Miami Beach. First time meeting him in a medium hotel, nothing special. He texted me several times to confirm the appointment, probably he thinks that he is the only one. Anyway he wants me to come up to the room, I get the room number and up I go. Going through the lobby whereas everybody is watching me. Couldn’t he waiting in front of the hotel? And he wanted me in a sexy dress, here we are, they know exactly what’s going on. I could ask which floor the room number is, so everybody at the reception is aware who he is. Nooo, that’s not fair.

I knock at the door and here he is. Smaller then I thought, the choice of the high heels were too much, my god there are only a few hairs left. He is wearing a “muscle shirt”, remember, there is a reason why they call it that way.  He welcomed me in a warm way and wants to kiss straight ahead. OK I do my job. Jesus he’s cologne smells terrible, it is one of the 5 Dollar eau de cologne you find at the gas station store, probably he got 2 for one. The room has a city view, the ocean view is too expensive for him.

We got a welcome drink, there seems only two wines that exist: Chardonnay or Zinfandel, this time it was the Chardonnay.  As a request I go to the bathroom to change into the outfit he likes, but was not sure anymore which one. Well lingerie is always fine, but in a sudden I remember it was the other guy, this one doesn’t like lingerie and as always I had a bikini which works also fine. I come out and he is speechless.  
That’s nice. We startet to kiss, his tongue goes right deep inside, couldn’t he wait a bit. Lets go on, he grabbes my big boobies, he is a big boob boy und spends a loooot of time on it till it hurts and I suggest that I take care of him. Off his pants, well some sport would be fine to get in shape and on work with a BJ.  

Cheese, why he puts on this terrible eau de cologne also on his “down under”? Smells terrible and then its all red around because of shaving too much. Making him happy with a nice BJ, there is a song which comes in my mind, but don’t remember. After a while before he is coming he wants to DATY me. That’s fine. He tries hard but feels horrible. Is it the first time ????  

Thinking about the song now I remember “It’s a small world…”. Try to guide him how to make DATY, but no chance, he doesn’t get it. Then he wants to fuck me, good, cant be worse then that. We startet in doggie, he wants to change to cowgirl, then missionary, then standing in front of the mirror, then bending over the bed and again missionary, then reverse cowgirl…perhaps missed some position…this all in 1 and a half minute. My work-out is done for tonight.  

He comes in an very loud way, you can hear it to the lobby, so now they know exactly who it is, and I try to do the same in a good acting way. A little bit of cuddling, a little bit of conversation about his family (“I don’t care”), about his work (“boring”), about his work out at the gym (“what?”) and all this in an terrible “European English”.

 And he wants to know how it was, I tell him “terrific”, get the money and off I go. Look at the envelope, the prize is right, well, he could have left some tip….We finished before time and that’s good, avoiding rush hour and don’t miss  the new episode of “Grays anatomy”. He textes me and want to meet me again next Tuesday, that’s OK because “Grays Anatomy” is on Wednesday. Another text: “Zinfandel, is that OK?”

This is a review I wrote about myself from the provider point of view. Dear ladies, please give me another chance, try to make it better next time…

Excellent.

Wouldn't bother me but with all the fragile egos around the hobby this wouldn't go over so well...  

Dudes reading their review and being shell shocked that all their perceived prowess is only in their own minds.  It would be a loss of income for the providers, to many guys would need to skip their weekly visits to see a shrink.

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...or take it back and rewind; not literally or possible, but do it differently next time and see how that goes. (But then again, what male will ever truly figure the opposite out, and that’s even long term) For the short duration in seeing a provider, stick with the fantasy angle. Remember, both parties get something out of the deal, or if it’s not what you've expected, she still gets her donation. Anyway, well written.

Did you ever see the movie Ground Hog Day? The main character Bill Murray in the movie repeats his day over and over again, including working on the right things to say to the woman of his fancy. Advance to 1:36 in attached trailer clip. LOL

Granted some clients , trying to endure daty from them is similiar to enduring dragging my nails down a chalk board.

BUT I would have to say that is a small percentage. ...I would say over all I get all 8, 9 and tens as clients. skills and looks wise.  

  I have to say I am fortunate in the company I attract. I know my most recent good review i got. For april. I remebered immediately who he was. He actually had like those "pecs" the body builders have.  

The appt was enjoyable , I didnt feel like i got hit by a mac truck after i felt energized,.

he couldve passed for a under wear model. Handsome handsome asian guy. Wicked sweet heart , tipped me 100 bucks too.  

I also enjoyed the session so obviously a stellar review followed.  

If any the ladies want to know who is decent looking and decent in bed, Look at who gave me the highest scores. I am bad at faking having fun i notice all my good reviews come from guys that were not only polite , generous, tippers, but i like genuinely had a pretty fun rime too.........................................................................

 
                 But the part about terrible daty skills. yes that is a tough one. I hate when they try n pull or suck on the clit like its a dick it doesnt feel good! i have to tell them ahead of time not to do this. I guess some where some how some ladies told guys this is enjoyable.  

the other worst method is they are flexing thier tongue, and using the stiff part the tip the tongue on the dlit, I fuckin hate that I feel like some one is holding me down and tickle torturing me, like not being tickled in a fun way in a I wanna scream and jump a mile out the bed cuz its so dam annoying and uncomfortable!

 

 
I find the 69 position can be best if you need to be in control during daty. Or hold on to the back the bed fram and just sit on thier face.  

 
if they suck at daty you can always just tell them they can lick you ass hole only thats all they are allowed to do. that could be a solution too.  

 
get in a doggie position and rub your pussy and let him lick the ass.  

 

thats one my bigest disapointments when they make me cringe from daty being like absolute torture

So there is another gal who can't miss Grey's? I bet she is pretty cool and at least she lives in warmer climate!

I think it is a bad idea for ladies to review guys. I see no upside to picking a guy apart when he is the one who is paying unless we are going to feed your ego more by lushing compliments on you.  

I personally don't think all that much about things but our time together unless there is something that sticks out or bad hygiene issues. Makes it a better time to just be in the moment and not in one's head. I do got to say, for the majority I have seen, that the conversations tend to be interesting to me. Maybe I am different, I don't know, or perhaps I am one who finds interest in learning new things or hearing a little bit more about people. We also have good thoughts too, such as this guy is really nice, I like his hair/eyes etc, I really like where he is touching me.......

I think ladies who keep an open mind and enjoy the time vs thinking of negatives, do much better and enjoy the time together. Nancys ruin it.

I like your review.... but why in the heck would you put cologne down there, it leaves a bad taste in our mouths! Unless you were joking. Guys actually do do that with the cologne down there.... I always wonder if they get "burned" by doing that. A long time ago I was spraying my pants (with them off) and I missed and got myself down there. That stung so bad, I will make sure to never do that again even by accident. Protect lady parts at all costs lol.

Seriously though, Grey's is on Thursdays. It isn't as good as it user to be, but most eps are still amazing.

I don't take myself too seriously, and if you can't laugh at yourself you shouldn't laugh at others.

Primarily though I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong and what I'm doing right, so that I can get better. Providers are not likely to tell you that at the time because they are afraid of fracturing that fragile male ego. Well as long as she does it constructively and not condensendingly I'm fine with criticism.  

One thing I know I'm really good at is getting the envelope right, which makes a pretty good client, I presume. Another thing that I know I'm good at, is making sure I'm conscious of her time and not infringing upon it, also I suspect makes me a good client.

Pleasing a woman though, is something I'm always working on, if she's interested in me trying. Some providers that I've been with aren't interested in me trying to please them, or perhaps they aren't interested in having to fake it, and that's fine too. I have no problem being selfish if she tells me that it's all about me, after all I am the one paying.

It would be really interesting to read a providers review of our time together.

Hi A

So if she calls, texts, emails me to tell me she's going to be available should I take that as a positive review?

The interesting part is this is a two way street.  You always have the option to decline, just as I have the option not to repeat.  If you didn't enjoy it, why subject yourself to round #2

I agree about wanting to know what I am doing wrong (or right!).  Not so sure I want the rest of the world knowing though unless there were followup reviews allowed to show improvement.

All in all I think I am a pretty good client, but you never know what people really think.  I take criticism well as long as it is constructive and not simply derogatory.  

I also try to please the ladies orally and appreciate any and all suggestions in that department because every woman is hust a little different.

-- Modified on 4/16/2015 8:27:42 AM

We're basically expecting him to show up, and let us do our job with minimum hassle.  

Did he comply with her screening process, or did she have to wrestle the information out of him over the course of 20 emails?
Was he clear about when, where, and how long he wanted to see her, or did that ordeal comprise chapters 11-18 of the 20-email novel?  
Did respect her as a human being, and her boundaries as a provider (that includes respect for her time)?
Did the sex make her physically uncomfortable (that's how I'd define 'bad' in a p4p context)?
Did he allow her to leave on time w/o whining or begging, or passively-aggressively over-extending the conversation?  
Is he trying to recreate Pretty Woman?  
Did he call or text her repeatedly after the appointment to chat?  
Was he fine with just being a nice client, or will he press for more and more privileges?  

That's what's important...to me, anyway. I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out.

If he does NOT do the above, he already gets an A+ from me. I really won't nitpick about the room, or a bottle of wine. I also won't rag on him for his sexual foibles as long as he isn't a jerk, or an idiot with an 11-year-old's knowledge of female anatomy (you would NOT believe what some guys think can fit/happen in a woman's vagina/ass). And, of course, as long as he doesn't cause me too much pain.

If he is super-cool, has a nice room, nice bottle of wine, if the sex is halfway decent - those are all bonuses. That's the kind of client you really look forward to seeing.

 

 


-- Modified on 4/16/2015 10:28:36 AM

Those are the ONLY things I give a crap about. His looks and performance  (as in his ability to make me come..or not) are of no consequence considering he is the one paying. And I love the comment about "let me do my JOB". So true.

I think most johns get all bent out of shape thinking some hookers are going to rate them on looks and performance. Most hookers would only care about the points VooDoo made and not much else.  

And as for a hooker reviewing a trick, if it was possible, she would be wise to do so under and alias review handle just as some tricks do, therefore not impacting her business should she review a unsavory session with Mr. Stinky Pits.

So gay dude...

I agree that guys worry way too much about what the provider will think.  Like everybody says, arrive clean, be on time and be respectful.  Some guys are very open about saying that they do not give a hoot about whether the lady enjoys herself or not.   So long as the guy meets the criteria above, that is a perfectly legitimate way to play, the experience is for the guy.

However, to stay with an easy theme, what if I enjoy DATY?  If I am going to do that, wouldn't it be better to provide a little guidance as to what makes you feel good so that it is not something to be endured?   Sure, it may not end up doing anything for you (the 'you' being ladies in general), but so long as I am trying, why not make it an experience that you may have a chance to enjoy?    

BTW VOO-doo, you really piqued my curiosity, what exactly have guys proposed to shove into you?  

And only speaking for myself, as far as DATY goes, if I am not turned on at all, the guidance I give is to go SUPER light and no sucking. That way I can deal with it to satisfy his urge to go down. As far as I am concerned, friction on a non turned on pussy/clit is not at all fun. Now IF it does become pleasurable at all I will gently instruct what else I need.

And sent it to them, just for fun.  Actually, now that I think of it, one of them I think I kept to myself.  They were of extraordinary experiences and it was fun and extremely hot to recount the memories.  It's always interesting the difference of perspective from the way a guy reviews and the way I do.  Guys tend to gloss over stuff in reviews.  I remember every little detail but then again mine were probably way too wordy.

-- Modified on 4/16/2015 5:36:10 PM

Either author tried to be funny with self-deprecated humor or is self-conscious insecure or both.

Purely entertainment value nothing else.

I don't find much accuracy in it u less you have a small one and only a few hairs and you did buy the cheap cologne
It seems to me you feel like most providers don't enjoy your company
How are you going to fix it?
Watch Grays Anatomy

Most of my clients are like you. They want their partner to enjoy the experience, and they understand that entails communication.  

Then, there are some clients who approach it more egotistically. I WILL do it this way and you WILL love it!!! LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE!!! AM I not the best fuck you EVER had??? TELL ME I AM!!!!!!! Lol.

As for jamming, the WORST thing was with a client who had a really small penis AND erectile issues, both. I guess he had big penis envy, and since he couldn't fuck, he liked to watch females being penetrated by extremely large objects. He'd buy these obnoxiously huge dildos (the ones you see on the top shelf of the toy store and wonder...WHO??? WHY????). I remember once he booked a double with me and this other girl, and 'gifted' us a double-sided dildo that was a good two feet long and 5 inches thick. Even with lube, neither one of us could get it in past the tip. So, we tried to kind of bob back and forth and pretend we were in ecstasy...but the client wanted to watch it go in and out. So he actually tried to push and twist it in. He kept asking us if we felt it. We were like, "Oh, we feel it, all right...."

You know those g-spot massagers with a bulb on one end? Someone thought it would make a great ass toy and wanted to stick it in w/o lube. Because it feels REALLY good that way...

Those are two that come to mind

I forgot to mention that his ultimate goal was to see the entire toy disappear...half into her, half into me. This thing was 2 feet at least, maybe a bit more. 5 inches thick (diameter, not circumference). And he wanted us to slide back and forth...

Not sure who would think that was possible. A girl would need a vagina the size of a 2-quart pitcher!!

If they are pretty tame or a little bit adventurous I feel they pull on what they like for the most part. I think the faction that is extreme that some ladies see and deal with...or not, are something these guys just have no clue about...and really how would they unless we get on here and tell everyone.  

I had a guy with the most unusual penis I have ever seen . It looked like he had been stung by a 100 bees. It was so swollen and misshapen and the size around thicker than a coke can and all spongy. I told him it was not going to happen as I could not even get a condom on it. He said others had taken it and i offered to give him his money back so he could call one of them...really weird but he was nonplussed by it. I sent him away, there was no way I was going to deal with that.

their ideas up their asses to see if they felt it and whether it felt good.   I have always wondered who in the world plays with those gargantuan dildos.  

Have a good weekend and thanks for the reply.

That is one of my 'war stories' from my early days in NYC.

He was an agency client. W/the agency, you're kind of stuck seeing guys that most independents would send away, or maybe see once and then label in their phones as 'Do Not Answer'.  

There are a few ladies in my market who do cater to men with extreme fantasies. I got to know one of them for a bit. I remember once a dude mailed her a toy, and specifically requested that she practice with it, and use it in a certain way during the appt. I remember it was one of those cheap toys that felt like rubber...it gripped, rather than being smooth...those tear you apart. The toy was fairly large, and the dude wanted anal play. The other girl was like, 'Feel this!! Ouch!! I could try to put a condom on it, so that it will be smoother going in and out...but, I'm sure he will complain.' I didn't ask her how it turned out, but I bet she just suffered through it. I can't imagine living her life for even a day, but she made A TON of money, and by a ton, I really mean A FUCKING SHITLOAD. Sadly, there is a lot of money to be made by NOT telling guys 'NO DUMBASS, it doesn't go in there like that!

It is kind of comical, looking back on it.  

I actually had that same thought (let them try it and see how it feels), SO many times. I only acted on it once. The guy looked as if he'd been electrocuted.

I can imagine the more money a client is paying the more demanding he feels he's entitled to it.

So you see there really is some good sides to the kind of simple, quick and cheap clients like me who doesn't care about weird and complicated fantasy!

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