Just want to know, how you felt, after your very first encounter with a provider. I sure know that the gratification must have been immense! But did you feel guilty at all and if so, how did you deal with it?

the thrill of something new, forbidden and dangerous is worth all the guilt trips you can lay on yourself.

my first encounter was almost exactly a month ago.  I felt tremendous guilt, and wanted to cry.  But then I thought about what a unique experience it was, and I promise myself I wouldn't do it too often. Also, I justified it by knowing that I will be extra loving to my wife, and won't leave her for another lady.  By paying for sex, it basically makes me a better husband.

... I haven't given up on sex, even if my wife has.

I don't feel any guilt for "cheating" and in fact, the marriage is better because the tension over sex used to spill over into everything.

But what does bother me is that I'm exposing her to an STD risk that she doesn't know about. I try to be as safe as I can when I hobby, but there's always a risk, and I've never been able to come up with a good explanation for why I want to cover up at home after 15 years of uncovered monogomy. So it's uncovered at home, and sometimes that really gets to me.

Can you Imagine if she found out I'm spending $1400 to $2000 a month...........................ouch!!

was over twenty years ago, and actually turned into something of a watershed experience.  I don't quite know how to describe it -- it was like it melted away a logjam in my soul.  Very unusual, and unexpected.

As for the guilt -- no, not any to speak of.  The marriage has been pretty much 'one way' (with me taking care of her and the kids) for many years now, and as for sex -- forget it!  A little spiritual refueling is absolutely essential.

Cheers!

Guilt about extramarital sex is just part of conservative upbringing. After seeing a provider, it can very much revive the joy of sex with your spouse. For me, it is some form of therapy and learning new things. The only thing is the risk involve with STD, so always have cover with a provider. Based on studies of 500,000 cases, HIV is not transmitted via saliva. So, know the facts first. Life is a risk. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow, so there's no 100% guarantee that you'll be safe .. that's life. Live it. Enjoy it without guilt.

No!  I been married over 20 years and my wife understood from the beginning that I was not going to be monogamous.  She has the confidence to realized that a Provider only temporarily has my little head but she has the attention of my heart and big head all the time.

Yes.  there was guilt.  Not only was it my first time outside the boundries of marriage, it was my first time with another woman.  It took almost ten years of really bad marriage to get me to that point.  Now, I am a better father, a better lover, a better friend... and yes... even a better husband... talk about a paradox.

But I came around.

What the SO doesn't know, won't hurt her.

If society was more mature and realistic,
then people would grow up learning that
strict monogamy is not viable for most, and that
variety is healthy. Instead, we are brainwashed
with religious nonsense from an early age.

I was nervous, but it wasn't guilt.  After numerous times of practically begging for an increase in the quality and frequency of our relations, I was always pushed to #10 on the priority list.  In fairness, she does carry a greater load when it comes to running the household, but once a month isn't cutting it.  Unfortunately, finances have been rough and I haven't hobbied since February....  (I can't help the f'ing economy due to the OTHER f'ing economy.....)

Also, there is no variety as it almost always in our bedroom, a hotel room, and always either involve DATY, BBBJ, Mish, Doggy, and Cowgirl and that's it (it could be worse.... I've still got the first two at least).

I almost fell out of my chair when she was complaining about the fact that she only cooked about 20 different dishes without any variety and was getting bored with the lack of variety.  (I almost drew blood I was biting my tongue so hard).  I know it sounds spoiled that she does most of the cooking, but she gets home 2 hours before me, and I do all the dishwashing, garbage, and laundry to compensate....

Bottom line, I'm doing what I have to do to "find my center".  If I did nothing to alleviate the pressure I'd blow up at her or the kids.  I get to blow off steam, and the marriage stays happy.  I'm a "greater good" kind of guy, and this definitely fits the bill as ending the marriage over my sexual frustration would be a greater "sin" to me than the cheating act.  I still constantly try to improve things where I can initiate things when I am not faced with another "red light" to run through, but this is my way of dealing with our widely disparate sex drives.

which is what I would have had to do to sate my urges, were it not for hobbying.  My conclusion is that there are different people who are good at different things in life.