The current ter question is would you leave the hobby if u found your true luv? Would luv to see the answers split between the providers and the hobbyists, figure there would be a big difference.

Leave yes, and only because I choose to do so and not because somebody gave me an ultimatum.
I'm Cuban/Italian, so you have to level with me on ultimatums.

Do we, hobbyists, go see providers out of love (whatever that means)?  No, we see them to satisfy our sexual appetite with fresh variations and a sense of conquest.  I am not sure what "true love" is, except that for some people it means a mutual covenant not to screw around, more obligatory than anything from the heart.  So I say let's be life affirming and admit that we are the promiscuous creatures that we are!

never I only wish I discovered this hobbie years ago.  Thanks to all the providers who I have been with and made my life just alittle bit richer.(OR SHOULD i SAY $$$POORER)

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 9:41:22 AM

Yes, if I was lucky enough to find the right man and chemistry was right.

The answer would be no, at least not completely, as I think even a monogamous marriage must have its "open periods" for the couple's psychological health.  

But then again, I expect that I will never have an SO, and will never fall in love.  

/Zin

ones who are married and have no way of being with you on a 24 hr. basis they want you to give up the business but they have yet to figure out what they are going to do with their wife!  What is up with that guys?  And they call us game players.  Give a girl a break would you.

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 6:18:20 AM

While I don't see a provider out of  "love" it certainly is out of affection.
I don't see many different providers, I'm not a "notches on the belt" kind of guy, but the special ladies I see I genuinely feel a strong affection for, as they do for me.
Simplistic? Maybe, but  when you have that feeling with each other, times together are much better.
I "love" my ladies with all my heart, but we all know the limitations and restrictions of these relationships.

Just my opinion...
B

But if you found the right man and the chemistry was right why would you need to leave? If it's because of mainstream society's  knee jerk reactions to what a "relationship" should be, you'd be leaving for the wrong reasons.

Ya know, i really tried to stay outta this one, and I'll probably regret opening my mouth. After all, it just boils down to a question of semantics.

Personally, i can't ever see not being here on some level. Yes,I believe in love, honesty, devotion and commitment. But monogamy is another issue completely. I just don't feel that one person can ever totally fulfill another's needs mentally or sexually. We may be able to come close, but close is still only most of the way there.

That's not necessilally a bad thing. If I'm with someone in a commited relationship and she has desires and fantasies sexually and emotionally that i can't fulfill or maybe it isn't my "scene" how can i possibly tell her that she has to fore-go those those desires because I don't like them?  

If I'm in a committed relationship i want the lady I'm with to feel that she is my closest friend, and that i am hers. I want her to feel happy, fulfilled, and at times challenged. And i never want her to feel our relationship holds her back in any way from exploring her needs and desires as a person, both mentally and sexually.

But i also need her to realize that you can't compartmentalize the person i am. To many times in life we are attracted to someone by something only to want them to change that something after the strings of a relationship are formed. Well, doing so changes the person they are. And then everyone always wonders why things fall apart. They fall apart alot of the time because the person we've met is no longer able to be the person they were when we met them due to our misgivings and need to "mold" them into what we feel we need rather then accept them for the same person we fell in love with in the first place.

I've had passing conversations with more than one provider(god, i hate that word) who said "Oh, i could never date while I'm doing this" (no, i wasn't asking them out, that's not why I'm here). Well, isn't saying that actually some form of denial? What you ladies choose as your vocation is part of what makes you who you are as a person, often times, i large part. Why is it so hard to accept that and embrace it?

The same can be said for us men too. We're here because we have no committed relationship, or because we need something that our relationship is lacking, or god knows why. And being here forms us in some way, changes our ideals and the way we think and then we shelve the person we've become when we enter a relationship. Well, the other person in that relationship was attracted to things in us that we had because of this, yet we toss that away, why?

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 12:53:28 PM

It's chant: "You love monogamy...you love monogamy...you love monogamy..." And every romance novel drives this theme home.  

Marriage and monogamy are about regulating jealousy rather than love. And they do allow other entities (extended family, government) to keep some control over an individual's sexuality, hence marriage licenses, hence huge marriage ceremonies that let everyone know who is being given away and by whom, and what the obligation is.  Now gays want this...?  

"Love" has a lot of meanings, some of them downright silly, and a lot of expressions.  It is in no way exclusive of polygamy, though  when love exists, jealousy will usually be lurking somewhere to ruin it.  

But which is more an expression of love? Wanting to possess and control somebody's time until they're bored and you're bored with them, or the ability to take delight in their healthy pleasure and ecstacy, even if you weren't the one to bring it about?  

/Zin

I need to speak my opinion on this topic.  My name is Julie Wild and I live in Atlanta.  I am a wife, mom, swinger, columnist, sex coach and a provider.

This post and the last one on this topic seem to imply that if a provider meets a special person in their life and want to "settle down" they need to give up this profession.

After many years of being happily married and in the lifestyle, I started my journey in this profession.  I am proud of what I do, how I help my clients and most of all, the enjoyment I receive from my clients.  My husband is very supportive, just like I am of his profession.  

My point is, being a provider is a profession, just like any other profession.  You don't give up part of yourself, you build memories and experiences.  

I for one believe that with balance, you can be happily married, work as a provider and find time for yourself.  The key in my opinion is simple.  Seeing a professional, of any kind, like a provider is within the limits, having an affair is not.  Just my advice.

If you agree or disagree, feel free to e mail me.

Thanks,

Julie
www.JulieWild.com

I didn't interpret the post to mean that a provider would fall in love with a hobbyist. I think the thread is about if you fell in love (with anyone), would you quit the business?  I think the older we get, we are concerned more about having a partner that will look after us when we're sick and to also have someone to spend time with. Personally, I wouldn't need someone to share my house but companionship, great sex and a great friend would work for me. The old-fashioned "night in shining armor" is just that: the shine on the armor blinds us when we're young and sweet but gets a little rusty as age weathers its steel. However, I am a hopeless romantic, so therefore I must say that I truly believe some people are deeply in love.

Hugs,
Ciara

F*c* love, I want passionate, erotic, steamy sex.

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 12:17:04 PM

First off,..... IF I ever found my one true Luv,.... and IF he was single and available,.... and IF he and I were ready to make a full time commitment,..... and IF he felt the same way about me as I felt about him, ......and If he couldn't live another day without having me in his life as his wife, girlfriend or SO, ........and IF he didn't have any trust issues because of what I do, did or have done,.... and IF I didn't have any trust issues because of what he did, does or has done,....and IF he was not allergic to cats,...... and IF he didn't mind living with my three cats,...... and IF he could and would support me in the life style in which I have become accustom to,....... or IF I could or would find a job that supported me in the life style with which I have become accustom to,........ and IF I knew for certain without a shadow of a doubt, that we would and could ride into the sunset together and be able to live happily ever after,  in luv with each other and never wanting another,.......
........... then I would have to say....YES!  and never look back

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 3:40:55 PM

-- Modified on 5/22/2004 4:01:01 PM

Depends. If one is in the hobby because of a love of variety, then one's "true love" would understand that need.

Idealistic? Maybe....  but not too farfetched.

aaaaaaaaachuuu!


Cheers!

You stay right where you are ...wonder woman!


Cheers!

Can you spell Mississsiippi?

I doubt it...lol

Calorado is much easier.

Cheers!

what works for one person....etc.
 I think there is an overlap between a marriage and what a provider provides...and the ladies who say they'd quit the biz if they fell in love recognize this in themselves.  It's got to be gloriously liberating for you and your husband to be able to expand your relationship to embrace other foks' sexual fantasies & I can only wish that for every couple in small town Iowa.
 I most agree with Ci Ci, I'm a hopeless romantic and long for the lady who would want me exclusively and me to her and you can now bring on the lights, swell the strings and roll cameras...and if my gal wants to swing, I'll write you guys!
love,
Jockeypants

Currently, I'm balancing a relationship and my job as a provider, and though it's tricky at times, I couldn't see myself leaving either one. My job is my livelihood and I cherish my independence. To leave it behind to join "monogamous America" would most likely result in resentment on my part due to feeling as though I was conforming to the expectations of others rather than following what I feel is right for myself. I'm of the school of thought that monogamy is an unrealistic ideal that few of us are truly capable of adhering to 100% of the time. The concept of monogamy being glorified by our society has never made much sense to me considering how poorly we practice it. Sure, jealousy will always be an issue for any couple, but we'd prefer to meet those feelings head on versus simply denying our desires, lust, and needs.

When the day comes that I do retire, I intend to continue on at least as a swinger. And I expect my partner to be open to that. He met me as I am and has to accept me as I come. It's his choice to stay, just as it's my choice to be myself and to enjoy my life as I see fit.

Abbey Marie

Right on, MeganRiley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything you said in your post, hit the nail on the head for me!!!!! Thank you!

the Colorado River is much closer. After a few drinks, I probably couldn't spell Mississippi either.

Hugs,
Ciara