What do you do when a client walks in your room steals your candy, farts when you make him laugh, and then leaves nasty dirty skid marks on your bed?

I have had one dump his dirty undies in my bathroon garbage and then took a shower, it was almost like stinky clay moistened, I should have never had him take his shower,it would have been less smell would have been less fumigation.

How about this... a client left the door open and took a shit right in front of me, I guess he must be comfortable stinking up my room, for the next client thought that the smell he left came out of my ASS!

What do you do with stinky clients???????????????

Please answer in alias~






-- Modified on 4/5/2004 10:30:33 PM

Let's please stick to tales of Erotica,orgasms,tits,pussy,and nasty,slutty,horny sex.

"Dootie" stories are better left in the toilet bowl where it belongs with a good firm wank of the toilet handle every time a log is cut...then of course, heavy dispersing of the Lysol with a rigorous scrubbing of the hands with a disinfectant soap.
Excuse me while I go poop.

Tally-Ho!

I'm just stumped on how to answer..

I think I have been VERY fortunate to have had the clean, nice gents that I have, and can only think of a few guys that were 'less than' in the clean or mannerly way.

I would hope that you could make some 'assumptions' by sizing up your email and phone conversations with them to see how mannerly they seem. Then, when you finally meet, and have your 'get to know you' time, I would hope that you could get some ideas about him then, and if not pleased, could back out of the date then. One thing I like to do is glance down at his hands and see how his fingernails look. If they are dirty under his nails, then chances are he neglects other areas also. If his clothes are disheveled and he has this morning's breakfast spill stains on his shirt and he doesn't seem to notice or mind, then you may have a 'slob' on your hands.
It's a toughie because you don't want to necessarily be snobbish; you do want to give people a chance and a benefit of the doubt, but you also don't want to regret the date either.

Farting when you make him laugh? And he is NOT embarrassed or shameful? Here's the door..

We as providers, can pick and choose who we see, Thank God!
I would never have a second visit, with someone like that!

You can never imagine, some of the Shit (pun intended)that we have to put up with!

Providers, deserve so much more credit than they recieve!
You have to be a tough cookie to put up with some of the shit (again pun intended) we have to!

It's not much to ask, for good hygiene, is it?

-- Modified on 4/5/2004 8:24:38 PM

The taste you crave....

Murder burgers
depth chargers
sliders
heartburn pellets
belly bombers

tell them to go easy on the onions next time and lay off the prune soda.

Cheers!

Some ladies think nothing of squatting on the toilet with the door wide open. When I'm paying for a hot sexy session I don't care to witness this. Granted it was not a stanley steamer that I witnessed, but it's a mood wrecker none the less. The used feminine napkin that was floating in my hopper after a session was something I'd rather not have witnessed either.

Then there was the lady that could queef at will. I (mistakenly) acknowledged her talent with a chuckle so she proceeded to bestow upon me a queef marathon.  Ah, but it's the thought that counts right!

And, my most favorite memory was with an ATF last summer. She's a beautiful woman, the face of a model,very feminine and the sweetest girl I've met in some time. I was in the bathroom and could see her in the full length mirror on the bedroom wall.  As I stared at this gorgeous creature in the mirror lying nude on the bed, she went into a full force nose picking session. She must have been up to the knuckle in there as she picked away. After she had had her fill of eating her boogers, she then proceeded to wipe them on the bed spread.

Round two was out of the question for me after that!

Common courtesy needs to be adhered to by men and ladies alike


-- Modified on 4/6/2004 12:33:10 AM

Your a Topper, you have something better than mine.I did not think someone here could have done it. I am laughing my ass off as I am posting this.

Outstanding!

-- Modified on 4/5/2004 9:30:45 PM

I will never forget that, when I was a kid that was the best saying.

The next best thing to George Carlin was Cheech & Chong!

Subjects that are touchy to talk about can be so fun to read about. Everyone should let it off their chest about funny disgusting things that are so funny, even the movies cannot duplicate it to this extent.


Let it off your chest, instead of out of you ass, I say.

ROLFMAO

My 6'3" 350 pound client came in stinking of onions, beer and cigarettes. He was full of gas and his burps smelled like hotdogs. His stomach was growling so loud it sounded like an angry hungry pitbull was inside. 15-20 minutes into the appt I was giving him a BBBJ and he started sneezing. It turned out he was allergic to the down feather pillows. The third time he sneezed he let out a really loud fart in my face!! Trying not to gag I was holding my breath. The smell continued to linger and get worse. I pretended I didnt notice and began to pay some more attention to the boys when I realized they were wet...... my hands were covered in wet, stinky DIARRHEA. He offered to help clean me up but I had a bigger problem on my hands. His Diarrhea melted through the sheets down to the mattress. looked like chocolate pudding. Now, what would you do?

Where do you advertise? Iraqi refugee camp???

who went to the doctor for his checkup and the doctor asked for his urine sample, blood sample and stool sample.  The guy took off his underwear and gave it to the doc!

Now I can understand why a girl told me either shave or get lost:-o, but what you got was way too much.

I agree, I'm not usually quite so sophomoric in my humor but PeterPickle's post gave me cramps.  I couldn't make it much past "Stanley Steamer" without LMAO.  It was the sarcastic writing style, not the content, that really got me.

I was doing my favorite bbbj while chewing gum. It fell out of my mouth and was caught by the hairs off his asshole. We didnt realize it at first so the rolling around continued. suddenly he was feeling a pinchy pulling in the rear. so I took a look. oh boy!! what did I do?? Now I am back there with my nice painted nails trying to losen up the trident gum I impacted into his wild hairy ass!! This guy is greek. I dont think I need to say how hairy greeks are. Here I am trying to be gentle breaking and pulling off little piece by piece. I happened to see a change in the color of the gum, tecture and smell. I was getting soft balls of dingleberries caught under my fingernails etc....the shit balls were coming off in my hand with pieces of gum and hair. then he aked me to wash him with a wet rag. he grabbed the rag cleaned up his fecal dirty ass then he wiped down his face. when he looked at the brown condition of the rag he asked me if I used that cloth to take off my face make up. I said yes. I have so many more stories.!!

then never see him a again

Yikes.

Light a match will Ya.

OUCH.............that is pretty bad.

I try ot be clean before I get there, and a quick rinceoff is all thats needed to knock down any new odors.

Problem is when you have to go you have to go.

Farting when he laughs?      He really needs to take a closer look at his diet. And change it.

Jeese........can't top that in the this is a disgusting incident department.

Can't even imagine.   Didn't the smell get you before that tactile feeling did????

Ow you have some nasty experiences.........I don't know how I could have handled that.......

Can't imagine being in that position.  If it was me you could add he contents of my last meal to whatever else was in that mess.

Shower Fever!  Catch it or catch shit- from the rest of us for years to cum....

I don't think I would do incall if I had experiences like that. Then I could run like hell to get out without ever looking back.

LOL.  Not only is your TER handle a crack up, but your stories are incredible.  I feel sorry for you having gone through those miserable experiences, but it is funnier than shit to read about it.

Your a TOPPER...LOL

WHERE WAS CUNT? IN FRONT OF WHICH ONE??

Ok..... how about when he said " why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway" ?

CLASSIC!

Now this is downright funny stuff...lol