With the occassional exception, I do not provide references. This is only *my* opinion, but I feel references are an invasion of *my* privacy. As we've all mentioned before, providers and clients must develop a level of screening with which they feel comfortable. Lately, I've recieved a couple of notes from providers asking for references regarding past clients. There are two problems with this. In each instance, the client wasn't considerate enough to contact me first. I go to great lengths in order to protect the privacy of my clients. Without their permission, I would *never* tell anyone I entertained them. I expect this same level of privacy and discretion from my clients. Second, I couldn't provide a reference even if I wanted to, because the requests have included only a name, number, and email address. I do not keep *any* information. Without some details (and permission) from the client, the reference request is a total waste of time for the provider. What are your thoughts on this? Do tell!

I have always asked permission from a lady, before giving her name as a reference. Seems like common courtesy to me.

Another approach I have taken is to limit the number of references I request to the number of times I have seen a lady (with an exception here and there.) That insures that I'm never asking someone who saw me many months ago to provide a reference.

I'd hate to have a provider write back and say "Could you give me a different reference? She didn't remember you!"

since you do not provide references (to each their own), do you ever ask for references in your screening OR part of your screening process? What perturbs me are those ladies who may not provide a reference to another provider, but they are the same ones who asks for references from clients on their websites. Just my 0.02 cents.

I have never asked for references. I totally agree with you about reciprocity. It's only fair. References got dozens of people arrested in my former hometown, hence the reason why I have never required them as part of my screening process.

I'm laughing at the not remembering you part. How could someone possibly not remember you? Don't they know you're Rickbethel of TER fame? *smile*

Ah, InterestingWoman, you have discovered my secret weakness (my curiosity.) I will now spend the rest of my life searching for your identity. I will not rest until I have found you and done things to you that poets write about.

I think Rickbethel has described the proper way of giving references.  Based upon some recent previous postings I believe a new methodology may be gaining popularity with many ladies.   They just request a guy's TER handle and call ladies he has reviewed at random.

I use references heavily in my screening. Although you can't rely on anything 100%, I find getting a reference from a known provider reassures me that the gentleman is neither LE nor a male psychobitch from hell (apologies to sedona for stealing her term.)

If I get a request from an unknown provider, I email the gentleman and discreetly ask if he did indeed contact the lady (just in case a wife or LE is being sneaky).

Some men do ask me before they use my name as a reference but they certainly don't need to. My clients have carte blanche to use my name whenever they need, and I (or my assistant) respond to all reference requests the same day.

And, for those men who don't know what the references are like--they're really quite simple. The provider asks if I have seen or met the man in question, say "James," and I reply with a very simple, "Yes, I know James--a very nice man."  That's it--certainly no comment about activities done in the bedroom. (Sometimes I'd love to tell a provider that James is good at DATY and she should definitely book him, but I have to bite my tongue. LOL.)

Like InterestingWoman, I don't keep records--not any longer than a few days after the date. However, I have a pretty good memory for names and email addresses, and so far haven't had any problem with not remembering someone.

The privacy issue does concern me, because of course it's no one's business which lady is seen by which gentleman. However, for me, the security from a reference greatly outweighs the cons and is worth the imposition upon the hobbyist and other provider.

So, I respectfully ask for references and I give them promptly in return.

From the perspective of one who travels quite a bit, I think the references thing is in need of some perfecting.  I frequently have providers tell me they need 2 or even 3 references to consider me for an appointment.  If I'm contacting several providers in the town I'm visiting (I usually email a few times to allow the provider and myself to get a feel for compatability) this can make it pretty tough on my local providers.  The providers I use to give references know me pretty well, but it isn't as though I've got a list of 15 or 20 of them.  I've had several providers tell me they'd only accept references from INDEPENDENT PROVIDERS WITH GOOD TER RATINGS!!! This lets out the providers I see routinely who aren't listed on the internet, but run their own agencies. I've recently even had a provider tell me I needed to have my references contact her.  

I dunno what the answer is.  There are lots of problems with the system of references.  It hasn't been my habit to tell my local providers each time there is going to be a contact from someone I'm thinking of seeing in another city.  Maybe it should be, but I haven't felt the need.  I am a good client, and I tip well.  I appreciate the service  my providers have given me, including the few seconds a reference requires.

References, along with other inpertinent info about the gentleman, has helped me out of many jams. Infact, I am thinking about revising my screening, where references ARE mandatory, regardless of employment info.

As per my alias name, if it has been more than 6 months, I will tell the gentleman to use someone he has seen previously, after myself. I would never put a lady into a position, where I am unable to remember a previous client. Unfortunately, as time goes on, the memory does fade a bit lol

especially when I know and can trust a provider. Nothing is 100 percent safe -- we all know that, but checking on the person's employment (if he's really from out of town, etc.), a long-distance cell number and the questions he/she might ask are a pretty good indicator. But a reference from a provider not only letting you know he/she is not LE but is nice is helpful. You never know what handsome, psycho bitch (excuse me copying Sedona) you'll meet that sounds nice on the phone or in an email.

Just something to think about, but to each his/her own.

Hugs,
Ciara