Just curious, but have any providers ever had clients that were constantly* using them for a reference and how it was handled? Did you just ghost the provider requesting the reference? Did you politely tell the former client that you are pushing the envelop and this will be the last time, unless you pay? Something else?

I never would accept any reference from anyone that I do not know personally in real life, so references is a waste of time. I do my own vetting. I don’t need to know how he was with you. Vibes are different with everyone.  

…if you require references to see a client, then you should provide them as well…maybe 1 or 2 free within six months, but after that, make it clear that a tip is required as there is too much effort to search records and so forth…

The first GFE provider I saw was a well known touring provider from Mn. who used Miss  Betty as an assistant. Asked if could use her as a references her response was “you most certainly  can but beyond a couple hope to see you again.”  
Feel this is fair and have followed this ever since.  
Used provider references to join P411 and never have issue.
Always felt the reverence system was mutually beneficial.but ten to fifteen years ago there was a lot of board banter but a lot more mutual respect and professionalism then there is today.

I think you fail to realize the facts.  

I've always been low enough volume/connection oriented enough that I could give references from memory for well over a year if you told me the guy's name and the city or time frame he saw me last🤷🏻‍♀️ Not too tough to do when you operate your biz a certain way and have a certain type of personality. I cannot fathom charging for, or not responding to, reference requests.  
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Now, the longer it's been since I've seen you, the more likely I am to remind the lady (after I've verified she's indeed a reputable, verifiable provider herself) that because it's been X long since I've seen you, I can't necessarily vouch for how you might behave with her but that at the time of our meeting you were Y type of person (loud/silly/energetic, or soft spoken/dry humor/deep convo, etc) and to double check that the you've no more recent references available.  
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The selfie/ID is for safety... if you've a worrisome history of being violent or reckless, it's public record.  
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But anyone can throw a LinkedIn together.  Shit, I swiped 22 aged company LinkedIns, built them out and added content, added 4-25 employees each, plus built and SEO'd their websites and GMBs, plus Facebook pages with content for the company, founders/C Suite and a few employees each in about 6-7wks during Covid. So having that stuff is nice but isn't impressive, nor is it a hinderance if you don't. What matters more are your business filings with the SoS, IRS, D&B, BBB and the like. Well, and a few other checks-n-balances... You shouldn't have to rely on references if you're not trying to hide easily verifiable, legitimizing information.
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Just be a good boy and play nice... so we can play nice😇 ... or naughty😈
(general implied "you", not personal)

-- Modified on 12/20/2025 4:29:31 PM

In my personal life, I don't get in a car/any version of "private" with a guy without getting a pic of his DL (along with a pic of my outfit) and scheduling it to send to a handful of trusted folk in 12hrs (also with an alarm at 11hrs in case things are going *really* well.🤩) Idea being if I'm alive, I will be able to delete the email and it's not broadcast. If the date is a planned vs spontaneous one, then I get the DL beforehand and do my usual background check... and I still put it in a scheduled email.  
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This is simply the world we live in and how we stay alive🤷🏻‍♀️ And it's how I've had some absolutely amazing experiences, met some fabulous men and safely get a bit of my adventure quota filled.

I think you’re right that a provider who requires or accept references should be willing to provide them as well.

I posted elsewhere on here that I have scrubbed the Internet of most of my deets with a service called DeleteMe. The only thing that comes up when you type my name into Google is a website that mentions my current employer.

Would DeleteMe be able to scrub court records for things like arrests, convictions, T/ROs, criminal traffic issues, divorce or custody proceedings?🤔
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If you have an employer registered with the SoS, does that employer have a website and email? Are you allowed to send an email from your work account to an anonymous, random email and say something innocuous? Is your extension listed in the company phone tree and a call could be placed after hours and ring through to your desk?
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Maybe you are as much of a ghost as you say. I dunno.🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't see a ton of folks so I don't have a ton of experience chasing them. But I think that unless you're in witness protection, it doesn't seem too terribly difficult to reasonably assure myself that you're not an axe murderer or someone with a vested interest in misconstruing the time we spend together (no one looks good in horizontal stripes).

This is probably a "One Out"....however----several years ago I set up an appointment with a provider that traveled the Southeast----she may have stopped now....but.....she insisted upon references from other providers I had seen....so I did as requested/required.....so....I was "Approved" and arrived a little early-traffic was light-- at an Embassy Suites in Atlanta--so I waited in my car until the appointment time---I was about 20 minutes early-----as I sat in my car a Ford Expedition pulled in and parked about four cars over and in front from me....it was said provider and her driver...an older man....she took a carry bag with her and hustled into the hotel while the driver got the rest of their luggage.....at appointment time I texted her to let her know I was there---she texted back that she needed a few minutes---I agreed---but decided to go to the lobby to wait for her to text back....while I was in the Lobby I observed the "Driver" picking up various items in the gift shop---he never noticed me----after about 15 minutes she texted me the room info and to come on up...did so---session was okay----but kinda rushed---preoccupied---etc....2 hour  session....at the conclusion we said our mutual good byes---and I asked if I needed a referral would she provide one.....Funny Part was----she told me she didn't like to give referrals but that I should contact her for another session!  So....kinda makes you wonder about the referral business---we had no negatives in our session---other than I had to wait---but I understood more than she knew (she never saw me while I was in my car---she was very preoccupied getting her stuff together----and I never mentioned me seeing her arrive etc...I  imagine others are pretty much the same way----wants em' but doesn't like giving them---takes $$$ out of their income !!  (I Get It) !

I am reference friendly and I don’t mind giving after one session, although I am transparent when giving my references as to my degree of experience with a particular client.   I did have one client who used me repeatedly for references which might not have been such a bad thing except this continued for years. I was always honest in my replies explaining that I saw “Bob” one time for an hour 2 years ago and was surprised he was still using me as a reference.  Personally I might consider that a red flag.

Your data from data harvesters or aggregators. Court and other public records are not covered by their service. Here’s a list of the 700+ sites they scrub …

Get p-411 and you don't have to deal with this. P-411 providers can see and, contact all of your OKs once you contact them. For others who don't have P-411 you can easily send a snapshot of your Oks to their email easily . I have never had a problem seeing providers outside of the envelope of P-411 this way. You will also find most of the good well reviewed ladies are already on P-411      

Absolutely right but it would be quite an undertaking to search through court records in every state looking for a name. In many cases those court records are by county, making the task pretty much impossible.

I don't see most of your post as being at all relevant to the issue of references.

For continued good luck! If I have the info I ask for then it's usually less than 20min on that particular portion of screening - digging through public/court records that would cause me to pass on a gent, or tick the "not an axe murderer" box. I can't say my method is foolproof, but it's kept me safe thus far without feeling particularly onerous.  
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And honestly, the most tedious and time consuming part of screening is/has always been clearing his references. That's why I always appreciate having them *in addition* to ID/Employment.  If I've been able to do the rest of the process and then find myself waiting 3+ days for reference responses, then I'll likely not bother with them. References are only important to me IF the gent is a bit dodgy with his other info and I'm still on the fence (which sucks for me/us but some guys have been burned and are understandably reticent to share PII).

Okay.....

A reference is basically me putting my name on you; vouching for you. I’m usually happy to do that for clients I remember well and had good experiences with, but it’s not an open-ended thing.

Ah yes the little hold star...

“I’m not a playa I just fuck a lot”  
-Big Pun

Curious if you see many married persons?  This is all fun and games until it’s not.
As I tell my kids, never put anything in photos or writing that you wouldn’t show to your grandmother and teachers!  Look what happened to the Coldplay couple.  
I’m sure if I was you I would do as you do!
Good Day!

This is a good question! A large number of okays on its own, isn’t inherently a problem. Longevity as a client can be contributed to moving cities, providers retiring, travel for work... all of that is normal. I don’t expect anyone to delete their history, and seeing older okays doesn’t automatically read as a red flag to me.

If that's part of any provider's screening I'd be surprised.. Because, why should they care? And why would you ask?
Odd. Damned odd.

And it's guessing because I don't screen particularly for that or keep stats on it... I'd guess that about ⅔ are married. Yes, sometimes I do come across TROs, company dissolutions, marital property, etc in screening but mostly it's something that is volunteered either in screening or during intermission.  
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As for how being married might effect screening, if it comes up that he's a man of means who is separated, or has a significant public presence for business/entertainment/politics... I usually pass. Guys that are in sticky domestic or professional situations, especially when they're "known", very well may have PIs/paparazzi after them and it's just not my jam to get caught up in any of that.  
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I've been married 4 times so the experience of a sexless marriage or mismatched levels of desire, conflicting with having genuine care for/companionship with the spouse or at least the duty of care to them/children, is something I'm intimately familiar with. There's zero moral judgement and if anything, I'm *more* particular about making sure there's no scent to linger, that they've got all their items before they leave, that we're a little more cognizant of the time and other small things to help guard their peace. The more peaceful a friend's work and home life are, the more likely he is to be able to see me again. There is ZERO upside for me to there being any sort of tension, let alone drama, in his life. It's really pretty selfish of me, actually...🤭

Nicky, baby, I may not be psychic but I am smarter than the average bear... and nicer, too... and more fun to roll around with😘 And all that means people feel unusually safe with me😇

Besides what goes on behind closed doors, many providers render lots of services:  obtaining a room, a meal, reservations, travel and transportation, calendar management and follow-ups, which include references.  In service industries, service providers usually have "terms of service," which might be, for example, the number of minutes per month you get on a phone for X dollars, the services your certified masseur will provide, or the number of downloads you can get from a site.    

I was thinking some more about this and if you write a review, you should be entitled to more than one reference in a six month span since new reviews are more valuable than old ones.

so DeleteMe does not scrub criminal or court records…i am not concerned about that as i have neither lol

Why don’t more providers whitelist here on TER?

Isn't there a big difference, according to you?  Since you don't believe in P411 or their Okays and do your own vetting so Whitelisting shouldn't matter either.  

Maybe I'm forever the optimistic pragmatist; I have a funny feeling that where there's a will, there's a way😉
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That being said, your point of ladies missing out on "otherwise good clients" is valid, even if I disagree with your characterization of the screening methods you personally seem to think you cannot pass.
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You know what else we're missing out on? For me, it would be the risk of having the first legal interaction *this century* (haven't had so much as a traffic violation in over 28yrs). Or the risk of being robbed, assaulted or killed. Those are pretty hefty risks compared to losing out on one particular ghost of a *potentially* good client.  
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We also miss out on those *potentially* good clients when we have deposit or screening policies of any sort (someone somewhere will claim to be a perfect client but be unwilling to give ANY PII or send a security for the date), or for that matter, rates anywhere above FREE (you do see how much whining there is about damn near every price point, right?).  
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So yeah, it's a bummer when a guy can't/won't participate fully in whatever policies a lady has. Both parties lose out. But the loss on the gent's side is private time with his choice of partner.  When compared to the potential loss on the lady's side, it becomes a no-brainer to do whatever it is we each feel offers us the most protection balanced against the most opportunities.😇

I want to gently clarify one point here, because I think this is where client and provider perspectives sometimes talk past each other.

I’m not sure why you feel the need to respond if it doesn’t apply to you.  

That said, we as clients do make it harder. As a provider, your name is out there and matches your TER profile. Finding you is easy. But as a client, I'm asked for my real name, not my TER name. I have seen a few who have a box on their booking form for TER handle. I never provide it. I have found some who ask for it want to see that reviews are all high and only positive. Since my reviews are honest, I have both low/bad and high/good reviews. I don't want a provider not seeing me because they expect only high reviews. That has to be earned. So, a provider needs to work harder to figure out my handle.

I whitelist the same as I OK on P411. I see it as a "Yes, a meeting occurred". If a lady reaches out for a reference, that's where any particulars regarding our time together that I feel may be relevant are shared. Two similar but different things IMO.

All I can say is NEVER give out personal info to a provider! Use references or p411! You’ll get burned otherwise!

I am just wondering how the fuck you remember so many unnecessary details about a hooker date you had 2 years ago? Her driver bought items at the gift shop. It was an Embassy Suites in Atlanta. You were 20 minutes early and parked in your Ford Expedition 4 cars down from her. She brought up the carry on bag and her driver brought up the rest. WTF?
*She required references to see her but does not give them out.*
 That is all you needed to say. I got out my red pen and cleaned it up for you, Tolstoy.

A P411 OK means the provider certifies she has seen you. There are no standards at all for a white list. I have one where I’ve never even seen the woman.

"Search records"?

From the standpoint of checks-and-balances within the P411 system, you're absolutely correct. I can't even pull up a gent's profile in P411 if it's been some version of "too long" since we interacted on the platform, let alone OK him. I was referring more to how *I* treat the Whitelist. That's all!😇

I'm fine with that. I understand that it is impossible to determine if reviews increase traffic or not. I also get that many may not want more traffic because this may be a "side hustle."  

I hear that. There is always "the next one" if her screening is not acceptable.

When I read a potential client’s reviews I am not expecting all high scores. Instead I am looking for fairness. If there were low scores there should be a fair justification why those were given. I am fully aware that all providers aren’t perfect and bad sessions occur. Too many bad reviews are a red flag though. This suggests the client is either choosing poorly or doing something to negatively affect the sessions.  

I think it’s very unfair to post this bs. I have never burned anyone. Maybe you’re picking poor providers? Did you ever think it’s your poor judgement?

As a client, unless you explicitly state this, I don’t know how you will approach my reviews. There’s a variance of why a TER handle is asked for and what is expected from reviews. I know providers who ask for it just so they can immediately screen a client out because they don’t want any more reviews. And, I am aware that there are ones using them fairly like yourself.

I like to read a few reviews to see what sort of interactions he prefers - whom he's rated high/low for looks (do I fit his preferred "look" or am I an outlier), what sort of acts/vibes does he give higher ratings to and what leaves him disappointed, are his ratings basically in line with the others the lady has received or is he the outlier (understanding that anyone can have a bad day), is his price point relatively in line with mine or is he stretching himself to see me. This info has never DQ'd anyone, it just helps me know what I might want to focus on to have the best date possible.
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However, if a gent has 30+ reviews and has never given a 10, it's a fair indication he's either captious and perpetually displeased, or chooses companions poorly and can't seem to learn from his mistakes, or is so stuck in FOMO that he can't live in/enjoy the present moment. Who wants to hang out with those personality types‽ And if he gives 10's out like popcorn to pigeons at the park, he may be an "easy" date but I won't connect well with him so my personal satisfaction is likely to be lower. (And yes, contrary to what some may think, some of us DO GAF about OUR OWN enjoyment in these encounters and don't simply accept anyone able to throw some cash around.)  
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And then there's the liars.... I had an inquiry recently where the gent said that he's a newbie and acted the part but I was able to suss out that not only is he experienced (to the tune of over 34 reviews over 4yrs) but he's one of those perpetually displeased/FOMO types. No wonder he plays the newb... DQ.
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Also, it's helpful if their reviews show a clear preference for things I have boundaries around (BBFS or extreme domination play for example, I enjoy bottoming sometimes but I am *not* sub). But it's doubtful guys into that stuff would inquire with me anyway as there are ladies who are quite open about providing those services. If they did inquire, I think it's only fair that I'm informed of their proclivities.  
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Informed consent matters on both sides of the aisle. You guys get to see what we're all about based off reviews, if you're not a schmuck, you shouldn't be worried about us seeing what you're all about.🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone just want to have a good time and that happens best when everyone's fully informed.

-- Modified on 1/3/2026 12:14:08 PM

I had a provider who’s only screening requirement was my TER handle. No id. No selfie. No references.