I was a dreamer well up to my early 30s. I believed in love in the romantic sense. Then I discovered hobbying. I dated here and there and even gave marriage a try but things never worked out. I still believe that romance is out there but the more I hobby the more I stray from finding romance. I just do not have the patience to filter out the wierdo chicks, psycho chicks, 40+ year old hedonists, gold diggers, career first women where I have to book dinner a week in advance, and single moms (Nothing wrong with 1 or 2 but the ones who have upwards of 4 kids all from different fathers). Yes, I have my baggage and I would assume that because I hobby that 99 out of 100 civie chicks would see that as a deal breaker if they found out.

My question to all of you. Is the pursuit of romance worth it? Or can i continue on as a hobbyist and be content well into my golden years (I am in my early 40s)?  I quite honestly am worrying  at the thought of coming home to an empty house the rest of my life. Can hobbying quell this worry? Thoughts and opinions please.

On and one more thing. I have opened up my most biggest worry in life so please keep the flaming to a minnimum.

Hi,

... women in the hobby w/ no strings attached!! I just arrived home after a wonderful session w/ an ATF !! it gets better each time!! You'll have to decide for yourself whether you want to follow this path!!  Speaking for myself I hope the hobby path never ends!!  Good luck!!

..Only you can make decision as to how you want to live your life. Hobbying has its advantages and disadvantages, so does being in a marriage or committed relationship.  You need to weigh in the pros and cons. I am sure you know what they are, so no point in repeating them here...

My only piece of advice, would be, please don't try to find romance in hobbying. Yes, sure...there are rare cases of people finding romance in strangest of the places, but 99.9999% of times it doesn't work out...

Good luck buddy....

As a veteran hobbyist I know exactly what you are talking about. I have become close with a couple of my regular providers but every time I see them there is an envelope. Sometimes a 1 hour appointment turns out to be a session followed by a dinner date and round two but the provider has gotten paid. I learned my lesson early when I actually started to fall for a provider as a novice hobbyist. Thankfully, she asked me for a loan that made me run for the hills.

You're never too old to find a companion.  Humans weren't meant to be alone.  We are social animals!

From personal experience, the "problem" I see with the guys who just give up on finding a partner in middle age is that they try to turn escorts into more than they are.  Its a typical M.O. that we ladies are very familiar with and can spot a mile away.

They start out as single guys in their 30s or 40s just seeing escorts for sexual reasons, but gradually start seeing them more and more for companionship.  By mid 50's, they start really becoming inappropriate with the ladies, asking them to go to lunch OTC, spend the weekend together "just as friends", calling all the time "just to talk", etc.  I have had to have conversations with guys and tell them quite honestly, "YOU decided 10, 15, 20 years ago that YOU didnt want a life partner.  It is not MY job to now emotionally fulfill your needs for love and friendship that go beyond my job description."  

So, even if you decide not to marry again or be in a committed relationship, I would never give up on finding just a nice (civilian) lady to be in your life as a companion or lover.  As humans, we do have emotional needs and the void of not having a real companion will be felt stronger the older you get.

I am nearing 40 and happy to discover the world of providers who exchange money for sex, no emotions, no bs. NEVER again will I fall into the vagaries of getting emotionally involved with a woman only to be dumped. Dude, love was fine in the 60s but since then shifted to the margins of society and now women crave nothing more than wealth, power and fame. Not blaming them, that is what men crave and they have followed. In my opinion any man would be an idiot to feel romantic and behave like the world stopped in 70s.

Sex, unfortunately is a craving you either get over it or just make it less exclusive by turning it into a routine. I see a new provider every weekend and get along fine for the whole week at work, with sometimes use of my hand in between.

Dude, work hard, drink hard, fuck often and enjoy life living on on the edge.  But stay away from love in this fucked-up world, or all you will face is misery.

Hobbying can not stop you from worrying about coming home to an empty house at night.  As you get older, or have a few more relationships go south you may find that you care less and less about that.  In fact, you may find that you prefer it!  I was married for 27 years and I can tell you quite honestly that I don't care if I ever live with another woman again for the rest of my life. That being said, I'm almost 55 now, I didn't feel that way when I was in my 30's and 40's.

56, divorced for 6 yrs now. I raised great kids who are now independant.
I went thru some tough yrs after my divorce, financial and personal.
I've been in about 3 relationships over the past 6 yrs, one of them was serious, but, she dumped me. ( major hurt )
Seeing provider's can be tough. Just saw a lady last week that was everythng i needed for that 1.5 hrs and i left with a smile on my face. I also realized how much i miss intimacy. Now i wanna see her all the time, but can only afford a couple times per month.
For me, this is probably is the way to go.
I do know one thing, if some of the wives, would just do a few simple things, like my lady the other nite ( drying my back off, after showering ) SIMPLE, yet, it means alot and goes along way in keeping marriages together. Men need to man up and do the same thing for their wife...show them love and not just lip service.
I know providers are providing a fantasy, but i also know, that some of them, would make GOOD wives. Just because they provide doesn't mean some of them are not kind and considerate.

You are exactly right. I've found myself doing that very thing. I had a life partner for 30 yrs though.
Being single is still pretty damn awesome to me.
Getting too old to play games anymore. So their is a trade off, being free and yet in need of intimacy.

As long as I'm paying the chances of me dating an active provider is nil!

I'm open to finding the right girl for me.  As I get older (I'm 42), I definitely feel like I'm more set in my ways, less patient, and less able to put up with certain mannerisms.

I'm open to finding the right girl regardless of how we met.  It is possible but not likely that it might be a provider.  I've had great relationships with providers and bodyrub girls in the past, but there was always a dealbreaker in the cards, and that's okay.

I date in my civvie life a lot, and I hook up with a lot of girls (it is NYC, so that's a different dating dynamic than when I lived elsewhere).  In NYC, it's way too easy to just keep playing the field, and I honestly don't wanna blink and find that I'm still fucking around with no real options when I'm 50.

So I get what you're saying.  Hobbying MIGHT work for you, but most girls you are meeting here aren't looking to settle down, I'm guessing.  But maybe you might find the right one for you, too.

The best thing you can do is keep the hobbying to your physical needs, and expand your social circle so you are dating lots of other girls that are relationship material.

You're saying that real world dating/courtship/marriage costs a lot less financially?????  Really?  Are you sure about that?  I'm nor sure many of our fellow hobbyists who are married and/or divorced would agree with that.

I have to say that I totally agree with crazyshit over here.
I am 36, and single, after a 10 year marriage that ended last year (unrelated to the hobby).
Since then, I have discovered the wonderful world of hobbying, and have met some fantastic girls, but have also continued with a busy "civilian" social life (it's amazing how many friends I had neglected while I was married). I do think that I probably one day will want to settle down again someday, which will probably put an end to my hobbying days, but for the time being, I am not obsessing over it, and I am just living life. That might change tomorrow, and maybe I will realize that I am perfectly content hobbying, but I don't think I need to make a decision one way or another at this time.
At any rate, good luck to you!

Maybe I am too young, or my story is different that almost everyone else's on this board, but I do think that civilian dating is much cheaper than hobbying.
Maybe it was me, but while I was married, and any dating I've done outside of my marriage, I usually dealt with women that had jobs and money, and were putting their fair share towards expenses of any kind, whether it was rent, food, bills, vacations, etc etc...
From that perspective, I can say that the cost doesn't compare!
I won't get into divorce, as I think that's a totally different topic, but in terms of dating, looking at dollars and cents, I have to agree with Lina here that civilian dating is a lot cheaper (even if less enjoyable).

We, companions, offer you temporary illusion of a perfect lover for whatever amount of time both parties have agreed for.

While with you we have no bad mood, our dreams and desires miraculously happen to be the same as yours, we have no bad hair days, no PMS, no family issues, your jokes are always funny and you are the only lover we have ever dreamt of.

Can you maintain this illusion forever? yes, if you can afford to pay for it.

Real world requires a lot more. It requires work, compromise, desire to see your significant other truly happy. It costs a lot less financially but often takes enormous amount of effort.

And this is what we get paid for - for NOT making that effort.

As for your question - as long as I am still working as companion there will be no "real world romance". true love deserves full attention.

Lina

and yes, I am sure that it costs a lot less in dollar and cents.

Lina

Why can't you have both??? I have been married for 18 years, and only recently discovered the joys of the escorting world. Passion fades over time, both parties get older and though I think the love remains, and may even strengthens over time, that sexual desire for your long-term partner inevitably fades.  Even the man who married Halle Berry cheated on her, so it's not about looks or desirability!
Hobbying has brought a spark and excitement back to my life, and even the whole covert nature of the activity is exciting to me, my own little secret that is set apart from my civilian life. Making the phone calls, going to the hotels, waiting for the door to open and be greeted by an exquisite escort.  Can't beat it, and as long as it remains secret and one can afford it, who does it hurt?
The right escort will make you feel years younger and with an ATF I find it hard NOT to develop certain feelings, but I wouldn't leave my wife for all the escorts in the WORLD! LOL!

Perhaps not for the common guy, but at some income level, it is cheaper to just see providers than it is to give up half of your money.

And then I found about hobbying a couple years later. Great stuff. No need for "love" really.

First, remember what you are doing with a provider.
As I discovered it can be very easy to fall for a provider. I am sure many hobbyists have met a provider and instantly had a magical connection, just remember what you are doing.

Yeah, could a "pretty Woman" movie experience happen - sure; but it wont.

My suggestion, is to continue Hobbying. If you start to feel that empty house closing in on you - look online for dating options.

Consider saving money and going abroad on a "dating trip". Many companies offer trips to Russia, Asian for men looking for a Bride.

It oversimplifies a bit (as do all aphorisms), but the germ of the thought is relevant:

Don't fall for a person because you want to; fall for them because you have to.


By the way, the reverse of that could also work.  Think about it for a while.  It's deeper than it would appear at first.

Dating is nothing more than a royal pain in the ass.  In my mid 40's and tried everything from personals back in the day, to referrals from friends and family, to speed dating, to on-line dating.   I can't begin to explain all the disappointments, rejections, sitting at a bar for 90 minutes waiting for the date that never shows up, having a 4-hour date that you THOUGHT went great and you will DEFINITELY see her again, only to never again have a phone call or text returned.  

So, unless you are 5'10" or taller (seems to be the magic number), are ruggedly handsome, and have a blazing sense of humor, you pretty much don't stand a chance out there.  Unless you have the time and patience to spend 2-3 hours every day browsing on-line profiles and going on a date 4-5 nights a week until you find someone you dig

Meanwhile I am not that 5'10" or taller, but guaranty my dick is bigger than most of those tall assholes who can't even stay hard and take care of their lady.   With the right lady and WITHOUT Viagra, I have no problem staying hard for 2 hours and pleasuring the crap out of my lady.   Not to mention the oral skills that very few other men have or even care to learn.  

At my age and life situation, I'd rather just hobby once a month with a lady who blows away any girl I ever dated (looks, personality, AND sexual performance)

Yeah "coming home to an empty house" sucks, but it is what it is...

100% agree. say you want to spend a weekend together. how much is that gonna cost you with anyone that isnt a bp girl? even a bp girl will want 2 grand for that. minimum. and thats BEFORE you factor in what youre doing all weekend. a lot of girls would refuse to sit at the house/hotel and have a 3 day bang fest. so now, you are taking her out to eat at nice places, shopping, maybe its a weekend trip to the beach. with a girlfriend, that weekend can be spent at home watching movies on netflix, cooking each other dinner, and jumping in the pool. what does that cost, 8 bucks for netflix and 30 worth of food? no wife/girlfriend can cost more than a provider, unless you are being taken advantage of or just have tons of money to blow anyway.

anything for that matter. If I believed that every guy I met here represented what relationships and true love were about, I doubt I would ever look for love again. Why? Because this business is set up to attract both married and single men who only want one thing, and women who want one thing as well. Not all men cheat, just like not all women are after your money...that's just here lol.

If you are looking for romance or to fill some void, the hobby is only a temporary fix...quite frankly, love in general can be temporary if you don't have the right attitude and mind set. I would imagine if you're used to sex on demand without all the drama and baggage that comes with a relationship, it will be hard to make the switch...try the patch lol.

I can see how being in the hobby would make it even more difficult to appreciate the little things that come with a relationship built on trust and sacrifice, but that sacrifice is exactly the price I am willing to pay for that right person when the day comes...only you can decide if it's what you want as well.

Too many people today go into relationships then want to get out when it's not all peaches and roses..not the way it works. Either you have what it takes to be in a relationship or you don't. If you still plan on lying and cheating once you are in one, I say just stay single and enjoy the benefits without the guilt.

The things you call deal breakers involve your own, but that's why no 2 people fit the way another two people can fit in a relationship...you each accept the other's faults and trust me, those are the very things you miss the most when they are not around anymore.  


-- Modified on 7/5/2012 10:15:40 AM

i have to disagree with almost everything you just said. im right at 5'10-5'11, and im pretty good looking. i have never had trouble catching a womans eye initially. but im also very skinny. i weight 150 pounds right now, ive never weighed more. you know how many women would date me once or twice because im cute, but then leave as soon as a muscular man came along? a ton. i have a good sense of humor, im funny and can take a joke as well. ive been told by some women im too nice. by other im not nice enough. some said i was STILL too short, one said i was too tall ( she was MAYBE 5 ft even). some women turned me down because my car wasnt nice enough, some because i didnt make enough money, some because of my outlook on life ( in a different time i was in a bad place). all that said, the women that have given me a chance usually will tell you im a great guy. i met my current lady online, not a dating site. we have been together every since. love is better than sex. the things that come with having a real love far outweigh what you can get with a provider. do you think they care about you once you are gone? some may, but most im sure dont.

but im concerned if every provider you have seen blows away EVERY girl you ever dated in looks, personality AND sexual skills.

There will always be women in my life in some way or other because I grew up with three sisters and no brothers, and my mother was my first friend in life. Most of my friends are women. The hobby would give me access to some expertise in sexuality, sparing me the trouble of finding, among my female friends, one who shares my feelings about sexuality or at least understands. I've been free of the complications that come with falling for someone.

Your experience is your experience and I don't disregard that. But from my experience, all the money that the guy (and it has to be the guy) to wind and dine the woman to woo her,  then all the money spent in marriage, then possible divorce, well, it ads up after a while.

It was with a client of mine (24) and it turned into a one night stand. I took her to the airport the next morning (she was in DC for a legal matter) and she went home. I recently contacted her and she started to blab about her new fiance. I got the picture and exited stage left. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise because aside from her hotness she seemed to have some serious mental issues. I could tell by the prescription bottles that she had in her purse like Abilify. I must admit that the skills that I honed in hobbying were put to good use because I ripped orgasm out of orgasm out of her.

The post you made kind of hit home for me. I am not 5'10, 5'8 actually and just an average looking dude. I played college football (S) and wrestled for a nationally ranked D1 university so I have always been an athlete. I own a very successful business and do quite well so money has never been much of an issue. But then again I am not the Tall, dark and handsome badboy, I have no tattoos, do not use drugs and have never been in jail, so dating has always been an uphill struggle.

You convinced me that hobbying is the way to go. From now on I will see empty house syndrome like a common cold. It hits me once in a while and sometimes it is pretty bad. Nothing that a two hour double with two 23 year old cuties, with toys and a bottle of nuru massage gel can't cure immediately.

" Too many people today go into relationships then want to get out when it's not all peaches and roses..not the way it works. Either you have what it takes to be in a relationship or you don't. If you still plan on lying and cheating once you are in one, I say just stay single and enjoy the benefits without the guilt "

I am 45 . Never had a girlfriend , never been on a date . I know to the core of my soul that I will die alone . Its just the way it's going to be !
I was a foster child to some people that really had no right to have a child in thier life .
I have never heard " I love you ". I pretty much can turn off my heart if I even have one .
I travel all over the world and have for my 20 year career ,and just could not get involved with a woman knowing I was leaving soon , it's not fair to her or myself .
Its a sad and pathetic life I know !!!

Londons comments are spot on . I have NO chance of a realtionship - I do NOT have the social skills or experience of a relationship . If I was to attempt it I would fail miserably - I know that !

A relationship is for good and bad and requires compromise , and work , from BOTH parties . If you can't understand and agree with that - stay single .

If you are a " cheater " ( I am not ) - stay single .

If you can't seperate your emotions from P4P - stay single and stop hobbying !

ENJOY THE BENIFITS !!!!!  I do what I want , when I want . I have close to 7 figures in the bank and at 45 already have a retirement package I turned down for now . I have been in the Bahama's for a week now and am staying for yet another ! I can buy anything I want , when I want . I can drink beer and leave all the bottles laying about . I can fart whenever I want .

It's not that bad if you can just " Let it go " and be comfortable with it . I struggle sometimes but then turn around and think about what I have wrote here . Its rough , but you will know when you can accept it for what it is , and just be happy !!!!

Can hobbying be the way to go from here on out ?  For me ..... I am stepping away from it for now , just not sure this is the right playground for me ................As long as nobody gets hurt and you don't affect anybody's right to life , liberty or pursuit of happiness - drive on man !!!!

What happened to TWO people working TOGETHER towards a COMMON goal and sharing life together?

Lina

For starters though...STOP talking about yourself that way! If you don't believe in yourself, no one else ever will.

If you live your life the way you think you should, you will be happy. Romance is an undefinable term along with Love. Ask anyone to explain and see what you get..

For example yesterday, I had lunch at a great place yesterday with ATF and BFF, we had great time, ate and talked for over 3hrs. Is that romantic, some would say yes some would say no. For us it was.

Bottom line live your life for yourself and not for some BS.