I received a reference request from an escort wanting me to verify a client for her, I haven’t seen this gent in over 9 months and my cut off for verification is 6 months or prior.  I had to decline giving a reference and asked that she ask him for a more recent escort reference for safety reasons.

Her reply was “I bet you’re not giving me a reference because I’m 18 and he’s 56 and I checked out your website and you’re much older and probably out of shape and threatened by someone like me”.  I didn’t even know her age!  Should age matter in giving a reference?

That's something..sad, for sure. Can't even begin to go into all the thoughts I have on that one.

I might do this:
1) Let her know that it's always a good idea to have the most recent reference that you can, as so much changes
2) That you normally prefer not to provide a reference from over 6 months ago, but it sounds as though she could use your help, and you'll be happy to make an exception (at her own risk). Then say and do whatever you normally would and remind her that that was YOUR experience from 9 MONTHS AGO.
3) This one is optional: a reminder that a reference is NOT a screening tool, or certainly IN PLACE of proper screening (you still must screen)

Everything else, forget-about-it.
No comment.

Hey f*ck her... if that's her attitude she doesn't deserve the information in the first place.  Sounds like a real sweetheart.

Eventually she'll learn.

I am however curious about your motivations regarding that 6 month cut-off.  I can understand that things do change, but a gentleman should still be a gentleman after more than 6 months.

If I cut off all my TER provider research at 6 months, there would be many fewer gals to visit.  I would think a year may be a better cut-off point.

Just asking because I'm curious, not because I would criticize your policy.

She has been very rude to you, I would agree with those who suggest you ignore her.  If she wants help from other people then she needs to learn some manners.  Her comments to you are completely unacceptable.

I gave a reference once of a gent that I hadn't seen in over 6 months. He really gave this girl the runaround. He arrived at her hotel and insisted she get dressed and come down to meet him, then he was no were in site or somewhere checking her out. She waited for about 10 minutes before he emerged and on top of this he was drunk.  I felt bad for her because I said he was a great guy.

The fact is that you could have been with the guy six DAYS earlier and he could have been that way with her.  YMMV goes both ways sometimes.  I generally try to stay with reviews in the last 90 days, but will sometimes query older reviews about a provider if it is from a reviewer who has a reliable reputation.  All anyone can do is give their experience...no money back guarantees in this business.

no BAD singleton BAD BAD BAD!  they don't know you're kidding!



[30 lashes]

As a client who doesn't partake of the hobby that often, I'd like to know why you have a 6 month limit?  As I imagine it, the reference question is "Did you really see this guy, or is he lying."  Why does that expire for you?

I thought the purpose of reference verification was to make sure that the person isn't LE, or abusive.  

My own feeling is that, if you remember the guy, you should give the reference.  If you want to, qualify it by saying "But, I haven't seen him in 9 months." and let the other provider make the call.

Now, obviously, it's your own call.  I am just curious about your reasoning.

I agree, she was just being Rude and .. well .. being 18.  

[18 ?????   18????????   Can I have her number, too ????]

Yeah, she was bing a jerk - after all, you were doing her a favor .. but I do want to ask a couple questions:

You only give references within a 6 month window for "safety" reasons?   I wonder why that is?   Six month is safe because ....   why?   No one can go through Law Enforcement Training in 6 months?   Develop a severe psychosis in 6 months?

My point being is that saying "yeah, I saw him year ago (assuming you can remeber a year ago) and he showed up on time, didn't arrest me and I'm still alive"   is just as valid as if it was yesterday, isn't it?

I believe that the most prevalent reasons for a cut off is because of memory and because mindsets can change in such a long period.  I still give references, regardless, but let the lady know that it has been quite some time and who knows what has transpired within that time period.

One must get into the mind of an unsavory gent and think about what lengths he will go through to continue poor behavior without getting caught.  

One instance is of a gent that had one lady that he treated well.  Saw her a few times and then used her as a reference only.  Come to find out down the road, that he would use the ladies good name and straight dealings with her to get in the door with others, short ladies left and right and on a few occassions walked out without paying the fee.  I think he got to comfortable, for eventually his practices did come out of the woodwork.  He no longer hobbies among the reputable ladies and those that network.  These types of instances I believe is why some ladies require two or more references.  

Other instances are of gents that start off as straight shooters and for what ever reasons start cheating and even harming ladies.  They tend to use the same reference from the time that he was honorable.  

Bottom line is that there is no guarantee that just because a gent treats one lady honorably that he is not going to treat another differently no matter how much time has passed, but statistically older references aren't as reliable as more recent ones.  It is a safety precaution for some ladies.  It may be blowing in the wind, but there aren't a lot of options available to ensure safety and so we try everything we can, no matter how futile it may be.  

Lauren

I don't think you should bother to give her the time of day at this point.  Forget about her just being 'young & dumb'---she's a self-obsessed little bitch, & bitchyness has no age boundries the last time I checked.

But like some others have mentioned, I simply don't understand your 6mos cut-off policy.  If you remember the guy well enough to be able to provide a reference it shouldn't make any difference if you saw him last month or last December...should it?  And there's no guarantee that any guy will be the same with someone else as he was with you anyway...most likely will, but there's always the possibility of an exception.

but you should give her your reason as to why you didn't.

Also, remember this, not all gents see woman on a monthly or weekly basis. I have some clients I see only 1 time a year.

She is just being bitchy...ignore her.

Shaye

Many times the ladies simply do not remember the men they see past the 6 month point.  Some can't recall past the 6 day point LOL.

Her reaction was rude and I would answer like this;  
I fail to make the assumption of your age having anything to do with your request.  I have rules that I go by just as you do also.  Mine is the fact that after six months I cannot say if he is still the same way as when I met him.  People change hun and if he has seen people since then he should let you know.  If he cannot give you names of recent women then I would see that as a red flag.

I agree with you.  That is why I usually chuckle when the ladies post in these discussion boards that they can always tell which client reviewed them.  Unless the client writes the review the day after seeing them or goes into such specific detail on something unique that happened during their date, I find it difficult to believe that most providers would know who wrote the review LOL.

Depending on the quantity of reviews I may go back as far as 1 year.  Whta I look for is consistency.  If a provider shows, say, 90 days or so of good review, and her past is spotty, then my conclusion may be a YMMV type of experience.  Or that the gal herself may be moody and go through some phases in her career.  But a year of consistent reviews tells me something about that provider's stability in business.  It establishes a better trend of performance.

The fact that you saw this gentleman, referred him, and then he showed up drunk is not a relection on you, but rather a reflection on him, and there was nothing you could have done about that.

My two cents

Always take the high road, she is immature. It's important to lead by example rather to react to someone's ignorance. I admire your morals.

Kisses

Yardley



-- Modified on 9/3/2003 7:50:53 PM

I understand not giving a reference because you don't remember someone. I don't understand the arbitrary "It's been more than 6 months, so I won't give a reference even though I do remember the guy."

Wouldn't you have concerns? Would you even question it?  Would you ask her why?  I personally feel men should use Escorts for references they've recently seen for comfort and safety reasons.

It's just a matter of personal preference that I prefer giving references only of gents i've seen in the last 6 months or less.  Every Escort has her own policy and this is something i've always ahered to for my own personal comfort.

xoxoxo

I'm not about to disagree with anyone regarding what they feel is needed for their own comfort level, so I have no issue with yours at all.  

Actually my question was much more rhetorical than anything else.  While I'm not one of them, there are guys who hobby only when traveling & perhaps don't visit the same city often.  I was thinking more along the lines of such a guy, who might not be  able to provide a local reference that wasn't a bit 'dated' for that reason.  It's probably a moot point if out of town references are aceptable.

No doubt 'recent' references are probably best, as are probably ones from a gal who has seen the hobbyist several times as opposed to only once.  At least that's the type of reference I supply when asked.

If she were mature enough to listen. i'm glad I read your post and got your perspective on it.

I think chemistry between two people has much to do with a review or a reference being positive or negative. I feel it is my job to read between the lines of any review to make sure I read things that would entice me, even if that reviewer had a bad time.

I could only see giving a reference for safety reasons. Was I, or was I not LE or a wacko? If I had not seen anyone recently, I would hate to think that I would be turned away for companionship, but I would understand. In some ways this "hobby" could end up being dangerous for both parties. I would never want to have some sort of tention or question lingering to get in the way of our mutual good time.

So tell that young lady what you feel comfortable with. Then hope she learns that a reference is no guarentee....