Lately I have had a lot of newbies that have come to see me. I know a lot of guys like to say that they are "new to this"  but these gentlemen are truly new to the hobby. They have all been lovely guys, but they are so darn nervous!  

The only thing I do at this point is DFK them as we take the trip up in the elevator to my place.  That seems to relax them a bit, but once we get into my apartment,they get nervous again.  I have always been able to make them comfortable, but any advice about how to make them relax as much as possible is much appreciated.  

Guys: Remember your first time?  What could she of done to make it better?  Or what did she do to make you comfortable?

Girls: Anything you can tell me about handling this? Any secrets I don't know?

Capri Chandler

Just as being relaxed is a totally different physiological state than being anxious, and you can't be in both states at the same time, the same is true with the difference between anxiety and excitement, though often one can find it much more difficult to tell the difference between the two. The DFK will definitely calm me down for a bit, but grabbing my crank as soon as possible will get me pretty darn excited, immediatley.

dropped to her knees, unzipped my fly, reached in and took out my little man and started licking and sucking.  After a few seconds of that, she popped back up, kissed me deeply and said, "Now that you are no longer worried about me being a cop, we can have some fun!"  And boy did we ever!!!

It was a quick, and just a little dirty, way of clearing the air and getting things off to a great start!

Don't know if that is your style, but it sure worked for her!

I find that one hot makeout session from start to finish works best. Get things hot and keep it moving so things are smooth but not rushed. Never jump into a quickie because that might be the only time a gentleman can pop. I try to talk about our time while i'm doing it. I will ask at a comfortable point if they can cum more than once. If they say no I try to keep them on the edge as long as possible.

Kisses Haley

I'm very new to this and have only seen three providers so far. My first time I was pretty nervous. What was worst for me was the initial time before we got to the action. I was nervous that I wasn't saying or doing the right things. Am I supposed to make the first move, etc. Once we got to the bedroom it got better, but I didn't feel truly comfortable until she pulled off my clothes and we got down to business and she asked me the magic question: "Can you cum more than once?"

She was worried that she was moving too fast for me, but to be honest I'd have appreciated getting to it sooner that first time. I wanted as little time for thinking, doubting, worrying, and second guessing as possible.

It is so easy to put a man at ease.
All you have to do is assume control until he has forgotten that he is anxious.
Then it becomes a fantastic exploration of lust and deviance!!
I love the newbies - it's like playing with virgins ....
Kissez that make you melt
Sage

Here's what helps:

1.  A welcoming smile and hug.

2.  An air of calm and control.

3.  Leading things, but not being pushy.

4.  Gentle conversation with an emphasis on complimenting what you can about the guy.

There are probably more, but these four things help to make a session memorable.

You can disagree all you'd like. Control is not frightening. It is all about knowing how to read a person and exert the amount of control they need, like learning a new dance. I have many friends who had never been to a courtesan. They admit to being nervous but then soon forget about it after I take them in my hands. I have never had a boy feel overwhelmed and leave.
Peace
Sage

Sage, the problem is not all clients want the lady to be in control or take charge. Control is a dangerous thing. Some folks are experts at it, and can do it while making you think you're the one in control.

In this situation you have to be able to read what he wants (i.e. you in control, or not or something in between). Personally, I think your answer tells me more about your psychology than to be an answer for Capri.

That said, Capri... Nerves (fear) and excitement are related, are often misidentified and often co-exist.  It sounds like you're managing, so thats good. Personally, after checking out your pics, I think I'd be 'nervous' too!

In addition to the DFK on the way up, as suggested, you might rub/grab his package and ask a variation of "When do I get to kiss this?" Gauge your level of aggressiveness in grabbing and asking on your sense of the client.

Get his hands on you ASAP. This is what will really help. In general, keep things moving. It doesn't have to be sexual, but action tends to help displace fear/nervousness.

Again, your instincts need to guide you here, but some guys may need to talk some first, and others will be more appreciative of an action oriented approach. As an example, for me, I tend to like to knock the first round out quickly, which allows the rest of the session to settle down and get into a nice groove working toward subsequent pop(s). At 48+ I can make three happen in an hour this way, with the right motivation


I am assuming you want him to shower first, so help move that along as well. The shower is also a good time to ask about multiple pops. It helps you envision the time and puts the spark into his brain and crotch. You'll need care here, as guys dicks have sensitive egos and this could have a softening effect if done too aggressively on some guys. You don't want him worrying about performing for you.

The bottom line is that you need to tune your instincts of your clients. Every guy is different. And don't be afraid to ask them for feedback. Don't put them on the spot, but invite them to help you learn, and be willing to learn, and open to possible criticism (unlikely even if that was his experience). Also, be willing to take some calculated risks and make some mistakes along the way.

Good luck.

nervousness by starting with some get to know you chat (let him do the talking), then maybe a nice sensual massage with some naughty stuff mixed in and when he flips over you can get him all warmed up for the show.  Depending on your attitude, maybe a glass of wine will help him relax.

a bit rudely, actually.

Most guys are not here to make friends...they are here to get laid by someone treats them like a friend.  If I had a choice of walking into a room and having a woman immediately be confident with me sexually the first time I met her THEN talk to me as a friend afterward, or chatting first and getting the mind going (which is where anxiety mostly comes from...the CONSCIOUS mind) and then thinking of performing, I would always choose the first.

Sage did not state her point in either of her posts like she was valuing aggression over intuition or empathy...but you sure did a good job of taking it that way.

You are entitled to your opinion.  

However, Sage's post wasn't aggressive...

There are always exceptions...

It may be a provider call, but I am a man, and am pretty familiar with what men like...

Yes, you are all different, hence not picking on her for expressing her opinion, which you did...

You are lucky some of the "regulars" on this board didn't reply to this, as they would likely call the men you refer to "manginas" just to start with...

Your post is not better because you aren't using an alias.

Arden, you obviously want to see that, regardless of the truth in my post.
Just because you want to think I use force doesn't mean I do.  
I in no way said or hinted at, jumping someones bones to relieve anxiety.
It goes way deeper than just physical, gets into the psyche.
If you read my post correctly, you would have noted I said "take control", not "jump his bones".
If someone is anxious/nervous it usually means they are out of their element and need some kind of direction.
Therefore when you "take control", you give them the opportunity to feel comfortable, sure in the knowlege that someone knows the steps of the dance.
I mentioned that you must be able to read people, so you can use as much or little "control" as your new friend may need.
It may be light or heavy, depending on the energy your friend is putting out.
Everyone I know needs lessons for one thing or another in their lifetime.
Being able to truly give what is most needed is what matters in the end.
Quit reading into posts so deeply - you've missed the point completely on this one.
Peace
Sage

And for knowing exactly what I meant with my post.
Poor girl got her panties in a bunch cuz I said take control.
It has nothing to do with being a provider.
It has everything to do with being empathic and knowlegeable in reading body language.
I have been dealing with people, one on one, for over 15 years. I understand what a gift it is for someone to trust you enough to let you intimately touch them in a vulnerable position, like laying naked, face down on my masssage table.  Almost everybody that lays on my therapeutic massage table spills their whole life story to me like I'm their shrink.
I have learned how to completely change people's lives in at least one hour's time through the manipulation of mind and body.
Well if that doesn't train a person to know what another person needs, I don't know what else could do better.
I really appreciate the back up - you rock baby!!
Kissez that make your pants tight
Sage

Sage
I didn't so much read into what you said, but in the brevity of your statement there is a lot of room for interpretation. Especially from someone asking for information.

Thats all. My "Danger" subject may have mislead a bit, for some.

I never thought my post was vague, that was your interpretation, you stated that with your lack of understanding on my original, innocent post.
If we were all on the same page you would never have challenged that post. Silly girl - if you disagree with someone and post something - expect to have it defended. I am not your enemy - I was trying to give a girl a hand, which you so forcefully confronted me about.
At the end of my day - all I really care about is if I've made someone smile and learned something new. Life is way too short for this kind of unecessary drama.
Peace
Sage

Not really needing to drop to your knees upon his entry to the room, because some personalities might take that as coming on way too strong. It works for some of course, others not so much.

What would melt me (and I have had those dropping to the knees jobs), would be nice sensual DFKing right off the batt. Pausing to nibble on my ears and neck for a second, then back to DFKing and then come up for air with a sensual whisper in his ear sincerely; "what do you want me to do for you sweetie?", "you can do a lot to me, I'm game if you are".

Fuck if that does not melt me and turn me into the action man nothing would. It's not too aggressive and in some part is submitting to his desires. The nervousness has just left his brain.