I'm a single guy, never been married. For married guys this would definitely be a big no no.

Here's my problem. I've been seeing a provider who I consider an ATF for about 3+years. She's given me her personal phone number, I've been over to her house, I know her real name etc. Now over the years I have known her, she's asked me to spend the weekend with her at her timeshare, she's asked me out to dinner, movies etc. I've always found ways to politely decline, making up excuses so as not to offend her in any way.

She always tells me that she treats me differently than her other clients. The problem for me is this, I pay her for sex all the time, now why go and complicate matters by hanging out with her for free. I have this feeling that she thinks I don't think much of her, which is NOT the case at all, perhaps if we'd have met under different circumstances things would be different, who knows.

So folks should I just throw all caution to the wind and hang out with her in her free time or just stay on my present course. Thanks

Your concerns, and also the reasons why you would like to take her up on some of her offers.

There is no right or wrong, but here's what you can expect to find on each road:

1.  Stay on the road you are on and you will be playing it safe.  There will be no strings and you will continue to enjoy the ride.  You will be free and unfettered to see other gals and complications will be minimal.  This is the road that 99.9% of us take by the way for obvious reason.  The downside?  You will not be obtaining any deep interpersonal activity which most of us crave ata some level.  Some day you may realize that you might have been able to achieve a great relationship, but didn't follow up on it, and perhaps regret your over concern with playing it safe.

2.  Get on the "off the clock" road and you will shortly have a romantic situation on your hands with all the complications that entails.  This could lead to a very satisfying interpersonal relationship with all the highs and lows that such a relationship can offer.  The lows could outweight the highs and at some point you may ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?"

So decided for yourself:  Better to have loved and lost, or better to play it safe.

Both answers can be right, both can also be wrong.

Stay on your current path. You are not emotionally available to her and that is apparent. Why complicate it if you don't plan to return the affection in a genuine way. You say yourself "if I only met her under different circumstances." Translation: You really can't handle that she's been with countless other men. Stay honest with yourself and her.

If you are interested in dating her, then you should accept her offer and explore that relationship. If you are not, then the way you have handled it so far is correct.

    But in reality you are simply facing the common question of “do I want to date someone that I work with?”  That is rarely a good reason to say "no" in real life and you should not discriminate against this lady simply because of her day job.

     It may well be that most of the guys she meets are guys she meets as a result of her profession. Unfair to limit her options because of your prearranged assumption that it would be too complicated.

Nope. It does not.
But, it may force you to use a different paradigm that you have now.

Civvie friendship & dating paradigm is clear to you. Yes?

Pay-for-play is clear also. Yes?

Ok think about this: There is a recent social phenomonon that requires a new paradigm. Fuck buddies. It did not exist 30 years ago like is does now, nor was there word for it. Why? Gender disparity.

It was ok for men to look for NSA sex. They were playboys or studs. Women, on the otherhand, were looked down upon for enjoying NSA sex and were labelled 'sluts' and 'whores'. The interation between the two was sometimes called "an affair."

Although not yet accepted everywhere, it is finally being recognized that both men and women like sex sometimes where no love and commitment exist. Likewise, it is also ok for men and women to be close friends without a romantic interest. How does all that work without problems? Well, you communicate. You clearly state how you feel, and what your interntions are, full honestly and full disclosure. And you work from there. It sounds easier than it is, but it can be done.

So back to your situation:

You have a P4P relationship that is clear. That's business. Go ahead, and spend some friendship time. Just like if you were invited to a business associates home for relaxation. You woould be fine with that, and you wouldn't automatically assume that come Monday morning, from that point on, you would no longer charge for orders they placed. Follow me?

Let her make the suggestions. If during friendship time she suggests sex, simply ask her for clarity "I don't want to assume anything. Is this on or off the clock?" If she says off then so be it.

Don't assume that means you are not a client in the future, even if you are at that moment. I later, you want a session, call her and say you want to book a session as normal. If she says ok, then just do that.

Rinse and repeat.

I see nothing wrong with a mixed P4P/Fuck Buddy/Date relationship. It doen't have to be complicated, and you don't have to make it that way either. Just check, at pivital moments, by asking a straight forward question.

If she moves toward being GF, you better make sure you are OK with her job. Once you become an SO is no time to be critical of the choices she makes that you are now enjoying. If you are not 100% sure that YOU can handle that, then BE A MAN and tell her you must keep things professional, OTC, and for pay.

I love me dem stripper GFs. Hmmm .. why not a provider gf!

HalfHour

halfhour" Fuck buddies. It did not exist 30 years ago like is does now, nor was there word for it. Why? Gender disparity"

The youngun HH gave away his age.Fuck Buddies  sure did exist 35 to 45 years ago, except we called it Free Love.From 1966 to 1974 I had ten thousand romps with fuck buddies, not including Cher, and 5 thousand more when doing my cheap hit disco gigs. Business as usual until Steve Dahl ruined it all. Been paying for sex one way or another ever since 1980.
I'm working on a new rap album, "I have hope" Things might be looking up as far as free pussy again.
Can't figure out what that completely lost lad is thinking about. Anytime a chick asks me to the movies, I go with her, and fuck when we get back to my pad.
Maybe completely lost is meant to be a philosopher? Momma always told me "everyone has a calling"
Gives me a idea for a new song, to the tune of "Low spark of high heeled Boys" or maybe it will sound better with "Love the One you're with" background..
Breathe your minutes while you still have them .They won't be yours  forever, Can't buy em back later..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rDJvGSFY-c

1.  Have a very honest talk with yourself and truthfully tell yourself how you do or don't feel about her.  You say "perhaps if we'd have met under different circumstances things would be different".  DO YOU MEAN THAT or are you just saying it.  If you do really like her, you're single, then what do you REALLY feel about her?  No right answer but you need to be honest with yourself.  The real tough one for you:  if she's really ready to retire if she finds "the right guy", does that change your view?

2.  You can bet she is treating you differently.  Can't immagine she invites all her clients to her house and her timeshare.

3.  After you do #1, you owe her an honest talk.  Nothing wrong with telling her that you do think much of her, but tell her in what ways.  Quit being a coward about it no matter what the answer is to yourself.  Lots of cases where enjoying each other's company works, lots where it doesn't.  You sure increase the odds of a "good" outcome by talking honestly.

If one has serious romantic desires and the other doesn't, best find out now and end things.  If both want as a provider said to me, "to be hobby friends" who understand when it's on the clock and when it's off, nothing wrong with that (Answer:  it's always on the clock unless she offers otherwise.).

Don't guess what she is thinking.  Don't lie to her by keeping silent.  From what you said she's treated you very nicely, be decent with her.  If it works, great.  If it ends, you have great memories.  If you keep on the course you are one it WILL end, and probably not as nicely.

Just read your opening OP to her.  Be open and honest with her. Share your concerns -- and fears -- about what a LTR may mean.

The plus side is that it may go far in one of your concerns -- that being that she doesn't feel you think very much of her.  By honestly sharing your concerns, it could go a long way in building a stronger relationship between the two of you, regardless of which "fork" you take.  If she knows you do care for her, but have deferred any closer relationship for fear of possibly losing her....GEEZ, how can that not send a tremendous message.

Then both of you should talk it thru.  She obviously has to know that these situations generally don't work.  Shoot, you may find out that she doesn't want a LTR....she may just like spending time with you.  

You can always look at like this:  if it's NSA....then you can always move on to someone else. If this develops into a LTR and CRASHES....shoot!  Just move on to someone else.  

Still....don't ask us. Ask HER~!

As Mr Fisher said, you can play it safe or take your chances.

I've always been one to take my chances and I've never regretted it, even when the end result was very painful. That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

My advice? Go for it and be ready for an amazing experience which will probably end with you hurting very badly but learning a great deal.

Maybe she just wants a friend .. not marriage.  That's one possibility.
Or maybe it's a way for her to "thank you" for patronizing her for 3 years that you've given her a lot of $$$$$$.   I say - try it once .  I mean for chrissake .. hang out with her for once and just see what's up.
Don't be a pussy!

Dear Lost,
She certainly is treating you differently from other clients.  You have accepted some (been to her house, real name & phone) but not others.  I agree you are playing is safe.  Is that what you want?  Are you afraid of being hurt?  It would seem that she is offering to let this evolve into a romantic relationship though this is yet to be established. You could ask her...  but she might not be sure herself.  You could see where this leads.
If this leads to a honest to goodness relationship, you must answer what you'd want out of it.
A)  Would you want to become exclusive...  she would stop working, you'd provide most or all of the support.  There can indeed be a life after Escorting.
B)  Would she want to continue working.  I know several providers who are married...  It takes a very secure man to accept this.  
C)  Friends with Benifits
D)  Friends and a Pay 4 Play relationship.  Actually, "D" is the most complicated...  because you always need to be clear which program is in play at any one time.  

You are single & technically available...  if you let yourself be.  I think you should accept some invitations.  See what your feelings are & find out hers.  Go slow & tread lightly emotionally.  Since the sex is already fully evolved, both of you, let your guard down & let the emotions catch up.  
If the feelings are right, you would need to find out which of the A, B, C, D or some combo she envisions, & if you are ok with it.  A relationship with a provider CAN work out.  It is hard work, but happens just often enough to not discount the possibility.  

I would GO FOR IT.  Go into it with your eyes open.  
skb  

There is nothing better than uncomplicated sex anytime you want it with someone you are compatible with and really physically gel with.

By "uncomplicated" I mean, you pay her, you get sex, and then you both go your separate ways.  But you know you both dig each other on that sexual level.  Leave it at that.

If you're looking for romance, date a civvy girl and keep having sex with your escort.  Once you cross that line into an emotional relationship... sorry, but especially if she's the one pushing for it... all expectations will be jumbled and confused.

You have a good thing going right now.  
But, I would tell her simply that you aren't interested in dating but you enjoy the sex and you will keep compensating her for what she advertises.  

Why complicate something that works right now?

Something comparable to ter will always be available. Go for it. Give it a shot. Be damned with blowing into a bag for the rest of your life. It's so damned impersonal.

Actually, I have to agree about "going for it". Actually the OP isn't really even talking about truly going for it. All he is contemplating is a little off the clock time, hanging out. That's a huge difference between starting a serious relationship, but you never know..........

My advice to the OP, if you like her, go have fun with her. It may lead somewhere, it may not. You are single, she is single, what's the harm? I have lots of provider friends, some I have sex with, some I don't. Providers are just people, I don't really know what's the big deal about having a little fun together. When she starts picking out wedding bands, then you may have a problem, until then enjoy yourself,

I'm my own man. No woman is gonna guide my habits and speech.lol

She can be mordacious within those special moments if she feels the need for retaliation though. LOL   It's a good pain. lol

I can't speak for anyone else, but I got so much free NSA sex in the late 70's early 80's that I rarely engaged in P4P, notice I said rarely, not never.

We are probably close to the same age, but seem to have very different memories.

Go have fun with your friend. A lot of us guys here have providers for friends. Talk with them. Even meet with them OTC, and not just for sex. Not saying I've had sex with any OTC, but have had dinners, drinks, and talk with quite a few on a constant basis.

Gambler's right. We're all just people. You're single, so is she. Go meet for dinner, a movie, whatever. Who are you hurting?

And if something more develops between the two of you, well, cross that bridge when you come to it.

Until then, have fun!

a friendship without emotional investment. Is she capable of the same thing. If so, nothing wrong with hanging out.

Sure, there are lot folks who would say thai, it will eventually involve emotion. May be so. Entirely depending on you and her.

I just screwed one of these situations up, 20 months of getting closer and closer , didn't know how to handle it  , I;m hurting big time .  pm me , we need to talk !!