I became good friends with a provider.  I advanced her a pretty good chunk of change through paying some of her bills when needed and other things when she needed them.  All of this with the understanding that she could work it out in trade or pay me back some way.

Now she is reneging somewhat on the deal.  What should I do?

Please don't hammer me for stupidity ... I was honestly trying to be a good guy.

I'm sorry....you get the hammer.....

You can sue her in court, but that might get out to the press and would be very news worthy.

Reneging "somewhat"?

Look, we've all been taken advantage of and you can either try to get her to once again, live up to her end of the bargain, be a bully (trying to gain something of an advantage on her) or walk away and don't get yourself in that type of arrangement again.

You were/are being kind hearted and she took advantage.
This isn't the first time that this has happened and posted here and won't be the last time either.

Good luck on what ever you decide on

My friend has been in the situation with a provider and GOT BURNT also.  
His friend got busted and she somehow thought my friend told the LE about her.  He wanted to find out why and how she came up with that idea, when she finally agreed to talk with him, he called me and asked if he should go.  I told him that he'd be REALLY CRAZY to go see her.  But he didn't listen, man.  Guess what, she jacked his arm, man!!  I knew she was crazy and insane, or she wouldn't blame him for her arrest!!!
Anyway, that was enough for him to realize that she was NOT the person he thought she was, which I kenp on telling him.  
So my advice:  FORGET ABOUT BEING A GOOD GUY, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE FOR HER.  (Sorry to be blunt, but you don't want your arm to get slashed, do you?  It sounds unreal, but I saw it happen, man.)  My friend was also trying so hard to be nice for her.  I tell you one more time:  FORGET ABOUT IT!  I believe there are many respectable providers, but there are also some who might do something you cannot even think about!!!
BE SAFE, MAN.

I'm afraid you need some good hammering. This particular type of kindness is not a good idea, even with a long-standing GF. "Helping out" a girl engaged in illegal activity, where there is no legal or social recourse to hold her accountable is unwise. The girl knows how unwise it is and the simple act of doing it causes her to lose all respect for you, let alone the arrangement.

I agree with xyz01nyc, let it go! And don't engage in a relationship with this provider again. There are so many terrific people in the world, neither you or I could possibly spend enough time with the tiniest fraction of them. Seek out several of those people and keep the exchange of money in the context of business.

rik


-- Modified on 5/16/2002 10:08:42 AM

Providers are not SigO's......

This (IMHO) is where "dinner dates" and "suggested gifts" and "overnight trips" leads.

Flame away, but it is true. So many guys lose perspective. This person is with you for your money. In exchange, you get sex. Never, ever forget that.

Until the day comes that you stop exchanging money, you are NOT friends. You might be friendly...you are NOT friends.

Anyone who tells you any different is either A) Trying to get more of your money, or B) So wrapped up in it himself that they are in denial.

Guys...as a FELLOW GUY (versus a provider advocate), I implore you...HAVE FUN...enjoy the ladies...treat them as ladies...ENDULGE....

But...if you want a RELATIONSHIP...take the effort to find a GF. No, it is not easy. But it will be REAL.

By deciding to bond inappropriately with a ASP, you both take the likely risk of ultimately ending up unhappy, and you also deny yourself the greatest experience on earth...the opportunity to enjoy (and share...and reciprocate possibly) the TRUE love of a woman. There is nothing like it...

Oh yeah...the advice. Forget about the money. Lesson learned.


-- Modified on 5/16/2002 10:38:28 AM

We can all learn a lesson from this thread, and this is my two cents worth, having been burned as well out of several grand over the years. I've known of vixens who had as many as five different unconnected guys paying their tuition and charge cards and the whole works, and they were not even enrolled in school, but were living with total bum losers or pimps. Duh.
First, NEVER let a provider know that you have any spare or much less lots of leisure cash. Don't boast or spend too freely. They'll want some of it, all of it. If you have the basic donation, you'll get all you need, so never go way overboard no matter how much extra you have. They are like sharks smelling blood, only the blood is that of Ben Franklin, and it is green. LOL
Second, be fully prepared with an answer that is both polite and
fully explanatory. I had this answer just last week: "Gee, Ms Pouty Lips, I am helping support two elderly aunts (or mom) with breast cancer who are in nursing homes, and that eats up almost all of my cash - 24 hour care is unbelievably expensive. They need more than I can give." Then change the subject.
FORGET ABOUT your loss and be glad she hasn't inflicted major grief on you. Stay away from her forever. Try three or four new well-reviewed providers, and you'll forget her quickly. She could f**k up your life if you  keep pushing her at this stage. The fun is over. Move on. Tell us your city, and your vixen preferences, we'll recommend several hot new providers for you. TER has a great database for this.

Chalk it up to experience and don't do it again.

This lady makes...$250 an hour... or whatever her hourly rate is... so *why* does she need me to advance this money to her? Is business that bad, or is she blowing it on things like (god forbid) drugs????

I know you meant well and I thank you for your kindness... but it's REALLY a bad idea to do this. Personally I would never ASK or ALLOW anyone to "loan" me money in this way because it would make me feel sooooooo uncomfortable on so many levels... remember that money is the NUMBER one destroyer of relationships be they marriages or friendships... so always stay on the safe side!

Hugs*
Nicole