Wife may have cought STD from me last week we were on vacation together. Aside from last week, it's been at least 1.5~2 years since wife and I last had sex, due to having a baby and being very busy. Of course, I was thinking with my dick and hobbied during that time. I did get tested a few times last year (but in hindsight I should have gotten the full panel not just culture tests). I didn't see ANY pain, discharge, or symptoms on my part at any time so I figured I'm ok, but it looks like there are STDs that don't show any sign in men but still dormant and infective.

Well wife and I went on a vacation last week and had bareback sex. A few days later, she's complaining of severe itch and says it's 'red' in that area. Urinary tract infection home-test shows positive and she also used yeast infection medication to no avail.

Wife's going to see a gyno tomorrow... and I'm pretty sure it'll be some sort of STD which I will have to answer. Possibly 'trigg' / trichomonasis? I don't know, but it seems likely.

I am planning on quitting the hobby after this because it's just not worth the risk, agony, and drama. I'm thinking that my kid will also need to be tested since if it was a bacteria/parasite it is known to live on bed sheets/towels too. Since he's a boy/male, he may not show any symptoms even if he was infected with it.

Anyway, I need to be ready to answer some very tough questions tomorrow. I'm not sure if honesty is the best policy in this situation since she might just leave me. Granted, she's a forgiving/loving type but I am not sure if I want to play roullette by being upfront about it. Either way, need some good advice here... and possibly a good excuse.

Hmmm first time having sex with her in 1.5-2 years, you never know she might have a sex buddy on the side that has given her an STD. She might have to make a confession to you. I'm curious, have you been having bareback sex with providers. Please keep us informed..

While you wait for your wife to see her gyno who will probably request some testing be done. It will take a few days for all the results to come back.

In the mean time you need to scurry and get a complete panel done yourself and wait for the results to come back.

It takes weeks for an STD to show after infection and if you just did her last week, I doubt it will show this fast. More likely just a coincidence. It could be anything like weather change, different panties she was wearing, rough sex or just not having sex in two years.

She could be cheating on you and got it from her lover. It might have just flared after she did it with someone else. I doubt this is the case because she would be just giving herself away by telling you.

The result of her tests and your tests dictate what you do next.

Now, were you barebacking providers?

I don't know if you could work it towards, we all got the same thing at the same resort at the same time or not.  If not, take a chance on coming clean.  Honesty, sincerity and your sorrow for the mistake you made will hopefully go along way toward salvaging the relationship.  However be prepared for a long, tuff grind.  Trust is almost impossible to regain.       Wishing you good luck.

I agree with some. She may have as much to tell you as you have to tell her. For the time, stfu. Go on the web and study potential STDs and what can cause them. If the STD is a contact STD, dirty laundry, dirty toilet seats, dirty hot tube surfaces, dirty gym benches could have caused her problem, use your head. The warmer weather could have brought on her itch. Study and be prepared. If her problem is weather related itch, you're home free. My advice is you stop hobbying.

"Either way, need some good advice here... and possibly a good excuse."

An excuse???  An excuse?????   That'll just make things way worse dude.  

You got yourself in to this mess by being selfish, deceitful, and dishonest.  It's time to try being a man and showing some character and having an open, honest conversation with your life partner.  An excuse?????   A coverup will eventually catch up to you and make things way worse.  All you got left buddy is your self respect if you can salvage that with a little honesty and stepping up to your own, self-induced mess.

...didn't have enough time ("being very busy")to have sex with your wife?  Geeez, but you had time to do research, schedule an escort, and then go show up????  You need to get your priorities straight pal.  I haven't one iota of empathy for you.

Your best bet is to wait until the gyno results come back. In the meantime, like another commenter pointed out, get tested as well. STDs are usually more visible in men than they are with women. Men are more likely to show symptoms versus it can go undetected in women until they get their next pap smear.

Considering you were just on vacation, perhaps she is having an allergic reaction to some new bath product, the fabric of the swimsuit she wore, tight panties, etc. There's a million variables that could cause irritation down there for a female. Also, you said she tested positive for a UTI. Sometimes over the counter medicine does nothing and you have to go to the doctor to get antibiotics to clear it up. With no medical expertise backing me up, I have to say that this seems like the most likely outcome.

I wouldn't admit to having visited providers to your wife unless you are ready to watch your marriage disappear. It's safer to lie and say you had a one night stand a while back or that you carried on with a short affair.

At the very least, hopefully this opens up the lines of communication with your wife and you can rectify the whole two year gap without sex. What type of relationship is that? You obviously started looking elsewhere as a result, and I'm sure she wasn't happy with the situation either. I'd start working on your marriage ASAP and make time for each other.

-Zoe

Like someone else said, it takes weeks to show STD infection so, STFU. If you blabber, you are going to be up shit creek without paddle.

Do you have an issue of thinking "if anything can go wrong, it will surely go wrong for me". Have faith and wait.

Were you bare backing and that's a no and an emphatic no. Understand condoms are not 100% but chances of faction by using is less than 10%.

Do not panic. Whatever happens, keep cool.

came down with some symptoms that I couldn't explain, so I went and got tested and found out it was chlamydia.  But I had only been dating one woman and I thought we were exclusive.  I told her that she needed to be checked out and she said it couldn't possibly be her because she had no symptoms (women frequently don't with chlamydia).  This went on for a month, during which time she re-infected me and I had to go back on antibiotics.  She finally got tested.

Anyway, it turned out she gave it to me and she finally confessed to giving a blow job to a guy at the company Christmas party (that I knew) and he gave it to her!  She probably have fucked him too, but she coped to a BJ.  

The point is, you don't know what you're really dealing with so don't let a guilty conscience ruin your marriage until you get the facts.  Then deal with the facts.  I "manned-up" and told my SO that I gave her an STD and it turned out she gave it to me and she was the one that was disloyal.

I don't want to fuel paranoia, but if you haven't had sex with your wife in over a year, then anything is possible and the original poster may be in the same situation I was in.

if your wife hasn't been having sex for a very long time it could just be that she had a bit of an injury after such a long break. as a result she is likely just having a UTI on her own bugs and nothing you gave her.

i'm not a doctor but this is my story. due to work and travel an SO and i were separated for some months. i didn't cheat on our agreement and have no reason to think she did. first time back together we had sex and she wound up getting a UTI very shortly. the Dr said it was probably already there in low grade form and just got kicked up a notch due to some mild bruising during sex.

your situation reminds me of that experience of mine. so chill and wait.

Tell her you got your blood prick by a needle that may have been infected. Find something.

I married my first wife as a virgin and remained faithful until the marriage was dissolved. No way on earth could I have given her something. (I DID rent escorts to attend company parties and stuff, but never had sex with them.)

Well, one day she comes down with chlamydia. You don't get that off a toilet seat, you know. In her case, it was courtesy of a former boss. I laughed my ass off when he didn't leave his wife for mine.

Guess what? Women cheat. In fact, the percentage of women who cheat is as high as the percentage of men who cheat. 10% of babies born to married couples aren't the father's. In an era with widely available birth control, that tells you right there that wives are doing a helluva lot of cheating.

So it is dumb to assume that she got an STD from you.

Second story. Current wife just plain can't have sex. One day, hopefully, she'll be able to. But for now that's not an option. So, again, no way could I possibly pass her an STD because there's no sexual contact.

She gets this rash all over her vulva. It looks horrible -- like she just caught about the worst case of herpes on the planet. I take her down to the doctor (I have to be in with her), and she has something called "vulvitis" which is basically a wacked-out diaper rash; likely due to a switch in medications.

So, again, don't assume it has anything to do with you.

I would, however, get checked.

As a sidenote; the most likely time for a man to cheat is right after childbirth. There are a host of reasons for this. But it is often preventable if the reasons are understood by both partners and actively alleviated by people who will be less than selfish.

how about the Eddy Murphy routine from Saturday Night Live   .....wife walks in while he is fucking a chick he gets up nonchalantly starts putting his pants on ,other woman dresses, walks out he acts like he was in the room alone, wife questions him and he answers  "are you going to believe your lying eyes or ME"

absolutely jack-shit.

You are on the wrong board of discussions to be giving you're self-righteous sermon as presented.

Does it seem odd that no other posters here to SO gave anything close to your BS shot at him? You are clearly a pathetic excuse for what you are attempting to present.

Why are YOU on this board about FUCKING & SUCKING?

I you seeing escorts? If you do you have reason to give the advise you did. If you are not FUCKING providers you are on the wrong website. GO WAY.

basement window and kill yourself!  Maybe just slowly saw off your penis as a show of your undying love and remorse!
Geeze....get a hold of yourself (no pun intended).
Who knows in that year and a half while you were playing, maybe she was too...just waiting for you to fuck her again so she could blame it on you, file for divorce, take your kid, move to another state, with your car and bank account...and on and on.  Am I making you feel better yet?

NOw...keep your mouth SHUT...you know...STFU!  Hell she could have any of a variety of problems, none of which is an STD.  Christ, womoen are notorious for wiping their asses forward, pulling shit across 3 holes!  Why do you think UTI's are 20 times more prevelent in women than men!
Hell if her cooter has been sitting idle for all that time, the fricion alone could cause enough irritation to allow an opportunistic infection to take hold.

Get a handful of Xanax, was them down with a pint of vodka, and settle down before you have a heart attack, and die.......before she gets the chance to leave you!

BTW...you are wrong...MOST common std's DO show symptoms in men.  Very few just lie dormant, waiting to infect your wife!  The wee beasties love to swell up your urethra, drip pus in your pants, and make each piss feel like napalm is coming out.

There I gave you both sides.  The good and the bad.  This way, no matter which way this turns out...either a harmless candidiases, from taking so long to fuck you, or a nice case of clap that you gave her...........

I cannot be wrong!!!!  

Calm the F*** down.  Don't BLAB ANYTHING.  I came down with an irritation last fall.  I know guys aren't supposed to get UTIs, but I sure as hell did.  A nasty drug resistant strain.  I politely informed my ATF, the only one I had been with besides SO.  She was confident, as we'd used all precautions.
I was STD tested (negative) before the UTI infection was diagnosed & tested.

ATF did have a funny story about a former client...  no names & I have no clue who she might be talking about.  Client suddenly had a horrible rash down there...  confessed all to wifee.  She's divorcing him.  
He'd been out raking leaved & peed before washing his hands.  Transfered poison ivy to his parts.  

Many women get UTIs after having sex.  It's had to say what went wrong sometimes it happens even if scrupiously hygenic.  

Stay calm.  Wait for the results.  Go get yourself tested & treated as necessary.  STFU until you know what is going on for real.

Whether you continue in the hobby or not is your business.  
Best wishes,  skb

The exact same religious views that prohibit anything but monogamy also, and quite specifically, prohibit sex with providers -- even by those who are single.

As my grandfather would say: "You'll go to Hell for lyin' same as for stealin' a horse."

If the poster subscribes to these notions from a religious perspective; those same perspectives condemn him/her.

The place where the poster may have a valid point is in breaching a promise. Promises, however, are bilateral. Likely the first breach of promise was in a wife who wouldn't take time off to put hubby first.

goofball gets on a HO board preaching morals!!!

I'm sure this is a person who had a failed marriage, and is now divorced.  That makes everything OK from his/her point of view, and gives free admission to the soapbox!

Smarty's right....Go away!  You will probably fit in better on the PR board!

without worrying about getting moderated by my own brother. rofl

I wonder if my brother would at least let me call him a fucking douche bag? I don't think he would get too upset with that, do you? lol Or maybe a "sanctimonious douche bag"? that sounds a little bit better, I'll ask my brother and see if that is permitted. lmao

for not finding time to give attention to his s/o. That's contemptable IMO. Finding time to visit hookers but not being there for a loved one. BS!!!

I also didn't see the 'sermon' that you claim.

You're correct that this may not be the time and place for his counter-point.

A promise/covenant broken does not give permission to any bilateral 'brokeness'.

If you have no symptoms; your wife may have a yeast infection.  If she used an over the counter cream, this may have aggravated her symptoms.  For example, Monostat is notorious for causing intense redness and burning pain in some women. It can last for days on end too.  Herpez is a nasty little STD that can be easily transmitted. There is oral Herpez and genital Herpez. Either can be transmitted via sexual intercourse. If you had a BBBJ, it is possible to have contracted Herpez and infected your wife with it. Still await the test results before doing anything.

they are worth the same as originally described.. Jack Shit.

Because you've come to his rescue does not change my mind on that.

I wonder why... he has not come back to defend HIMSELF?

Especially on a board like this.

The hypocrisy expressed on this (and other) boards never ceases to amaze me.

Even an asshole as big as me would never think to tell another man how to treat his own wife. I can't think of anything more sanctimonious and downright fucking rude to do. How the fuck do any of us know what is going on in this guy's private life? and who are we to judge even if we did?

but you're right;we don't know what's going on behind the curtain.

i was rescuing his right to voice an opinion without having someone jump down his throat. Much as i would with you.

My family has made great sacrifices to protect that very issue. Even assholes(except Liorr)have a right to speak.

We also have the right to take him to task for telling a man how often (if ever) he needs to fuck his own wife.

I can guarantee you that if that comment were made in person to even the biggest and most spineless mangina on the board, even Alfalfa or Mattgina, the little fuckwad who uttered it would be needing some dental work.

It takes a lot of nerve to come out on a "Ho board" and tell one of its members that he should be home fucking his wife. The fact that only a few posters told him to take his advice and shove it is a sign of how spineless and PC most of the posters on this board have become. Only the fact that my "brother" would have to moderate me if I were to tell that little hypocritical maggot how I really feel about him keeps me from commenting further.

This is not the place for him to make the statements that he did. But i believe in the sanctity of marriage;you know that.


Your brother is here with me. GO AHEAD!!LOL

Even at your drunkest, most idiotic self, can you see yourself coming onto a "ho board" and chastising men for cheating on their wives???

Maybe I can get LP and my brother to have a "Post something super stupid and hypocritcal, and have the other posters tear you apart day", now doesnt' that sound like fun for a theme day??? lmao

I am with you for this one.  Bring STD home is outrageous.

"Christ, womoen are notorious for wiping their asses forward, pulling shit across 3 holes!"

I am completely speechless if you actually believe this.

Assuming you're happily married and like your life now, I don't think you should tell your wife about your hobbying. If it turns out to be Trichomonasis, act surprised and say you need to get tested too. It might sound messed up but what is the alternative? Fess up, cause your family a lot of pain and shame and if you don't divorce may be ostracized by your wife. Never underestiamte the power of denial.

I think for a lot of us with SO's, your situation is the worse case scenario that can happen to any of us. The fear and guilt you must be facing, I feel for you man. Unfortunately what's done cannot be undone. If it is Trichomonasis then its a STD that can be treated and cured, not something worse. Obviously this is a wake up call but you've already decided to stop so that's the right step.

it might just be a urinary tract infection. It will give some women the same type of symptoms. I would just go to a clinic and get checked and start taking the antibiotics.