It is official - I have made deposits or advance payments 3 times now, and I have lost every penny.

Two of them were with people I thought I knew and trusted.  Oh well . . .

The last time, I made an overnight date with someone I have known for a long time.  Along the way, she asked me for an advance to cover some bills she couldn't pay, which I trusted her with.  The meeting did not happen for what I believe were perfectly understandable reasons - no blame there.

I just made another date with her, which she seemed eager to go for, but when I raised the question of getting a credit for that advance, she stopped returning my messages.

It is easy to say "never again," but what are your experiences?

Paddy

Never made a deposit....my take...well after you have been stiffed 3 times....uh...hello...???

You should mention to them that they need to either fulfill their obligations or return the money.  Give them a reasonable amount of time to do that, and inform them that if something "comes up" again, that you will be posting the information publicly.  

It's a shame that this happened, but unless you out them, they will keep doing it to other gents such as yourself.  Consider how it would have helped you to have heard about similar situations before you were asked for the deposits or advance...  

Give them an ultimatum and follow through on it if they don't comply.  They give the rest of us that actually handle deposits professionally a bad name.

xoMegan

Very well said!

Thanks for reminding us the dangers of deposits.

I would never threaten someone.

Just move on. The money is gone, the provide/client relationship ruined.

Lesson learned.

Even giving the donation at the start of a date is no guarentee of qality service, but I think the odds are better.
It's hard to refuse a beautiful lady you've had great sex with...  but it carries increased risk.  Basically it's a loan & the boards have several threads about this event.  Providers should be skilled business persons...  or hire someone who is!  I know truckers & commercial fisherman who use a book-keeping service to pay bills & manage their money.  

If I was owed a cash advance, I think I'd put an IOU in the next envolupe with the balance of the donation.  

It's surprising how many providers are willing to destroy the relationship with a good repeat customer by stealing from them.  Upselling, under-performing, shorting time contracted are all scams.  Quality ladies don't scam...  & get my business.  TER has been such a resource.

I'm not sure how you post this but you ought to be able to correct or write a new review for your last previous appointment which includes the deposit informationj.
skb

Sorry to read about your situation, deposits and advances are like lending to an escort. Only deposit or advance what you can afford to write off.Was there any indication in the reviews of this type of behavior?  I have never given a deposit or advance, however, I have never had an overnight.

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. There are ladies in this industry who are professional and do take any deposits very seriously.

Personally, I have gotten deposits and loans. I have always traded what I promised in exchange.

I hope you at least warn others so they cannot pull the same scams. Ladies that do things like that make it much harder for the honest, trustworthy ones.

Just my .02

Nikki

My experience is: I am a professional provider. My favorite clients are always going to be regulars. I respect them and treat them as such.

Unless I am going out of town, I have no reason to ask for a deposit. If a client is a no show....OH WELL. Either I can book another client or more likely I can spend the evening with my family.....and make a mental note to NOT AGREE TO AN OVERNIGHT WITH THIS CLIENT AGAIN. The only time I will do a deposit is when I am going out of town with a client. I only go out of town with clients I know very very well.

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES would I ever ask a client for a loan...WTF is that all about? I don't think it would be cool if a hobbyist showed up for a date with an IOU on the envelope.


Allure`

and was prepared to write it off.

Everything went fine, well better than fine.  Was one of the most memorable times, and was before I found TER.  We had a 6 hour dinner date with multiple rounds.

briangs back nice memories...

however, if asked for a deposit now, I'd probably pass.

I do agree that the money is gone, the relationship ruined. And I do agree never to "threaten" -

But I agree 100% with redhot. Out them. Spare others from a similar fate.

if she does not pay you back out her.

-- Modified on 5/4/2009 8:15:30 AM

Assuming that we have all the facts, the ladies did wrong.

There was a lady in Las Vegas a couple years back that regularly played the "I'm short, can you pay ahead of time" routine, followed by begging off the date.  She tried it with me to no avail, always showed up and provided well.  In the end, the bad press dried up her business.

and I never ask for a deposit.

Now if I were getting a hotel room or travel then I might ask for the hotel cost. No I wouldn't do that either I would just tust that was covered when we meet.

I could never close my eyes with someone I don't know really well would you ?

Kisses Haley

for multi-hour dates (after I was burned too many times by first-time "wishful thinkers" who booked big, prime-time spots and then NC/NSed or canceled last minute.)

I have always honored my commitments and there has never been an issue.

However, after these types of "don't ever give a deposit" threads appear, I often see a temporary reluctance in my customers-- until they remember that they can check my honesty, credibility and professionalism through 6 pages of stellar reviews.

The truth is, there are dubiuous players on both side of this business. Trust CAN be misplaced.

I believe the burden is on each of us to show our colors. I know I have.

one of my regulars was leaving for the winter...the last time i saw him he paid me for his first appt upon his return...he came back 3 months later and I offered him my 1st available appt...I never ask ANYONE for advance payment UNLESS the man wants to see me but has canceled on me more than once...in which case, it is merely an insurance policy...I do however feel for you...the gal in question is a LOSER!

I have gambled and seen 2 women for overnights that I never seen before. In both cases it worked out great. One of the the ladies I saw her for another 2 over nighters.

why then would she ask me for a deposit?

There are a wide variety of ladies available to see at any one time. I have made a decision not to become so fixated on any particular lady that I would give a deposit, or for that matter make any other provision with which I was uncomfortable....

I also agree that the relationship is ruined, and if I was in the gentleman's position I would never see these ladies again.

However, I also believe in giving people every opportunity to rectify a bad situation before taking drastic action. Outing them might give you some satisfaction and save other gentlemen from a similar fate, but it will not get your money back. I think the original suggestion of demanding the money first, and making the consequences of non-compliance clear, would produce a better outcome for you and the lady.

I don't understand why a provider would need a deposit or an advance, at least from a business point of view.

Before a session, then a deposit can be warranted.  OTOH, If you are seeing a woman that you have seen many times, and have a good relationship, a deposit is not needed typically because you will not "string along" a woman and then cancel at the last minute causing her to have to spend a large quantity of money.

Personally I have never had the need to send a deposit.  I simply cannot plan my hobbying that far in advance with any certaintity.



-- Modified on 5/4/2009 12:36:44 PM

should not be needed except for special circumstances.
Travel long distance.
Over nights or more.
Cost of a special outfit you request.
etc
& should be limited to that upfront cost.  

One should not do such special occasions except with someone yu've had several successful extended dates with.  (Nothing could be worse than going on a get away weekend only to discover you can't stand each other!)  Even then the deposit should be enough that you'd not want to lose it but the bulk of the compensation would be after joining up.
skb

I also routinely receive deposits; so far, no issues.

I agree that it is very important for both parties to establish that the other is legitimate/trustworthy. However, if I had been burned as many times as the OP, I'd be hesitant to continue giving deposits too.

how it turns out in June. I haven't had much contact with her lately. Sent her a text telling her when I'll be in town. So, I'm waiting to see if she's going to make a sucker out of me, or show me how much she appreciated my generosity. Which she said she would.

Anyway, time will tell.

Although what I was looking for was shared experiences, I appreciate all the input.

As a couple of followup comments:

1. It occurs to me that I can always afford to lose the advance/loan.  After all, if she does show up, I still don't have it, right?

2. The surprising thing to me is that this is a person who I have known for years, and have never had a problem with.  I am completely surprised.  I have asked her for an explanation, but have not heard anything yet.

3. In no event will I "out" her.  There may be a back story that I do not yet know.  Maybe her mother died in (you pick the state) and she's out there not thinking about this right now.  In any event, I don't want what is sure to be the drama that will follow.

The takeaway for me is that the only way I will make another deposit is if I am asking someone to take on an advance expense for me.  And no sob stories about the power being turned off will result in a loan.  This will probably hurt some innocent person in the future, but 0 for 3 is not a good track record.  I think someone above said "Hello?"  Right on.

Thanks again for the input.

Paddy