After not seeing or hearing from you in more then 6 months or a year!! What is up with that? I have no way of knowing what you have been doing since then. I’m Sorry but I have no shame in telling any one that I have witnessed 1st hand the mean cruel and violent things some men will do to woman. Although I have no issue with referencing a gent there is a time limit, and at no time will  I ever put another ladies well being or safety at risk. So if you are the type of gent that only hobbies  periodically then please request your validation with in one week of meeting Via e-mail to me directly. Other wise after 6 months to a year of not being a regular client of mine you’re on your own.
Cheers Livie

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 8:16:24 AM

You may not realize this...

Livie:  The gentleman may have just discovered Date Check.  In order to become a member, you must identify a provider you've already met --- and it's up to the gentleman to pick which provider he's seen.  The provider, in turn, then decides whether to 'vouch for' the gentleman.  I'm just guessing that the particular gentleman in question msy have chosen to use you as a reference simply because you were the only one available.  But if it was 6 months or a year ago, I certainly wouldn't blame you for declining the honor.  Maybe he just thought he was more memorable than you think he was!

and it was a gentleman I hadn't seen in 2 1/2 YEARS.

I wrote him a polite note explaining why I couldn't offer a vouch after that long, and he understood.

But, really, it does make you wonder why they aren't reaching out to a current reference.

within a few days of seeing a lady for both Date-Check and Preferred411. There have been a few ladies who have just given me a referral on their own. I thought it was nice.

and I will be asking ladies *that I see regularly* who are members of both places to give me an "okay" on preferred411.

Why in the world would anyone expect a lady to:

remember you after a month or more if you do not have an ongoing relationship with them?

vouch for you when she has no idea of your subsequent history?

I primarily see ladies with whom I can screen with these verification sites just to make it easier for all concerned.

He had Date Check contact me. He should have wrote or called me him self Other wise I have no idea who I'm referencing. No Way.

Well it’s not like he  couldn’t have become a member using me as his provider reference when we met I have there link on 3 of my web site pages. And they have  been there for more then a year. I’m low volume so I do tend to remember the people I see however  after that long with no contact ….No way.

a phone call to me..They do have our pics with a spot saying have we met....This is something I would not take lightly nor any other lady there.

I always ask the gentlemen to verify himself with a phone call unless it was in the last few weeks and all the information they have is right..Now with mention of a so, wouldn't that be something if they got into DateCheck.

Everyone needs to be very careful who they refer on any reference site and to not let a gentleman try to sway you in any way.

Thanks for this post Livie
Kisses Haley

I have some ladies that aren’t to crazy about me personally but they know  no matter time day or night  I am the safe call you can depend on. It’s that important to me.

In that case, the important issues are that you do not know if the guy has gone postal since you saw him, or if he has become a person of interest to LE or been involved in a bust Your caution is commendable - not only are you protecting yourself but also the ladies that the person might seek out.

as I would to asking for a reference.

Unless I've seen the lady very recently and or am a long time regular customer I would not ask.

Also, I would not initiate this through the website. I would always email or call the lady first to ask her permission, let her know the username information associated with me, and then put the claim in through the website, unless they wanted to do it manually themselves.

Everyone needs to remember that this is more than courtesy - everyone connected with the client and the provider has a stake in keeping these relationships secure and out of the public eye.

Thank you for your conscientious approach to screening.

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 11:59:02 AM

Dr. Jekyll can turn into Mr. Hyde in minutes. If a guy treated you like a princess yesterday, it doesn't mean he won't be rotten to another provider next week, and you vouched for him. All any provider can do is vouch that the guy didn't arrest her, short her on cash, or treat her like shit. You can't give other providers any guarantees, and I'm sure they don't expect you to. I'll vouch for providers I haven't seen in a long time without knowing what they've been up to since then.

BTW, I've seen normally rational women turn into Ms. Hyde before my eyes. It's a frightening thing.

He might not have a more current reference. Just as women are select giving references, many of us guys are selective in terms of who we ask to serve as references.  You only want a mental and emotional stable lady as a reference.

I can understand not giving a reference if one cannot remember the hobbyist, but not due to the passage of time.

To some extent, our interactions are an act (we only show the best sides of ourselves generally) and so who's to say that the act changes, no matter whether a few hours later or a few months.

I have always considered a reference to be no more than a statement about the provider's interactions with the hobbyist and certainly not any kind of predictor of future interactions. To rely on references to that extent would seem, to me, to be unreasonable.

JMTC
K

Multiply that by eight plus weeks in two months and that is over 80 guys.

Could a client remember a specific provider if he saw that many in that time?

She said she won’t vouch for anyone she hasn’t seen in 6 months even if she remembers them, the reasoning being they may have gone through some metamorphosis during that time. That’s the reasoning I’m questioning.

1 Imagine that you are at a party for someone. There are many attendees, and you all know the name of the guest of honor.

OTOH, if you are the guest of honor - it's harder for you to know the names of all of the attendees.

This is what it is like for a provider - we know who we are, think we are memorable, but the lady is juggling a lot of names and faces.

So the longer the interval after you've seen her, the less certain she is about who you are. Throw in the fact that it's easy today to spoof an email address or clone a cell number, to data browse someone's email history.....

2 While your behavior may not have changed, your legal status may have. You may have been caught up in a sting, and pose a danger to the provider seeking a reference, and then to the provider giving the reference. The longer the interval the greater the likelihood that you may have received the unwanted attention of LE. The primary purpose of screening is to avoid this - the secondary purpose is to communicate relevant information about you.

3 screening exists to protect the interests of the providers, not to serve the convenience of the hobbyist. Therefor what is important in the transaction is the comfort level of the provider, not an argument to be made as to the legitimacy of her requirements.

Finally - realize that what keeps the providers safe keeps you safe. I want the ladies I see to do everything that they think is reasonable to keep themselves and each other secure, As a hobbyist seeking a reference, a positive, cooperative attitude is called for. If you argue with the lady over her requirements, that is a big red flag...

If you want to make it easy on yourself and the ladies you see, find out what verification sites are useful in your area and join them. Then ask the ladies you see for an okay / referral on the verification site(s) *immediately after if not at the time of* seeing them.




-- Modified on 11/19/2008 6:42:59 PM

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 7:03:38 PM

I’m sorry your expectations are unrealistic  for this business we ladies know better. As you stat a man can change in a heart beat. I have to consider all the facts regarding this situation witch was not posted(shouldn’t be) This post was more of a curtsey for the gentleman that may see  the situation   as acceptable. I am not the only lady who has denied such a request due to a large time laps. Thus the post.
Cheers Livie.

While you make what seems to be a valid point (as you usually do), the logic is somewhat flawed in that this is not for an individual provider reference.  If I was asking a lady I saw a year ago to vouch for me to a particular provider, then I'd tend to agree.  However, this approval is for a website where the approval lives on.  So, if you're concerned that something about me may change in the future, you should withhold ALL references, not just the ones from more than a certain passage of time.

at the end of the day, it's still about the provider's judgment with respect to giving the referral / OK to a website. Her point of view is the protection of herself and fellow ladies. You will find providers that have no trouble vouching for you a few months down the road if you email them and include the email history..... if a lady is uncomfortable doing so, there's nothing for it but to move on.

Cheers

Gregory

If a lady has ANY reason to feel uncomfortable about vouching for you, she shouldn't.

If it happened to me, I'd be concerned about why.  Maybe that's why I've never had a problem.  Either that, or it's my charming personality

If what you are saying is true for most providers, then I would expect that the TER White List feature would basically have no merit.  Granted, I have not been white-listed by anyone (I've never asked) so I don't know exactly how it works.  But, if a guy gets a White list referral, say a week after his appointment with a provider, then by your reasoning, no provider should take his white list seriously 6 months after it was given.

I realize that providers can't remember the majority of their clients after a week or two, and I assume that the white list was implemented in part to work around this reality.  But you seem to be saying that a client can change so much in six months that he could go from Great Guy to Evil Doer.

Do you have a problem in the delay in seeking a reference because:
A.  You probably won't remember the guy?
or
B.  You feel that he could have radically changed in the mean time?

Just wondering.