Hey, but didn't I say something like, "no need for comments and I'll wait this feeling to pass" .
Ow, seems like you too much venom inside was killing you, poor boy. Its alright, I understand.

Noted philosopher Wayne Campbell had some related observation in re monkeys.

You can't even keep your own story straight. First you say it is infatuation, then you make a comment about "Is that how love is...unpredictable," then you say "I know it's not real." Well, if you know it is not real, wtf is the problem? Go fuck some other hookers or see a shrink! You sound a bit disturbed to be honest.

-- Modified on 12/27/2012 1:57:57 PM

get out go see someone else girls in this biz do it as a fantastic service for you we are real we wake up looking like shit not made up all the time we have headaches and don't have sex all the time very rarely we are not the person you go see.