What do you ladies think of the my offering to buy a provider dinner before or after an appointment without paying for the dining time. I would not be expecting an automatic yes. In other words saying to the date I'm grabbing a nice dinner if you are interested in being my guess I will gladly take care of the bill of course. I feel funny not offering some one to join me for dinner if I am going to a nice place right before or after but don't want to make them feel they have to and don't want to pay them to make them join me. I see it as a nice offer, but don't know how you ladies take it. I am afraid that a lady might see it as trying to get extra time on the cheap. unless advised otherwise I would offer to the lady that I am going to dinner at xyz and that if you are interested in having dinner with me there I would be happy to have you as my guest and that I do not take it personnaly if you decline.

If you wish to take the lady to dinner, it's called a four hour dinner date.  Expect to pay full fare unless she indicates otherwise, and she initiates that.  Be a classy hobbyist, man...

IMO, not many providers, if any, would be willing to forfeit their donation for "escorting" you to a restaurant. Essentially, you are the client and they are the sales person. In a normal world, the sales people take the client out for dinner, not the other way around! Of course, if you know a provider well enough, you would have much better chance of succeeding but be careful as to what you wish for, because once that "professional" line is crossed, do not get mad when the provider keeps calling you, for instance, if behind with the rent

I love to introduce some of my favorite fellas to new places in San Francisco.  We have many fine restaurants here.

If I have the time to spare I find it makes a session really relaxed and fun.

I don't do this with new clients.

A traveling provider I had never seen before..I was getting ready to leave after a extremely fun hour , she said she was tired of room service food, would I take her to get something to eat. I offered a nice restaurant nearby ,but she insisted on Wendys. When we got back to the hotel she invited me in, and I stayed for 4 more hours. I sure miss that lady.
If she asks me to take her out to dinner, I will usually do it for free.
If I ask her, I would always expect to pay for her time.
If she tells me she's hungry and I don't respond, I am anxious to leave.
Thats only happened one time..She had bad breath.  I doubt she had ever flossed .
 Only floss the teeth you want to keep.

For me if a date wishes to have dinner before our appt is fine and i dont start the clock or expect extra out of it either.  Even after our date, if he says , hey how about a bite afterwards, sure why not!

If after a visit with a gentleman, and we have good chemistry I might ask him if he wants to grab a drink or something similar.

As for current friends, doing dinner beforehand - depends on time and such. Often appointments in the evening are longer engagements anyway.

Now I have cooked dinner for many of my regulars and at times eat off the clock. They all seem to love it.

Kisses,
Vanica Love

I have never paid for meal time (unless it's part of an overnight,I guess), it just doen't seem right.  

You just have to be respectful of the fact that the lady may have somewhere else to be where she can earn money and may decline.

In a strange twist of fate a provider posted on my local board a few months ago that she was traveling, alone, no appts, and wanted a dinner date...on her time.  On one hand, she would have some company and potentially generate business and on the other she would get a good meal for free.

On another occasion I booked a 3 hour dinner date, the dinner alone took over 3 hours but during the course of the meal she told me that we would have 90 minutes of private time regardless of how long the dinner went.  We were just having so much fun at dinner she wasn't in a rush to end it.

BUT...in general these are exceptions, in general time spent with a provider is time she is with someone else.  Sure there are those cases where she doesn't have anything to do and will agree to a bite to eat after a session on her time but you can't predict those.

If it is arranged in advance as part of the date I would expect to pay for the time.

Too many situations of a provider joining a guy for dinner that way and then he bails on the paid session after the dinner.

Sometimes as we are finishing up our date I will mention I'm going to get some dinner and ask if she would like to join me.  Often she does, sometimes not, but it's never been an issue either way.

I've had off the clock dinners with a provider I knew really well. Like others said, not sure I'd try o the first meeting.

Most experienced hobbyist will tell you've they've had off the clock dinners, with providers they usually know well, however, sometimes it will happen on a first meeting. For me I expect to pay for all my time with a provider.
If she wants to spend time with me off the clock, it's just icying on  the cake.  However, it is NEVER expected.
Interesting that so far, only one lady has responded. Are the ladies busy or still sleeping?

I don't like to eat before I play...a full stomach interferes with my preformance...lol...I would rather save my appetite for You...now I have had many of my gentlemen friends offer afterwards to join them for lunch or dinner...and I gladly accept...but I would suggest You Not make an offer like that before You meet someone...You might regret it and then there You sit afterwards...awkward

I always tend to book early evenings..7pmish.  Usually my intention is to get a bite to eat after the session , certainly a drink.  If I like the lady who is visiting me...you know...the chemistry thing , or if it is a fave I've seen before , I almost always ask if they would like to join me. I've never considered this as getting "free time". I've always thought of it as me simply being polite...a gent.  Often when seeing a lady touring DC area I will do the same. I'm surprised how many are appreciative as they can get a little lonely on tours and enjoy a relaxed dinner with a charming gent [uhhh..ME].  And come on...who of us don't like free food!  I don't think I have nor would I even consider booking strictly social time with a lady.

If you don't know a provider or have a pre-existing friendship with her its inappropriate.

Even with a provider that you are acquainted with its a little bit presumptuous.

I have a client that I've seen several times who became increasingly insistent with invitations to dinner before our session.
I am generally pretty generous with my time and have a lot of time based promotions so finally one date I accepted.

He drew dinner into a three hour affair before a one hour session.

Frankly, it felt like work that I wasn't paid for.

Because he and I are not friends on a personal level the fact that I had to get dressed to the nines, be paraded about with the hand-holding and public affection that is reserved for clients who pay for that experience it was just work. There was nothing fun about speaking to him because we have nothing in common.  By the time the session rolled around not only did he try to keep me over time some more, he shorted me $50 off of my hour rate.

For all of that drama I could have had an hour appointment and gone home to have dinner with my boyfriend which would have been my preference.

Alternatively, I've had plenty of unpaid lunches and dinners with clients - I believe in client maintenance with clients who are especially good to me and will generally invite anyone who is nice to me or is enjoyable to speak with for a drink.  Aside from good business I have clients with whom I am genuinely friends.  I have a standing Friday night date with someone that I love to have dinner or a drink with.  Does he always pay for my time for that?  No, we're friends and he sees me often enough that its justified.

It sounds like you're just being courteous, but this is a good question for other clients to ponder because these invitations come up a great deal (daily) in hour inboxes.  If a provider has a rate for dinner chances are the answer is always going to be no unless you have an established relationship with her and even then the answer may be no.

I usually like to have playtime around 10:00 or 11:00 am in the morning. By the time I'm done, I've worked up a nice appetite. I love watching those foodie shows that talk about neat local places to eat. Some are off the beaten path, but all have a unique/notable dish that the locals know about but most tourists don't. Before I leave the lady I'll often show her a couple that I am planning to hit (unless in our conversation she has already indicated has plans).  A few timers they've intimated they'd like to join me. So I wait while they change into civvie clothes and we head off to a little food adventure. It's a win-win since neither of us has to eat alone, and if it is with a traveling lady, she gets a chance to sample more of the 'hometown flavor' in a less formal setting. I've had some most enjoyable conversations this way. Food & fun.

It often feels like my profession is being trivialized .

Now if a man is doing for me... above and beyond our time fee... if he is pursuing an expanded level of relationship where he is showing me undeniably I am valued and he is concerned with my financial and mental well being.  That might be different.


Emotionally it is difficult all around.

Part of this biz for me is the need to have clearly defined parameters to my relationships.
What some might view as coldness (money for companionship) is more a protective mechanism for my life to run smoothly... and to have some type of functional social life with men.

Becuz of this: suggesting off the clock activity can also be a doorway to much Pavlovian unpleasantness drummed up from my past.

What starts out as smooth sailing.. an agreement between us... can feel like a betrayal, a manipulation and an attack with the man trying to change the established comfort level.  
My site says clearly.. this is what I need.
Respect this honesty.. understand who I am.

offering a meal shouldn't be that heavy huh?
ha ha
Guys don't want heavy. They want it to be light and  fun.. that is part of what we sell. Dollars subtract crazy from the equation.

and there are ladies who will take a guy up on a no pay dinner.. BUT.. what I hear from conversations with girlfriends in the biz over the years are comments about ultimately feeling used... not feeling valued by accepting these offers.  

Remember: most of us are escorts becuz life handed us lemons and we are trying to mix up some lemonade.

To answer your question.  It is sweet to offer.
Most of us understand where you are coming from.
and maybe my life and perspective is an isolated one.  
But there you have it.  

OK, this guy's opinion:
If you are going to dinner before the date & ask her to join you, it's a compensated dinner date.  I just can not see it working any other way.

After play time, I have had Fav's cook a late lunch for me...  was off the clock.  I have offered for her to join me at a resturant.  We took two cars & left separately.  Off the clock.

If we adjourn play time to go out for a meal, ride together, & return for more play...  obiviously an extended (compensated) date.
skb

Classy?? for whom? For yourself maybe. In your own perspective.

There is nothing un-classy about an offer like that. Where did you come up with your rules of engagement anyway?

I am always amazed at how many guys play the role of provider spokesman on questions like this.

More that not it is the WKs coming to set the OP straight.

Gotta love it!

Heck breakfast or lunch too. I would graciously accept off the clock if I was hungry, enjoyed his company and had the time. I don't do dinner dates...just don't have the time to devote to that. I often will have breakfast or lunch though..easier to fit in. What a nice gesture.

Oh just one point to remember...if the lady actually offers dinner dates that might be a little sticky asking her off the clock...depends what type of relationship you have with her...long time client or your first visit. Each lady will see this differently.

This is with established clients with whom there has been a great level of trust and a relationship of sorts has developed. I am damn good at keeping boundaries where they need to be for the both of us.

My experience has been Free time like for a dinner will most likely only come with a regular or ATF you see frequently.

It will not be well received on first dates since you will appear to be trying to negotiate rates.

But here is a fun thing I do and it really does work! When on business I scope out the restaurant I am going to dine in (usually in a hotel) and when a single "business" lady comes in to dine alone I ask her if she wants to join me for dinner. I also say she can pay for her own meal and the company would be nice. I have about a 25% success rate.

You seem to be the consumate professional when it comes to this business.  Therefore, I would have expected you to be in the, "No mixing work and play" camp.  Cleaner boundaries and less chance of mistaken intentions on the part of either person.

With that said, I have in the past enjoyed some off the clock meals with two favorites (not at the same time ).  I had seen both providers a few times prior and we had excellent chemistry.  I initiated with one and she eagerly accepted.  The other offered and I am very glad I took her up on it.

I have never really considered it with any other providers because I haven't felt we had the requisite level of trust and chemistry.

Hi thee....I can see where you might think I would go with this but there are only two guys I will do this with and have known both of them for 5 years + and have no reason to believe that they would overstep...we are very upfront and honest with each other.

yeah I agree, once I have a established rapport with the guy, I would love it... but not unless he was a ATF etc... not for first few dates unpaid....

caitlyn

The rest of us see this as a privilege that is not often granted, and are happy when it is.

Then again, I play the game the way it should be....

and the other 1% of the time ?

I have wondered the same thing.  I travel alot and don't like eating alone......but I understand it's a business and a service so I would expect to pay for time and dinner.  however, if you know the provider and she doesn't have any plans afterwards, it would be a nice jesture to go to dinner.  You never know....maybe you'll get something after dinner.......it's funny how that works!!!!.....again...if you're offering a true GFE experience......it all fits......

am I really off base here?????  or just dreaming??????

no not at all, when you pose it that way, I bet many women would love to join you