what a strange day....

a first encounter with a reviewed provider and i have no idea how to review or if i even should. it was so unusual.....

earlier it was the cherry blossoms... rain washing them away today.... sakura, reminding us nothing lasts forever.

they always remind me of a special friend. when i am in good spirits of course i remember happy times. otherwise i remember the sadness of endings.

relationships, like cherry blossoms, often wither under our adoration. when we hate their ending we only fertilize the weeds.

so i have a little farewell ritual for endings that helps prevent the growth of noxious hateful weeds. i sit down with a measure of very good cognac and nurse it through either Mahler's 9th (in case the farewell is due to death) or Bruckner's 9th. tonight: Bruckner it is....

although none of the previous Bruckner farewells have ever proven permanent, this time my gut tells me i shall never see those sakura again.

that's life. the job, regardless of what we desire or hate, is to be OK with it as it is.

He seems to need an outlet for what he's feeling, but doesn't want to share too much. We've all been there.

Not Gay __highly educated and Cultured....Look up the music for which He is using as a metophore.
I know it is the GB for Hobby stuff..
But sometimes it is nice to know there are cultured gents here as well....
We now live in the age of goggle...
Bravo......

Capre Diem.....

but not gay. it is too complex for gaiety. no problem here. relax and have a good weekend OK? i'm certainly enjoying the day after a very interesting encounter with a lady. go and do the same, you may feel better.

-- Modified on 4/12/2009 4:47:50 AM

than to be with life, with experience, as it is, rather than how we wish it to be.

Someone wrote that partings are "such sweet sorrow". That's romaticizing it quite a bit. Partings, endings, the passing of people places and things into our past without recourse or revisit, is a part of the existential human condition. Each must touch and taste them and in a way consecrate or even celebrate them, in order to move forward, to continue to live, to be able to genuinely touch the next person oor experience life has to offer. At the close of the day, I'll lift a snifter of Macallan Gran Reserva and think on not dissimilar things. I have accumulated many such touchstones over the long years.....

Peace

GTM

Look,
  That attack method would have been popular when you were 12 years old.   I guess that you have not progressed beyond that age mentally.

...And here I thought we were all adults.   I guess not!

and resorting to Mahler and Bruckner is a very apt move, as is posting here.

I too had quite an unusual weekend; perhaps it is the holiday season that prompts it.

In any case, I thank you for sharing these thoughts.

..... unless you want bitterness and suffering

yes, Shakespeare, was a bit of a romantic...

nonetheless yesterday's extremely unusual _first_ encounter was also very likely a _final_ one. it put me in mind of other 'cherry blossom' farewells.

i am content to appreciate this floating world,  lift my glass of RM XO (later tonight, of course!), and see what adventure the next breath brings.

tex

Your post puts me in the mood I was in when seeing "Cherry Blossoms (2008)." Partially about when one person's dream because another persons fate, but in a good way. Oh, and I'm certain there was sex in it.

and if it aint about pussy they simply do not understand it. Thinking with the small head. Somehow I think most of em are better of thinking with the small head after all '

pardon me if i posted this from Pedro Calderon de la Barca:
---
For what is life but frenzy,
And what is it but fancy?
A shadow, merely fiction,
For life's greatest good is small
And life itself's a dream
And dreams are only dreams.
---
it's a little too pessimistic in tone. no reason that the dreams and fates can be good as we choose to let them be. my dreams are good and..... quite hot hotly pleasurable. the good ladies here have NO idea know how much OTC time they give me.

Sure seems to be the case around here.

Big studly Alpha male types seem to be the ones most likely to refer to a contemplative, reflexive, or emotionally candid post as "gay".
What's with the sexual insecurity, and what the fuck are they doing on a hobby board where people by nature are supposed to be more enlightened about sexuality in general?

but that's OK in the natural order of things. nature / evolution has her reasons.

as a result of this post i've made contact with a lady who's been on my radar for a while. looking forward to another blooming season....

It's nice to find so many posters on this board who understand the depth of feelings and think with their big heads.  Pesonally if I want to get through sadness, I listen to Mahlers 6th, Thaikovsky's 6th or the second movement of the Eroica.

and would add a contemporary piece, Henryk Gorecki's 3rd.

my 9s are farewells but the one's i listed are for death (Mahler) and parting (Bruckner). there is a celebratory farewell 9th too obvious to need name.

one other "mood piece" i like combines spiritual and sensual textures: The Protecting Veil by John Tavener. and, no, this is not a piece in plaise of condoms.

Now I am so impressed with all the posts here. I am so pleased to see culture at it's best. Im wet all over.
I can walk into any mall, sporting event and get whisles all day.
But it is a rare moment when one can quote Shakespere. Know Operas and classical music.
That is my biggest fantasy.. Because unfortuneatly. Many men do not partake.
So for those whom judge this hobby.
They are sadly have misgivings on the kind of guys who enter into it.
I love it. The only thng missing now is candles and the air of sweet romance.kisses all.

Some of the slow movements of the Beethoven Piano Sonatas can be excruciating, but then this body of works encompasses the whole universe.
But I guess we better not turn this board into a forum on music. LOL

Lightning Hopkins, Mississippi Fred McDowel or any other good blues played by people who have a right to play it.....

used to live in the clubs where their artists played....

some of the old black blues masters for your “sadness” list.

        Certainly, Rev. Gary Davis –who is the fountainhead for an entire school of fingerstyle guitar playing - is well known for many bright and ragtimey pieces, including the tune that became Alice’s Restaurant with a little reworking by Arlo. Blind Blake probably had the best right hand of all the old bluesmasters and also played many uptempo pieces. I could see his music being played in turn of the century bordellos [which I add to keep this discussion on topic}.

You must have gone deep into their repertoire to find predominately sad music. My choice for sad blues playing among the old blues masters would be Blind Lemon Jefferson
whose signature line was "All I ask of you Lord is to see that my grave is kept clean."  And his life wasn't much better.

which I also love to play, is inspiring antidote to my own case of the blues. If I'm down, sad, depressed, tired, worn out, disappointed - I do not want to listen to maudlin music. I want to hear people who had far more to complain about than I playing this kind of music. It sets things in perspective for me, gets my feet to tapping, and encourages me to pick up my custom made 1930s era remake Martin 000-45 slothead..... then I feel a whole lot better....

i like to push the contractive extreme before releasing the expansive and celebratory: purge the old before accepting the new.

not that Bruckner is at all maudlin, there is iron in there, strong stuff. it was good for last night's cap to a weirdly wonderful day of one hello and several farewells.

today it's fitting to have played light-hearted Scotch-Irish fiddle tunes, Vivaldi, Bud Powell and even the Stones while working at home and spending perhaps too much time surfing here.

I applaud your willingness to share some creative thoughts and writing.  But admit it.  It's kinda gay right?  Or are all these guys in here the metro sexual brow tweezing types?  

I actually likes what you wrote.  It has a sort of resonance with me.  It is a bit sad and a bit uplifting.  I like it.  But it is pretty much girl stuff.

Are you serious?   Most men have feelings also.   Maybe not you, but many men actually have things they think about...

and did not deal with my feelings very well if at all. Perhaps a necessity. However I've seen good men finally break as a result of not being in balance with their inner life....  in this latter stage of my life I still work in a capacity that requires a good bit of mental and emotional discipline. However I afford myself a greater opportunity to integrate and experience my emotional life, and these have been the happiest days I have known.....

My work requires a lot of creative thinking. I have all kinds of deep and tangled emotions about my life, my wife, my kids.  My involvement in fucking escorts for sport and release.  

As far as escorts are concerned they do not warrant that sort of emotional or mental effort from me.  So yeah, when you start writing or quoting poetry and or music to describe an encounter with a pro it is pretty gay.  Can you see the escort at home writing poems about the last time I fucked her?  Not a chance.  I love them girls but lets get it straight and call a pussy a pussy and leave it at that.  While I can appreciate the artistic merits  of an "ode to a ho" I just happen to think it is pansy shit.  That's my opinion.

i can compartmentalize and just have a fun romp. but i also need extremely deep relaxation for health reasons. role playing at the edge of fantasy and reality seems to be the way i get there.

i don't give a damn if the emotions are not shared by the woman. her emotions are her business and i am not paying her for them.

what i am paying for is the most perfect possible GFE illusion. if the girl doesn't understand that or worse yet doesn't understand that _I_ understand that....  well it is best we move on.

it is a very serious matter for me. i have a chronic stress aggravated disease that is eventually going to get me. during a 7 month period of hobbying i was symptom free. totally. i was able to do physical things in my day to day life that i had given up.

so behind this "pansy shit", make no mistake. there is a calculated tough-as-nails attitude to getting the job done.

so your motivation for escorts is sport and release. fine and have at it. mine is deep relaxation in order to eek out a few more years than otherwise. and i am tough enough to play with "pansy shit" to do it and not give a damn.

"you need to fuck escorts to relieve your stress? "

seriously though I fuck escorts for the same reason.  stress relief.  but I don't have your illness obviously.  Think my doctor would write me a prescription for whores?

fortunately i have no wife and don't _need_ one. she'd have to be very independent to not contribute to the problem.

clearly the lack of such an encumbrance makes me a potentially undesirable client. a provider may take my play as too serious and freak out.

fucking by itself doesn't cut it. medications are problematic due to allergies and side effects. i started this for just fun and sport and discovered that role play at the very edge of boundaries that are mutually agreeable had this neat extra benefit of rendering me symptom free.

looked for an alternative but it seems that what works is a GFE willing to play to the illusion of a GF for all its worth, an actress with superb equanimity.

as to a prescription.... my insurance isn't THAT good but my Dr approves of the benefits. she's pretty understanding.