My advice:

Dump the escort immediately and completely.

Tell your wife about your mistake so she hears it from you first, apologize profusely and hope for the best.

Keep a high level of discreetness from now on should you continue to hobby.

So I met up with a lady a few times, then started hitting it off well, lots of talking and time together off the clock.  Lady new to providing and not really wanting to stay either. Thinking maybe we would be much better couple  than my wife for many reasons.  So I have been starting the process of getting separated, however will take  time in our situation.  The lady is wanting it to occur quicker, so now is mad at me for it not happening yet and is threatening to contact and tell my wife everything.  Maybe she is just bluffing but shit might hit the fan quick!  I'd rather tell my wife on my terms, but may not get that opportunity, at least not first.  I can't really complain because it is a situation I got myself into on both fronts, so I reap what I sow.  Should be interesting.  Whew!

"Lady new to providing and not really wanting to stay either. Thinking maybe we would be much better couple  than my wife for many reasons."

When you married your wife did you think she was the one, or was it a arranged marriage?
There is no doubt, civvies on the get layed prowl,are more likely to go after a married man.
I sometimes  wear a fake wedding ring, to accomodate those civvies.
There are many civvie women who chase married men, for the fun and self esteem boost, of breaking up a marriage.
After you leave your wife, the odds are in your favor, your new GF will soon leave you.
If you want a divorce get one.
 If you leave your wife for another woman, chances of happily ever with her,are minimal.

but with women, not so good. "Thinking maybe we would be much better couple  than my wife for many reasons."

Sounds like you don't have much love for your wife. Have you been honest with her about how you feel? Were you ever both in love with each other, in the beginning? Where did the love go? Have you explored ways to regain that once again? If you don't have the patience to look at and work through these issues with her, usually through marriage counseling, you probably need to get out of the marriage and live on your own. Jumping from one relationship to a new one will not get you what your seeking.

Oh, and dump the other woman quick. Seems like she gets her way with men by putting their balls in a vice and clamping down hard. Do you really want a life like that.

If these two blow up, they might cancel each other out and you'll be alone and single.  Best to get a third woman going in the wings as a safety backup.

Last time a provider called my wife, it was not a civil conversation.

-- Modified on 2/16/2011 12:28:36 PM

Dump the escort as of yesterday. This is not going to end well for you.

in order to stay in this country?  

Why would your wife belief this provider who "cooked up some story" to try to get you in trouble?  As was said by an earlier poster, breakoff all communication with the escort and come clean with your wife.  Hope for the best.

For any newbies reading this thread, learn from the shitstorm of others.

Best of luck dude.

On all levels...Best of luck.

but I'm guessing that if he's ready and willing to dump the wife in a sneaky way, for an escort he's seen "a few times" (and is now threatening him), there's not a whole lotta love in that first relationship anyway. How about, dump both of them, spend some time growing a brain, and then try to find a girl who's just a tad less psycho? (I know, good luck with that

-- Modified on 2/16/2011 6:02:15 AM

If you can get a 3 way with the 2 of them going, that might ease the situation.

SCAM ,,artist
I think a scam artist has found you. A real escort just wants her donation to go away with and be on her merry way!

Minute my BF who I adore acts as anything resembling A Hole towards me (he is free to be A Hole anywhere else), he is EX BF.

Because this new girl just found her $$ spot.. Not only is she after your $$ but she is insecure, demanding jealous and you want to leave your wife for that??

Tell this girl to jump off a bridge, She will yell and scream, make threats and maybe even do what she says but you are far better off if your wife knew then to deal with the trash your new girl is about to  bring into your life...More then likely if you stand your ground, tell her to fuck off and if she tries to ruin your life you have as much info on her and what is good for her is good for you. she will go away.. Then you should promptly tell anyone and everyone in this world who she is so we can all avoid her like th plague......................

Woah, didn't see much activity last night when I posted but now see lots of responses.

Yes, pretty much agree with all of ya.

No, the relationship with the wife was already pretty bad.  Hence how I got into the situation.  Hobbied very rarely to let off some steam, only physical not looking for emotional.  But this new lady and I got along well, been talking everyday for several months. Made me realize how nice it is to be with somebody who likes being with me.  Made me realize how awful my situation with wife was.

She is U.S. citizen, so she is not trying to gain that.

She is frustrated that I haven't fully divorced yet.  Since we have kids trying to get agreements with my wife first so we can separate somewhat peacefully instead of fighting it out on bad terms.   This could take many months to resolve, and she is expecting it in just a few days I guess.

My wife had threatened to divorce me hundreds of times over last 6 years.  I've always tried to make it work, "for the kids".  Been to many marriage counselors, tried everything possibly could to make it work.  My wife is a good person overall, but was very spoiled as a child (still is) so it makes dealing with her virtually impossible no matter what the topic is.

Ironic part is that since I have been talking to my wife about divorce during the past week, she has been trying harder and being nicer to me than she ever has.  Ironic that marriage counseling, church, and everything else that is supposed to be the 'right' way to solve problems only made things worse, and then after I decided I didn't care and sought out another lady and talked divorce with my wife, *THEN* my wife is trying to be agreeable???   So doing the 'right' thing makes it worse, and doing the 'wrong' thing makes it better?? WTF??   That is why providers have been nice -- until now no BS, just straight pure communication on expectations.

Hobbied to avoid drama, not cause drama.  But drama is here!  Not asking for any sympathy since I knew the risks going in.  I will deal with whatever I cause.  Might get rough for a while but overall should eventually get in a better situation.

Yes, after the new lady acting like this is strong positive signs that I should not be with her.  It was nice for the past few months, but I don't need any crazier situations.

One of my friends reminded me of the parable of the dog with the bone.  The dog saw his reflection in the lake, holding the bone in his mouth.  Dog tries to grab the bone in the water reflection, and in process drops both bones and ended up with none!   Maybe I'll go from 1 bone to 2 bones to none.

Once this is all over, at least I will be looking at the world with a lot more experience.  Definitely have a better outlook of what to look for in a wife.  Providers taught me a few things too from other perspectives.

So that might scratch 2 women off my prospective list, but there are still billions more out there.

If y'all interested in the fallout I can post updates when they happen.

I haven't posted much to TER, but read just about everything here, nice to have a community of people.

Except in my case the other woman is one of the most level headed and mature persons I've ever met, and she's having a really hard time with the situation.

But my experiences with my wife mirrors yours. Since I started talking with her about separation and divorce she's made all the changes she refused to make earlier. She's really nice, wants sex all the time (now I don't want it), a complete 180 from before. It's messed up. But it's too little, too late.

I also hobbied only for the physical aspect but ended up with more than I bargained for.

Interesting.  

This lady has been 100% level headed every day I've known her until just now.  If she showed any signs of crazy prior I would not have continued talking with her.  

The wife response is also bizarre.  Guess that is why they are hard to deal with, because asking directly for what you want doesn't give the results, and asking the opposite apparently does.   Should have tried that 7 years ago!  Silly me for trying to be logical with my conversations.

This is basic Female 101, isn't it? Act like an asshole who doesn't give a shit, and she will grovel at your feet. Act like a nice guy who cares and wants to work things out, and she will walk all over you.

Women wonder why there are so many assholes out there. Hmmm. I have no idea!

Not ALL women, of course. Just some. (A lot!)  

She wasn't always that way? Damn. Now you're scaring me. Maybe I should just give up women completely..

and things are getting sticky? Too bad! It seems that you cant live without being in a committed relationship with a female. Try being uncommitted for a few years and see how it works for you.