And what an interesting appointment that was! The first thing that happened was he accidentally brushed his hand against my boob, and, embarrassed, he said, oh, I'm sorry, did I just touch a..a..? And, I just wanted him to not worry and to relax, so I just said, oh, well, they're just so big you know (they're not) that they just keep getting in the way! He laughed so hard that he grabbed my face with both hands and gave me a kiss on the cheek!
And, I thought, you know, being a Provider has really made me so much more relaxed in some ways..What do you ladies think?
(No point in asking the men who seem to naturally love parading around naked! LOL)
But, then, we were talking about something, and he happened to say that he's getting a divorce and I told him how very sorry I was to hear that (seriously) and that I felt sad, and so when I was up front making my next appointment, he came up behind me and just gave me the tightest, sexiest, hug and nuzzle from behind and said well, yeah..but now I'm free! So, I can 'look you up!' You'd have to know him - he's very professional, and very friendly, so I didn't take it the wrong way at all - and believe it or not, I didn't actually take it as a come-on, but I have to admit, it was surprising..and fun! (but then, driving home, I wondered - OMG - I wonder if he knows about Sedona..??)
I mean, you know, going through a divorce, enjoying newfound freedom, starts checking out the sites..Holyshitbatman! That would be strange...

He's coming onto you, no question about it. Wether he knows you're Sedona or not, he's definitely hitting on you!!!!

Sedona, love you posts. The hobby invites us to reconsider ourselves, how we relate to each other.
 The door we pass through is one-way. Guys have emotional reactions to providers, providers to us. Those emotional/chemical reactions are why the hobby is more than "just sex." Newbies need to wade in aware that it's at least a little life changing.
 Personally, I love those emotions; they're all related to infatuation-- a feeling you've been touched-- and a reminder that you're alive.
Rope

...and your judgment has been restored. Though you asked for the ladies to respond, a man's response may be more appropriate.

First, this act was completely unprofessional and the most blatant form of harrassment.  Now, it seems on surface that you are attracted to the dentist as well, since such a display was not rebuffed and you described his approach from behind as "...the tightest, sexiest, hug and nuzzle."  Nevertheless, in an office setting, this act was unwise and quite disrespectful.  

Second, some maturity should be applied here. Why is he acting like this?  Is this the first time he physically approached you in this manner? Is this really the type of circumstance you desire every time you see your dentist?  Is he rebounding and simply looking to you as a bridge? You've seen a number of hobbiyists...what are the similarities between their circumstances and the dentist you mentioned? Try not to defend his actions so quickly.

Perhaps to truly understand his thoughts...talk to him and ask him the reason behind his behavior.  I believe from experience that he is in deep pain and his aggressiveness is a means to restore his self-esteem after the dejection felt from the divorce.  You may also find out he knows your alter ego and is behaving "accordingly."  Either way, you are advised to keep clear until his divorce is final and he has time to heal. If he is sensible, he will contact you with an apology in the near future.

Good luck in the actions you choose.  In the next six months or year, however, I would plan on being referred to another dentist.  

Best Wishes...DP

I think this gives a new meaning to getting "drilled" by the dentist.

I would agree with discreetplayer on the dentist's lack of professionalism. However, I would not suggest staying away.

What occurred to me is how lucky your dentist is to be chasing after you (or any provider of your intellect.) Sex is out of the question of course ("I can't have sex with you, you're my dentist!") But I doubt if the man will be able to find a better listener, if he needs to express to someone who cares, but has no agenda, the emotions he is going through at this traumatic time in his life.

No medical or dental professional should act that way with a patient in the office. He must be under some significant stress to behave so inappropriately. I wonder if he is acting that way with other women patients---if so, he could get himself into big trouble.

Most women have noticed that a male OB/gyn always has a female in the room during the gyn exam. It's for the doctor's protection as well as for the patient, because inappropriate contact on his part (whether actual or perceived--some women are psycho) can result in the loss of his license.

If a doctor or dentist is attracted to a patient and wants to date her, that's fine, but he needs to follow the rules carefully--meaning he must discharge her as his patient first.

Cavorting with female patients in the office is definitely frowned upon by the AMA and ADA!  

So this woman goes to the dentist to have her teeth checked. The dentist examines her and says, "You're going to have to have a root canal."

The woman says, "Oh, those are so painful. I'd rather have a baby."

The dentist says, "Well, make up your mind; I gotta adjust the chair."

Sorry, but that joke came to mind. I agree, the dentist giving any patient a kiss and a tight sexy hug is out of order in the office. Whether he treats everyone that way or just you, it's very unprofessional and tacky. I know going through a divorce is no walk in the park, but one must act with some decorum and be adult about things. If he finds a patient attractive, at this time ... I'd have to chalk it up to him being on the rebound. And we all know how that plays out.

Sedona sweetie, it's your life and no one can tell you how to live it. Just be careful. No matter how well you know this guy or for how long ... right now he needs a friend more than anything. If he's looking for something more ... and has found you online, I'd suggest introducing him to one of your girlfriend providers in the area to take care of his needs in that manner. Being a rebound person, combined with being a patient/doctor relationship has "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" written all over it.

There have been times when women I've been 'counseling' for lack of a better term, have come onto me. I politely declined and we moved on. In the long run, they had so much more respect for me because I didn't go along with their advances ... and our friendship grew tremendously because of it.

Be careful Love.

Kisses,
Jimbomania

Rickbethel, I wish you were my dentist

After our meeting the other night, you could "drill" me anytime, darling..purrrr lol

Mel

All I had was novocaine! No, he's ok..I've been going to him for years, and shared his excitement when they were expecting, and then when his daughter was born, and now several years later. He's fine..we're both very open, friendly people..and he just probably felt he could. I'm not taking him seriously at all - and I wouldn't date him as Sedona, or as myself, anyway. He's a good dentist, and I'm there maybe three times a year and we just 'pick up' in conversations, etc right where we left off six months prior! I think this new life that he's experiencing and what's ahead of him, has him feeling kind of everything all at once! And maybe (obviously?) not knowing how to express it. He's always been a kind of sensitive touchy-feely person, which these days you have to be careful of...as some people don't appreciate it. Though I agree with you all, by any professional standards, it was unprofessional.
I'm only wondering what the three ladies standing there were thinking! Because harrassment goes that direction, too - if it bothered them..
Anyway, thanks for your input. I was just so surprised, I had to tell someone - and you all are like family.
Well, no, not really, because my 'family' would have flipped!
LOL

Hugs,
Sedona

Your rationalization reminds me of a former GF of mine that told me about a cop that pulled her over for the sole purpose of getting her number and asking her out.  I was outraged at his behavior because it's a blantant abuse of his authority and position.  

She got all defensive saying he was cute and she didn't mind what he did etc.  He should have been suspended, but she thought it was OK becuase she was flattered.

Ladies, this sort of thinking is exactly the problem.  You can't have it both way.  Doctors take oaths and so do police officers.  A guy working for a big company would have been fired, and most likely have his future career ruined for doing what your dentist did.  Just because you've known him a long time doesn't mean that's acceptable behavior in his office.  How would you feel if your gynecologist asked you for a date while your legs were in the stirrups?  

-- Modified on 7/2/2003 10:32:14 PM

Condsider.  He wasn't just unprofessional in the sense others here have talked about, kinda "he shouldn't have done that".  He clearly violated Professional Ethics to the point where, if you chose to complain, he could lose his license to practice.  Yet apparantly he felt safe in doing so.  

He's got to know the risks.  The only rational way to understand this to assume that is aware of the "Sedona" personna and figures that at worst you'll rebuf him gently and won't file a complaint.  This always struck me as one of the risks for providers who choose to show their face in their ads/websites.  

Now suppose I'm wrong.  Then the risk/reward profile of his behavior shows that he's totally out of control.  

Either way you don't want anything more to do with him.

Yummy, how I like sex with a man for the very first time!!!

Shaye

As a health care provider myself, I assure you that this is NOT appropriate behavior.

You are comfrotable with this guy and he with you, no doubt.  So as a patient who likes this practitioner you might be close enough to him to tell him that no matter how much you consider eachother good enough friends for this kind of contact, he has placed himself in jeopardy for serious action by doing so.  Had he done this with another who is not quite of the same mind as you his licence might be on hold for a few months as a result.

Trust me, I have seen this happen to collegues of mine.

Most front office staff go nuts over this kind of stuff particularly if Dr. is married (which he still is).  I would have run for cover rhw second you made that remark about your breast.  Either he has taken care of you since you were a wee baby or he was asleep when they gave the ethics talk about dating patients.  Trolling the patient waiting room is a no-no.
He is getting ready to lose 50% of his practise.  Why lose the rest?  most malpractise insurance will not cover sexual misconduct.  You have to wonder why he is getting divorced.  If you are doing routine dental care, you need a new dentist before this one gets shut down.

And we all agree.  He was out of bounds.  In fact what he did is arguably illegal in some states, and certainly basis for litigation and licensing body disciplinary activity in all.  

How long and how well you/he have known each other makes no difference. (Unfortunately, if you like him).  I do disagree with a point made by another poster:  In most places it is considered (at least) unethical, and potentially grounds for disciplinary activity, to discharge a patient for the sole purpose of dating him/her.

If he never behaved like this before, he is badly stressed, having psych problems, or using.  No matter what the cause, I'd think you should steer clear.  The guy doesn't have his mind right, and playing the game means buying into his issues.

Finally, frankly Madame who gives a s**t if he knows who you are professionally.  It's a free world.  

Hoisting another O'Douls to you,

Cage

P.S. next time insist on Nitrous!

what happens when I go for the actual root canal finish..
It's scheduled for the 15th, but I think I will push it off for the last week..
Later this evening, while getting ready to go out, I grabbed for my perfume and thought - wow! I wonder if it was this new perfume I tried today and put on right before going to the dentist appt.which has pheromones!?? Would that be some fabulous 'advertising' or what?? (so I reached for the other tonight!LOL)
Oh! Here's a question. Since now I have an 'open' wound in my mouth, how long before I can play orally? I certainly didn't want to ask HIM that!

Thanks everyone..

Sedona

Kinda gives the term 'drilled' a new meaning, huh?

Not sure a root canal is the same as an open wound, but you are right to think about this.

With a cover, no problem now; without, I'd wait at least 2 - 4 wks after the LAST procedure.  Better safe than sorry.

I'm sure you can think of pleasent alternatives, eh?  

Cage

Let's get beyond all this puritan professionalism stuff. You are both very good at your trades and can offer each other services that will lead to a better life for both of you. He knows how to make your mouth feel better and you know how to make his cock feel better. I say go for it. Be aware it might change the nature of your already established relationship.
This country is so stuck on it's puritanism.
If something involves sex watch out?
Why?
If he was a plumber and you were a seamstress would it be wrong to trade? If he were a hairstylist and you were a masseuse would it be wrong to trade? So because he sticks his fingers in your mouth in exchange for sticking his cock in your pussy it is wrong, I don't think so. :-0

do u ever find that once someone finds out what u do they begin to treat u differently.  if i agree to go out on date in my personal life i don't tell my new prof right away.  feel it out first.  if they already know...which gave 'em the balls to make the big move...instincts...u should no. i hate that part. i feel men's brqavery and nerve become idiotic once they find out the prof.  was dated till they got once....gone!!!  had the nerve to try again months later..changed his mind when quoted my hr rate. giggle....imagine that huh.  oh well.
oh gawd.  i need to get out i think maybe...sounding like rona or dr...whoever...eek...brain dead.