I was married and hobbied for about 15 years.  I'm now divorced, and the prinicpal reason for that is my ex found out and decided she couldn't take me seeing escorts anymore.

I did (and still do) feel justified however as she pretty much cut me off from sex after a few years of marriage, and I was just not prepared to accept life that way.

You only live once, and then you're dead for a very long time.

Because that's really all that matters...  

I did the same thing you did when I was married.  I saw escorts for years, never had an extramarital affair, and rationalized it with as many convoluted head-games on myself as I could come up with.  In the end I wouldn't say I felt much guilt about the sex since I didn't really love my ex anymore at that point.  The only thing that ever gave me pause was the thought that I might be spending money that could have been better used elsewhere...Not that it stopped me but it did keep me in control of my spending.

The fact of the matter is that what a guy with a family does effects his entire family.  Whatever description we choose to describe the act is only part of the equation. I never got caught but if I had, knowing my ex, it wouldn't have mattered to her if I was screwing an escort or some woman at work.  The question you really want to ask yourself is what would the wife call it?

Unless there is an agreement for an open marriage, it's cheating.

We can justify and argue all we like, but I think we have to face facts too.

This question can be answered by providers or the hobbyist.  For those of you who are married, do you consider hobbying cheating on a spouse?  I personally can't justify it, but I do rationalize doing it.  If I didn't hobby then I would most likely have an affair at some point.  The hobby, for me, allows me to get my fix of variety which in turn helps me not stray at home.  In my opinion hobbying is a lot better than having an affair in a city where I live, and I don't hobby anywhere near my home town.  I am interested in other peoples perspectives on this.

I don't consider it cheating-cheating is an affair where there is an ongoing relationship, etc....Hobbying is Hobbying-so emhatically-no it is not cheating-now-having said that-the SO would likely take a totally different view on it-so-lay low-be careful-don't get caught-or you wind up dividing all of your stuff by 2  !!

Its a win win situation as long as everyone knows their role. We both appreciate eachother for Exatly what the situation is.

Isn't that what p4p for always meant to be? I can't imagine having it anyother way!

LOL...yes the snoring is a drawback

I feel like we give you that little extra you aren't getting at home. It isn't that your home life is terrible its just that with the hustle and bustle of life, wives sometimes just aren't in the mood. Now not giving you any for months is just unacceptable.

We don't call you or interfere in your life like an affair would. You'll never have to worry about us giving you ultimatums.

Is it cheating, yes.. is it right, thats not up to us to judge. I've never felt like men and woman are suppose to be with only one person for ever...thats just too boring!

Is it cheating.... yes. BUT, as stated by another, it's a better alternative to an affair. An affair usually involves feelings, emotions and an actual relationship, which more times than not, will eventually get messy, & wifey will find out (remember Fatal Attraction Guys who do this instead, are just getting their needs met, without bringing drama into their homes and family life. When you get married, you ARE dedicating yourself to that one person for LIFE(or until divorce), and if your wife found out, she would not be happy... but I've heard of more marriages where when it was just a provider he saw, versus a real affair, she was more likely to forgive, and in some instances, actually LET him go see providers.

Guys, would it be cheating if your wife or SO was seeing a male provider?

Exactly!
I'm sure that many will say they would not have a problem w/ their SO's seeing a male provider...and maybe some of them actually believe it!!
One can rationalize all they want in order to justify their actions in this hobby, but in reality, unless your SO knows or approves of P4P, it's cheating!
This is not a judgement! We all have our reasons for what we do, whether it's b/c the wife cut us off or is not interested, or she's no longer attractive, physical disability or we're just horn dogs looking for women who will do to us what the wife won't!...
But, if your not in an open relationship, and your doing it behind her back....a rose by any other name...

I am a total hypocrite

But as many other in this thread can justify it as a much milder form of cheating...

I had a so-so marriage sex relationship...  not great but too bad.   Then the menu started shrinking & the occasions when she was willing became few & far between.  It's been so long now that we may never have sex again.  
In the meantime, I have a disability...  a permanant spinal cord injury & the likelyhood that someday my ability to function will be taken away.  I realized that there were experiences I had never had & would not unless I went outside.  I was not ok with that & after 15 years of staying home, I went outside.  I can not hobby regularly but at least I'm getting some.
Since then the menu & frequency has continued to fall off...  I don't know if that is cause or effect.  On the other hand, I'm less crazy horny this way.
H

I totally agree with this... Serves my needs sexually that are not always being met and comes with the guarantee of no drama, no strings, and no risk of further attachment.

Again, women view it differently...

Funny thing-My SO has always and still is up for most anything and enjoys sex as much as I do-actually I have never been with an escort that did anything my SO hasn't or wouldn't do and she is good at it, fit, and beautiful.  I just like the variety that is available and don't want to become involved in any sort of relationship.

The action is the important part, not the word you use to describe it.

But if you wish to get into the semantics... the Merriam-Webster definition of "cheating" in this context is:

2: to be sexually unfaithful

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheating

I think that would cover hobbying, having a casual one-night stand, having an affair, as well as getting a blow job in the White House.

...fucking your secretary.  Or having a civie lover in every port.

If it makes you feel better to believe it's a "milder" betrayal of trust with your SO, then I'm sure you'll go on repeating that mantra.

But you're wrong.

Matt

-- Modified on 11/24/2011 9:18:34 AM

IMO it's not really cheating.  Cheating involves real emotions.  When you pay for it, there are no emotions, it's a business transactions.  Or at least it's supposed to be.

Those who are vehemently anti-married-guy seeing providers, are they married themselves and it is an expression of self loathing?  Or are they unmarried and it is a reflection that they want less competition out there?

Objectively I think it is obvious that on a physical level it is "cheating", but often on an emotional level it is not--putting it squarly in the gray area.

I don't believe in guilt. At least as far as this is concerned. I'm not married, never was. But I was in relationships with ladies that used to accuse me of cheating on them when infact I hadn't. Flat out told them, you keep accusing me of it I'm going to do it. That way if I hear anymore of your shit, it'd be justified and at least I'd get something out of it.

I guess it comes from being the one that they were cheating 'with', meaning, some ladies cheated on their husbands or BFs with me. When asked do I feel guilty about fucking some other guy's girl I'd say I'm not cheating on him, she is. It's their relationship, not mine. And if I was confronted by some guy for fucking his woman I'd tell him you're pissed at me? Really? That's probably the reason she went out on you. You're not into 'her'. Think about it.