(This thread is related, somewhat, to other discussions going on regarding behavior & customs of providers in general, including pre vs post Covid)

As I've stated numerous times before, I only recently joined TER, and I am getting back into this "scene" of P4P and seeing companions when I am in the mood (I'm actually, finally seeing my first p4p date since 2006 TONIGHT  06/28/24!.....I feel like WIlly Wonka when he says the line  "The Suspense is terrible!.......I HOPE IT WILL LAST......).....

I am 56 y.o. so I am definitely "old school" about most things....I am also retired with absolutely NO OTHER obligations (no wife or "ex", no children, nada.....I am, however, thinking of finally getting my next dog, as I lost my two pugs last year) ....anyway, my time is 100% MY TIME, and I absolutely love to talk/write...so I personally have the time and desire to send introductory emails that are several paragraphs in length.    When I first reach out to a provider, I tend to "overshare", mainly because I do have a lot to say but more importantly I do want to hear back from them as much as they want to share, in hopes of making that eventual first connection/date all the more enjoyable.  I also make certain I explain my disability so that there are no surprises or disappointment on her part when meeting me in person, and she knows what to do and what not to do....therefore, detailed communication on my part is essential.  I am NEVER interested in 1 or even 2 hour sessions.....I am looking for a real date, real companionship (4+ hours to start.....)

I realize SOME providers don't have the desire or patience to engage in detailed (or even limited) communications with anyone, let alone a new "prospect".....which is totally fine, because then we can "weed" each other out right off the bat....they can see I am a "blabber" (lol) while I can discern they probably are not the best match for me.....  NOTE:  I tend to prefer OLDER MATURE WOMAN in general, and certainly with PROVIDERS specifically!  Women over 40, and into their 50s, are definitely my preference, and they tend to be the ones willing to put forth the effort in pre-communication aspects of the whole p4p "DATING" endeavor.....(NOTE:  I also realize that you have to take people  "one at a time", and that I have met some extremely MATURE and patient women in their late 20s/30s, and I have also met some 45-50 year old shallow, excessively narcissistic, insensitive, uncaring BRATS lol)   Bottom line, you need to look at each person individually.....

I 100% realize that a provider's TIME is her most valuable asset, and I also realize it is a delicate balance for a provider to engage with a "prospect" without taking or wasting too much time on a possible dead end.   Therefore....WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK about sending prospective providers a small, modest yet heartfelt gift upfront, just to "lube" the gears so to speak....?  (lol  I just HAD to insert some sort of innuendo into this otherwise serious post...I'm a hopelessly perverted romantic!   Or it could be a romantic pervert....?  I dunno.....I digress.....)

I am a mature provider who is proud to be honest about her age it’s rare. I am 45 & I have lots of patience because I am a natural caregiver. I have taken care of elderly, disabled, children, and I take pride in caring for people.  

Time is something we can never get back. I’m not stingy with my time if someone has booked in advance paid in full, or supplied a deposit I will give you my time to plan our epic erotic adventure. Many providers only spend time behind closed doors. Proper preparation prevents poor planning. I also, feel if the gentleman books a month, or more in advance they deserve a little extra of my time because I appreciate any man who gives me something to look forward too. Just be kind, and respectful of the providers time.

No provider I know of is going to give you a home address. So that leaves only the ones who have a PO Box and I'm guessing most don't. If you want to give a gift, just bring it with you to the date. She won't be any more (or any less) "lubed" than if she got it a few days beforehand.
You are overthinking this.

Honestly, I wouldn’t ever suggest sending a gift before you meet. I feel that’s too soon, and you run the risk of getting cancelled and then feeling like complete crap for spending on someone you won’t get to see.

 
That said, if you blab and she has engaged and supported your blabbing, bringing a gift with you to the first date would be very appropriate. It’s your way to recognize and thank her for the time she invested before meeting you, but to also do so with the assurance that you actually get to meet her.

Many providers have a list on their website that you can choose from. If you have their email address, there are many options available through Amazon and other site to send them an e-gift. That’s if you want to send it early. I agree with the previous response and tend to bring it with me to give to them personally.

You don't need a home address if they have a gift site set up. Many do. It hides their address from you, but allows the gift to be sent to them. Nevertheless, I agree bringing it is the way to go for different reasons.

Do they permit the receipt of actual gifts or only money? If the latter, that's not what I or (I think) the OP was talking about. Since just sending money would be like sending a deposit.

Actual gifts. Amazon, for example, allows you to create a wishlist and hide your address from anyone buying from it. The catch is it only works if the item is on a wishlist they built. But some providers build lists and post links on their websites specifically so clients can buy them gifts that are not like cash.

when contacted by customers who want to engage in back and forth communication before meeting for the first time.  Most will call these customers "time-wasters" because you are asking for them to invest their time engaging with you (who are that point unknown to them) for free when time is what they are selling.  This is one of the most important points to remember.  They are not just selling you sex, they are selling you a block of time.  If you just want the sex, then find a streetwalker who will charge you by the "pop."  In other words, once you ejaculate, the session if over, whether it took ten minutes or 30 minutes.  Professional providers sell you a block of time during which it is expected that some sexual activity will occur, but if you book two hours and you finish after 45 minutes, they will not throw you out because you are paying for two hours' time.  Accordingly, the provider mindset is "time is money" and they will often eschew requests for sessions from customers who require a lot of conversation before the first meeting.  

 
When I have decided I want to see a certain provider, I will email her my name, hobby phone number, provider references, date and time I want to see her, and how long of a session I want.  There is no need to discuss anything else.   Once she replies that has verified my refs, I will ask for her phone number in order to reconfirm the day before, or the morning of, the session, whichever she prefers.  

 
One you become a long-term regular with a provider, the rules on small talk change and they are more likely to treat you as a friend as far as casual conversation goes.  Starting off with an expectation of a back-and-forth conversation is often the kiss of death for any chance you have of getting a session with a new girl.  

I don't know why but it reminds me of Beavis and Butthead. Everything else he said is quite correct.

by being too garrulous, is spot on, but I'd be remiss not to mention my own experience in one specific case.

 
In this case, I first became of the escort in question on a forum, long since past, called Escort Blogs, so I suppose it was appropriate to go back and forth with her given that this is what people do on blogs.   However, we soon took it off line and started to email each other daily for over a month before I pulled the trigger and invited her to come see me, 1500 miles away from her native habitat.

 

I guess things worked out OK as we started a long distance relationship leading to our eventual nuptials 12 years ago, and still going strong, though still long distance which might explain a few things, but I digress.

 
My point is, that if you sense something great about the relationship, and are willing to lose it in order to gain it, then chatting it up might lead to something more than what you might expect.

 
Or as that great philosopher Chuck Berry put it....

Time flies. But what an epic blast that was.

You’re married to an escort, for 12 years now, and the relationship has been long distance the whole time?

Not overthinking....just thinking.   You are completely forgetting "Virtual" Gifts Inicky.  You can send anyone with a email address a nice gift card from just about ANY store/retailer/manufacturer etc.   It works and nothing is compromised or made unsafe.   The principle "there is more joy in GIVING than receiving" is scientifically proven and established...our brains light up on the scans when we truly do something nice and generous with NO, with or without expectations of getting something back in return.

And what about the girls with paypal or cashapp or other money options....you can easily send a small gift to get things going....I'm pretty sure they'll be tickled pink.

Give me a little credit, I realize I can be a DORK, and yes I write more than some want to read.....but I am NOT going to ask a provider for her flippin' HOME ADDRESS when I first introduce myself....nor ever!  I prefer strictly outcall anyway....

...I see a woman provider that strikes me as interesting, and I really want to get to know her BEFORE I "get to know her", it's WRONG to send a modest gift card to her email and introduce myself....because in the end I might not see her and completely turn her off by wanting to tell her about me and get some basics about her ...(again) BEFORE we actually meet for a "date"?   That's wrong you're telling me?

If I "turn her off" by wanting to briefly get to know her while giving her a gift card, then I successfully identified a woman who I would NOT click with, and thus saved my OWN self a lost evening (i.e. "TIME" the most valuable thing) not to mention about a thousand bucks minimum.

Here's the math:

200 dollar amazon gift card  + 20-30 minutes of email doing some "recon"    If we "Click" then I win

If I send her a 200 dollar Amazon Gift Card and we Don't click, I'm out 200 bucks and about 30 minutes total time.

If I DON't do My recon, and just send the basics and book a date, and we don't have a good time, I'm now out 1000-2000 bucks plus at least 6-8 hours total.    Do you understand?

But I don't even look at that "clinically"...I just like getting to know these women, and I can afford to send a few gift cards every now and then.  I am not looking for 1-2 hour sessions anyway (I stated that previously)....I'm looking only for a real "Date" 4+ hours.
I'm not saying your way(s)

Let me get THIS straight....someone "married" a provider 1500 miles away after a "long distance romance" (which included some "providing" I assume), but then after she said "I do" she said "I'm going home, bye!!" and went back to her "home base" and went right on "providing" for the men in her area....but she's still your wife?

(*scratches head*).....and now sings himself the CHuck Berry song everyone else is singing....

2 cents from a provider....
If you have never met or talked to the provider before I would limit the gift card to $25 max for Amazon or Starbucks, kind of the like the max gift you can give a federal employee.  
Anymore than that and it may come off that you are trying to bribe the provider to see you. Some providers are completely OK with gifts and have wish lists, me not so much. I as also trying to declutter my life so at this point I want to get rid of stuff rather than get more stuff.  
I am completely OK chatting with clients and protentional clients, but I prefer to do it on an open forum like twitter. This is just me of course but when guys are trying to have a lengthy convo with me privately it just comes off to me as someone who is going to be clingy or a time waster, neither of which is good in my book.  
Please also be aware that some providers are very private so trying to see if you "click" with them they might find very rude and intrusive. I am an open sex worker so I am very open about my personal life, but not all provider are. Something also to keep in mind.  

I like long dates too which doesn't mean I need to send a gift; what it does mean is I have to really do my research. Imo, giving a gift to someone I haven't met yet would be very odd...for me.  
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The other thing is you aren't really going to know if you "click" with someone until you meet them anyway. So many providers act differently in person than they do by email so that is why I don't depend on that at all.  
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Not telling you how to hobby; if your method works for you, then have at it. I am just giving you a different perspective from someone who loves "real dates" too.

Thanks to everyone regarding their opinions.    I see wisdom all around, but one common denominator:   Everyone ultimately qualifies (or hedges) their posts by simply saying "there are no guaranteed right or wrong ways to do this, etc."   Basically, to each his/her own.....right?

Robert even went a little further by telling me that while he himself does NOT need to send a gift to a provider t open the doors to early  communication, he allows for me to have my own style to "Hobby".

Here's the thing which I hope clarifies some stuff up once and for all.....I do not FIRST send a gift card with my first introduction.....I usually send it AFTER there has been some dialogue and I desire FURTHER dialogue to get a better understanding of what it MIGHT be like spending 4+ hours with this woman....therefore I see the gift card as at least partially a type a payment for the time the woman has spent and will spend further typing words for my benefit.  But it truly is more of a GIFT than anything else.    

I still don't have a   "STYLE" as robert calls it...I just have me.   I am not CLINGY (there's nothing to cling to yet anyhow), nor am I nosey or prying.  I'm just making my way along as best I can, and I hope some of these wonderful women see that and maybe one or two or five will want to try me out for a real date someday.    Since I am in a wheelchair, they don't feel threatened, and can always just "walk away (fast)" if I suddenly turn into the "it rubs the lotion on it's skin (and my tires) or lese I'll get my hose out again..."  or something like that....*sips iced tea*....

 
Seriously, thanks to you all for your posts.....

There’s a difference here. Your initial post implied you already carried on and exchanged emails. By entertaining your exchange she passed your first test. My takeaway was that at this point, before the date, you wanted to send her a gift. My suggestion was to bring it in person.

 
However, if what you are actually asking is should you give her a gift in order for her to agree to exchange some get to know each other messages, well that’s a different question. There are some providers that actually have email and/or text exchange packages. I would not call this a gift. I would call this a service. Whether rates for this are listed or not, for a man in your position it might make sense. I wouldn’t send her a gift and hope to get this, nor offer a dollar amount. I would ask if this is a service she is willing to provide and at what rate. If she agrees and her rate works for you, nothing wrong with doing it.

Based on your reaction to the advice given here, it sounds like you'd made up your mind and came here hoping to get validation.  Here is more advice:  You do you.

 
That said, I think you can accomplish your end, without the gift.  If in your introduction email you simply ask whether she's open to hearing your motivations and responding to some questions, she will probably let you know one way or another (e.g. she may ghost you).  I doubt a two hundred dollar bribe is going to make an unwilling provider suddenly enthusiastic about taking on a penpal.

 
P.S.  I'd tried what you've proposed, with very disappointing results.  So, take my advice with a grain of salt.

Send a gift to a lady you're hoping to establish a long term friendship with after a few fantastic dates.  Sending to a first date is a waste of money - she could turn out to be a dud, or you might find you have zero chemistry.  

I get you're excited to get back in the game, but come on man, get your head on straight!

In fact, it’s a bad idea. Half of your emails are going to be read not by the provider, but her assistant. Of the half that receive your email, half will see red flags (time waster, clingy, odd ball) and move on with the client who sent screening info along with a date request setting for desired date and time.

Now in one of your replies you indicated you wouldn’t be interested in seeing a provider who would screen you out after your initial approach. You’re wrong. Your perfect match might be one of those providers, but she was previously burned by a “letter writer”. She’s got her guard up, and rightly so.  

I think it’s time to go back to the drawing board and modify your approach. Short intro with a small gift. Explain you’re looking for some transactional back and forth and ask her what “gift level” she would be looking for in exchange for communicating with her.  And don’t forget that if you want this type of communication to continue post date, then you should have an arrangement (payment/gifts in exchange for follow on contacts) set up either before the date is over or set up in your SHORT “thanks for a great time” message after the date is over.

Again, thanks to everyone for jumping into this discussion.    

Absolutely, I was definitely looking for validation (who doesn't enjoy validation every now and then for things they are admittedly starting out doing.  

I am also most definitely an oddball (isn't that readily apparent), always have been, always will be.....

The discussion is now moot (for me), however, because I am bowing out of this scene after my first date the other night which was a disappointment (not quite a disaster but....), and a hillariously disatrous aborted second date about 12 hours ago.    I will start one last thread to relate the experience(s) and I will enjoy reading what everyone thinks of what transpired.   I freely admit, this lifestyle just isn't for me, but I respect those who are able to indulge in it and find true genuine happiness.    This just isn't my version of happiness.

so it's always been long distance.   We talk on the phone everyday however, often with FaceTime.   We also travel to see each other 5-6 times a year for 3-4 days at a time.

 
She continued to provide for a few years after we met, but decided after that she had aged out of the scene.

Fascinating. Sounds like you may have a good book inside you.

delicious with a little aioli sauce.

 
urp

END OF MESSAGE

I will be Beavis.  Lol

by buying into the "wish list" scam on many providers' websites, you are identifying yourself as "mark", a term scammers use to identify easy prey.  You will get referrals from providers to their friends so the friends can share in the easy pickings.  If you have a great time with a provider and want to do something nice for her, give her a tip at the end of the session.  Cash is king in this business.  Tangible gifts should be reserved for LONG-TERM regulars AFTER you have established a long-term business relationship with them and can honestly say you are a friend as well as a customer.  Don't be a sucker.  

Three weeks and one session is hardly enough time to determine if this life is right for you.  Most of us got off to a rough start, because we have a fantasy of what this will be like, but reality may be different.  While it happens on occasion that you may find a life-long friend who is a provider that you initially met as a customer, the vast majority of woking women you see will be more like ships passing in the night.  For most of the women I have seen only once, I do not remember too much about them, but there have been a few dozen over the years who I saw regularly over the course of months or years that are now retired but still my friends. The odds of you finding this kind of woman by sheer luck on your first P4P date is about a billion to one, so don't beat yourself up.  Stick with it for awhile.  Learn from the experiences, both positive and negative, of those here offering advice and you may find a niche in this lifestyle that is right for you.  As others have said, it's an individual, not a team sport, but there are things that work for some and not for others, things that work for everyone, and things that work for no one.  Stay awhile, see multiple women and sort out what works for you.  

Thanks cour de lion, you also have been more than patient and kind to me, and it is greatly appreciated, I know you probably want to keep your distance, but my offer still stands, when I am in the OC in the future, I will gladly buy you a dinner somewhere so I can pick your brain and share other information and experience as well (lol no I'm not asking YOU for a date or offering to be "Pen Pals".....it's just an offer to meet someone new who might make a good friend, and vice versa, given common shared backgrounds and demographic info).....

I'll retain a presence here and take your advice to listen and learn and observe etc

I have made a few "established" contacts with a few providers who I strongly believe would, or will, make for a good date and companion in the near future, who I know for sure are not like the one I actually saw last Friday.  
I am focusing on one that is near the NYC/Philly/AC triangle (the provider I first posted about several weeksback when I first showed up here....); and there are a couple of providers who live out on the West Coast / Las Vegas area.    But THAT's it, I'm not inquiring or contacting or preparing to meet or introducing or sending gifts etc to any new or unknown (to me) providers unless someone like YOU advises otherwise.

to meet other people in this lifestyle are periodic "Meet and Greets", which are generally organized by a group of providers and customers as a private event.  I have only a handful of hobby friends I have met in person after interacting with them on the boards for several years and sharing intel on common girls that we have both seen.  Some have left TER but we are still friends.  At the same time, some of my early friendships here have disintegrated over time due to disagreements on the boards, so I'm extra cautious about sharing too much about myself to other people engaging in the same illegal activities that I am.  Please don't take this personally, it's just my policy for my own protection.  Trust must be earned over time.  

 
This is why NO providers have any of my real life information in their contact lists.  There are many threads here from members who have been doxed by providers who have their real life information.  I have had customers here who were friends at one point, and turned on me later, often because of political comments, and I thank myself daily for not sharing my real life information with these people.  

We live and learn about what we're comfortable with. In my case, I made enough friends here to go beyond seeing them at M&Gs and it worked out fine. I've had a few of them to my house and been to their houses as well, even was at a wedding (mentioned here on another thread) of a monger and his provider girl friend. Not to mention partying with and traveling with two others in Central and South America.
I understand the risks but in my situation I have little to lose. Yes, I have been outed but the consequences were quite minor. I thought you were in the same category but I guess not.
Either way, it's all good. There are just different ways to roll.

friends who I still socialize with.  I used to meet some of them for breakfast, then we would drive to an apartment complex with multiple Kgirl incalls, and each see one of the two girls working at each incall in the complex (Four mongers, for providers, total).  Sadly, a couple of them aged out and so now it's just meeting for drinks and nostalgia now and then.    My concern in being doxed is professional, not personal.  Once I retire, I could care less.  My family doesn't judge.  My children might even think it's kind of cool for a senior to be catting around.  Lol

 
After seeing one prominent poster here at an LA M&G, I almost went so far as to suggest we get together in person, but that friendship fizzled and he went on to stalk me for many years.  That experience made me more cautious.  I have also had several contacts from undercover LE who have PM'd me and asked for locations of Kgirl incalls.  I can usually smell this coming from the first PM, so I explain to them they are acting like LE by asking for specific location information, and they wouldn't want that to get around on the discussion boards.  The LEOs disappear, but if it's just a naive Newbie, they apologize and say they won't ask for that kind of info anymore.  

 
There are still some old board friends out of my area I wouldn't mind meeting in person.   You are one of them.  Imp, and Jensen are two others I have known for over five years and trust. Going to a strip club in LA with Lopaw one of these days is still on my TDL.  Just need to find the time.  

Doxing & outing has evolved.....Law enforcement tactics today are focused on discouraging the clients (a side effect of the Me Too & Feminist agenda to "empower" & protect women, they leave the providers alone....rightly so in my view) ....they figure if they start publishing WHO pays for sex, it will somehow discourage the actual practice from continuing....another absurd feature of US Government practice....

With the information that is available for free on the internet & elsewhere (and especially for a fee on the Dark Web), if someone really has it in for someone else, and is motivated, there is not a lot the intended target can do except react to the attack after the fact.   There are hackers for hire on the dark web who, for a price, will get the info on most people that the payee requests.  It's sick and it's sad.  But of course, if you're worried about this, don't make it easy for anyone, always have the best protection, best defense you can afford.  Or, if you are at a place in your life where it really doesn't matter who knows, don't worry about it....

I'm 56 and was never supposed to reach this age....every single day I wake up, even if I am in excruciating pain, I know I'm still kicking & wheeling along.....I am single, no kids (I don't even have a dog right now but that's about to change)...my folks are in their 80s and they know I live my own life and wheel along my own path, they encourage it....as long as I don't hurt others, they've always been supportive.   I pretty much stopped caring who knows who I am and what I do when I retired....and even before that it really didn't matter given my circumstances.   There's a special kind of satisfaction that comes from absorbing a malicious attack from someone really trying to hurt you....absorbing the attack and NOT given them the payoff or result they wanted.    

But I completely respect and honor others' choice and view on this.  I hope, one day, Cour de lion, before we're both too old (or dead), to meet you.

Usually I'm just passing through or changing planes at LAX, as I did in January.

I don't really understand why you won't submit an honest review. Based on what you have written here, it seems you are not worried about being exposed. So it's because you feel bad for impacting the escort's life? She screwed you over for a large sum of money, so this would be surprising too. How about feeling bad for all of the orher guys she will decieve? That counts for something too, doesn't it?

END OF MESSAGE

You ask a fair question....this woman's photos are old....I did not recognize that fact due to my inexperience, but looking back it should have been obvious/  Another thing I  missed is this:  She has reviews as recent as 2023, but only a few, and a few from 2022....maybe 7 reviews in 4 years, the rest OLD.   She only listed on Tryst and 411, all with the same older pictures.   I never asked her any pointed questions when I set up that date "Are your pics accurate?  Can we briefly chat on the phone?"   I did not do MY HOMEWORK, I just saw the pics, saw that she was "45" and away I went.

You experienced ones, if by some RARE chance you happen upon her trystlink, you will see what I did not....I guarantee it almost.    When we were together, it became apparent that she doesn't get too many new calls anymore when she divulged "I haven't done this in quite a while" (outcall)  

Not The Silence of the Lambs reference!! Haha too good

TBH, even with my experience the homework I do, I can be folled. While I do a fair amount of homework, one thing I don't do much, which some others do, is email reviewers see if there is anything they did not share in reviews. Unfortunately, there are many situations where reviews do not tell all and a message exchange can save you. But since I rely more on reviews and clues I can pick up, my approach is less fool proof. And, for this reason, I too have been baited into a situation, more than once, where the escort was a good 10+ years older than her pics and what her TER reviews and profile stated. In all cases, I then wrote an honest review hoping to save the next guy.