Ok, you knew there had to be at least one adventure involving STDs.  

I got crabs once. You know this dates me, because crabs (pubic lice) are quite rare now that everyone grooms. I have always had mixed feelings when it comes to shaved pubes. On one hand, I like the ability to easily inspect the merchandise. On the other hand, everyone looks like an 11 year old, which is sort of creepy sometimes.

And, OK, I admit that I got the crabs from a civvie girl. Studies argue that the risk of catching STDs from pros is less than the risk of sleeping around with civvie women, and I believe that. In fact, the only thing I have ever caught from a pro is a case of molluscum contagiosum, which is no big deal. Kind of like the relatively harmless little brother to herpes. I should have seen that one coming, though, because she was sort of a skank. In a sexy way, though. Otherwise, I am generally pretty good about washing up. In fact, I've been complimented on it. "So many guys don't know how to wash their dick properly", said one friend, once. I used to think that a girl might be insulted if I washed up in front of her, as if she was dirty. In fact, all the pros I've known seem to like an obsessively clean man.

But hey, soap and water ASAP is still no reason to not get regularly tested. I cannot recommend stdexpress.com more highly. I have used it many times, and was always impressed at the convenience, discretion, and quality. Check it out.

But back to the adventure. So I got these crabs, and they are itching crazy. I didn't know why I was itching. I had never had crabs before. But then I remember so terribly clearly seeing one crawling out of my pubic hair one day while pissing into some urinal, and I am like WTF?! So I do what any other independently-minded chap would do... I go to the pet store and get some dog/cat flea & tick powder. And I sprinkle it all over my crotch per the directions. take that, lice!

NO NO NO. I have no idea why companies would make this stuff and what sort of horrible lack of testing goes into pet medical products, but my nut sack turned red, burned for a week, and the skin peeled off like a bad sunburn. Not cool. And I still had the crabs!

Later, I upgraded to human lice shampoo, and that did the trick (make sure you shave or use the little comb; it's important to get rid of the eggs). Now I groom and wash and don't fuck sleazy civvie girls.

So...  

1) Get tested regularly. It's easy and dare I say it almost fun (to know you're healthy).

2) Stay away from the pet store medical products. Even for your pet.

Remember that condoms only protect from STDs spread via bodily fluids. Stuff like crabs, or anything spread via sores (herpes, syphilis, etc) won't necessarily be protected against at all. Virus is often spread in between outbreaks. So GET TESTED regularly. WASH immediately whenever possible. No one likes a scabby oozy weiner

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At first, and still think, this was somewhat of a joke. You are one honest and detailed man, lol. Most likely why you used a new handle without listing anyone you have seen/reviewed. Bravo for that one.

Loved CEO's response. Got his point across pretty quickly. LOL.

I'll make sure not to sprinkle flea powder on my coochie, lol. (I'm groomed, so don't think I'll have to worry about that one.)

Thanks for the STD website. I'll check it out as my doctor may be wondering why the hell I'm getting tested every time I go in, lolol.

Be safe and get ready for some bitching, lol. Very entertaining. You're funny.

May I add... I wasn't making fun of you, I was laughing because I thought this was very entertaining.

-- Modified on 8/18/2013 9:51:13 AM

Lol, I'm sorry but I laughed at OP's post. I'm sorry that happened to you though.

But stories like this are always good to hear (read?) every once in a while so people do get checked out and are aware of their health & safety.

Also - good note about flea & tick powders for pets. My kittie (actual cat, not me, lol) had fleas once and I made the mistake of getting some stuff from Petco. Never again, my cat had burn marks on him for a week or so :/

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Although he knows no one will be checking in, like they do here.

So he will keep posting on the GD board.

will click on his blog and pretend to read it?

Fine...hey OP...write your blog and I promise that I'll go there and read it.

So does Vern

Maybe even a few hookers will pop in?  Who knows  LOL

I just admitted I was a hooker. Shit.

Now do I have to swear with my right hand on the vagina of the number one TER reviewed hooker?

When you log on to his blog so you can comment...

Create a new handle like "notChgoCPA"?  

yourself first?  

Why else would I be using my right hand?

I may just try that... if no one reads our little communication, you'll be the only one to know.

Vern's going with...

WashingtonDCCPA

And Curly said he'll go with

notBarackObama

The possibilities are endless.  Maybe TER will bring back unlimited aliases?

 

I'm pretty creative. Watch me.

http://www.dirtydickscrabs.com/ordereze/intro1.html

-- Modified on 8/18/2013 6:37:26 PM

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to get rid of crabs was to shave one side, light the other side on fire, and stab the little fuckers with an ice pick when they run out...