I know sometimes words are better unspoken but let’s face it most of us needs closure. Ending a friendship with the silence treatment isn’t ending it, it mostly says you’re keeping your options open just in case you want to return at a later time.  Is this really fair to the friendship or relationship? There's no easy way to end things and most will cause heartbreak but isn't having closure better than having nothing at all?

How do many of you officially end your relationships? Do you just stop communicating? Do you send an email?  Do you leave a message in the middle of the night?  Do you tell her/him in person?

CG

to paraphrase Peter Finch in NETWORK (1976)


one offending provider has so eleveated my blood pressure with her cum-catch-me or hard-to-get "farewell" antics that i'm just about ready for some blood-letting (of some sort or another

it seems the young gal has taken it upon herself to needle me into submission by having me repeatedly email/phone her for a get-together but is always just out of reach (when i do manage to get her) or simply not-responding/replying (when i can't)

i'm deprived of the all-too-critical closure i was promised and her silent treatment is nearly driving me to despair. my trusty old therapist (who's a dead-ringer for "Siggy") has forced me to "hack off" the umbilical cold and el prompto, which is what i've done (as of last week)

will it last? i hope so ... would i prefer to have slapped her silly first before i cut the cord? ... abso-freaking-lutely!


this sort of "closure dance" is kinda like musical chairs (with 2 people and 1 chair) ... no one wants to be left standing when the music stops!


PS. btw, i'm curious, how many guys here actually tell their shrinks they hobby?  in my case, his respect for me (asserting my manly rights) seems to have gone up, if anything!

Short answer is no unless I am filing for divorce.  That would qualify as officially ending it, wouldn't it?

Philosophically I don't think friendships end unless someone deliberately hurts the other person.  I have friends I have known since high school that I see on occassion who I still call friends.  I started corresponding with my high school crush last year after not having talked to her in 20 years.(we live 1500 miles apart, both have so's and kids so don't worry)

I guess what you are talking about is when one person wants a significant change in the relationship that the other doesn't.  Then the parties have to decide how much compromise they can handle.  The silent treatment as you call it is simply one way of allowing things to cool down to the level of the less involved partner.  As you say it leaves an opening for a friendship to continue and I am not sure there is anything wrong with that.  You were friends for some reason, why let something else get in the way of the basic friendship if it can be resolved?
i think if it is clear to both parties what the level of involvement is to be, hopefully you can remain friends.

In Singleton's case, he wants a certain level of communication with this woman which she is either incapable or unwilling to give.  His choices are to accept that level or bail out entirely. Since he is uncomfortable with the former, he has chosen to do the latter.  If he doesn't tell her to F**k off, he leaves her the ability to realize what a horrible mistake she has made and if she doesn't, well he's cone what he needed to do to protect himself.

I am getting ready to adjust my relationship with my atf.  I have printed my manifesto I got on the board a couple of days ago.  I stuck in the drawer.  Taping it to the bathroom mirror would be problematic but I am ready to go.

Now rodeo sex is different. there is no going back form rodeo sex.  LOLgrin  I know what male rodeo sex is but since the ladies barrel race, what is female rodeo sex? enquiring minds want to know.

I really thought this all was going to be easy. An adolescent dream come true. Put the money in the slot, pull the lever, enjoy the sexual jackpot. Was I ever wrong. I guess in a way that is good(it proves a certain maturity & humanity) but it certainly doesn't make it easier.
   Computer Girl, singleton, orthodx I too am struggling with similar (how to) & (what to do)questions. This hobby has proved anything but "easy"

   Good luck to us all
     FR225

-- Modified on 7/2/2003 7:54:17 AM

Reo you officially end your friendships or relationships?

hmm..

i'll keep'm on the side for a rainy day.... closure is never good unless they are a real barkie (ugly)

but if i do call it quits, ya just gotta be blunt, giv'm a call and say it aint workin and "never" talk to'm again

You made the right choice Simpleton.  If she ever calls you back, or contacts you in some other way, give her the runaround in the same way she did it to you.  You'd be amazed how good it will make you feel.  BTW, in no way, shape or form am I LE like you think.  I'm simply a guy who likes to get laid as much as you.  Luckily, we can both afford to do so.

Or the moon is aligned just so, or something..

Going through some things myself in my personal life and told him today that we need to talk about some things and for him to be prepared to be backed in a corner cuz the cards need to be on the table!

Not likin' it one bit, but you know, BS is even worse..

can totally hurt, But you are right.   BS is far worse. Carrys alot more pain eventually.
                                                                       
Applaud your ability to be so honest.  What people don't see is that if it's bad, this honesty hurts less in the long run and in some crazy way, if it works out, this brutal and total honesty makes it so much better.

So much better.

Sad things is.only people who can give and take total honesty, such as this, are the only ones who will probably understand that aspect.

Reo you officially end your friendships or relationships?

It is unfair to use the silent treatment to end a friendship. If a person chooses to handle ending a friendship in this manner are they really a true friend?

True friendships are hard to come by and require the ability and desire to place your needs second to that of the other person. That also requires love, acceptance of the other individual (faults and all without passing judgement), patience, understanding, the ability to forgive, loyalty and trust.  Friendships take time to mature and grow and they have to be able to survive and develop through disagreements, misunderstandings and disappointments. Communication and the ability to discuss problems candidly and honestly is the key element in friendships.

There is no greater humiliation and anguish than to have someone you trust, are loyal and perceive as a friend end or place a relationship on 'hold' via e-mail or silence! Remember the golden rule!

In addition, friends need to remember that everyone can make mistakes and that 'two wrongs will never make a right'. A moment of suspicion can erase months and even years of trust.

It is our challenge to treat all friendships with care. You never have enough friends and in tough times true friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand with fingers to spare! Cherish your friends, they may not be there tomorrow!

My .02 worth.

there's not a single VIP member who even knows you or is willing to vouch for you. in my book that makes you highly suspect. that plus the pattern of questions you ask on the NY board.

i tell you what ... you keep calling me "simpleton" (great comeback by the way, how long did you rub brains with your sarge to come up with that one?) and i'll keep calling you an "idiot"

simpleton vs. idiot ... surely that's fair ... JOHN, no?

Nobody knows me because I don't want anybody to know me.  This board is anonymous, in case you're not aware of that fact, which, of course, is entirely possible because you ARE a SIMPLETON.  Now, how you get from anonymity to LE is a logic sequence that makes no sense whatsoever.  Care to enlighten us?  Furthermore, would you further enlighten us all (with examples) how "the pattern of questions" I ask on the NY board makes me highly suspect.  You may call me whatever you want, but your response simply proves that if you had another head, you could start a rock collection.  I would strongly suggest that you go back to school (assuming you did go to college) and take LOGIC 101.

it's just laughable. you actually thought i meant "no VIP member knows you" as in no VIP member knows who you are in REAL LIFE?  gosh you are slow (just like LE)

get a clue ... newbies figure these things out in a month or so. how long have YOU been lurking around here?  perhaps you LE types would understand TER networks if you participated more often. but then, we're all blessed that you don't! LOL

as to my "college" education, i think even a child comparing your writing (grammar) to mine can figure out who's the more educated. on this one point (but then like all others) you couldn't possibly be more wrong. put 2 and 2 together and figure it out. trust me, it's not hard (a chimp could do it)


know this, EVERYTIME you f**k with me (by calling me names) i will be there to "tear you a new one" and i will do it in public so every one knows exactly who and what you are. just because you have a badge doesn't mean you have any "magic powers" here.

capiche?

I can see that SIMPLETON is too mild a term for your lack of brainpower.  Why didn't you answer any of my questions?  Why didn't you provide examples for any of the accusations you made?  As for grammar, I welcome all to compare our posts.  As for education, it's quite obvious that's it's unlikely that you have achieved as much as I have.  Let's start with my Ph.D. from an Ivy League school and leave it at that.  As for me being LE, well, you're completely wrong about that, but I suppose a moron such as you will continue to believe that.  Indeed, you probably believe that the world is still flat!  I'm not going to bother with any more of these posts Simpleton, so I'll let you have the last word and continue to crawl around in your own slime.  It is quite clear that if you had another brain in your head, it would be lonesome!

or just you.

let me guess, you went to Brown, right?  well, i'm NOT impressed. can you guess why?  or are you that stupid that you still need a hint? plus, bragging about one's academic qualifications is the last resort of a scoundrel and doesn't impress anyone on this board anyway, trust me.

now all you really had to do was to refrain from name-calling (simpleton/moron/etc) but since you did it again i'm here to ream you out some more. call it infantile, but sub-human dogs like you need to be "potty" trained (so you know where to sh*t and where not to) and repetition is key

if you crave any kind of "understanding" here it is (put down the handcuffs and listen):  you come out of nowhere and curse me out on a public board (when i wasn't even aware of your existence or had said/done anything to you) and then you expect me to back down and let you get the last word???? and that after having other members here whose word i trust tell me all about you and your devious shennanigans on NY board ... nuh-huh!

it ain't gonna happen. so just let me know when you hanker for another reaming. i'll be here.

OFFICER!

You're dumber than I thought.  So here we go.  First, show us all where I cursed you out.  Second, please point out for everyone my "devious shennanigans."  And yes, your responses are very infantile, and that is quite obvious to anyone reading this thread.  For what it's worth, I know EXACTLY where to shit, and your head would be a proper place for that activity.  But then again, I probably wouldn't piss on you if your ass was on fire!

By the way, I didn't go to Brown, although it's a fine school.  I went to one of the two schools that you claimed were the only two prestigious universities in America (or something along those lines), which was, of course, the first of many idiotic statements you've made.

OK, your turn.  Ream me out, and continue to make a fool of yourself.  We're all waiting for your rants.

'Are you sure your moniker isn't "simpleton?"' -- Posted by villageguy , 6/8/2003 4:35:50 PM

but never mind, it's too late for that. from now on till the day your TER membership ends EVERYTIME you open your mouth me or one of my buddies will put you in your place. it's what you've earned, so just deal with it.

now, let's see: you're going to sh*t in my head, my head is full of rocks, if i had one more rock i'd be lonesome.... you're KIDDING right? this is the BEST you can come up with? here's some advice: at least try to put some iota of thought and creativity behind your insults, they're far more effective that way. for example, "a sub-human dog that needs to be potty trained so IT knows where to sh*t and where not to" ... now that at least has a bit of zing to it, don't you think?  instead of yours which come out sounding like a schoolyard bully's retort.


now in regards to this fictional personna (the Ivy League scholar) you've adopted -- more likely borrowed from the last poor bastard you arrested for hobbying!

IF this person is in fact you, i'm inclined to say: he's probably one of those odious HBS nimwits who wasn't smart enough to get into Law or Med. you know the type! the kind that still wears the ring, networks every weekend, works in Wall Street and thinks that making ~100K/year makes him a Gordon Gecko protege or something!  LOL

but then you claim to have a PhD ("Piled Higher & Deeper") so evidently this person you impersonate doesn't have just an MBA. and since you come off sounding too sub-mental to be a DAS grad, i'm guessing you're a "fluff" (SPH or possibly HDS, god forbid!


you STILL don't know who you're dealing with, do you? [sigh] ... let me say it one more time (remember, "repetition is key")  a PhD from from that "small liberal arts college up the river" does NOT impress me!  CAN YOU GUESS WHY?  sheesh!


now i'm a reasonable guy, i WAS willing to let bygones be last time i put you in your place (see above quote). this time all you really had to do was to refrain from calling me "simpleton" again, which you did further up in THIS thread, and who knows we MAY have even gotten along downstream (the same has happened with some folks who started out insulting me when i joined). but you seem to be an obstinate fellow. i suggest you read the (first half) of a rant i posted entitled ("the problem with public internet msg boards") it may give you an idea of who your "opponent" is. if you're too lazy to do so, i'll just give you the gist of it. i've been squashing "enemy combatants" far more cunning and vicious than you on the internet back when "you" were still in prep school (if in fact you say who you are).

so where we go from here depends partly on you.


PS. strange how folks seem to read your posts in this thread so much more than mine. i mean common sense would have you think that others reading down this thread would click on every message not just yours, so the number of "reads" would be roughly equal or at least taper off exponentially like they usually do

Boy, I didn't realize that I was dealing with the "king" of internet boards!  You're so full of yourself that you don't realize how demented you sound.  But think what you want - say what you want - the fact remains that SIMPLETON is clearly the right moniker for you.  What you think is clever others view as stupid.  I think you're a hot-headed moron, quite frankly.  I called you simpleton as a joke, and you reacted like a crazed idiot.  

No matter.  The fact remains that all I said was true, including receiving a Ph.D. from an Ivy League school in your hometown of Boston.  As to why people seem to be reading my posts more than yours, I have no idea, except to say that perhaps they would rather read reasoned and witty remarks as opposed to ridiculous rants.  Who knows, maybe my "fan club" is considerably bigger than yours!  At any rate, I'll be off on a trip soon, so you can continue your inane comments without me.

any person who did in fact get a PhD from an Ivy League school in Boston would have had some very definite things to say about my previous post... some of the things i said were so egregiously (but intentionally) wrong that any alumni would feel obliged to correct them... you know, to "put me in my place" if nothing else (like proving to the 3 people who are reading this thread that you are for legit)

but you, strangely enough, had nothing to say except this: "The fact remains that all I said was true, including receiving a Ph.D. from an Ivy League school in your hometown of Boston"

be honest, none of those acronyms mean anything to you, right? you've never even set foot on the "quad" and we have you at last as being the imposter i only suspected before but know to be for sure now.

thank you! with that i rest my case. my job (and "duty" to TER) is now done. and should you wish to re-open this case, i will be here (as always). have a safe trip!


PS. keep clicking on your own messages. it must be a comforting delusion to think lots of people here are reading your "witty" remarks

I'm so glad that you've "rested your case," and that "your duty to TER" is now done!  That will spare the rest of us from your inane remarks.  You seem to be rather jealous of my degrees.  I could say a lot about this - none of it favorable to you - but this thread has gone on long enough.  Your lack of logic just amazes me, and you never did answer any of my questions or prove (by example) any of your assertions.  All you can do is rant and rave, which is remarkably unimpressive.  OK, I'm off now, and I do thank you for wishing me a safe trip.  I would do the same for you if the situation were reversed.

One last thing. I rarely go on this board, and only infrequently on others.  But I must admit, you've made it fun.  I know I got under your skin, Singleton, but you're probably a very decent guy despite all my ribbing.  See you in a future thread!

but "jealous of your degrees" ?  

come on ... do i have to SPELL it out for you?  how can one be jealous of something one already has, and in spades too?  but whatever. let's just say i don't feel compelled to brag about it (especially since it's not germane to the "raison d'etre" of this site -- unless i had a PhD in sexology!

also, i don't really need to "prove" my assertions about your suspicous conduct, do i?  i mean it's there forever archived for whoever wishes to draw conclusions from it. just do a "find message" for your name "villageguy" (or FattyBoy) and read the posts. that simple. i'd rather people draw their own conclusions that have me influence them.


but anyway, this is all "academic"  i'm content that you at least had the courtesy to refer to me by my TER name (as opposed to "simpleton"). for that, we're (somewhat) through with this silliness ... at least until you start up again! LOL

happy 4th (or 5th)