Ok, the provider this was written for is a TER favorite of mine who I have every intention to see someday soon. I won't say who it is because I don't want the ridiculousness of this review to affect her business as she didn't do anything other than what she was asked if in fact the session did happen. But, I thought some of you might find this amusing and I'll add my comments at breaks. These are excerpts from an actual review. Classic over compensation, I think this fool is 50-55 drives a ridiculous sports car and has a 3 1/2" cock (I put the 1/2 in for effect).

By the way in his words "As a corporate executive with many references, setup was a breeze".

He says:

I usually don't see providers significantly older than myself but XXXXX was so hot that I think I will now explore the cougar option.  

She's age 21-25

He says:

After we entered the room, we disrobed and kissed passionately like long lost lovers. After this tongue thrashing, I dropped my trousers and told her to suck my little friend. She replies WOW to the size of my penis. I'm John Holmes league.
 
If he was John Holmes league, he wouldn't fell the need to mention it.

He says:

Per my doctors orders, I did everything covered. She gave me the most sensuous teasing licks with wonderful eye contact, while caressing the boys gently. She actually asked me to bat my penis against her face and call her the w word. OK, if it gets you off, no problem. I batted away like a slugger.  

Because of course he is a slugger.

he says:

She said I should be a porn star. I've heard that before.

OK, at this point I'm laughing so hard I'm almost in tears.

he says:  

It was now her turn and I had her spread her legs wide open on the bed. I retrieved some cellophane from my luggage and covered her vagina with a sheet. Yes, it's strange but you never know with std's.  

It just keeps getting better.

He says:

 
I just went to town bobbing my head between her legs in pure pleasure. I moaned and grunted like a sex fiend. Then she asked me if I wanted to fuck. Of course!. She goes lazy doggy on the bed and I gave her thrusts of joy with my meat stick. Most providers are scared by my over sized penis but no worries here.

Nope, no worries. lol

he says:

I was even able to slide all my fingers in with my cock all at the same time. Absolutely amazing. I asked if I could fist her. She declined.  

Really? Because if your cock is John Holmes league AND you have all your fingers in at the same time I think you are fisting her so at this point what would your real fist matter?

he says:

I asked if the poop shoot was on the menu and she said yes but to go slow and easy.

Good thing she told him slow and easy, considering his size.

he says:

 I changed the condom and went directly into her brown flower, surprised by how easy it was to enter. I think it was all natural lube.  

This is good shit, I'm crying with laughter at this point.

he says:

Fantastic feeling! Than a little surprise appeared, a small piece of poop came out for which she apologized for. OK, no problem and we cleaned it up. I hope room service changes that comforter for the next guest. Hee hee. I just had to ask if she would lick my asshole. She tells me that she loves to rim for certain guys.  

And of course you're one of those certain guys, I've got to think at this point she's thinking "I'll give him his money back and just pay this guy for seeing me".

he says:

Dreams do come true. I spread my legs standing up and she stuck her tongue wrapped in a condom(safety first) deep into my asshole.  

How does one put a condom on ones tongue? I've never tried it but c'mon man! This is fucking killing me LMAO, I am crying with laughter at this point.

he says:

Fucking me with her tongue up and down. She told me how turned on she was and could do it all day to me.  

Oh stop, please fucking stop, I don't know if I can stand anymore!

he says:

Time was running short so back to the cbj so that I could finally unleash my love juices into her gorgeous mouth.  

Of course, why wouldn't you let go into her gorgeous mouth, CBJ?

he says:

She shouts out in a demand- give me your milk papi. Very erotic words and I blasted away in her mouth straddling her head with my hands against me.

Again, why wouldn't you blast away in her mouth, CBJ?

he says:

 Pure slice of heaven. I fucked her mouth, I fucked her pussy, I fucked her anus, and finally was fucked in the ass by her tongue. She is an amazing woman. After she cleaned up, we had a very intellectual conversation. Yes, she's the full package, this XXXXX has a brain with a deep appreciation of the arts. The hour was just so much fun, sexually and intellectually. I wanted her to stay the evening but I had an important corporate event next day.  

Of course, after all you are a Corporate Executive.

he says:

I will book the whole night next time I visit Chicago and probably take this exquisite piece of eye candy out to an opera or ballet. Expensive fantasy, but I know my penis will be happy.  

Holy Shit! This guy is my fucking hero! I couldn't have written a more ridiculously funny review in my wildest dreams.

...Oh, wait a minute. Let me get my tongue out of my check.

And this is a top tier provider with all great reviews.

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like a H.S. kid wrote this.

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You can't make this shit up!!! Well, I guess you can because I'm not sure there's a shred of truth in this review. Good Stuff, it's going really well with my Bourbon.

Are you saying you wouldn't let him fist you after he had his John Holmes cock AND his fingers inside you at the same time??? That's fucking beautiful!!!! Have a drink with me Cosette, and someday for real, in person. You're a cool chick.

This is some kid fucking around...or someone with the mind of a kid

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The VIP details are not to be posted openly..Just saying...

And you think we can't tell who it is buy going to reviews? Think again dude...

-- Modified on 2/13/2014 10:43:09 PM

OK if you really think so then have my post removed...dude

If you don't have a butt then I don't want to meet you in person because that would be weird. Are you serious????? You're cool, I'm tipping my glass your way darlin

OK you talked me into it

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He sounds like he reads penthouse forum during those corporate meetings. LMAO!  Would love to see his doctor's face when he explains how safe he was ( yeah doc I made her rim me with a condom, brought that role of Saran wrap you mentioned and I was sure to clean up after the Greek surprise). Think this guy has a career in comedy!  Too funny.

some providers don't see guys who are too young.    

Some guys are just too damn immature and have too much ego..

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Too Stupid To Respond To.

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LOL... You have to admit it was a little entertaining.

-- Modified on 2/14/2014 7:43:03 AM

I drink diet coke and iced tea.  

 
For some reason that review reminded me of a guy who's handle starts with "c" ,  implies being an executive and constantly on travel.  Or is it just me?     Same pompous ego and can't spell for shit lol

Who doesn't know even how to fake inconspicuously. Lmfao.

I think I saw one like this if not the same one.

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In fact her funny response makes me want to see her mot

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Perhaps we can implement a procedure where we can all call "Jackass" on new reviews. Any review getting 10 or more "Jackass" votes, gets trashed. Any reviewer with 3 or more "BS'd" reviews gets a special "Jackass" symbol attached to his handle.