...I first hobbied when my first marriage broke up,  then stopped when my current LTR began because I believe in at least trying to be monogamous.  Well, I tried that for ten years but when the sex was dead I turned to hobbying again.  The answer is different for everyone, so don't try to take too much from this.  For myself,  I believe I'm just not naturally monogamous and suck at long-term relationships.  So it's probably better for me, as well as the female population of Planet Earth, if I stay unmarried and see providers.  I really enjoy the women in this life, sexually and personally.

I'm married, and while my wife is not the most passionate about sex, we do still do it on occasion.

But I hobby because one woman is not enough for me.  I love fucking many, many beautiful women -- women I honestly could not seduce in real life.  Diversity is also another awesome attribute -- I love making love to a passionate Latina one week, a glamorous African American woman the next time.  This is living out a fantasy.  And it is so much more simple and NSA than having a mistress or trying to pick ladies in a bar.

My wife and I have an open relationship (her idea). My wife is a provider and I am a hobbyist. I would go back to being monogamous if she would. I like the monogamous way of life.

You must choose what is best for you. But I would recommend being honest about what works for you.

it is VERY difficult to go back

I don't know how old you are, or what you look like, or whether you are mainly single because you really can't find someone who satisfies you or because no one can stand you very long.  Whatever.  I don't think it matters much.  Let's say you do get married, and it's to a wonderful woman for all the right reasons.

It's going to be tough to stay monogamous.

Excitement fades in most relationships, and sex typically wanes.  That's just the way it is.  Unfortunately, hobbying is like having a crack addiction.  You can give it up for a while, but when you're feeling low or bored or your old pals are around, it's gonna be oh-so-easy to slide back into it.  It's not just weak willpower.  Sex and (especially) ego-boosts really are truly neurobiologically addictive.  If you are already a 'hobbyist', you are already almost certainly addicted.  No doubt that statement is going to pull a bunch of denialists and manginas out of the woodwork, but I guarantee you it's true.

And when your significant other finds out you have cheated on her, she will be furious.  I don't care how liberal she pretends to be.  Women always want to be the only one, and it's a very rare woman who understands that sex work can be just unemotional physical activity.  Even if she is a sex worker.  I've gone through three different periods where sex workers got overly attached and rained hell upon me when they learned that a) I was married, or b) I spent time with another woman (sex worker or not).  (I've not reviewed any of those providers here, obviously).  And this is not counting my wife, who knows everything I have done, with whom, and still gives me constant reminders that I am now on a very short leash.  Sometimes the leash is longer, and I can catch up with old friends in the biz or actually socialize with attractive women.  Other times the leash is shorter, such as Friday when a young colleague who my wife suspects likes me dressed a little too provocatively, and I subsequently got reamed out about nothing in particular for 45 minutes.

Anyway, what it comes down to is that you have grown accustomed to a series of imaginary ideal relationships.  No real relationship is going to match that sort of ego-gratifying tingle for very long.  So you will always be tempted for a new hit.  We are wired for attraction to young beautiful women who tell us all the stuff we want to hear.  It's awesome that guys can buy that experience.

But a real relationship -- a good one -- provides loads of stuff you can never buy.  You can't buy the feeling you get from moving into your first house together, raising kids, crying together when the dog needs to be put to sleep, or laughing over old photo albums.   You can't buy the feeling of knowing someone so well you don't have to ask, or stories about crazy horrible trips that are now precious memories, or the comfort of not being embarrassed by all your little foibles.  You can't buy real love or trust.

My advice, SuperLuv, is to forgo your next few visits with a provider and take a trip to Europe or South America.  Or try to take a job somewhere far away.  Go native.  Meet people.  Shake up your life.  Maybe you'll meet someone 'special'.  Maybe you won't.  It doesn't matter.   Try to believe that.

I'm old fashioned, I guess, but I never strayed. Not that I probably wouldn't have, if the planets had all aligned and an offer too good to refuse had come along.

However - In the 28 years in an experiment of monogamy, I learned something: I was a fool, LOL.

I'm pretty certain that the institution of marriage is unnecessary in this day and age. If is was intended to support women during the child raising years, then it's failed anyway, and appears to have become more an extension of the grade school "going steady". Having committed a significant portion of my life (and my wife's) to the old way, I feel the new paradigm is an improvement.

I have met so many wonderful gals, and enjoyed the social intercourse as much as the sexual. Man, I wish the Internet had been around in the 1960s. We might not have needed all of those drugs...

AS

LMAO! I asked a lady to marry me once. Then I sobered up the next day!

Seriously! We were at our neighborhood bar. Playing pool and drinking with our friends. She looked sooo fucking good! I asked her to marry me. She said yes and our friends shit themselves they were so happy for us. But then she realized I was drunk and I told her 'Alright. I'll ask you again tomorrow infront of my mom' because I was going there to paint a room for her.

We went, I painted while they talked, and I didn't say shit. She laid into my ass when we got in the car and left.

I have to laugh now because I'm glad all it took was me sobering up after one night to realize I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with that crazy bitch.

Don't get me wrong. She's hot. Or at least was then. Small girl, big tits, loved to fuck. Had a kid that I took on as my own and rushed my ass when I came home from work.

But mom was, a piece of work. She felt entitled to certain things and I wasn't raised that way. You don't let people shit on you. You have respect, for those that deserve it. But you don't let people shit on you.

I'm not married, and I know this is a chauvinistic thing to say, but from my experience women nowadays are more into themselves than having a union with a man.

Think about it. Why do we hobby? You married her for a number or reasons. First was love. Then, hopefully, you were so caught up in her pussy and what she does with it that you absolutely had to make it your's and your's alone.

But this is the 21st century. They don't need us, and we don't need them. It's all a matter of want. We want strange, and so do they.

In the 40's and 50's, you got married out of necessity. She stayed home, popped out a few younguns, made you dinner and all was good. You worked and brought home the bacon, had a little pickle tickle on occasion.

Don't get me wrong. Marriage is great if you find the right one. My deal is, there are too many choices nowadays and it makes it that much more difficult. Know what I'm sayin'?

There are some providers I'd marry in a heartbeat. But the monogamous thing ain't gonna work. From both ends.

They love to have sex with different people, and so do I.

Swinging would be cool. And if said lady insisted she worked, she would have to understand I'd pay for strange myself. It's only fair.

JMHO of course...!

Dear BashfulJohn:


Thanks for your comments. I wonder if I have a wife that is as hot and takes care of herself as the one you described, would I be able to be monogamous? I really do wonder. I probably won't go hobbying as much if at all. Is there a particular celebrity model, a swimsuit or fitness model you can compare your wife to?


SuperLuv

I'll be hitting the 10 yr mark for marriage this year, and I've been hobbying for a little over 6 months now.  My wife is gorgeous, and I have 3 wonderful kids and a well paying job that I don't hate too much.  I think we're doing okay.  Basically I have it all, so I chalk up my hobbying to hitting 40 and coming to the realization that life is short.  Believe it or not, I like being married.  We have less sex than before, mainly due to the fact that we're both too exhausted after work and taking care of the kids each day, but we still manage a few times a month.  

For me hobbying is a form of stress relief and way to live out those juvenile fantasies that I didn't get to play out before marriage.  It beats therapy and is probably cheaper.  Also I have no desire to have an affair and like the fact that the relationships in hobbying are generally friendly but professional with boundaries.  It's been fun and I've met some really cool women that I would normally never have met, let alone have sex with.  But already I sense that it's losing some of its novelty.  I'm hoping that I'll have whatever it is out of my system in the next year or 2.

Not sure if this helps you at all, but for me I love my wife and want grow old with her.  I know I'm probably rationalizing, but mentally and physically, I figured it was now or never to pursue the hobby.

Had great sex the first 23 years.  When she stopped giving me blow jobs (aug 2004) I started looking elsewhere.  Have had a great time hobbying ever since.

Still hoping the wife will start fucking/sucking again...but will keep "Mr Happy" happy until she does.

After 25 years and some issues my wife has had, we both lost interest in sex together. I was celibate (if you don't count porn and my lovers, lefty and rightie) for a few years, not sure how long. Then I decided I wanted to get laid again before I die. First visit, and I was hooked.

Still love my wife, we get along fine. And I like all my new lady friends, who seem to like sex, and definitely are much better at it than my wife ever was. Delightful voyage of discovery.

The advice is right - the hobby makes it more difficult to find someone and build a long term relationship, for both providers and hobbyists, so you need to decide how important that is to you and act accordingly. No wife is ever going to compete with a provider - one is like being at home, working at your job, and the other is like being at a five star resort, just entertaining yourself. If you can choose to spend today working and cleaning the house or getting pampered at the resort...

Zig

and I do what hounds do.