It makes me feel so much better about my own life.

Dude, you are one seriously fucked up person. I am just afraid that you are going to snap someday and go on a shooting spree, I can only hope you don't take out too many innocent bystander when you finally eat a bullet.

P4P is not that complicated.  You are paying them for sex. Everything they do is done for money. Kissing is offered because guys want it, not because the ladies do.  It's a sales tool.

Rules. Painful memories. Cheating. Guilt. Dilemma.

Your post says it all. You have more issues than the Saturday Evening Post!
You try to cover it up with self-deprecating humor, but your life is an absolute train wreck. Here's a clue for you. Hobbying won't make your life better. It's not the glue that holds you and your wife together. It's not all the wonderous journey you try to make it sound, while everyone can see right through it.
Get some self confidence, grow a pair, and see how things start to change for you.
Start with this >>>>>>>>

I would like to say that I have some self imposed rules I follow when I hobby. No anal contact on me and no anal sex as it will bring up painful memories not conducive to enjoyment. No fetishes other then the  food fetish as I just not into it. And no DFK as even though I am allowed to it still feels to much like cheating on my wife and it makes me feel guilty and guilt is not conducive to a good time. I am not a type BFE client.

There is a certain provider I have been eying since I started hobbying that is very GFE. I have even recommended her to others as she has an excellent reputation in my home city and excellent reviews on this and other review sites. I even met her once and she is even better looking then her photos and they are model quality hot. Yet I have not seen her yet.

I for the most part tend to avoid GFE provides as I just don't want to offend them by refusing to DFK them (LFK is OK). I want my paid date to enjoy her time with me and not feel like I am rejecting her.This brings me to my dilemma, I really want to see this provider yet not if she would likely feel put off by my hobby rules. I don't want anyone to feel bad after I see them as a client. I ruin enough peoples day as it is.

Providers if a client would not let you DFK him and you are a GFE type provider would you take offence? Would it effect your experience with him negatively? If he was clean, polite and respectful would you want to see him anyway?

But, you are a troubled puppy.

Go fuck a provider up the ass and DFK at the same time. Trust me, you will like it.

Hey There Babe

To me it just wouldn't make any sense to not see a client because of what he doesn't do!!! Just my personal opinion and assumption....Services offered by a provider are based pretty much on what the average client usually wants. This doesn't mean that because you have no desire for what others want, that the provider will not see you. It's actually kind of nice that you would want to see a provider who offers services that your not into. Question-Whats wrong with letting her know ahead of time that you don't want this during your date?

Ms. CandyGyrlxxx

Fellow hobbyist here.  If a provider is "offended" by reasonable requests to respect your boundaries (or entertain your harmless fantasies) she is not a good provider.

As I am a male client but I don't think a provider would be offended. She might feel a bit self conscious at first thinking she had bad breath. I think she would understand if you explained yourself I have ben with providers that dont like to kiss and I understand the intimacy factor is to much for them. Assuming they have a SO or won't let themselves get that close to a stranger, on the other hand I think some providers don't feel comfortable with out giving the full GFE .I my self go for GFE but I always enjoy it more with some one I allready know,my intimacy issues.If you can appreciate the opinion of younger, less expeirenced gent their you have it.

Mr. J Mo

see him, but being a DFK lover myself, I would be bummed. BUT even though I am a GFE fan, and love to kiss, and love foreplay, I never tend to initiate it unless I can tell they want me to. I let the guy set the pace, so if I got the vibe he didn't want to kiss, I would just adjust my session to that guy and our chemistry.

If I liked him, I would be bummed with the no kissing but  I would get over it lol

It sounds like he has the same problem I have, I think they call it Catholic but I just ingore the guilt.  I know fully well where im going I'm just working on a cooler spot. Why do people jump so hard for so little reason.

this is what you are comfortable with no reason to be embarassed.I would not take offense in the least I am there to satisfy him so if kissing or other things is not what he is comfortable with no problem.It would not affect our escapade in a negative way there are so many ways to have a good enjoyable time.I think you are overthinking this!

It is a hard job seeing how bad your life must be considering you have nothing better to do besides point out how "fucked up" I am. Now don't worry I am not going on a killing spree today as I don't even own a gun anymore. Now take care. And please don't go buying me a gun because you never know. LOL

I have always been told not to discuss services before a your first session. So I never have.

Thanks for your reply.

...kissing is mission critical to making me feel wanted.  if i do not feel wanted, we are both going to have a subpar time (at best).  i feel that kissing lays the foundation for the connection you will make with your lover...

if a client told me beforehand that he wanted no kissing whatsoever, i would have to decline his request.   that said, LFK is okay... but only if *you* REALLY are okay with it!  if you're doing it just to placate the girl or pass time... just... don't.

also, i guess definitions of DFK vary, but every once in a rare while i have the misfortune of kissing someone who seems to think that he is a snake trying to swallow an ostrich egg, and it's terrible.  the mouth is an instrument - meant to be used artfully to make beautiful music.  that goes for lips AND tongue.  i would by far prefer some sensual, affectionate LFK over that sort of "DFK" any day.

i understand that for some girls, "he's the customer and it's my job to satisfy him" is sufficient.  for me, it's not quite that simple.  i don't just want to satisfy my client, i want to make him speak in tongues, eyes rolling in the back of his head, as he gasps "that's AMAZING, how are you doing that?"  ... to be inspired to do that, there are just certain things i have to have; some amount of kissing, with some measure of feeling, is one of those things.

I don't want the lady to feel like I am rejecting her as I am not. DFK just is out of my comfort zone with providers. I need to save something just for my wife foe my own piece of mind. Thanks.

That is good advice you are dishing out. "Grow a pair", you should listen to you. Life is so much easier when you don't hide.

Yes, there are parts of my life that are still a wreck. I do not hide the fact. I have never said the hobby was "all the wonderous journey", in fact I said that part of my life sucks. I never claimed hobbying was the glue to my marriage. I said it made my wife feel less guilty, provided balance, and it is fun. Nothing more. Glad you don't need the hobby for anything.

Yes I have some baggage and painful memories from the past. But who besides you don't? Besides those memories made me who I am and I like the person I am now. I do have rules I follow, they make decisions easier to make and simplify my life. I like my rules. My life sucked when I didn't live by any rules.

But that being said, I like my life. I no long have to worry about money. I am married to a women I love. I have a great son. I have real friends. I am able to help people. For the most part I am happy. This is as good as my life has ever been and I know I earned every last thing I have. I am confident in that. Just so you know I do exercise almost daily.

Yes, I have my demons like my food addiction and the weight I have put on because of it. And yes I do have a hard time forgiving myself for my weakness and mistakes. I never denied any of that. I also don't deny may marriage is not as healthy shape as it could be. I also bet that is true for every married guy on TER, except for yours.

I am glad your life is so much better then mine. I am glad no part of your life is a train wreck. By the way since your life and marriage is so great and you have no need of the hobby, why are you here? After all your life and marriage must be going great to be able to give such sage advice on mine. Especially since no advise was solicited on the subject. I would wish you a good day but I know you don't have any other kind.

Having the lady not feel wanted is exactly what I am afraid of. I do want her and I want her to know it. She is one of the hottest women I have ever seen. You gave me something to think about. Thanks for responding.

what your "no" button is. I have one client who loves to kiss and cuddle, and receive a lengthy hj. That's it. That's the entire session. No FS, no GFE, nothing but the hj and lots of kissing and cuddling.

I have another who dispenses with talk and clothes and anything other than the main event for him, and then he's gone in 20 min.

My point, darling, is that most providers PROVIDE whatever it is that YOU want.

Kisses!

I guess most providers would not be bothered that much by my request for no kissing. Joleneineugene, Hollieofmiami, Butterflydust, Jaydalee, CaitlynFBSM, and Candygyrlxxx thanks for you responses they where very helpful.