I meet a provider, she and I engage in life’s most intimate physical acts for a couple of hours.  I leave.  

She is “Tiffany,” or “Megan of the Surf” or “Suziefoxxx.”   She has a name and a life and personality that are fiction.  She doesn’t complicate or implicate my “real” life; I have that intense experience with her, then go back to counting beans.  I don’t know who she is, where she’s from, what she really does, what her family’s like.  And I don’t care.  Providers should be anonymous.  

But on a few occasions – oh, with about the frequency of a transit of Venus – some special chemistry developed between me and the provider, and she lifted the veil of anonymity:  I learned her “real” identity and had access to her as a “real” person.  In one instance, I met a provider’s family.  At the point, tho – when she tells me her real name -- the fundamental equation changes: she becomes part of my “real life” – not a “fantasy” I can turn off with the flip of a computer switch.  I always consider those very few “providers” to have been friends or lovers, not providers.  

My question – for hobbyists – is this:  Have providers revealed their real identities to you – and if so, in what circumstances?  ATF?  Long-term “relationship?”  Was your reaction similar to mine?  

Providers:  I'm curious about your comments.  

Well mine was reversed, A close friend I was in love with revealed to me she started to do this.  At first it was like  ahuge kick in the gut. I had trouble sleeping for a week.  Finally I gotmore comfortible with it. We still had the relationship, but she was the one with bigger issues.

I still love her to death.....Hope she can come to terms with her issues so our relationship can get back on track.

If other providers will quit trying to fuck it up by telling her to avoid the situation they can't possible understand.

I have years invested with her and some providers are trying to ruin it.  I wish I knew which ones because I would avoid doing business with them if I did.

Or even talking with them.

-- Modified on 4/8/2004 8:10:21 AM

-- Modified on 4/8/2004 8:10:49 AM

You are in luv with and have a relationship with a lady who then becomes a provider. Afterwards some other providers try to tell her she can't have a relationship with u becuz it won't work. You're pissed and if u knew who they were u wouldn't see them anymore. Somehow that whole arrangement (or lack thereof) seems a little screwed up, maybe I'm just getting old and don't get it anymore.

... have volunteered their names and discussed aspects of their lives.  I think that is is a pretty normal reaction by everyone involved:  within the limits of safety we set for ourselves, all of us hunger for more intimacy.  People become more human to me when this happens -- it's a good thing. ... Harry

-- Modified on 4/8/2004 8:48:58 AM

This kind of thing has happened to me a number of times.  In one instance, the provider and I began dating.  I met her eight year old daughter and we did a number of things as a family.  She and her daughter even met my son and his wife a couple of times, and the five of us went to museums, restaurants and such. It was actually very nice.  It lasted about a year, and gradually cooled because we were looking for different things in our lives (just as a relationship with a civilian might fizzle).  She and I are still in occasional contact; birthday and christams cards, basically.  But all in all, it was very nice and I have no regrets.

In two other instances, I began seeing providers socially with money not being exchanged (not directly anyway, but we did have some pretty high-end dates).  One lady even moved into my house for a few months until she could get herself back on her financial feet.  I'm still in touch with both friends and see them once in a while.  We're no longer intimate because I'm now involved with a SO (who, incidentally, has met both ladies, knows our histories, and is actually friendly with both).

This kind of thing can happen, and at least as far as the breakdown of anonymity is concerned, probably happens quite often.  I think it adds a level of intimacy that enhances the experience for both parties...as long as everyone involved undertstands the relationship's limits.

I doubt she's being that influenced by other ladies - she DOES have a mind of her own, and if she had chosen you, she would have done so already.

Unless you can enlighten us further, it sounds as if you're pining for something that only MIGHT have been, and won't have. Time to move on.

Would love to see the responses, but I'm leaving now. Have a great weekend everyone.

Enlightened philosophy, Harry.

I think that it all depends on the people involved.  There are many men and many ladies out there who this would not be comfortable to, for various reasons, and the subject should never be broached because of it.  However, there are some who feel that this is a part of their "reality" that they want to share with people.  I have been with some people of both persuasions, and while I tend to fall into the latter category myself, I don't think it is something I would ever "hope for" from a lady, because it is a personal choice.  If she is a professional and enjoys her work, she will be able to make herself unforgettable regardless of which philosophy she subscribes to.

She has volunteered that some provider friends have told her to stay away from me because she is attached.  Her words not mine.  And she does make it clear she loves me, and has said a few ladies are tring to talk her into walking away from an emotional attachment.  Basicly me.

These Providers don't know the relationship we had and they were trying to influince her and it is causing her stress and its causing me a huge amount of stress. Wether or not we see each other is between the two of us and I get real upset when someone has to come between us who doesn' even know me, doesn't understand our relationship or anything, and influeince her.

It would really bother me if it was a provider I have seen or talk with. THats why I wish I knew who it was so I could tell them to butt out and then I avoid them altogether afterwards.

Why don't I go into more detail?  Well I wish to keep the identity of who it is between me and her. I won't say anything that will let anyone make an educated guess.

They don't deserve your blame, here.  I realize emotions are not always fair, they make demands on us we can't deny, and few things are more torturing and mind-bending than a strong emotion you can't act on, but, 'dude, listen to what you're saying here.

She chose what she's doing, and she continues to choose it everyday.  Other providers may give her support, after the fact, but it is only after the fact.   Give her credit for her own will here, and don't try to claim that she only has a soul-by-commitee.  If you mean to insult her, you have.

Believe me, other providers will support her decision if she leaves the hobby, too, probably more so, since it means less competition, and less stress.  You want them to ostracize her in service to your jealousy?  What a polluting effect that would have on the hobby.

You think that it's a situation that they can't possibly understand, and perhaps in its particulars, you are right. Nevertheless, what they can see, and what would set off alarm bells in every provider, is that you are probably not acting very stable at this point.  Your use of the word "invested" here tells me that their instincts are quite right.  If you feel you've invested, it's time to go bankrupt for a while.  Take a vacation.  Get yourself away from this.  It's better than taking a vacation in a prison cell after you've "collected" on the investment.

/Zin

You've posted many times lately of the miserable situation you are in. It's clear you are not happy, neither is your girlfriend.

You seem bitter and upset that she talks to her friends (who are providers) about you.

Throughout the ages women have talked to each other for support during rough times. It's not their fault if she has told them unfavorable things about you. If she had said great things about you, they wouldn't be telling her to move on, would they?

Stop blaming her friends who are simply trying to be supportive based on what SHE tells them.

Enough venting here on the TER boards. At this point I would have to agree with the friends that you don't seem stable because you are obsessed about this situation and write about it every day.

Why don't you just move on, forget this unhappiness and get on with your life? Life can be wonderful--don't wallow in the mud.

It goes to show that many of these ladies are very special once you get to know them. They can grow on you and steal your heart.
There is nothing wrong with that. I actually prefer to my clients as friends, simply because I feel more uninhibited and I can relax and have a phenomenal time.

similar situation happened to me. Provider in the country illegally, got ripped off by her "friends" of the money she was going to send home. I gave her the money (not chump change)continued the relationship but in hindsite would never repeat the same mistake. Keep your personal life private and you'll be the better for it in the long run.Too many complications. I don't regret giving her the money strictly on the basis that she was destitute and had no place to live and not a cent to exist on until she could get back working.Sexxy girl is right move on no mater how difficult that seems at the moment, eventually you will find your match. Good luck

I think it's time to move on. I know it will be a painful experience for you but you will feel better in the end.

Hugs,
Ciara

I bet I can guess about your identity...........but I may be wrong.


But she isn't willing to talk right now and if I don't it will fester.

And people don't just pick up and change their personalities and opinions overnight for no reason.

That and there is unresolved issues between me and her.

That and she hasn't made it clear thats what she wants.

Because if she does there is a pile of explaining she needs to do if I am not going to feel totally fucked with.

At this point she has issues she is dealing with. She made it clear she loves me,  I stick by my friends...

I can't switch that off like a light. Particularly when she is having a hard time right now. She goes into a shell and I sit here knowing she is suffering and can't to shit to help.

Its frustrating as hell.

Then add in others actively trying to ruin a relationship they know nothing about.

You try ignoring a close friend in your life and see how they react......  

I see a person who needs my help but I have to respect their private space.  Understand what thats like and you anderstand my frustration.

Well she should have been more open and honest of problems if she had them.  Since she wasn't then I assume there were none.

Particulary since I saw a wonderful happy and stabile woman  turn into a moody self centered woman after becoming a provider.

Her quote "friends" see her Provider persona.  I have seen her private personal side go downhill. And seeing that and caring about her I am worried for that.

And then there are the personal things that are involved that will only be discussed with her.  She seems to be unwilling to accept the fact actions have consequences with others.

That and if there are issues, I want to hear them from her mouth.

because she has to consider there are two people involved here and not just her.

And let me explain something  a lot of providers may not understand.

I loved her before she was a provider....or admitted to being one anyway. Everything was fine we had a wonderfull relationship.

Now if you want to totaly fuck with a guys head, and make him totally hate you. Become a provider , then tell him I can't deal with seeing you, and then say how you enjoy screwing one guy after another.

Offer one guy greek then go apeshit when he askes about it just to rub things in a bit more.

That would be enough to turn the Pope into the unibomber.

You can't hurt a guy you talked about having a life with and kids with more than doing that.

Its not about being a provider or not. Its about how you treat people you are supposed to care about. I can love a provider. Because I still do. What I hate is being played.





-- Modified on 4/8/2004 12:24:56 PM

I have some good provider friends... They respect me, I respect them.

But unless you are who I think you may be, you won't know what is between us.  And why this bothers me.

And if you saw the hurt in my heart you would understand.

If you were ever really in love you would understand why I don't just "move on" without a clear reason to do so.  And an explaination why I should do so without some seriously hard feelings about this as my eyes see it.

When I am pissed off and leave I want to know the reasons I am pssed of are valid and not just because I misunderstood something.

-- Modified on 4/8/2004 12:35:53 PM

She could have handled this far beter than she has. I could have delt with this job if I had been given the respect a friend deserves. And Been made to feel more important than a client.

Instead I feel like I was made fun of.

I would be surprised if many of us had not revealed, or had revealed to us, some personal aspects of one another's lives.  On one occasion I had gotten fairly close to a provider (#1) who, without my asking, modified her prices for me.  Nice, right?  The reason she did it, though, was that I was in a transition period and didn't have a lot of discretionary income.  THEN, a former provider surfaces and we renew old skin games, sans fee.  Very nice, right?  Until, because I hadn't see provider no. 1 for a while, I explain it's because an old "friend" took mercy on my penniless self.  Boy, am I a dumbass!!  No. 1 gets royally pissed, feels betrayed, threatens to out my hobbying at work, at home.  Yikes!!  Was I ever sweating depleted uranium shells!  So, I guess, be careful about revealing yourself to someone you may think you know, may think you want to know, but who in the end you'd be better off not knowing.  Geez, I'm sweating like Clinton on the stand just rereading this!!

One provider with whom I have a very regular and close  relationship that I like to think goes beyond the business side let me know her name after four months, but she was nervous about it. And truth is, it happened on an overnight where for logistical reasons, keeping it secret was more trouble than it was worth.

I never asked because it really didn't seem to matter to me (though I needed her real first name early on because I just felt silly calling her by oh-so-phoney name). But in the end, I'm very I know it because it does make me feel closer to her and to feel we have a more real relationship. May be silly, but that's the way I feel.

But it was never a big deal.

which is something that ALL men want, and he will be more likely to become a regular.

But it's always a little scary because he might turn into a stalker.

My time with a provider is not fantasy, it is very real. I am a sensual guy that truely enjoys intimate contact with women. She is usually an intelegent woman that is OK with sharing her body and soul for a rather well paid evening. I am honest about who I am and most of the women are honest about their lives. We both have our own lives to live and for $500 we agree to enjoy ourselves together. Very much like when I visit the doctor, lawyer, or accountant. No I do not imagine myself marrying a provider, I have a lovely wife that has been great to me for 25 years. She knows I see providers on occasion. Life is good.

There are 3 ladies (one recent) from different cities that I place on a higher plateau. They have become very special to me. I guess in the hobbying sense they would be ATF's, in the civilian sense they would be lovers. But for sure we are friends, and for the most part I do consider them part of my real life. Other ladies have revealed their real names and while it may make you feel good, I don't hold them in the same regard. They are still anonymous.
The three ladies I'm refering to have different personalities, don't look anything alike, come from different backgounds, so its not like I'm hooked on a certain 'type'. When spending time with them its usually for extended periods, at least dinner,some day trips, some overnights and occasionally at their request some time 'off the clock'. Although I've never met any family members, and I really don't want to, I feel like I know most of them.
I guess the bottom line for me is, its takes more then just your identity to make it something different.