carry the relationship to another level? Like dating off the clock? Anyone heard of relationships like this that have resulted in marital bliss...?

who seem to have a great marriage (they now hobby together) so it does happen. However, I have also heard of times when things ended rather badly.

The question is going to be more to do with the personalities of the people and how they handle their past (or ongoing if such is the case) involvement in this hobby.

I do not know if you are hoping to have such happen with someone you have met but would recomend that you look at more than what she has done here. Be sure that beyond all else, you are or can become best friends for that is the key to having a good relationship. After time the sex may fade but being best friends is something that can last a lifetime.

That's what my momma always told me.

It's not likely though...IMO.  It's hard to transition fantasy to reality and make it work.

xoMegan

that this is a recurring theme that has, IMHO, been beat to death.

and it mentioned at least one case where a provider and a client got hitched.

Still going strong according to the poster.

Many get married thinking that reality can become a fantasy life... and it does not.  It is indeed the day-to-day difficulties and challenges that try us all!  and put strain on any relationship.  Sad that there is no "manual" of life to help guide you through this.

In speaking with a lot of people in trying to understand the failure of my marriage... what I find is that is the belief by one or both parties in a marriage that the marriage will create a "Care free" world where all their problems will be done away with, and they can live happily ever after! lol!  

That does not happen.  and real relationships are difficult, not impossible, but difficult - especially if one is a realist, and one has a fantasy... that cannot be met.

Redhot, yes it is difficult....

I've heard that it has happened.  Yet depends on the girls feelings on it.  Truthfully there's not a lot of trust to start with.. if you know what I mean.  As most that see us are otherwise attached.  Nothing stopping them from doing that to us in the future as well.

...for actually letting a Provider have first crack at this.  

-- Modified on 7/28/2006 9:36:49 AM

Absolutely! I have a close friend who is completely involved with her client. It is a trust factor that ha to be dealt with. But then again, not very many people are lucky enough to be in a HAPPY relationship. If you find that special someone, hold on to them. Time flies fast.

I started to type up a long winded, highly personal account of how I learned the lesson about not being foolish enough to carry on a relationship with a gentleman. Halfway through it I decided the tale really falls squarely into the "too much information" category.

So, rather than bore anyone with it, I'll simply suffice it to say that no, I do not "date" off the clock, it is a hard and fast rule, and one I have no intention of bending for anyone. I'll fall in love with you for an hour or two, but when our time is up, for both of our sake's, its time to go our separate ways.

Yes, providers marry their clients from time to time, but those are by far the exception.

I no longer hobby- just lurk- but last week I went out on a date with an ex-provider (or so she says….).  I think we are at the infancy stages and she has some things in her life she needs to work though.  But I see some more dates on the horizon and a pretty good friendship right now.  

Will it work?  Well my success rate has not been good with anyone as of yet, let alone an ex-provider- but who knows.  She seems to be a sweet girl and we have fun.  Funny- but she has dated so many jerks in her life- I think she likes to be treated like a lady for once in her life.  So if it only lasts a short time- I only hope she can feel what its like to date a man and not a boy.  Then again- some woman just can’t stay away from those boys.  

-- Modified on 7/28/2006 12:56:32 PM

1-Screening
2-relationships outside of the hobby
3-and why no one answers their emails or phones
4- diseases.

was that the 3 main 4 topics or the 4/three main topics- lol.

It's difficult to walk the authentic path of one's soul.  Life gets conveluted...in oh, so many ways.  Family, friends, career, love relationships...happiness doesn't tend to just fall in your lap.  Most of the time you have to work for it.

Sorry 'bout your marriage... :-/

All my best,
xoMegan

There have been a few times when a provider has asked me to take her out off the clock or told me it's OK if I want to ask her out.  This often happens with the visitors.  This one girl was my age and we clicked pretty well but she was getting bored out of her mind sitting in a hotel room all day while older guys would come see her.  She really wanted to get out and have some fun, so I took her to a bar.  She was a pretty chill chick to hang out with.

You should definitely NOT fall in love with a provider and she won't fall in love with you either.  She just plays the role of the horny girlfriend for the session.

-- Modified on 7/28/2006 3:43:32 PM

Ciara's done no worse than the experts who make up our country's budget, for example.

Numbers are kind of intangible and, as such, are subject to the vagaries of the mind.

At least this is what I used to tell my math professors.

Ciara, is that why there are 3 periods in a hockey game and 4 quarters in a football game?

Not sure how much of a beginning or friendship it will be if you already don't trust what she tells you, or if she has given you reason to not believe her...

For once in your life you didn't start out by attacking all hobbyists who participate in these discussions and actually have friendly relationships with providers.  There are hobbyists on this board too!

Next we can work on adding some useful information to the discussion, but I'm proud nonetheless.

Happy Hobbying!

ReI'm a hobbyist) Many providers want to be friends

Thanks for all the differing points of view on the topic. As I see it now I have 3/4 topics of choice.
1. If the feelings mutual I should go for it.
2. I should not fall in love with a provider
3. I should enjoy my experience for what it is.
4. I should drink heavily and give all the input more consideration

...date him off the clock?

Emphatically, no. I have met guys that I would date in a hot second were I not a provider. I've had guys ask me if I ever date off the clock. I tell them, no. I've lost a client over this, but...oh, well...

Just kidding. You have to do what you feel is right in your heart. You can get some good advice from friends, family and sometimes on this board. However, when it comes right down to it, you need to use your own judgment. Happy sailing, hon.

Hugs,
ciara

Blah, blah, blah, blah.  That's at least as usefull as your advice to the newbies on how not to get busted.

I never have. I find clients flawed in many ways. Once a cheater always a cheater. However, I know a few providers who had a relationship with their client and it never worked out. They both never really trusted each other and it became a problem.

Well I met a client and we have been together for nearly 3 years now!

Not married yet tho lol

Why the automatic assumption that the client is cheating? There are some of us out here who are not involved in a relationship; we may be flawed in other ways but we are not cheaters.

Cheating is a loaded word.

To be married and have sex with another, be it a professional or an affair, is called cheating and I accept that.

However, if this is what you need to do because your SO will not provide for your needs, then I think it is justified.

Many escorts believe they help more marriages than they hurt and I belive this is true.

A provider who decides to take up with a client should probably not have any delusions about the client remaining faithful, but within that limitation (if it is indeed a limitation) there is room for a lot of good times and deep feelings.

Faithfullness, like truthfullness and a number of other otherwise high minded platitudes, are overrated.

More important is caring and respecting, however you need to express them.

I want to share a post my husband wrote about us two years ago. It is very long but it remains true today and bears repeating:

"I've known A for 14 years and we have been living together for 10 years. It's been a wonderful adventure for both of us.

We met when A was working in a massage parlor and I was a customer. We enjoyed each other in every way, spent a lot of our time together there talking, and became friends. After several months, we began meeting on the outside. She was the most fascinating woman I had ever met, well-educated with wide-ranging interests and we had a lot in common. I always paid for the sex and never suggested that I should stop paying or that she should stop seeing other clients. I also hired her to work in my business because she was a graphic artist and I had need of her skills.

When we met, both of our marriages were beginning to come apart, and after a year or so, A left her husband. She didn't have kids. I couldn't bear to leave my children (a pre-teen and a 5 year old) and I still loved my wife, so I remained in a troubled marriage. I helped A to leave the massage parlor and become an independent provider. (pre-internet) I also helped her develop a freelance design business. We were best friends, lovers, and business associates.

After we had known each other for about 3 years, my wife died suddenly in an automobile accident. I was now a single parent with two traumatized children. A was incredibly supportive to me and my kids in dealing with the loss. After about 6 months, she moved in with us, and gradually began to fill the role of mother to the children. She was a wonderful step-mom. The kids fell in love with her and she with them. A told me that she wanted to "retire" temporarily as a provider so that she could put her energies into being a mother and building her design business.

The next year, we married. Eight years passed. We were a more or less normal suburban family. Then, two years ago, A informed me that she wanted to come out of retirement as an escort. She missed the excitement of being a provider and the social contact. She would seek to develop a small group of clients who were capable of paying high fees and who also wanted the personal connection of being friends, not just customers. She wanted to help put money aside for our kids' college and graduate school educations, and she wanted to invest in new expensive equipment for her graphics business. (Fortunately, I am successful in my business, so A is able to spend and invest the money she earns on whatever she wants.)

I had no problem with her decision. I have profound respect for the profession of escort. What could be more wonderful and more nourishing that a job where you help others to feel good about themselves and the world around them... where you enable others to experience pleasure and get to experience it yourself... where you are a friend and a confidante. A enriches my life beyond anything I could have imagined. I have no problem with her sharing her exquisite self with others. A is also totally open with her siblings and close friends about her work as a provider, although she keeps it secret from our children and ordinary acquaintances.

No marriage is ideal. We have conflicts, most of which grow out of our different styles of parenting. We never have conflicts about sex and we never have conflicts about money. After 14 years together, sex remains phenominal. Our love for each other continues to grow. We think of ourselves as a team, and we continue to learn from each other.

Reading the other comments in this thread, it seems that the biggest problem in having a relationship with a provider involves issues of trust and of jealousy. For A and myself, trust has been built from striving to be honest and open with each other. I have the freedom to play around with other women if I choose as long as I let A know what is going on. (I rarely take advantage of this freedom, especially since A began bringing girlfriends home to mess around with both of us) And A is totally open with me about her work.

At first, jealousy was a problem for me. I didn't mind that A was having sex with other guys, after all, that was her job and it was how we met. I was jealous because I feared that she would enjoy someone else more than she enjoyed me and that she might leave me for someone she was more attracted to than myself. Here's how I overcame the jealousy: 1. Early in our relationship, I came to understand that A's happiness is the most important thing in my life and if she finds life more fulfilling with someone else, then I want her to do whatever is best for her. 2. Through her actions and her words, I know that I and my children are at the center of her life, and that we are loved. 3. I have learned that we all have an infinite capacity for love, and that it is natural for us to love, make love with and be friends with more than one other person.

I know this posting has been excruciatingly long, but it is an issue that's close to my heart. I speak only for myself and my wife, but for us, marriage involving a provider has worked out just fine."

is it fair to assume that you are still working and he accepts that?

cheating is cheating. It still destroys marriages and families. If a marriage is so bad, it's 2006 and easy to get out. If you risk hurting your wife & kids by having an affair then getting a divorce should be easy. Tell yourself whatever you want but deep down you know the truth

Amen- single- never cheated outside of a relationship.  I may be a sex fiend - but not a cheater  Flaws- yes I have plenty of those

Your posts always drip with sarcasm and a negative view of the world. If you are a provider you should find a new career. You are jaded to the extreme.