Article linked below.

Yesterday an article was published revealing a study (of review boards) that approximately 1/3 of men who play in the hobby are desiring an emotional commitment with providers.

Didn't shock me at all.

In summary, they used analytical software to thumb through review board posts and turns up that 1/3 of topics were related to the non-sexual relationship with escorts. Referred to as "regulars" in the article. The result doesn't shock me. Where else should men go to discuss such a unique relationship with a provider? This is not only a review board, but its a board to learn more through communicating with others. Also a place to share your experiences (minus dirty details) and vent if you need to.

Based on my experiences and likely many many other ladies, we already knew about the hidden desires some guys have. I actually prefer those guys because this is how I date! Unfortunately, I can't agree that a man searches for escorts in hope of love as the article insinuates. I believe that the emotional commitment witnessed amongst the majority of the 1/3 analyzed in their study happened naturally as it would if he'd met the lady at a random Starbucks.  

It shouldn't surprise anyone or require a study to observe this We're ALL still human after all...


Happy Friday.

If all they wanted was a suck and fk, we would not have to do all the gfe shit. In the old days it was 150-200, guy came in, dropped his pants, got blown, got fked, and was on his way. Now we charge 3 times as much and for what...to look at them and listen lol. Not shocking at all ha ha.

This is usually his territory

BTW...Glad to see you posting again.

I look forward to that as well  

I admit I like the GFE myself, but I am not stupid enough to think there is a chance in hell of finding love with an escort, and I am not looking or hoping for it.

Yes if you see a provider regularly its understandably that you will have stronger feelings for her than you would for others you have only seen once or twice. But you always have to remember she is doing her job, and when she is not with you, she is doing and saying the same things to her next client.

Thats the nature of the beast, and you must never forget that.

The academic article noted was coauthored by the former moderator of The Erotic Review discussion board "The Erotic Highway."

The article is available for purchase from the academic publisher.

I have found the article valuable for its list of references (i.e., additional materials to read).

Inquiry:  Could you please explain your sentence:  "I actually prefer those guys because this is how I date!"

As soon as I feel 'feelings' for an escort, I cut ties.
For me.. That is the beauty of P4P..
Single serving girlfriend. Even though sometimes I wish It was forever..
This way,I can get back to work, and do my thing without problems.


-- Modified on 8/10/2012 6:43:50 PM

Sorry I don't know how to link to another thread.  That thread has a link to the full article, for those who want to read it.  The article was written by TER's former Love Goddess, using posts to the Erotic Highway discussion board on TER for data.

My reaction to reading the full article:

Emotional labor and “bounded authenticity”

Milrod’s paper is an important contribution.   From a clinical, patient-treating standpoint, the most important point is that male clients of sex workers can be benefited by therapists who help them to have a realistic understanding of the emotional  labor that is done by many sex workers who provide the “girlfriend experience”, and to distinguish this emotional  labor from true romantic feelings.

It is worth noting that sex workers are far from the only workers who do emotional  labor.  Therapists, for example, are trained to provide a warm, accepting environment for their clients, because this helps greatly in forming the therapeutic alliance.   This is certainly also a form of emotional labor.  And many types of sales jobs can sometimes involve, at least to a minor extent, some form of emotional labor.

Milrod uses the term “bounded authenticity” well, and correctly credits Elizabeth Bernstein with coining the term in her excellent book “Temporarily Yours: Intimacy, Authenticity, and the Commerce of Sex” (2007).  Although feelings expressed by sex workers can of course be entirely feigned, or counterfeit, in the “bounded authenticity” model, the feelings are genuine, and grow out of the emotional  labor done by the sex worker.  

"Pussy's pussy, but baby, you're a vacation." when I made a joke about him sticking around, even though I wasn't as hot as some of the girls he has seen. And you know what? It's true. Sex can really only be so good, it's everything behind it that makes it amazing. It doesn't have to be romantic feelings, but that connection, and the feeling that, in this moment, it's just *us*, can take things to a whole other level.

The other thing is that clients are people too. They have lives, they have stuff going on. Even booking at nine am for a noon appointment leaves a couple hours for things to go wrong, go right, or just in general put them in a different mood than the time that they booked the appointment. If I were a man, I know I'd much prefer someone who can read how I'm feeling and give me exactly what I needed for that day, than someone who was just going to make me feel like X amount of money and be exactly the same as any other woman I could've booked.

-- Modified on 8/10/2012 7:31:08 PM

LOL! Well I'm not a knockout like you London, so I've got to do something besides giving a mean BJ to keep em comin back

You post something like this, where I know it just won't work!

Will you at least do shrink/patient role play?

IMO we are looking for the ultimate fantasy. Someone who will suck and fuck like a whore yet we will still listen to all the bullshit going on in our lives. The latter for 10 minutes out of 60. As the old saying goes...."every man wants his wife to be a whore in the bedroom and his mom in the kitchen."  It's so fucking EZ!!!!!

worth a damn lol.

Dr. Milrod's aricle in Men and Masculinities is being read by scores of other psychological news sites and blogs, and then an article is generated which gets picked up by another, etc.

I expect this echo to reverberate for some time as people "discover" this amazing factoid.

" In the old days it was 150-200, guy came in, dropped his pants, got blown, got fked, and was on his way. "

providers can still do that that way if they want.nothing stopping them.

with an escort. At least I can't.

You have to be able to trust someone to fall in love. Frankly, I don't trust them enough.

But, if you truely haven't been with a trustworthy provider, you might want to take a hard look in a mirror. Or, at the very least, rethink your search methods.


   I enjoy my time with 'gfe' providers and have found that many take their job to heart. Yes, they are there for the money BUT your money buys more than a BJ or great sex. They recognize it as a symbiotic relationship. In other words, you need each other though for different reasons. A trust and a bond can be created if you allow for such.


    Is it 'love'? Of course not. But, if you aren't open to some kind of mutual trust and/or friendship, I'm not sure what the point is to maintaining a presence on a discussion board such as this. Just grab the nearest streetwalker or visit your nearest massage parlor.

you would know I am full of shit most of the time, but at other times I am a realist. Honey, if I were such a cold bitch, I would never see another dime. The guys I do see, get me...end of story. I am not here to blow smoke up your ass to get you to see me so I can get your money. My point was simply, there are guys here who are not delusional and those are the kind I prefer to hang out with. Fact is, you are now paying a HIGHER fee for gfe, so what does that tell you...all women just LOVE listening to you whine and babble? I think not lol. If they did, they would not charge more for freaking gfe..duh. Personally, guys who are overly sensitive and have issues, know to avoid me lol.

The guys I see sort of have my same outlook on this business, which is supposed to be FUN without all the damn drama and baggage. We drink, laugh, and fk! We don't spend our time delving into philosophical bs that is simply counter productive of what he is paying for to begin with. I don't want my suitors sad and distracted when we are together...I want them alive and happy, feeling like a kid again! My job is to get them to FORGET about the crap they have to deal with at home, not allow that shit to become the driving force of our dates. Talk about agony!

I have friends who only do blow and gos and they make HALF of what a gfe provider makes...hmm, why is that? Because GFE commands a higher rate. So, if you want to pay more for a girl to talk to you and act like she gives a flip, be my guest...that's why most are here. You're acting as if it's a chore for me to do, and it's not because I won't see just any guy who comes along. The guys I have spent time with, know that they can tell me anything without fear of ridicule or judgement, because I have already chosen to take them seriously. Guys on a fk board whom I don't know from Adam...bwahahhaha, ok.

Stop being so sensitive...this is not Disney Land. You're making it sound as if being realistic coincides with lacking compassion...bit of a stretch there. FYI, it seems you're under the same delusion as most, in thinking the women you see actually give a shit bwahahaha. Some do, and some don't, but if she is that good at her job you will never know and your post above just proved it. "Oh, the women I see are not like London the big bad wolf" lol. Ok honey, you won't ever know.

That is the point of charging you MORE for GFE lol. If they really cared, why are you paying more than a b and g costs? Does it cost her more expense wise to talk to you? To kiss you? To look at you? I think not. So why is GFE more? Hmm. Nuff said.







-- Modified on 8/11/2012 10:21:26 AM

with actual puppy dog emotions. Most of the guys I have seen and do see, I consider friends of some sort, otherwise I would never see them again. The guys I have come to know from the boards are especially dear to me, because it's as if we are a team here. I have their back and they have mine, and I can take the occasional "STFU London" from those I know are simply real with me. What I can't deal with are men who assume because they are paying, that every woman must kiss their ass on a fk board and agree with what they have to say...those women are certainly here, but I am not one of them.

I would say it takes a guy with a very strong sense of self to even consider seeing me, and that is exactly what I want lol. I am not licensed or qualified to play doctor on my dates, so if a guy has serious issues, this may not be the best place for him or his delusions. If I did not prefer longer dates, I would not have a damn 2 hour min. lol. I spend a lot of time OTC with various men, whom I just adore being with. That is not to assume, love or emotion has anything to do with it..but simply enjoyment of one's company.

There are times when the conversation gets a bit deep, but I try and bring things back up a notch to a happy place...THAT is my job.

You guys don't see the inflation laws in play here from 10 years ago? It's certainly not because of the sex that the rates have gone up, because a monkey can do that. Men's need for "emotional stimulation" has resulted in providers being able to charge out of the ass for an hour now. So it begs the question...what do men really want? If it were only sex, they could get it for much cheaper and without all the hassle.

I am actually shocked to know that men don't only cheat for sex anymore, as was always the statement made when asked why. "Sex and love are two different things." "Sex and emotion don't go hand in hand." Those two statements have always been what every guy has used as a rationalization for being able to cheat...and this article clearly contradicts that.  If I were a wife, I would feel less pain knowing all my guy did was get fked, and there was nothing else to it. So, there is in fact an emotional connection with the sex for most men who partake in this business? Good to know.

-- Modified on 8/11/2012 10:15:30 AM

love is what the op was about.

btw, i don't get your post.

Except that we all want sex.

Some guys can compartmentalize fucking and falling in love, and other guys can't.

And I do believe that every guy has a situation or set of circumstances where meeting a provider would cause him to really fall for her, but that's just me.  I certainly can't speak for any other guy, just as they couldn't speak for me.

Which is why when I see some "they're just hos" comments, I know it's just posturing.  It's like the guy who protests too much about being gay--you know he's overcompensating because he sucks dick or takes it in the pail.

i kind of understand don's point.

you come across as "bitter" on some of your posts. Of course, I have no idea how many of the clients you end up seeing are the "needy" types you don't care for so...

they know a person on a fk board and try to make everyone feel the way they do. I just keep it real. There are different types of men here, just as there are providers to suit those different needs.

Do I like seeing insecure clients who need a mommy rather than a hooker? No, which is why I post the way I do so they know to avoid me. If I don't enjoy what I do, what's the point of doing it? I am not a qualified therapist, so I won't sit here and pretend to be nor will I charge a guy to try and figure him out. It is what it is. I like men with a sense of humor who don't whine everytime someone on a hooker board of all places hurts their ego or lack thereof. Those are the very men who turn out to be stalkers!

The POINT of the article was that men seek more than just sex in the pay for play arena, and I reiterated "why" that appears to be so by pointing out that gfe is twice as much as a simple blow and go. That is ALL, this is about lol. We can sit here and attack one's character all day with fallacy play, or we can look at the FACTS. The FACT is that gfe costs MORE, so it's obvious that women know talking and pretending is what gets that higher rate...that is why most are so damn good at that illusion even in discussioin lol. Their rate and ranking depends on it.

If talking to you were free, the damn rate would not be more for it. See where I am going with this? I won't charge a guy to go to dinner if I enjoy his company after the first encounter, but I WILL charge for more sex. So, by that alone it seems that I am more into the things you assumed I was not...ONLY with men I truly enjoy being with though.

-- Modified on 8/11/2012 10:11:18 AM

There is a middle ground between being totally cold and aloof (Which, may suit your needs to a T, but that's not for everybody and especially not me.), and falling head over heels "in love"  (Which 99.9% of the time is infatuation, but that's a whole other topic of discussion.) and that is being caring and friendly towards each other in a (Dare I say it?) loving way.

It is that latter way of being that I find most satisfying, and I think a lot of long time and experienced hobbyists and providers would agree.

London, you're manner does not put me off at all.  Quite the contrary, I find it arousing.

Now, when are you going to haul ass up here to the Northeast?

8o)

dictate how I am in person when I actually LIKE being with someone lol. I am right there in that "middle" ground you speak of with the guys I see...others, well I don't have to act til I get the donation bwahahaha.

-- Modified on 8/11/2012 12:40:47 PM

I think most client experiences should be tailored to meet each one individually based on what they need and what can be fulfilled by the body or soul of the provider.

it's all good.

i think most  understand that people are more like diamonds than mirrors. not every facet is displayed on a MB.

i don't take responses here as codification of ones beliefs or personality.


hence the word some in my reply.