Hello Fellow Hobbyist:

I'm curious of how many of you guys here are married. I am single, not by choice but just can't find the woman I like here in America. I did meet women who are from other countries visiting here in the U.S.
I feel more attracted to them but unfortunately, they live too far and none stayed here long enough to develop a serious relationship.  But in any event, I enjoy penetrating many beautiful women, and to be able to do that without all the red tape is by hobbying. But if I ever get married, would I be able to quit hobbying? If not, would it be worth marrying? So I would like to ask some of you "married guys" who do hobbying for some feedbacks and opinions. If you are married and hobbying, is it because you are sick of being monagamous, or you need new pussies to keep it up, or your wives don't turn you on anymore, or what?

Thank in advance for the advise


SuperLuv

I'm married, and while my wife is not the most passionate about sex, we do still do it on occasion.

But I hobby because one woman is not enough for me.  I love fucking many, many beautiful women -- women I honestly could not seduce in real life.  Diversity is also another awesome attribute -- I love making love to a passionate Latina one week, a glamorous African American woman the next time.  This is living out a fantasy.  And it is so much more simple and NSA than having a mistress or trying to pick ladies in a bar.

Thats an easy one: my wife has put on 100 pounds since we married eight years ago, and then decided after two kids that sex wasn't "necessary" any longer. So, while I hang around waiting for the kids to grow up before I bail, I hobby for sexual release. Not that I'd shag her anyway, given her size...

...I first hobbied when my first marriage broke up,  then stopped when my current LTR began because I believe in at least trying to be monogamous.  Well, I tried that for ten years but when the sex was dead I turned to hobbying again.  The answer is different for everyone, so don't try to take too much from this.  For myself,  I believe I'm just not naturally monogamous and suck at long-term relationships.  So it's probably better for me, as well as the female population of Planet Earth, if I stay unmarried and see providers.  I really enjoy the women in this life, sexually and personally.

My wife and I have an open relationship (her idea). My wife is a provider and I am a hobbyist. I would go back to being monogamous if she would. I like the monogamous way of life.

You must choose what is best for you. But I would recommend being honest about what works for you.

it is VERY difficult to go back

I don't know how old you are, or what you look like, or whether you are mainly single because you really can't find someone who satisfies you or because no one can stand you very long.  Whatever.  I don't think it matters much.  Let's say you do get married, and it's to a wonderful woman for all the right reasons.

It's going to be tough to stay monogamous.

Excitement fades in most relationships, and sex typically wanes.  That's just the way it is.  Unfortunately, hobbying is like having a crack addiction.  You can give it up for a while, but when you're feeling low or bored or your old pals are around, it's gonna be oh-so-easy to slide back into it.  It's not just weak willpower.  Sex and (especially) ego-boosts really are truly neurobiologically addictive.  If you are already a 'hobbyist', you are already almost certainly addicted.  No doubt that statement is going to pull a bunch of denialists and manginas out of the woodwork, but I guarantee you it's true.

And when your significant other finds out you have cheated on her, she will be furious.  I don't care how liberal she pretends to be.  Women always want to be the only one, and it's a very rare woman who understands that sex work can be just unemotional physical activity.  Even if she is a sex worker.  I've gone through three different periods where sex workers got overly attached and rained hell upon me when they learned that a) I was married, or b) I spent time with another woman (sex worker or not).  (I've not reviewed any of those providers here, obviously).  And this is not counting my wife, who knows everything I have done, with whom, and still gives me constant reminders that I am now on a very short leash.  Sometimes the leash is longer, and I can catch up with old friends in the biz or actually socialize with attractive women.  Other times the leash is shorter, such as Friday when a young colleague who my wife suspects likes me dressed a little too provocatively, and I subsequently got reamed out about nothing in particular for 45 minutes.

Anyway, what it comes down to is that you have grown accustomed to a series of imaginary ideal relationships.  No real relationship is going to match that sort of ego-gratifying tingle for very long.  So you will always be tempted for a new hit.  We are wired for attraction to young beautiful women who tell us all the stuff we want to hear.  It's awesome that guys can buy that experience.

But a real relationship -- a good one -- provides loads of stuff you can never buy.  You can't buy the feeling you get from moving into your first house together, raising kids, crying together when the dog needs to be put to sleep, or laughing over old photo albums.   You can't buy the feeling of knowing someone so well you don't have to ask, or stories about crazy horrible trips that are now precious memories, or the comfort of not being embarrassed by all your little foibles.  You can't buy real love or trust.

My advice, SuperLuv, is to forgo your next few visits with a provider and take a trip to Europe or South America.  Or try to take a job somewhere far away.  Go native.  Meet people.  Shake up your life.  Maybe you'll meet someone 'special'.  Maybe you won't.  It doesn't matter.   Try to believe that.

I'm old fashioned, I guess, but I never strayed. Not that I probably wouldn't have, if the planets had all aligned and an offer too good to refuse had come along.

However - In the 28 years in an experiment of monogamy, I learned something: I was a fool, LOL.

I'm pretty certain that the institution of marriage is unnecessary in this day and age. If is was intended to support women during the child raising years, then it's failed anyway, and appears to have become more an extension of the grade school "going steady". Having committed a significant portion of my life (and my wife's) to the old way, I feel the new paradigm is an improvement.

I have met so many wonderful gals, and enjoyed the social intercourse as much as the sexual. Man, I wish the Internet had been around in the 1960s. We might not have needed all of those drugs...

AS

My wife has a perfect body.  Works out every day.  She's always been beautiful.  Used to model for artists, European sculptors.  College guys say 'she's you're wife?!  Wow.  She's hot.'  She's European, well-traveled, very intelligent and sensible, and internationally-respected in her field.  I have no idea why she fell in love with me, or why she's still in love with me (sometimes lately she says she doesn't know either  She is honestly better at sex than any provider I have ever been with.  And I have been with some real pros.  This morning, for no particular reason, she gave me an awesome blow job as I woke up, refused anything I could do for her, and later at breakfast I asked her and she said she was just in the mood to give a BJ, until maybe later this afternoon.

And yet...  And yet...  I can't stop thinking about a girl I know from Berlin.  Or who here in town I haven't seen but sort of am intrigued by.

sigh.

To mlsnet :


Thanks for the reply. I appreciate that. I thought about being satisfy with just one woman but not too sure if I can once I get married one day. I cannot deny I love varieties of beautiful women too. It is like oxygen, I must have them.

Thanks for the response. I want to be monogamous one day, but afraid it might be too difficult. I always wonder if being monogamous would put a strain on my nuts since they eventually need to be relieved by new pussies. I always struggle trying to be moral and fulfilling sexual needs. There are too many hot women out there to be able to stay moral like Jesus Christ. One time I told a doctor that I wished I did not have such a strong desire for women so I can stay out of trouble. He commented that my desires are just only normal. One thing for sure is that I would probably have saved a shit load of money.

Seriously! We were at our neighborhood bar. Playing pool and drinking with our friends. She looked sooo fucking good! I asked her to marry me. She said yes and our friends shit themselves they were so happy for us. But then she realized I was drunk and I told her 'Alright. I'll ask you again tomorrow infront of my mom' because I was going there to paint a room for her.

We went, I painted while they talked, and I didn't say shit. She laid into my ass when we got in the car and left.

I have to laugh now because I'm glad all it took was me sobering up after one night to realize I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with that crazy bitch.

Don't get me wrong. She's hot. Or at least was then. Small girl, big tits, loved to fuck. Had a kid that I took on as my own and rushed my ass when I came home from work.

But mom was, a piece of work. She felt entitled to certain things and I wasn't raised that way. You don't let people shit on you. You have respect, for those that deserve it. But you don't let people shit on you.

I'm not married, and I know this is a chauvinistic thing to say, but from my experience women nowadays are more into themselves than having a union with a man.

Think about it. Why do we hobby? You married her for a number or reasons. First was love. Then, hopefully, you were so caught up in her pussy and what she does with it that you absolutely had to make it your's and your's alone.

But this is the 21st century. They don't need us, and we don't need them. It's all a matter of want. We want strange, and so do they.

In the 40's and 50's, you got married out of necessity. She stayed home, popped out a few younguns, made you dinner and all was good. You worked and brought home the bacon, had a little pickle tickle on occasion.

Don't get me wrong. Marriage is great if you find the right one. My deal is, there are too many choices nowadays and it makes it that much more difficult. Know what I'm sayin'?

There are some providers I'd marry in a heartbeat. But the monogamous thing ain't gonna work. From both ends.

They love to have sex with different people, and so do I.

Swinging would be cool. And if said lady insisted she worked, she would have to understand I'd pay for strange myself. It's only fair.

JMHO of course...!

To scoed:


Holy Shit... I never expected this one. Marrying someone who is a provider and at the same time the guy can go fuck any other women he wants. So... this is called an "open marriage".  I always wonder how that is like.  Anyway, thanks for the response. I appreciate it.

Dear BashfulJohn:


Thanks for your comments. I wonder if I have a wife that is as hot and takes care of herself as the one you described, would I be able to be monogamous? I really do wonder. I probably won't go hobbying as much if at all. Is there a particular celebrity model, a swimsuit or fitness model you can compare your wife to?


SuperLuv

no problems in my sex life at home,just addicted to tits and ass but with the right provider.

...Even while I was married for the second time I never got over the hot times I had with providers before the relationship began.  The sex was good for a while, my wife liked to watch porn with me when we had sex and was even turned on by my exploits with providers before she met me.  Then, she went into menopause and our sex life died (for other reasons, too).  Finally, I told her I hadn't taken a vow of celibacy and she agreed to an open relationship.  She was cool with it in theory.  Then, when it started to happen, she lost her cool.  Can I go back to monogamy?  I really doubt it.  As has been said, there is something addictive about going with providers.  Same thing with porn.  So I may be irretrievably damaged by this.  Know what?  I don't care!  If this is damage, gimmie some more!

Getting married is not, NOT, a good way to save money!  Especially if you get divorced.  If you do decide to get married make damn sure you talk to a lawyer about a pre-nup and issues like marital- and non-marital assets.  Learn what "co-mingling" means (it is NOT a sex term).  That way if you divorce you won't walk away wearing a barrel.  Besides, who wants to be "moral like Jesus Christ?"  Or Moses, or Buddha or any of those dudes.  Men are hard wired to spread their seed.  It's in our genetic code.  To deny it is un-natural; something imposed by society.  OK! That's it!  I talked myself into it! I'm filin' papers tomorrow!  LMAO!

Had great sex the first 23 years.  When she stopped giving me blow jobs (aug 2004) I started looking elsewhere.  Have had a great time hobbying ever since.

Still hoping the wife will start fucking/sucking again...but will keep "Mr Happy" happy until she does.

Hmmmmm....  Interesting question.  Honestly, I've never thought of anyone famous who my wife reminds me of, nor really tried to.  Nor has anyone suggested comparisons between my wife and famous people.  Strangers sometimes think they recognize me, but they don't.

So who does my wife remind me of?  Well, part of the reason I was thinking about the provider this morning/today was because the feel of my wife's breasts and body in bed this morning gave me a flashback to that provider.  This provider uses the work name 'Meghan' because someone told her she looks like Meghan Fox (and she does!).  When I first met her, she called herself 'Sandra', and in my phone her entry was 'S jetzt M' (this was Germany, thus the 'jetzt').  She did internet video chat stuff in addition to sex work.  She has no web presence, sorry.

But my wife's face doesn't look like 'Meghan' or Meghan Fox.  My wife's hair is more like Keri Russell's in 'Felicity', except brown.  I love curly hair.  My wife is convinced I like long straight dark hair best, based on the prostitutes I've been involved with.  Maybe I do.  My wife's face is maybe sort of a mix of Kate Winslet and Gemma Arterton.  There are photos of my wife on the web, but I'm obviously not going to post links.  Hellen Mirren sort of reminds me of a slim version of my wife's mom.  Or a grey-haired version of my wife's sister.  Yea, my wife is British.  I guess everyone from that pokey little island really does sort of look alike.

Does it matter?  After a while it's hard to really 'see' someone the way you do the first time you see them.  Thus the curse, or maybe goal.

I dunno.  Honestly, my favorite memory of 'Meghan' is when she noticed a missing button on my shirt and said I needed a woman to take care of me (she didn't know I was married).  It was just the way she looked.  And the time I took her and a friend out for dinner and the cute way she got jealous when her friend and I hit if off.  And the way she preened and giggled at goofy stuff, like me making out with her dog and then stuffing a 5 euro bill in its collar.

Fuck, I am screwed.  See?  DON'T START THIS HOBBY.  OR QUIT NOW.

Porn and providers,2 great addictions.

Just add vodka and stir !

I'll be hitting the 10 yr mark for marriage this year, and I've been hobbying for a little over 6 months now.  My wife is gorgeous, and I have 3 wonderful kids and a well paying job that I don't hate too much.  I think we're doing okay.  Basically I have it all, so I chalk up my hobbying to hitting 40 and coming to the realization that life is short.  Believe it or not, I like being married.  We have less sex than before, mainly due to the fact that we're both too exhausted after work and taking care of the kids each day, but we still manage a few times a month.  

For me hobbying is a form of stress relief and way to live out those juvenile fantasies that I didn't get to play out before marriage.  It beats therapy and is probably cheaper.  Also I have no desire to have an affair and like the fact that the relationships in hobbying are generally friendly but professional with boundaries.  It's been fun and I've met some really cool women that I would normally never have met, let alone have sex with.  But already I sense that it's losing some of its novelty.  I'm hoping that I'll have whatever it is out of my system in the next year or 2.

Not sure if this helps you at all, but for me I love my wife and want grow old with her.  I know I'm probably rationalizing, but mentally and physically, I figured it was now or never to pursue the hobby.

When your consciousness gets elevated to Jesus' level you won't even desire to have sex anymore.

After 25 years and some issues my wife has had, we both lost interest in sex together. I was celibate (if you don't count porn and my lovers, lefty and rightie) for a few years, not sure how long. Then I decided I wanted to get laid again before I die. First visit, and I was hooked.

Still love my wife, we get along fine. And I like all my new lady friends, who seem to like sex, and definitely are much better at it than my wife ever was. Delightful voyage of discovery.

The advice is right - the hobby makes it more difficult to find someone and build a long term relationship, for both providers and hobbyists, so you need to decide how important that is to you and act accordingly. No wife is ever going to compete with a provider - one is like being at home, working at your job, and the other is like being at a five star resort, just entertaining yourself. If you can choose to spend today working and cleaning the house or getting pampered at the resort...

Zig

1.) She must be honest about her work with me. Not on who her clients are but her work.

2.) She must work in a legal brothel and follow all the rules that come with it. I don't want to see jail time for her hobby and pandering is a felony. We made special arrangement with a brothel that she only works the week ends but she for her own weekly testing. That runs $550 a week.

3.) She can't tell me the juicy details unless I ask.

4.) When she sees providers she follows the same rule I do. She is very bi and has arranged doubles sessions with me before.

5.) The money she makes is not to be added to the family funds. I don't ever want to be her pimp. I insisted on this rule.

I did forget on rule that I must follow.

9.) I must also be honest and answer any questions she asks about the sessions I have with providers.

and I do what hounds do.

Fascinating! I have always been a hound. Sex is a form of entertainment for me. It is not a relationship.

even though i've always considered myself "old fashioned" when it comes to relationships (monogamous that is), i was unfaithful to all my girlfriends in highschool and then into my early/mid 20s. it never started that way, just got bored i guess. however, after i met my ex, i changed. the "old fashioned" me was truly born. i've been monongamous with every girl i've dated since. no, i'm not married and really don't plan on it. i don't think i fit into the hobbyist category either considering how sporadic i've done it over the years; but do enjoy having the option of it.
i guess my point is that i believe that if 2 people are happy together, they should be enough for each other. and if either party feels the need to stray, then they are not perfect for each other in the first place. of course this is not counting those couples who swing or enjoy open relationships.