I recently set up a trip to another city. Before the trip, I had been talking to a prospective client about a meeting. He was unable to meet during any of the times I had available. The few days leading up to my trip, he e-mailed me no less than 5 times each day, expressing his desire to meet. Asking me to e-mail him as soon as I could to set something up. I told him that one or two e-mails would suffice, and I would get back to him as soon as I possibly could. Finally I gave in and agreed to set up a late check-out so that I could accomodate him.
On the day I was traveling, he sent me 8 e-mails. He was getting upset in the e-mails because I hadn't replied to any of them yet. I told him I would be traveling and it would be late evening before I could get online. I was finally able to get online and sent him a very polite e-mail telling him that 8 e-mails when he knew I was going to be traveling all day was a bit excessive, and to try to limit them to one or two. I then gave him my phone number and asked him to call me during a 4 hour time period the following day, to confirm our meeting for the day after. When I was able to check my mail about 1pm, he had already sent me 6 e-mails within a 3 hour time period. He was upset because he would not be able to call during the specified time. By the 6th e-mail, he was extremely agitated that I had not yet replied to any of them. "Sure wish you would check your e-mail. Why haven't you checked it yet? Where are you? What are you doing?".
Honestly, he scared me. I decided I did not want to go through with the appointment. I did not want to see him at that point, and did not want to have a meeting where I was paranoid the whole time. So I sent him an e-mail asking him please not to contact me again, that his e-mails were too excessive especially after I had "warned" him about it the day before, and several days before that. I wished him well and I thought that 24 hours was ample cancellation time. Well, he called me on Friday and left a 10 minute message asking me why I didn't want to see him, where I was, and why wasn't I answering my phone, as well as sending 3 e-mails.
I returned home this evening to find a rather nasty e-mail from him. I will paste the relevant parts.
 
  "hope you dont treat everyone like this....guess i have no alternative but to leave unfavorable criticism of you and your services on any and all sites i can find you listed on....
i did nothing wrong, just tried to contact you to tell you i could NOT call you when you told me to..my subsequent e mails were updates of when i could be here, what i might be able to do in the way of a phone call, etc etc....
i doubt if it will do any good....you can dupe all you want and still have guys come to you....we are nothing but scumbags anyway.....to reap big monetary donations from to make your life safe and secure....
pretty sad way to make the money, tho.....using your body.....
if you could add a decent temperament and courteous approach to your body and what you do to guys, you would be a cool lady....
too bad you dont and youre not....
now where can i find your listings so i can warn others.....
will you help me? hahaha."

Needless to say that now I am just pissed off. Was I being overly paranoid by telling him I didn't think it would be a good idea if we met? Was I out of line to tell him that his e-mails were excessive? To ask him to please not contact me again?
I am so glad I did not see him. It is obvious from his above comments how he thinks of escorts and who knows how he would have behaved if we did have an actual meeting.
I guess I just needed to vent and get some input. If you've made it through this far, thanks!

For what it's worth, I think you done the right thing.  Nothing is worth your safety.  And yes, he does seem a bit obsessed.  His last e-mail to you shows his true colors, and I'm sure that you don't want to be alone with that sort of person.  Follow your gut, and always err on the side of caution.

As to wheter he will write bad reviews of you - that is entirely possible.  I had a similar situation a few months back with a client whom I just got really bad vibes from.  He wanted to extend the session, and I declined.  He then sent me 4 e-mails and 4 voice messages over the next day expressing what a wonderful time he had, and how he wanted to see me again as soon as possible.  I courteously declined, and nicely asked him to stop calling me.  Several more voice and e-mails practically begging to see me (yes I have them saved), and when I really stressed I didn't want any contact with him anymore, I got one nasty e-mail, similar to yours.  He did post a terrible review of me on this and at least one other board that I am aware of.

I wouldn't worry about one negative review though.  You really done nothing wrong.  Even if he writes complete BS about you, most people will be smart enough to see through it.  I think most people look to reviews to see how you are overall.  The reviews on both extrems (positive and negative) usually don't carry too much weight, since that doesn't represent how you typically behave.

Overall though, I think you handled yourself well, and treated him with respect and courtesy.  It is up to you whom you decide to visit with, and you should never let anything jeoprodize your feeling of safety.  You provided him with plenty of notice,  were polite in responding, and even gave him a reason for choosing not to meet with him.  And in the end, it turns out your instincts were right.

I know it's stressful right now because you feel that the ball is in his court, and you are worried about possible negative publicity.  But in all honesty, I don't think it will affect your business.  Be glad that you got away from this one with nothing worse than a possible negative review.

 
No, you are lucky you did not meet this guy. Do you know what handle he uses? It might be wise to forward that email to any review sites you know so that when his nasty report goes in it won't be posted. And then watch them. If something slips through, notify mgt.

This ought to cheer you up ... it came in an email today ...


Subj: Reality Fairy Tales...........

      Once upon a time, in a land far away,
             ~~~~~~~~
      a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
             ~~~~~~~~
         happened upon a frog as she sat,
             ~~~~~~~~
           contemplating ecological issues
             ~~~~~~~~
                  on the shores of an unpolluted pond
             ~~~~~~~~
                and a verdant meadow near her castle.
             ~~~~~~~~
                 The frog hopped into the princess' lap
             ~~~~~~~~
        and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince,
               ~~~~~~
                   until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
             ~~~~~~~~
                One kiss from you, however,
             ~~~~~~~~
            and I will turn back into the dapper,
             ~~~~~~~~~
      young prince that I am and then, my sweet,
             ~~~~~~~~~
            we can marry and setup housekeeping
             ~~~~~~~~~
             in your castle with my mother,
             ~~~~~~~
          where you can prepare my meals,
             ~~~~~~~~
      clean my clothes, bear my children,
             ~~~~~~~~
      and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
             ~~~~~~~~
      That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
             ~~~~~~~~
              on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs
             ~~~~~~~~
      seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
             ~~~~~~~~
            she chuckled and thought to herself:
             ~~~~~~~~
                 I don't fucking think so.

                  ~~~~ The End ~~~~

Have look at mine for the day:

(Mind you this was less then 10 hours after he emailed me....on a Sunday which I usually reserve for family.

He wanted to confirm when he could call me before our set meeeting time a week from today~I had already given him my phone number(twice)and told him we could set a time for the call. I was supposed to write back and tell him when.  went to write back and found this email in my box:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't you think I deserve a response and a prompt resolution of this matter? I thought by stepping up and sending you the package, I would get a bit more of your attention.....I thought you said you don't bite off more than you can chew.

Maybe I am jumping the gun here, but I am surely begining to get a bit offended. Let me know where we are going here. I really don't know too many people who would pay for this kind of treatment. I'd appreciate a prompt response and some closure on this. Thanks.

BTW, I really think you should get one of those cheap/dispensible cell phones -- at least for the duration of the date, give or take a week. It is silly to think that someone like me who has tried to earn a bit of your trust would misuse the privelege of contacting you directly. Besides you can always discard it. You ought to really think about how you are going to handle preferred clientele like me and consider lowering these unusual barriers to communication a bit. We are not those hobbyists, from those review boards who appear demanding and not that generous. We just want to maintain our privacy, not invade yours, and pay your well for establishing a preferred relationship. Can you tell me how you are going to treat me differently than your regular clients?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think it is clear I will NOT be meeting this man! I tried to ask him what adress to send his deposit to and he refused.

Anyone want to meet me in Vegas???


Be safe and listen to your instinct!!
Katlyn

-- Modified on 11/26/2003 12:12:57 AM

Better safe than sorry. What a nut case.

Who knows what may have happened, God forbid, if you had met with this guy. Thankfully you didn't, and are safe.

Stay that way.

Jimbo

If you want affirmation, I guess you did the right thing.

There is no one but you to make sure you are safe so you do need to feel secure.  I think this guy was probably harmless but again see above.

This guy would stick out like a sore thumb if he tried to contact you again even under a different name because he is just too compulsive.  If you somehow booked him, he'd reveal himself in some way before the appt ever came up.

Why not just block his email and be done with it.  You aren't ever going to want him as a client anyway.

My phone pest woke me up an hour or two ago and I haven't been able to go back to sleep.  He's called back three times since the original call tonight.  I haven't answered, but I have been playing the game in my mind of things I would really like to say to him.
He's been making fake appointments with me for months now. He usually calls during the day.  And I have noticed a pattern.  He always calls when weather is bad.  Maybe he does construction work and he is bored when its raining and he can't work?
I don't answer his calls, but at least once a week he calls from a number that I don't recognize and I play along, as a general rule, for the first call or two.  I have always believed in "killing a person with kindness" but that hasn't worked in this person's case.  I don't know who he is or why he does this.  The kind of funny thing is, being such a phone pest you would think he would drag it out as long as possible-he loves to talk about what will I wear, and can I paint my nails pink, etc., but instead he always calls back trying to move his appointment (which we both know he isn't going to keep) up, as in, I just can't wait till this afternoon, can I come over right now?  You may wonder why I answer the second call, knowing its him.  I only do so accidently, and he generally calls right back before I can have a chance to start checking him out.
I may just go back to not answering my phone.  
What is the psychology behind a person who acts like this?
I wish I had some answers for you, I guess I just needed to vent.

I just read orthodox's post and that is so true.  
Even though he has tricked me a few times when I first answer, before I hang up several things have tipped me off.
He asks too many questions, he has many requests, he has no references from other providers, he tries to make the appointment for sometime very soon, and he tries to appeal to my greed, among other things.
How do you get someone like this to leave you alone?  I'v tried everything except for being rude to him.  Being mean or rude does not come naturally and I am afraid it might incite him to something worse than phone calls.  
Or does a phone pest usually stick with calls?  Do they ever start harassing you in person?  Well, as I wrote that, I realized that I can answer my own question. Yes, as that happened to me a few years ago.  But he was married and easier to get rid of, as he would actually show up for his appointments.
I have to stop thinking about him and go to sleep.  This is probably just what he wants.  But why?
Is he a potential client who can't afford services and he is getting even in this way?

Hi, I am new here, but just wanted to say that kind of thing happens in the UK too.

I've had two email stalkers as I call them, who just would not quit until I showed my wrath. One even said I deserved to be raped!
Now the thing is if this guy is so heated about the way you chose to make a living why an earth is he seeking your services?
The answer - because he has issues. Big fat ones with bells on.

The great thing about it is you used your gut instinct and it could have turned quite nasty. You did do the right thing, and maybe if someone has not already mentioned it you should put a warning out on his email and last 4 digits of his number. Sorry that's what we do here on escort watch. Not sure if this is the done thing, but for people who generally want to freak you out it's the only course of action to take to save other ladies going through the same thing.

There will always be men who don't appreciate and even loath what we do, there will always be girls who loath what they do and give bad service. Then you have the ladies and gents who love giving to this hobby and receiving, and it's those people who are a credit to the oldest profession in the world.

Warm hugs and stay safe all.

Indi xxx

You did the right thing.

Never ever feel guilty for not seeing someone. IF your gut instict says don't go, well then don't. Its not worth it.

Shaye

I agree whole heartedly with most of what people are telling you here:
--You were uncomfortable about him
--You protected yourself by not seeing him
You have to err on the side of caution.

Take care of yourself.  His note that you quoted seems to reconfirm that you did the right thing.  Do not worry yourself.

You did the right thing.  Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get further involved with this obsessive personality.  The threat of a bad review is simply an attempt to draw you in.  What is important to this guy is exercising control over you -- it's the same type of thing as threatening or harassing phone calls.  Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him.  (You may, however, want to offer to other providers to out him [not on a bulletin board, but in private emails] for their protection).  

Oh, and rest assured:  he's probably reading all of these posts and getting his jollies from all of the attention.  Sick, sick.

Actually, I think your politely telling him you couldn't see him was a correct choice. I have a guy that emails me daily and that's okay. However, he wants to chat all day and I have other things to do than to amuse him with sensual emails. I've politely told him, several times, there's certain things I won't say over the Internet. I've also politely asked him to send only one or two emails a day. He says he keeps forgetting. Hmm . . . and I thought I had brain damage.  Anyway, you cannot take chances on someone who has that type of a temper. His threats are probably bogus, but it sounds like there is no way to please this person. You might have to block his emails just to make your life easier and safer. He'll eventually give up because he'll find someone else to be irritated with and give up on you. There's no reason for you to see negative comments every day. We have enough to think about as providers without the hassles brought on by neurotic people.

Hugs,
Ciara

I knew I did the right thing, whether I was being overly paranoid or not. If I would have seen him, it would not have been a fun session for us. Why waste my time and his money? I'm not concerned about a negative review or publicity (even good- hence the alias). I have an excellent reputation and pride myself on treating people well. I just wanted some input on the whole situation.
 After reading these responses, I checked my e-mail only to find one from the "illustrious gentleman." I'm no longer upset, actually, I'm rather amused after reading his latest response.

  "for some reason, the term cheap hooker comes to mind.....wonder who i am thinking about...hmmmmmmm.....
you are dillusional and must be prone to attacks of forgetfullness or otherwise lack of reality.....your business dictates that you arent a "lady" to begin with.....your reaction, disdain, distortions, and blatant accusations make that a certainty......
may the ants and small creatures find your crevices and impound them useless.....hahahahaha
i move on....you continue to move downward....
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

 I have now blocked his e-mails. Although after this last one, I'll admit I would like to see what he comes up with next. Ahhh yes, I'm the delusional one. Hooray for me, lol.
 Ladies, I'm sorry any of you have to go through this type of bs. Thankfully, I believe at TER we are surrounded by gentleman who know how to respect ladies' boundaries and wishes and treat us well. Thanks gents!

Although very interested in you .. his contact attempts were off the charts. Should he post any reviews in places that you consider defamation to your character and business-  KEEP that email. Forward it to the web admin and ask politely that his false report be deleted. You declined a meeting after several attempts to accomodate him and he became highly unstable. Because of your other positive reviews they would have no problem along with a copy of his threatening mail I am sure removing his idiot attempts.
Realize.. he lost control of the situation. This whole contact was an attempt to control you because he prob has so many other issues in his life out of balance.. or a very small weenus.
Stepping back and looking at it. From a profile perspective hes an obsessive and quite possibly an abuser.
"Its the brow beat your SO until you have the answer you wanted them to tell you " complex.
However you are not his SO nor anything other than a friend who was trying to be available to help his needs.
Tell him to go to the zoo and visit the monkeys.
(they fling poop at stupid people you know )

He is truely obessive compulsive, and probably a little wacky.  I fully understand why you would not want to see him.

Now what follows is not a defense of this person at all, simply an analysis of his method of operation.

 In this day and age of email, and depending on his level in his employment, he probably expects immediate responses to every one of his emails that he sends out.  He usually gets it because when he sends an email to someone in his company that person gets it immediately and responds within a few minutes, so to him email is a quick efficient method of communication that results in immediate responses.  When there was no immediate response to his email to you (and rightly so since you were simply out of contact I might add), he though there was something wrong so he re-sent again and again.

When you are sitting in a office with a computer in front of you always connected to email, you sometimes cannot understand why the person who you are trying to contact does not respond immediately.  Since you are connected all the time, why are they not.  Or why does the receipient not have a wireless email system or the like..

When you finally rejected him completely, he of course did the stupid thing in attacking you, because clearly he was wrong, but in his mind, you were wrong in not responding immediately to his emails.

I have some women that I communicate with via email, and sometimes it takes a while before a response comes back simply because other issues override checking of email by them.  Since I work at a desk 9 hours a day, and have high speed internet at my house, I check my email all the time, but I fully understand when you cannot.  He simply does not understand that fact.

My bottom line comment is "Way to go girl".  You did the right thing.

The level of email activity from this guy is clearly excessive and you were wise to exercise caution.  

OTOH, I rather enjoy periodic email contact with the ladies I see aside from scheduling appts.  I enjoy sending e-cards, occasional jokes, etc, comments on posts on TER, and the occasional "high, how are ya doing?", etc.

Now that you've got me a little worried, I have to ask: How much is too much?  Do providers regard emails from clients on topics unrelated to scheduling appts a bad thing?  Perhaps a red flag spelling danger?

Years ago when I finished college, I went on a hitchhiking trip with my girlfriend across Canada.  She was VERY attractive and as such, could suss out the wierdos quickly (yes she ultimately dropped me but that's another story).   Her looks clearly made finding rides pretty easy and for the most part, we met really wonderful people who thought we made such a cute couple!  Nonetheless, we agreed that if a car came by to pick us up and if either of us got a bad feeling, we would refuse the ride, make up an excuse ("we meant to go East and not West", etc).  Once, after waiting on a 2 lane road for over an hour with night falling and the temperature dropping, a car stopped for us and my girlfriend looked at me and said NO! with her eyes.  As agreed, I didn't debate the issue even though I just wanted to get in a warm car and get moving!  Turns out the next day, another set of hitchhikers met a bad end on that same road on that same night...who knows?  We still catch up on each others' lives and always remember that decision.
We did the right thing and so did you...you are here to post it on TER and so am I.  Stay strong.

I have had a guy or guys call just like yours. I think they are usually maturbating....

Back channel the ladies with his email so we know not to see him.

You shouldn't be worried. I enjoy receiving jokes, cards and just a quick hello by e-mail, and I can't imagine it would offend many women. In fact, they would probably be touched that you are thinking about them. I have several clients that I like to talk to while online. A little flirting, some jokes, and just "how is your day going?" can make someone feel better.
As long as you don't cross the line and say things like "where are you? Why aren't you returning my e-mails?" etc, I am sure you will be fine. And if you have already seen a provider, she will have more of a comfort level with you than someone she has never met.