Here is my freaking problem.

I have a client who has been my regular for about two years.

Every time I tour this particular area, he books me.

The area is VERY profitable for me and I've been doing incalls in there for about five years.

He's a nice older gentleman, he was quite famous few decades ago, sold quite few records (yeah records) when he was with one of those nostalgic singing groups.

He likes to brag and talk about his days a lot and NOW I found out that he also likes to brag and talk about ME a lot too...to his friends and he keeps giving referrals, telling them to call and make appointments with me.

I would not mind the referrals, but couple months ago the "friend" he told about me was very careless, contacted me from his home mail account, which he shares with his wife and - to make the story short - not only his wife found out but also my "singer" clients wife was on may tail as well because the two women are friends.

This not only cost me few days of worries, when these women were calling me non stop, but also made me lose one of my best working areas, because I need to lay low there and can only go UTR. Don't want to be with a client and have two mad wives knocking on my hotel room door.

That was about two months ago...then, tonight, I got a call from a guy who wants to see me because "his friend" refer me to him and, yes, is the same client of mine bragging about his escapades again to another of his friends who now wants to come and see me too.

WTF??? He got in deep shit because of his big mouth, I had to dodge his wife and friend's wife for two whole months and - AGAIN - he is giving my name out?

What's wrong with him? Does he has a death wish?

Should I help and take him to the desert and feed whatever is left from his brains to the jackals?

What should I do with him?

Suggestions are very much welcomed!!!!

If you don't want anything else to do with him or his contacts then don't respond to their calls or emails....it's that simple.

maybe the thing to do would be to take him aside and explain how flattered she is by the references & bragging, but it really causes A LOT of trouble, and he should BE COOL!

That town is likely messed up for her for a while.  It's an economic analysis, to say nothing of ruined trip.

Well, you could out him to his freinds as a lousy client with a great lack of respect and descretion and share this with the men he sends your way.  Explain to them that you do not like people with a lack of respect and descretion and will not be a part of a notch on his friends belt game that he is playing.

You will not and can not schedule time with people that can not respect your privacy and the decretion the hobby demands from all parties.

You are in a tough spot, and the only way out I see is to use descretion as a demand and hurt your business a little buy saying you can not see people you can not trust to use the utmost descretion required.  Maybe the friends he is sending your way will see your point of view and get him to shut his yap!

The only other way is to find a big ole bar room brawler and send him to your "not so descretionary" friend anonymously to send a message! :-s

Darlin I do not envy your position one bit!

AE

P.S.  You could just move out my way and we could become lovers and forget the whole damn thing! (wink) kidding!

I could dress up as a transvestite, bait these ladies to knock on my hotel door as yet another provider of their hubbies and then seduce the two wivies into a lesbo threeway in my Comfort Inn jacuzzi suite.  When they find out that I'm a former member of Sha Na Na, I will gain their confidence and cut their hair in mullets.  Then with my mailorder ordination, I will marry the two ladies and then contact the Bush administration for air cover and napalm on the grounds of homosexual union masquerading as marriage.  Then you and I will sip mojitos until you are drunk as a skunk and I will make sweet anal love to you and you will have my ass babies, in the matter prescribed by Williams Burroughs.  Ken Burns has offered to film this for PBS and I think we stand a good chance on collecting 10% of the foreign video rights.  Your old clients will steal you from me and I will love you so much that I will let you go and be happy.  The twins will ask how we met and I will tell them it was on the Internet in the general discussion board of The Erotic Review.  They will present this in Show and Tell and win an honorable mention in third grade.  We'll meet again on high school graduation day, but your older record recording gentleman will come on to me and start bragging to his friends about me.  At which time, you will return the favor.

to take this up with the person with whom they have the problem, and it ain't you.

First, he is very into you. What you need to do is change your # and not give it to him ever again.

Eventualy if you don't you will keep having these problems.

The gent is just being a blaber mouth, it makes him feel good. I am sure he is going into detail with these men also.

I would walk away from him. He will get the point then.

Good Luck!

Shane

"First, he is very into you."  Do you think so?  I'm not sure.  I think a man who is really into her would want her more for himself.  At the very least, I don't think he would actually go out of his way to share her with other men.  It's an interesting situation though.  This is why TER has a discussion board in the first place.

Is it possible that this recent caller is actually an undercover vice cop?  Maybe the two wives got together and decided to rat you and their husbands out.  It's far-fetched, but not impossible.  He could also be a private detective looking for hard evidence of adultery that will hold up in court -- perhaps your singer friend has a pre-nup that his wife can't penetrate without evidence of screwing around.  Also far-fetched, I know.  

But the real question is how much do you really need the money?  Are you in a position to pass this opportunity up, and close yourself off to this gentleman and all his randy friends permanently?  Can you afford to do so?  If you can really afford it, I say don't take the chance.  Tell the next guy who calls and says he was referred by Tony Bennett, or whoever, that you're not seeing people who've been referred by this person anymore.  Tell him why, and talk it out with him.  There's no need to change your number and disappear, especially if you have a history and client-base in the area.

First of all, you shouldn't out him, just tell his friends who give his name "I don't know who you're talking about." (I altered that after reading Aug5's post) If he contacts you at all, don't answer. He should get the message from that, loud and clear.  

UTR suggestions: When you're ready to tour, have a scaled down version of your site that shows your pictures with a different name giving that city as your home city, not your tour city. Also put a hidden link on it to your main site. If the appointments are set, tell them about the hidden link so they know who their meeting.

Only have that site up when you're going to tour there and when you advertise. Of course, the problem with that is it screams LE, and the guys you get might also be careless.

Another suggestion that's probably better for your regulars, when you give a list of your touring cities, say something like "suggestions are welcomed." When your regular guys email you suggesting that town then you tell them when you'll be there and book them.

It's more hassle. Ultimately, in a year and a half or so, those two vengeful wives will stop looking. Either they'll come to other terms with their husbands, or they'll have other problems to worry about.

Even then, you should refuse to see those guys. They broke a cardinal rule.



-- Modified on 10/2/2007 6:44:34 PM

The first thing a couple of civie wives would think of would be to call LE. I don't know about a private detective, but that's possible.

I *just* went through an eerily similar experience (where are you touring? lol), and I chose the lions.   You could slather him with honey and let the desert ants eat him alive - that option appealed to me, but I'd rather save the honey for myself

Have you found your answer yet?

Hey, it's America. Yes you actually can sue him for that, because no matter what may actually go on behind closed doors, you advertise a legal and rather costly service. And you have documented proof of the fact that his actions have cost you money.

Just a threatening call/letter from your lawyer should do the trick. No need to actually file papers...

Once I had problems with the wives, I did cut contact with both - my regular client and his friend.

I never met his friend, we never got to make an appointment because his wife was monitoring his mail exchanges with me.

I am not responding his calls, but the people he refers me to calls from different area codes and, having a large client base from all over, I cannot guess if the guys calling are one of his friends or clients of mine.

Is easier to say than doing it

I have lots of regulars clients in the area I used to see him.

Most of the times I was there, I got calls only from them, nobody new.

Once I had the problem with their wives, I started to get calls and mails from new guys asking to book an appointment with me.

Very unusual for that particular area, so I changed my tour schedule to other places and I have no plans to return there so soon.

I am royally pissed because he compromised my safety then and he's still giving my name out to people I have no interest in seeing.

Look, when there's some doubt, there's no doubt.  The people calling you aren't clients, they are LE.  Or maybe worse.  Never underestimate a jealous spouse or a jilted lover.  They can do crazy irrational things.  And you didn't really answer my question:  how much do you need the money?  Are you currently desperate for work?  Is your safety really worth the money?  Take my advice and calmly explain to the "referrals" that you aren't seeing people who were referred by this person.  As I've said, you don't have to completely change your name, identity or phone number, or go through all this James Bond shit like Zinaval is suggesting.  My philosophy is, if you have to take your precautions to that extreme level, you may as well quit the business.  Just use common sense.  It doesn't mean they can't still get to you.  Of course they can.  But at least you'll know you did everything within reason to prevent it.

Really, what else is there to do.  He has what you want, and you definitely have what he wants.  So, hook up.  The client who keeps giving you referrals may not have done you any favors by turning on one of his "careless" friends, who stupidly got caught by his wife.  But, you shouldn't let that interfere with your business.  Not everyone is going to be so stupid/careless.  Since a couple of months have passed, I wouldn't worry so much about those two wives.  Besides, how are they gonna know what hotel you're in, much less what room?

I don't need the money coming from him or his friends.

I am definitely NOT desperate for work, I am booked everyday and many times I have to turn down clients for not having time.

My safety is the most important thing to me. I am not only looking after mine, but also my clients as well. That's why I am not touring that area (and state) anymore.

What infuriates me is the fact that, even after all the trouble he went thru - or still might be facing at home - he STILL gives my name away to his buddies.

Is just plain annoying, actually ruins my day when I pick a call and the guy on the other line, after a while of a polite conversation trow his name as reference when I ask for his information, so I can verify him for the appointment.

I don't think is LE, but friends or family of wives (or wife) who is still thinking I am the "home wrecker" who is after the precious hubby.

Wives do NOT understand this is only a pussy business, they think we are after their husbands. They think we want them for ourselves.

That's the biggest problem we have when guys are careless and cannot cover their tracks properly.

If it was LE they would have me already lol. Wives are WORST than LE, they are persistent like a dog with a succulent bone. They don't let it GO!!!!!




-- Modified on 10/3/2007 6:06:33 AM

I've had that situation happen to me.

I would NEVER hook up with a client like that. What that man did was a gross lapse in judgment.

I am extremely weary of referrals, especially if the person won't tell me who referred them.

Your a great lady whose built a good business for yourself. If someone becomes a problem it is time to let that person go. If he can learn to follow your rules, let him back in when the time is right for YOU.

Otherwise, there will always be new clients coming in.  The famous part is no biggie really.  It's just his resume but I would walk away from that type of drama.

Stay safe, I know you know how but enjoy the good clients and discard those that bring problems.

No offense, but this post DATES you, and makes you sound like a fossil.  I'm sure this doo wop brags about stuffing your hind quarters with his 65+ y.o. ebony unit. Pretty funny.

Or "dates" me.

The fact I have some older gents as clients doesn't mean shit.

Older gentlemen, are ALWAYS gentlemen.

They know how to treat a girl, so I love my older crowd.

When I want to fuck like a whore, I see younger guys. When I want to feel like a princess Sheba, I fuck older men.

He is from an Era before I was even born, so I cannot tell you which singing group he was part of. I believe there was a whole bunch of them in those days.

BTW he is white, not black. And he could be yellow or green too, That's NOT the issue here.



-- Modified on 10/3/2007 11:18:31 AM

That's not quite fair.....

Not all wives, are *ignoring* their husbands, or *nag* their husbands to death, or *controlling*....I think you are perpetuating the stereotype here that all the wives are creeps.  (Even tho the men chose to marry them.....hmmm...makes you think)

I am a wife, and I do not blame the providers for the situation we are now in.

In fact I nose around here now and then to help me get a better perspective into his mind, and the minds of other men.

I do have all the necessary info on the women he saw, and will use it if I have to.  But this is in the case of them harassing me, which 3 so far have done.  Example, they were told by my husband that he is done, and wants to work on the marriage.  They still call, drumming up business.

Other than that, you all do what you wish.

But it really is unfair.  If you wish to quit the stereotype that all providers are out for women's husbands....you should start by not portraying all wives as mean greedy vindictive bitches.

You said in an earlier post...you are pissed off because this guy put your safety at risk.  Well....shoe on the other foot....these wives are at risk too.  At least YOU have the knowledge that you are at risk.  I have apparently slept with over 30 women in the past few years, and I had no knowledge of it....

You say this is a business, to these wives.  Well, you could take your own advice.  Crap like this happens in business.  Sorry this has happened to you, sorry it has happened to the wives.  But all is fair in love and business.

Just thoughts from the other side, in the hopes that everyone's situations better, no matter what side of the fence we are on.

If the client can't play by the rules (keep mouth shut) then he shouldn't be allowed to play.  There are plenty of guys and other areas for you to visit.  As always, your safety should come first.

...these guys are letting her know who referred them.  She seems concerned b/c 1 dumbass got caught by his wife who contacted the referrer's wife.  Well, this is another guy who's probably not so stupid AND a couple of months have passed.  If she and this new guy take the proper precautions there's little to no chance that this guy's wife (if he even HAS one) will be contacting her.  

Careful is one thing; paranoid is another.

...also, I think a lot of people (perhaps myself included) may not fully understand what you're asking.

I agree that this is NOT L.E.  You say that you DON'T need the money from the "regular who keeps bragging" and in fact you've said that you've cut him loose.  Fine.  You say that you don't need the money from his friends.  Well, if that's the case then why are you asking us what to do?  Simply drop them once "mr. regular's" name comes up.  However, since you ARE asking us, and you've stated that you're pissed about dropping this PROFITABLE tour stop of yours', then all is not quite so cut and dry.  As I've stated in my earlier posts, give the new guy the benefit of the doubt.  He probably thinks that dropping his buddy's name as the one who referred you is helpful to you and to him.  If it's a phone call (which you've stated that it was), then flat out ask him if he's being careful with "his tracks".  Proceed as you normally would.  Again, the two wifes that hounded you a couple of months ago are NOT LIKELY to know that you're back in town, much less what hotel and room you're in.  If you don't feel like you can proceed "comfortably" with this guy (or any other guy that "mr. regular" has blabbed to) then... DON'T!!!  It's that simple.  As for your blabbermouth friend, if you've dropped all contact with him as you say you have, then his "referrals" will eventually cease.  But from a business perspective, there's no reason to drop that whole city.  From a safety perspective?  Well, you can't let us tell you what to do.  So again, why are you asking?

.......Bowzer from Sha Na Na!!!!!!!!!!!   LOL!!!

If not, that is the stupidest advice I've ever heard

Thank you for the excellent reminder, that there is no need for cruel stereotypes on either side of the fence. Many of the men I see love their wives and families very much, and don't have anything cruel to say about them. And they don't want to hurt their wives or leave their relationships either. The way I see it, we all have needs that we meet through relationships- romantic or otherwise. For example, I have some friends that I have deep discussions and share personal details with, and others that I see on occasion for the sheer social aspect. Likewise, in the ideal relationship, romantically, your partner could meet all your needs. However, it's not a perfect world, and sometimes a wife may meet emotional needs, familial needs, and yet not sexual needs. In other situations, the wife may meet all these different needs, including the sexual side of things, but the man has a need or desire for something that cannot be found in just one person- such as variety. I'm not defending or opposing this behavior, or trying to attach moral judgments, positive or negative, but this is kind of how I've come to see it.

I'm sorry you've had experiences with providers calling your home and bothering you. Most of us would not dream of doing such a thing, especially after being told that a man was trying to work on his relationship. Personally, I have one-time clients, regular weekly clients, and everything in between, but my approach to this business is that there is no obligation on either end, and it is very clear cut. We both leave the appointment having gotten what we want/need, hopefully leave satisfied, and have no further debt or obligation to one another. If a gent chooses to see me again, fine, but each appointment is a clean slate, and I would never assume that a gent had some obligation to keep seeing me or to explain himself to me.

Check your pms- I wanted to share a few other things with you.

XoXo
Marea

-- Modified on 10/5/2007 12:05:46 AM